how to effectively lose weight without starving yourself?

I wouldn't put a time limit on it. But, the way things worked for me was, I like to eat, I ended up doing a lot of exercise so I could eat as much as I wanted, I also set my daily deficit quite mild, half a pound a week/a daily deficit of 250 calories. After a while, I burnt out doing that much exercise and I still like to eat so I'm maintaining, when I'm ready to lose again, all I'll need to do is eat a little bit less (getting back that 250 a day deficit).

For me it means committment to eating healthy foods and making good choices when I eat. Like eating a good breakfast: oatmeal & fruit or greek yogurt & baby carrots versus two bowls of fruity pebbles with whole milk.

Exercising regularly committing to it and actually doing it. Losing weight is math...burn more calories than you eat BUT eat enough calories to maintain nutrition. I'm still working on it but I've been doing this 3 months and I've lost 20 lbs so can be done...and I am not as good at the regulare exercising as I should be...and I'm working on that but the food thing for me has clicked.

Read this:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/538381-in-place-of-a-road-map

Read "New Rules of Lifting for Women" (it's a book)

I want to lose 12 pounds in approx 3 months. from what I gather, it's achievable but requires a lot of hard work.

I'm not ao sure what this hard work composes of, because instead of trying to eat less.. I'm working on eating more. so by hard work, does it mean I have to do a lot of exercise and weights? but what if I do too much and end up going back to having less calories than I'm suppose to.

I really want to lose these pounds but I dont know what people mean by being extremely dedicated and motivated.. anyone help me understand?

It all depends on how much you really want to lose the weight.

Log everything, do your exercise and stick to your eating plan which should be sensible eating and not eating crappy stuff as crap ius just empty calories.

Calories in -v- calories out - that means, take in less calories than you use up and for every 3500 calories you are in deficit you will lose 1lb. If you match exactly the amount of calories you eat to what you use up, you will stay the same weight. If you take in MORE calories than you use up, you will put weight on.

By not eating enough calories, your body has to go into your reserves which are fat, it is this it burns off to use as energy for moving about during the day and it is this exact fat that gets burned off that will govern whether you lose weight or not.

Calories in -v- calories out - try not to get caught up in all the technical stuff, you will end up with a boggled mind, that ruins your experience of it all and will end up worrying the life out of you when there really is no need.

For me it meant being diligent about weighing and logging everything all the time, reading labels in detail and googling for info rather than just best guessing, and upping my excercise (not all that much - Ifeel I should also be lifting some weights but I haven't done yet) so that I could eat more and have some treats so that I didn't feeel deprived and stayed motivated...

This is what I did and I've lost nearly 30 pounds since mid-January. I certainly haven't starved and chocolate is still a part of my life. Hang in there!