Up and Down; Success Along the Road

I have been an MFPer since late 2009.

I started college in 2009 and was determined when I moved away from home NOT to gain the "freshman 15." I was heavier in high school than everyone else and always wanted to change but never knew how.

When I moved out and started to cook for myself and have my own schedule, my entire life changed. Soon enough though, I realized that I could get away with eating less and less. Soon, my clothes began to fit better and then became too big altogether. I would shoot for about 600 calories a day and was at the gym 6, sometimes 7, days a week for at least an hour a day doing hard cardio and lifting weights. I soon became involved in a relationship that made me very happy but also made me that much more insecure about how my body was. Keep in mind this was all internal; my boyfriend at the time could not have been more supportive of me and often encouraged me to eat much more than I was eating.

Soon enough, my body began to fight back. I was constantly sick with an upset stomach and often was very weak and didn't have the energy to do much. My grades began to fail, and my relationships began to fall apart. I started therapy for anxiety and depression and at the encouragement of my counselor began to eat more. And more. And more. Eventually my "increased caloric intake" for the betterment of my health turned in to full-blown binging; and I couldn't stop. I skipped class to eat. I skipped the gym because I was too sick to eat. I told my boyfriend I couldn't spend time with him because I wasn't feeling well; which of course was true, but I didn't tell him it was because I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn't bare to face him.

As my life fell to pieces, I decided to move back to my parents' house. I did so for 6 months, and in the process lost my boyfriend and a majority of my friends. I couldn't talk to them, I couldn't admit my defeat. I was soon prescribed anti-depressants and began to feel like I had a little bit of control. What no one told me was that a side effect of this medication was approximately a 40 pound weight gain; which is exactly what happened. I can honestly say Prozac was one of the worst things to even happened in my life. I hated every minute of anti-depressants.

I ended up moving out again after 6 months and moved back to school. Here, I lived alone and added to my weight gain. I then moved in with roommates later in Fall of 2011, where I was at my heaviest. I started to get serious again and am currently taking kickboxing classes and committed to cooking and taking care of myself. I know it is easy to give up. I did. But it is not the end all. There is someone out there who cares about you, and someone who will be there to listen to you when you need help. There are many more details to my story but it is already very long, but I will leave you with this: the moment you feel like you can't do something is the same moment in which you should.

xo.

I am not at my goal weight, which is 132, but this is where I am right now:

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b396/theminority_/Progress1.jpg

Not sure how to get the picture to show up, haha.