Hi, and congratulations to you all!!

So here I am, on day 3 of the new regime, totally excited to take control back and make my life better!

I don't know about you, but I had no idea how I got here. Or even that I was coming here. As my clothes got tighter, I assumed they were shrinking. I told myself they were tight to begin with or that I was just bloated, or even that I was a skosh to skinny to begin with. (Ha!) Now most don't zip, and my thighs stretch the material of those few suit skirts that I can actually pull up past them so tightly, I am reminded of sand hills in the desert. Odd association, I suppose, but think of the imagery: mountainous but mobile and shifting, valleys and peaks, shaded or refractive of light. The material stretched to maximum capacity has become shimmery, its woven fibers strained to the max.

And so I bought new clothes. A dangerous paradigm, really. I've seen those tv shows - you know the ones - What Not to Wear, How Do I Look. Each tells us to dress for and accept the body we have. Each shows us that tight, ill-fitting clothes just make the body look bigger. And because I am vain, and because I couldn't get my zippers to zip all the way, and because each day I came home with multiple red rings around the belly from where the clothes dug into my flesh, I spent a fortune on new suits that now fit too snugly to wear in public. So I did it again - a whole new wardrobe just a size or two larger than the last - six sizes larger than when this weight gain started. It seems the only people winning here are the sales people at Nordstrom. Perhaps if I had forced myself to wear the tight clothes, I wouldn't have felt skinny, and instant gratification of whatever craving I had at the moment wouldn't have been feasible. Think Scarlett O'Hara, her 17 inch waist, and her really tight stays. Who knows?!

Like those overwhelmed by credit card debt, I have gotten to where I am by satisfying my every craving and whim, without regard for the consequences. If I crave a gelato for dessert after a lunch of ravioli in cream sauce, so be it. So what if I decide at dinner that night that I need a piece of chocolate cake to finish with the extra glass of red wine? I consume my food like shopoholics consume their designer shoes, scarves and dresses. I see it, I want it, I devour it. Well my bill has finally arrived, and as far as I can see, there is no bailout coming my way. I will have to suck it up and fix this myself.

One of the things I like about myfitnesspal.com is that it requires accountability. It stops me from eating on credit, while helping me pay down my overdue bill. I write in each item I eat and consider each calorie consumed. While I haven't been at it that long, I already found the act dissuades poor choices. It's not a handbag at one store and a pair of shoes at another and a dress the next day that never translate into dollars spent. It's "850 calories plus 700 calories plus..." for a sum total daily balance that I have to face and own daily. If I record it, then I did it, and I know exactly what I did.

Another perk is the inconvenience of it all. Sometimes the act of getting on the computer to write it all down just does not warrant the thrill of the consumption. How lazy is that? But why look a gift horse in the mouth. If it stops me, it stops me, and all I should say is AMEN! Also, I find that if I don't know how to record it, I won't eat it. For example, that sample of cake handed out at the Starbucks or the cracker with salmon spread handed out at the local grocery store boggle my mind. I want it, and they are just small samples, but how can I possibly know how many calories or fat each sample represents? And just think of the hundreds of calories I am not consuming in samples! I'll kick this yet!

Anyway, I am really excited about the changes to come. I hope that I can keep this up and keep this diary blog going. I wonder if anyone will read it or, better yet, respond. I wonder when I will see a noticeable difference in myself. I wonder when habits will be substituted out for consciousness conscientiousness. So, wish me luck. I wish the same for you and am really excited for all of us making a healthy change!