The Peeve of "Polite Eating"

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jsapninz
jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
in Motivation and Support
One of the most challenging things for me about trying to keep under my goal every day is "polite eating:" when I feel like I HAVE to eat something that I don't want to eat so that I don't offend someone.

It happens frequently to me at work. Today it was this stupid Happy Hour (like a pizza party, only with booze and desserts/aps at work) we had. Yes, I realize it IS cool that our office is laid back enough to do stuff like that, especially doing work hours, I know. And if I WEREN'T trying to lose weight I would be totally excited about it and go hog wild. But I AM trying to lose weight and I AM trying to eat healthy while doing so. Anyhow, our office chipped in for this happy hour and it was supposed to be OPTIONAL to do it, so I didn't because I didn't want to be eating CRAP. But then everyone insisted that even though a few of us hadn't contributed we still HAD to come and partake because "there was just SO much food!!!" So then everyone else in the office went. I didn't want to be a party pooper because people kept walking by my office and being like "come on!!" So I went. And then my coworker made this BIG DEAL in front of everyone about how I was on a "diet" and I wouldn't be eating too much of anything. :embarassed: So I had a STUPID no bake cookie and a small glass of wine because I was embarrassed and I couldn't just stand around empty handed with everyone else stuffing their face and drinking. But I was really annoyed because the no bake cookie wasn't even a good one! And it cost me 120 cals! And I had already had a big lunch with my mom because I didn't know I would be partaking in the stupid Happy Hour. And I have a cold, so I did my best to work out a bit after work so I could have a decent dinner, but just was having a hard time getting much done. SO YOU KNOW WHAT? I had a GROSS no bake cookie and some red wine (which was delicious, at least) today to appease OTHER PEOPLE, AND A TINY EXCUSE FOR A DINNER. I HOPE THEY ARE HAPPY. :explode:

I am SO ANGRY at people for pressuring me. More so, I am SO ANGRY at myself for giving in.:frown:

And you notice, it is never HEALTHY food that people are coaxing you about!! The other night a friend took me out for dinner and made a big deal about how I HAD to have some of the chips appetizer and some of her margaritta (I faked drinking some, but I did have a few chips) at a Mexican restaurant. Even though chips and alcohol have NO nurtitional value. NONE. But I "HAD" to eat some. FREAKING A.:grumble: She always says "YOU HAVE TO EAT MORE, YOU ARE WASTING AWAY." But I couldn't figure out a way to say "I'M NOT EATING ANY BECUASE THAT CRAP YOU HAVE ISN'T HEALTHY!!!!!" :angry:

WHAT THE HECK is this deal with polite eating?! WHY DO I HAVE TO PARTAKE?!

And WHY can't we be encouraging each other to "have an apple" or "drink some more water"?!?! No. It's "HAVE SOME OF THESE EMPTY CALORIES THAT HAVE NOTHING GOOD IN THEM (SO I DON'T FEEL LIKE A PIG)"

And they make you feel GUILTY for showing self control!!! :devil:

What kind of a MESSED UP WORLD IS THIS?!?!:noway: :sad:

Has anyone else felt this pressure? What are your experiences?

I know I should "just say no." But I am always (to a fault perhaps?!) concerned about behaving politely in social situations. Have you had success about avoid polite eating gracefully, without making a big deal about trying to eat healthy? What has worked for you?

Replies

  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
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    I have a problem with food, as you can see. I have told my friends that I can only eat at meals. Most have been very supportive, a couple due to the their cultural upbringing are having a very hard time with it. I'm always polite and thank them even compliment the food but tell them my next meal isn't until XX O'clock. They eventually stopped asking.

    At work I would try to make sure there is something that I could eat. A little salad or some veggies. If you can just hold the plate and don't eat.

    You shouldn't have to eat to please others but IRL it is going to happen. You did the best you could by choosing wisely and not making a big deal out of it.

    It might have helped you feel better about it if you went before everyone started making comments, that was cruel of them to do to you. As far as the bully goes, beat him in the company 5k and rub his nose in it :)

    Sorry you went through this.
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
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    Oh, I get this all of the time and it drives me crazy. What I normally do is just say " no thanks I just ate" or " not right now, maybe later" or " Sorry but I've lost some weight and I'm trying to keep it off". Good luck!
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
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    I have a problem with food, as you can see. I have told my friends that I can only eat at meals. Most have been very supportive, a couple due to the their cultural upbringing are having a very hard time with it. I'm always polite and thank them even compliment the food but tell them my next meal isn't until XX O'clock. They eventually stopped asking.

    At work I would try to make sure there is something that I could eat. A little salad or some veggies. If you can just hold the plate and don't eat.

    You shouldn't have to eat to please others but IRL it is going to happen. You did the best you could by choosing wisely and not making a big deal out of it.

    It might have helped you feel better about it if you went before everyone started making comments, that was cruel of them to do to you. As far as the bully goes, beat him in the company 5k and rub his nose in it :)

    Sorry you went through this.

    GREAT ideas! Thank you!!
    And thanks for the encouragement!!
  • kellybean14
    kellybean14 Posts: 237 Member
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    I hear you!! One of the things I've done in the past is take something and be like "I can't wait to eat this later tonight!" and set it aside. It only works like half the time... but worth a shot.

    Another thing you can try (and, again, it doesn't work all the time) is to stress that you're super full and just CAN'T fit any more in.

    I guess it would have also helped if your work buddy hadn't announced to the whole group that you were dieting. Talk about impolite!
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
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    I'm vegan. That means in nearly every social situation most things I choose not to eat (similarly to what you are saying with healthy food, I *choose* not to eat animal products, it's not that I *can't).

    If people know I'm vegan, that obviously solves the problem, they know I won't eat stuff. If they don't, but I'm drinking something, even just water, it's usually better than nothing. Otherwise, I'll often just say "no, thank you" without adding on the vegan part. While I don;t mind discussing my veganism with rational people, it's not something that I need to mention at every opportunity. I'll politely decline food without an explanation and then if people press I'll add on the explanation. Them offering is polite, in turn I can politely decline. If they press me that's just being rude, in my opinion, but at that point I'm just honest.

    In your situation you could follow the same idea. I wouldn't say that you're trying to lose weight or are on a "diet." You could lie and say you're not hungry. Or if they press, you could just say "no thanks, I'm really trying to watch what I eat." If they think that's rude I think that's on them for pressing after you've already politely declined. Or, you could take a small portion of something you might actually like to eat. I'm not one for wasting food, so I personally would only do that if I could only take a portion or if it was something I would save and eat later.

    Anyway, I hope you find something that works for you.
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    Yep... been there, done that... my mom is the worst... she thinks every time I step foot into her house, she's got to feed me... And my church is always eating and having fellowships... but the other night, I just busied myself with serving others, so no one noticed when I didn't eat...
  • famousa88
    famousa88 Posts: 22 Member
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    Maybe the problem is more about how you are viewing the situation. It seems to me like they just wanted you to feel included, is it possible that they thought you didn't want to come because you didn't pitch in, maybe because you couldn't afford it?
    Nobody shoved the cookie in your mouth. When people comment on the fact that I am not eating unhealthy food I tell them why, because it is unhealthy. It is not about being polite, how they digest that information is none of my business.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    Next time, have a tall glass of bottled water with a lemon, lime, or orange wedge.

    I would hate a situation like that. It would undo my best intentions.

    At a work event, it actually can be easier not to eat. You don't have to worry about food caught in your teeth, spilling something, etc. It's not a lot of fun, but work events often aren't.
  • icerafta
    icerafta Posts: 38
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    It seems to be a social or culture thing. Stand your ground and people will (eventually) respect you for it. Nobody tells me what to put in to my body. I have just said thank you but i am not hungry. Many people have made eating to be a recreational activity and frankly, that's how it is in our culture. That is why there is such a huge obesity problem in this country. It's going to take a while, but as the next generation gets the right training at home and makes healthier choices, we can beat the trend and our future will be much healthier. NOW if we could just do something about our government,economy and environmental concerns, we would be in
    great shape. (-:
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
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    Thanks for all your help!! Great suggestions! :flowerforyou:
  • Discoveri
    Discoveri Posts: 435 Member
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    I usually hold an empty plate or a napkin in my hand. That way it looks like you've already had a bite to eat.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    I hear ya! This is the main reason I don't tell anyone when I'm eating healthier. Usually a "no thanks, I'm good" is enough to deter further remarks. Sometimes I have to say it a few times and that gets annoying, but after a few times, people get the hint. I was also going to suggest the take a small plate and not eat any, but a few others have suggested that already.

    Maybe if you know there's going to be a 'thing' at work, you can make and bring your own healthy dessert to share. Maybe bring a salad or a side dish that you can snack on while the others have at it.
  • 87392v
    87392v Posts: 4
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    Easy solution: pick up a glass of whatever everyone else is having, whether it be booze or cocoa or whatever, and just hold it the entire time. Don't eat anything you don't want to, just hold onto that glass. If anyone pressures you to eat something, just hold up the glass and say, "No, thanks, I'm good!" or "No, this is enough for me."

    Works every time.

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