Is it wrong...

CaseRat
CaseRat Posts: 377 Member
edited December 2024 in Chit-Chat
Is it wrong that I don't want to date a girl, because her name reminds me of the ex-girlfriend that cheated on me, and I can't stand even thinking about her?

First names (well, name - they both have the same first name) changed for privacy purposes, but 'names' are

Jennifer Rose
Jennifer Gardiner

I can't be only one who sees a correlation of roses and gardens..

Replies

  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    It is a bit silly, to be honest, but more importantly, shows that maybe you're not really over the ex entirely. Otherwise, this wouldn't be an issue. Something to consider...

    Jennifer #2 may be a wonderful person that you miss out on because you're hung up on something she can't help like her name and the negative association with the bad ex.
  • fitniknik
    fitniknik Posts: 713 Member
    Not wrong at all, I could never date a guy with the same name as one of my ex-es because he was such a pos. I find even people that have similar mannerisms really piss me off too!
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    Nope. If it evokes crappy feelings for you then skip it.

    But maybe try to see if you can get over it? Could be amazing. :) Don't be a George Costanza. :laugh:
  • kr1ssy23
    kr1ssy23 Posts: 270 Member
    I would have a hard time dating a guy with the same first name as an ex...especially one that cheated on me. Just sayin...

    But...then again, they arent the same person...just same name. So why not give them a chance. You never know...they could be "the one".
  • crazyellybean
    crazyellybean Posts: 999 Member
    it's silly... but everyone time I meet a girl names Nikki I automatically don't like her, because my husband's ex slut I mean GIRLFRIENDS name was Nikki, who offered F8ck him well he was dating me.. and said that I didn't have to know.. Names leave bad taste!
  • ahubbard134
    ahubbard134 Posts: 61 Member
    This might actually play out in your favor. I mean, picture a slip where you accidentally called your girlfriend Jennifer! No big deal, cause her name's Jennifer anyway.
  • Kassieisproud
    Kassieisproud Posts: 149
    Its not wrong you Its actually very understandable but it is unfortunet because you might be missing out because of it
  • intoxicnt
    intoxicnt Posts: 12 Member
    Guess I'm on the opposite side of the fence on this one.

    It's an entirely different person, you can't hold a grudge from someone else completely over something as silly as a name. Your bad memories and thoughts should be tied to the person that created them, not just the name.

    This new person has done nothing (so far, to my knowledge) to warrant the negative association, so I say move on, fresh start, leave the past in the past. A name is a name.
  • VenomousDuck
    VenomousDuck Posts: 206
    No, because you have a mental hang up and it will transfer to the new relationship.
  • prism6
    prism6 Posts: 484 Member
    I don't date but if I did I would have a hard time if the person was named the same as my ex husband..and I do not like the names Niki,Gina, DeeDee,Cindy,Toni,Mary.,Jill..... no offense
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Sometimes names can be ruined. But think about this - let the second Jennifer change your mind about the name Jennifer! Or see if she has a nickname!
  • tania2287
    tania2287 Posts: 236 Member
    I could never date someone with the same name as my ex ever...As it was a bad relationship..

    It is just NO for me
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    A name is a name.

    I wonder if this is your experience because maybe you have a relatively common name?

    I have an uncommon (but not weird) name (as in I have never met anyone named McKay but have heard other people say they knew one) and names are HUGELY important to me.

    Interesting topic to discuss. :drinker:
  • sfoxy219
    sfoxy219 Posts: 103
    I think it's wrong that you wont date her just because of her name. You don't know what your missing. What if she is the best girl you have ever had? You wont know because your to stuck on your cheating ex.

    I don't suggest dating her or anyone right now till you get over your ex and relies that not all girls are like this. You will carry this hate and resentment to any relationship regardless of name.

    Sorry for your bad experience.
  • CaseRat
    CaseRat Posts: 377 Member
    Yikes that was a lot of replies in a quick amount of time haha.
    It is a bit silly, to be honest, but more importantly, shows that maybe you're not really over the ex entirely. Otherwise, this wouldn't be an issue. Something to consider...

    Sadly, I'm fully aware that I'm not over her. Dating a girl with the same name? Not going to help in my opinion.

    And as to everyone else saying "Give her a chance" - I don't think she's the 'one' for me, anyway..
    Just thought it was an interesting topic to put out there!
  • CaseRat
    CaseRat Posts: 377 Member
    I think it's wrong that you wont date her just because of her name. You don't know what your missing. What if she is the best girl you have ever had? You wont know because your to stuck on your cheating ex.

    I don't suggest dating her or anyone right now till you get over your ex and relies that not all girls are like this. You will carry this hate and resentment to any relationship regardless of name.

    Sorry for your bad experience.

    It's not only because of her name, either; She lives an hour away, and in all honesty she's definitely not the perfect girl. The name is just a big deciding factor. Perhaps if she lived closer and was amazing, I'd disregard it. Circumstances mean everything I suppose.

    That's the thing though - Not dating anyone and, well, getting 'around' for 9 months isn't helping to get over her. I'm not entirely sure what will, so who's to say dating a new girl won't help me get over her completely?
  • katmix
    katmix Posts: 296 Member
    No, because you have a mental hang up and it will transfer to the new relationship.

    Definitely a hangup here! :wink:

    My 4th grade nemesis had a name that I knew I could not/would not ever tolerate in a person...until I met the love of my life with the same name. Ahh, what a beautiful name! :heart:

    Please remember that this new *Jennifer* might be that special someone...and just because a previous girl shared the same name - isn't her fault. But if you opt to hang on to your hangup, and miss out on a lifetime of potential :heart: that will be your fault.

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  • sampa91
    sampa91 Posts: 72 Member
    I dont think its wrong! I know a few people with the same name (a name that I don't like) and they are all horrible people... This hasn't just happened on one occasion either!
  • saintsfanatik
    saintsfanatik Posts: 68 Member
    This might actually play out in your favor. I mean, picture a slip where you accidentally called your girlfriend Jennifer! No big deal, cause her name's Jennifer anyway.

    Well yes, there's that! :)
  • intoxicnt
    intoxicnt Posts: 12 Member
    A name is a name.

    I wonder if this is your experience because maybe you have a relatively common name?


    My name isn't anywhere near common.

    My position is just that it is unfair to pre-judge someone based on previous experiences with something like a name, that is assigned to someone (typically) not by their choice.

    I've dated a couple guys that had the same name as each other, and the break ups weren't necessarily sunshine and rainbows - but each person is individual, regardless of what they are called.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    well, my ex was half korean, we had a civilized break up and I thought I was over her and everything but after a month of break up, I had a serious melt-down after a watched a youtube clip where one of the person was asian and reminded me of my ex.

    Point is, that its understandable to be think that way however there will always be triggers that'll remind you of the ex and refusing to even give another person a shot because of something that reminds you of your ex will most likely eliminate everybody on the planet.
  • AABru
    AABru Posts: 610 Member
    I think we grow into our names, and that we have a tendency to have traits associated with certain names. So, maybe Jennifer and Jennifer are alike just because they both are Jennifers...I know, it sounds crazy, but I 've been a teacher for a long time, and trust me character traits are a second study!
  • Alice_Liddell
    Alice_Liddell Posts: 78

    That's the thing though - Not dating anyone and, well, getting 'around' for 9 months isn't helping to get over her. I'm not entirely sure what will, so who's to say dating a new girl won't help me get over her completely?

    Sure, that may help...but I wouldn't want to be the girl you were using to get over your ex.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    It's baggage (the part where you're triggered simply by a name to feel negatively). And baggage isn't wrong, it's natural to pack some after a traumatic incident. I hope you're able to get back to carry-on only soon. :smile:
  • myak623
    myak623 Posts: 615 Member
    Living in the past isn't going to help you going forward.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    No - I'll probably never be friends with a Shauna (or Shawna?) - because they're all *****es. Okay there probably are some nice ones, but I totally would pre-judge a Shauna/Shawna based on past experiences.
This discussion has been closed.

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