Motivational tool?

LokiFae
LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
edited September 18 in Motivation and Support
I have a really strange situation on my hands.

My husband and my mother have gotten together and bought me a whole new wardrobe...In a size 12.

I wear a size 22.

They say that they want it to be a motivational tool and that it will inspire me to lose all the weight I want to. I agree with them, and have discussed such a thing with my husband, but I really didn't think it would ever happen!!!

I don't know how to feel about it. I'm really thankful and happy, since we don't really have a whole lot of money for clothes and up to this point I haven't had any clothes but maternity clothes, but at the same time, I'm really worried that I'll never fit into the clothes and I'll disappoint them...And then balloon to 500 pounds because I feel guilty.

I haven't worn a size 12 since I was in high school and I was starving myself.

What should I do? I'm really worried that I sound like an ungrateful *blank*, but I'm really struggling with this.

Replies

  • LokiFae
    LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
    I have a really strange situation on my hands.

    My husband and my mother have gotten together and bought me a whole new wardrobe...In a size 12.

    I wear a size 22.

    They say that they want it to be a motivational tool and that it will inspire me to lose all the weight I want to. I agree with them, and have discussed such a thing with my husband, but I really didn't think it would ever happen!!!

    I don't know how to feel about it. I'm really thankful and happy, since we don't really have a whole lot of money for clothes and up to this point I haven't had any clothes but maternity clothes, but at the same time, I'm really worried that I'll never fit into the clothes and I'll disappoint them...And then balloon to 500 pounds because I feel guilty.

    I haven't worn a size 12 since I was in high school and I was starving myself.

    What should I do? I'm really worried that I sound like an ungrateful *blank*, but I'm really struggling with this.
  • icandoit
    icandoit Posts: 4,163 Member
    I don't see that as a motivational tool. To me it is an insult. Maybe buy a size 18/20. When you hit that then go to the next size down. Are the tags still on them???
    I would have them returned.
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    I don't see that as a motivational tool. To me it is an insult. Maybe buy a size 18/20. When you hit that then go to the next size down. Are the tags still on them???
    I would have them returned.

    Yes, this is not a motivational tool, it is a slap in the face. I would very honestly tell them that.

    It's very important for your self esteem to dress the body that you have right now. Then the next size down, and the next size down, and the next size down.

    Those clothes are bad energy.

    :flowerforyou:
  • LokiFae
    LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
    I wish I could return them, but they bought them at a store where if you return things, you get store credit. They did that on purpose. They also bought them at a store where the largest size they have is a 12. Fabulous. I guess I could return everything and get an AWESOME jewelry collection. Or sell everything on eBay.

    Thanks, guys. I was hoping I didn't sound unreasonable by being kind of offended.
  • dhayes
    dhayes Posts: 216 Member
    I say that the man really loves you. He went clothes shopping for you on his time and spent money that you say you guys don't really have on something that you had discussed before hand. So this shouldn't be a huge shock. Believe me if he were trying to insult you there are a lot less subtle way to do so. I say take it for what it was... a gesture of encouragement and love.

    i do agree with one thing though you may want to take the clothes back and get gift certificates that you can use on your journey downward in weight. At prescribed inches lost or pounds lost buy some new outfits undies etc. you willl need them if you really start logging your food and counting the calories. This site works.

    Good luck, we are here for your support. :flowerforyou:
  • icandoit
    icandoit Posts: 4,163 Member
    I wish I could return them, but they bought them at a store where if you return things, you get store credit. They did that on purpose. They also bought them at a store where the largest size they have is a 12. Fabulous. I guess I could return everything and get an AWESOME jewelry collection. Or sell everything on eBay.

    Thanks, guys. I was hoping I didn't sound unreasonable by being kind of offended.

    Jewelry is good. Sun glasses, purses, shoes. Happy shopping.:flowerforyou:
  • my3kids
    my3kids Posts: 59 Member
    personally i dont think thats a slap in the face...i think its good enouragement and something to look for and strive for..id be happy as heck if someone did that fo rme..i started a size 24 just over 7 months ago and now im a size 10 and feeling amazing..if someone bought me a size 6 wardrobe id be in heaven...ive spent alot of money the last 7 months on clothes. so im sorry that you feel that it's a slap in the face.
  • eperkins
    eperkins Posts: 5
    You know what? At first I thought, man, that was not nice. What if you never make it? Then I thought NEVER SAY NEVER! You can do this. Put your peddle to the metal. Obviously your final goal is a size 12, do baby steps. In 6 months, where do you want to be and begin planning. Set your calories at 1200 and set an exercise program that fits you. Some people start out big like five to six times a week. Start out with what you can do. 3x's a week 20 min a day. That is not much and set monthly goals till you reach your ultimate. I am pulling for you. You can do this. Believe in yourself and DON'T GIVE UP. Ask yourself, How bad do you want it? The key is that YOU HAVE TO WANT IT! Not your family, YOU! Only YOU can do this. So what do you want? Do you want to lose the weight or take the clothes back? The choice is yours.
  • banks1850
    banks1850 Posts: 3,475 Member
    I guess it all depends on the spirit of the gift. I mean, if you genuinely believe he is doing it as motivation, then you should give him the benifit of the doubt. If you think it was a sneaky way of saying "you're fat" then that's just mean. I mean he IS a man, and while your mother should know better, men often don't understand what importance women can place on their size. Luckilly, my wife has sufficiently beaten that into my brain and I would never be so silly as to attempt something this life threatening!:ohwell:
  • LokiFae
    LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
    personally i dont think thats a slap in the face...i think its good enouragement and something to look for and strive for..id be happy as heck if someone did that fo rme..i started a size 24 just over 7 months ago and now im a size 10 and feeling amazing..if someone bought me a size 6 wardrobe id be in heaven...ive spent alot of money the last 7 months on clothes. so im sorry that you feel that it's a slap in the face.

    I'm not saying that I'm really offended by it. I think it was a really really nice gesture and I was really touched by it. But there is a little sting when your husband won't buy you any clothes in your size but he'll buy you a whole new wardrobe 10 sizes smaller than you are. Like I said, right now all I have is maternity clothes. I guess it's kind of confusing. That's why I wanted some advice!

    I'm really torn. I'm thankful and happy that I have new clothes, but kind of depressed that I can't wear any of them yet and still have to wear my old clothes. It's like someone ordering you dessert and then saying, "You can't have it until next month," and displaying it in the refrigerator so it's there every time you go to get something to eat.

    All you want is to dig in to it, and I can't until I hit my goal.

    I will really try to look at it positively and maybe set a goal date where I can wear one of my new outfits. Okay, now I'm getting a little excited. :smile:

    Thanks for all your help, everybody!
  • poubre
    poubre Posts: 32
    I would just like to say this thread is how us guys get a bad rap. Trying to do something nice, and someone takes it as an insult. I don't know many men that would go out of their way to spend money on something they don't need just to insult someone =). I would like to think the person that wanted to insult you would do it verbally, then go spend that money on themselves =).

    I think you have a wonderful husband, and I think having those new clothes will be a great motivational tool. Although I do like your analogy of the dessert in the fridge, be glad you can't eat your clothes =D. If it were possible, I'd probably be naked and a lot fatter =D.

    Good luck losing the weight. I have no doubt you can do it. But, you have to convince yourself of it.

    Philip
  • pauladavies86
    pauladavies86 Posts: 83 Member
    Honestly, I think that his gesture was a sweet one. I can see how you would feel a little confused by it but you should definitly take it for what it really was... That is, he really believes in you! They definitly wouldn't have spent all that money on a new wardrobe for you if they didn't think you could make it and it sounds like you've got a really great supportive network of people to help you achieve your goal! You serioiusly can't think negatively about losing weight or it will be too easy to not stick to your goals. You CAN and WILL lose weight and be able to show off your lovely new clothes! :o) Just keep it up and you'll do wonderfully!!
  • hmmmm
    hmmmm Posts: 607 Member
    Hey at least you came to the right place. If you can do it anywhere it is here and it's FREE!!! When I started this I bought jeans 2 sizes too small and now I need a belt to hold them up. the only thing that you will need to realize is this is going to take time maybe a year or more. Don't get discouraged we are all in this together. It may have stung now but just think how happy you will be with all those nice clothes. You really shouldn't take it too much of an insult either, it came from two people who are the closest to you. Good luck to you!!!! Heather
  • icandoit
    icandoit Posts: 4,163 Member
    I don't think is was a bad idea to buy her clothes, but like she said 10 sizes smaller????
    Sure a size or two, but 10 is a lot. Are the clothes going to be the right season when she hits her goal. Maybe they should have asked MaryPoe what size she would want so she could set a goal and enjoy them. I am a size 20, and I know it will be awhile before I get into a 12. I may not. Since having kids, my body is not the same in the hip area. Maybe my new ideal size is a 14. I just think that when you do something so big like that, they should of asked.
    Have you seen the movie Spanglish-do you remember when the mom bought all the clothes for the girl. It was heartbreaking.
  • LokiFae
    LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
    I'm feeling better and better about it. I have to agree with you, Heather. This is the place to do it. It has really helped me get motivated, because I know I have to log everything I do (well, I don't have to, but I WANT to). And it's a really good place to get support too!

    I talked to my husband about it a little more and he said he didn't mean to insult me and was just trying to do something nice. I knew that's what it was, but...you know. I have kind of a rough time with the whole weight issue, because he's in a band and surrounded by girls who are younger than me that weigh, like, 85 pounds soaking wet in a suit of armor. I know that's a really stupid reason to have issues with weight, but come on, that's who he sees on the weekend. It's just insecurity rearing its ugly head when he does something nice and I get a little wary. But now at least I have cute clothes and something really tangible to work for. Losing weight is one thing, but it makes it a little easier to do it when I have a cute shirt that I'm just DYING to wear out.

    So I've gone from a little insulted to excited to wear them, and motivated that I will be able to do it. All thanks to you guys!
  • LokiFae
    LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
    Have you seen the movie Spanglish-do you remember when the mom bought all the clothes for the girl. It was heartbreaking.

    That is exactly what it felt like!!!
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