A female perspective?

This could totally be my husband and me. He says the same things to me about my weight not mattering to him. I call bull****. He use to compliment me all the time. Then when I was overweight the compliments stopped. Now that I'm losing weight the compliments are starting again. So it always makes me wonder if he truly felt that I was beautiful and if he did then why did he stop saying so after I gained?

Anyway...on to your post...if he bought me a program like that I would be totally into it. I know I'm overweight so it wouldn't offend me.

If you're worried about her taking it the wrong way you could put it in a card with a note that reinforces your feelings about her and that you're not signing her up because of weight issues but you're signing her up so she can get her confidence back. Or why not find something you can sign BOTH of you up together?

Honestly, I can't speak for your wife but I can give some insight. She very well could take the "gift" as an insult. Perhaps you could let her know that you want to suppport her goals in her journey to improve her self esteem and you were contemplating the idea of getting her the 12 week transformation and see what her response is. She may say thank you or she may do exactly the opposite and become annoyed or insulted. You may also say something else or in addition, such as, "honey, thanks for sharing how you feel with me about your self esteem the other night. It really got me thinking about my own need for self improvement. I was thinking that I could benefit from healthier eating and some additional exercise and thought it would be nice if we could spend some quality time together by taking a walk around the neighborhood after dinner a few nights a week." You may get much more positive results from these approaches than trying to solve a woman's problem or direct them on how you think they should solve it. Her idea and yours may not be anywhere close to each other. Best to be direct and ask her what she was thinking of doing, if anything to address her feelings and offering support where SHE requests it.
Sadly, this is her journey. There is nothing you can do to improve her SELF esteem.. It's called SELF esteem because we get it from NO one OTHER than our SELF! When she is ready she will find an activity or dietary changes that work for her. Just support her in that, don't make suggestions (we women can be a difficult gender to read and so while we may want your support we don't want you to fix it for us or give us the answers). I'd recommend just pointing out the non physical changes you notice... Such as I think it's great you began walking everyday, you seem happier, less stressed, refreshed, brighter etc... (notice, nothing about her actual weight) or if she makes healthier food choices comment on the selection or say something such as I really enjoyed the apples you got from the market or the roasted asparagus you made... It will just boost her confidence that you are noticing her efforts, not the results of the efforts... Good luck and reply back... I am curious how it turns out for you and her!

Sometimes just explaining something in a very genuine way is easier than just the "sneaky" suggestion of how to fix it. Explain to her what you've told us. Explain that the weight doesn't phase you but because she mentioned it and you are trying to get healthy too, why not work together at it. Explain that you saw how much it bothered her and no matter her weight, you want to see her happy with herself. Use this all when you introduce the gift to her. An honest, genuine husband AND a gift? Bonus!

I know that if my husband came to me and laid it all out genuinely, I'd appreciate it.

Honestly, I'd talk with her before you sign her up for it. She very well could take it the wrong way. My husband bought be a set of ladies weights while I was training for a marathon. I love the weights and I use them and I didn't blow up at him or anything. But I did feel like he was trying to tell me something about the tone of my body. I told him that a few months later and he was devastated. He said he never meant for it to come out like that but since I was getting into a fitness kick he wanted to buy me something I would use. That was when we were dating. I know my husband well enough now to know that he'd never ever do something like that. Every gift he gives me is a genuine thoughtful gift. He works hard trying to come up with something I will like and puts a lot of effort in it. I know this now and would never think that he thought less of me or didn't find me attractive if he signed me up for a swimming class or bought me a new bicycle (both things I have told him I would like).

Maybe you can suggest a trial class for the two of you and go from there.

if you can afford joining the local gym, they often have daycare. My gym charges $4 per kid, per 2 hour session. it totally saved my sanity during spring break!

good job!! just remember that women don't want to solve their problems, just listen to them. Be our sounding board so we can figure it out ourselves. You did awesome!

Thanks everyone for the replies, greatly appreciated.

I decided to change the approach a bit, even before I read some of these posts, and it seems I have done the right thing.

Last night while having a coffee I said 'Thanks for your honesty the other night, what can I do to help?'. She thought that setting up some days eating templates might help as eating is the big issue, so will start with that. That will help me too as exercise is not a problem for me, eating is!

As far as the exercise suggestions it is a bit of a struggle for us both to get exercise with 2 childer under 3 y.o. in the house, so after dinner walks are out of the question, but we try to set aside 30 minutes as soon as I get home from work for my wife to exercise. Normally she runs on the treadmill and that seems to work ok. would like to exercise together more but not really possible at the moment as someone has to be watching the kids.

If you have cable, there are a lot of exercise programs available On Demand.