Really Bummed!

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AliciaBeth78
AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
in Motivation and Support
In the last 10 months I have been working out at least 5 days a week, eating healthier (for the most part!) and I've toned up dramatically. I've lost 24lbs! Yes, I still have a long way to go as you can see by my picture, but I'm really proud of myself for what I've done!

Everyone I know has noticed my weight loss: people I work with, my students, my friends, neighbors, etc.

Today, I just saw my mom for the first time since last June, she didn't say ANYTHING. I can't even explain how hurt I am. I think my awesome lunch that I just made is the only thing that has stopped me from crying so far and now that I've eaten, I'm back to square one.

To top it off, I don't want to mention anything to her because then I'm going to feel like I'm "fishing" and that's really not what I'm doing. I just feel like my mom has always been my biggest supporter, she could have said something, right?

Other than sitting on the couch crying, I'm really just not sure of the best way to go about this....

Replies

  • Salvi30
    Salvi30 Posts: 196 Member
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    Is she overweight? If she is, then maybe she is jealous.. Just a thought...
  • LeggyKettleBabe
    LeggyKettleBabe Posts: 300 Member
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    Thats why this journey has to be for YOU and not others.
  • LeslieMDoyle
    LeslieMDoyle Posts: 162 Member
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    Ugh! That sucks! Just keep telling yourself that you're doing this for you...so that you look better and feel better and get healthier, etc. And that is the most important part. Perhaps your mom had other things on her mind that were completely distracting her. I don't know her, so it's hard for me to assume. I just know how I'd feel...much like you describe. Don't let this one thing bring you down and stop your momentum. You've come too far! Hang in there!
  • Le_Joy
    Le_Joy Posts: 593 Member
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    Crying is ok. Sometimes you just need to let out your frustration & sadness. Then when you are done crying you can get back to your life and not stress about it anymore. :smile:
  • rsmblue
    rsmblue Posts: 353 Member
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    Did you wear something that is more fitting to you, ie: not oversized? I know that there are times when I wear things that I'm comfy in and it's not necessarily the best thing for my body... (and that's why people can't tell).

    Also, I've noticed that with smaller people (my sis is way smaller than me), it's harder to tell sometimes....
  • Jmstill300
    Jmstill300 Posts: 239 Member
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    Thats why this journey has to be for YOU and not others.
    This is what I was told at the beginning of my journey and this is what I tell people that are trying to lose weight themselves. This is for YOU and YOU ALONE!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    I had a moment today where it probably looked like I was fishing for a compliment, but it went well, haha. I was at church and I was talking to someone I haven't seen in a while. We were talking about the fact that I was unemployed and I happened to mention to her that I just need like $20 so I can go to a yard sale and get some new clothes since I am shrinking out of all of my old clothes. She said, "by the way, you look fantastic!" I honestly think that it's ok to mention it b/c some people are seriously afraid of saying something in case they are wrong. Complimenting weight loss is just as tricky as asking "when are you due?" to a friend who has gained weight...

    Blow it off. Tell her you were kind of disappointed that she didn't mention your weight loss.
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
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    This is really not something to be upset about, let alone crying over. You know that you look different and you're proud of yourself. I think it's more likely that your mom just didn't say anything than that she didn't notice anything. Some people don't want to mention someone else's weight loss because they're afraid it sounds like, "You're not as fat as you used to be." And if it's been nearly a year since you saw her, it might be possible that how you look was the last thing on her mind! A lot of moms think their kids are beautiful no matter what and it doesn't even occur to them that the kids might not agree. Besides that, your friends and coworkers see you every day and will be in a better position to see the changes than someone who has to remember back a whole year for comparison.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that your mom probably didn't mean to insult or ignore you, but that it might not have even crossed her mind to mention it. You can ask her opinion on it if it would make you feel better; it's not "fishing" if you're not just trolling for insincere compliments.
  • chatterbox3110
    chatterbox3110 Posts: 630 Member
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    Please don't get upset about it - my mum has been the same bless her - as you can see from my ticker, I've lost a couple of pounds :wink: yet all she's said is 'what a shame it doesn't really show' :cry: yet my brother has lost 28 pounds and she says 'hasn't he done well, it really shows!' It did upset me at first, but I've risen above it now as I know how hard I've worked to get this far and no-one, even my mum who I love dearly, can take it away from me.

    This is your success, and you should feel proud of yourself, don't let others pull you down.
  • BritneyGross
    BritneyGross Posts: 7
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    Sometimes when people decide to lose wait, their friends and co workers will start complimenting them alot and it can make the person stop trying so hard. Maybe the reason she didnt say anything is because she wants you to keep at it, and she doesnt want you to forget how much healthier you want to be....Just something to think :)
  • deeva2266
    deeva2266 Posts: 65 Member
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    This journey is about YOU! I never allow myself to get upset when no one notices. I am doing this for me not anyone else in my life. Yeah sounds a tad selfish but it has been this mindset that helped me get to a 20# loss.
  • icrant
    icrant Posts: 41 Member
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    In the last 10 months I have been working out at least 5 days a week, eating healthier (for the most part!) and I've toned up dramatically. I've lost 24lbs! Yes, I still have a long way to go as you can see by my picture, but I'm really proud of myself for what I've done!

    Everyone I know has noticed my weight loss: people I work with, my students, my friends, neighbors, etc.

    Today, I just saw my mom for the first time since last June, she didn't say ANYTHING. I can't even explain how hurt I am. I think my awesome lunch that I just made is the only thing that has stopped me from crying so far and now that I've eaten, I'm back to square one.

    To top it off, I don't want to mention anything to her because then I'm going to feel like I'm "fishing" and that's really not what I'm doing. I just feel like my mom has always been my biggest supporter, she could have said something, right?

    Other than sitting on the couch crying, I'm really just not sure of the best way to go about this....

    Don't take it this way! Sometimes people behave strange, not necessarily on purpose! Maybe she had something else on her mind! It's hard for me to believe, that your mom does not support you.
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
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    Maybe she was more excited to see you and was just distracted? I just saw my sister who haven't seen in a few years and she didn't say a peep about me :/ But that's ok! You know you've been doing great and I'm sure your clothes know your doing great and that's all that matters!!! Keep it up and remember its for you not anyone else!!!
  • DyanCB
    DyanCB Posts: 138 Member
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    I am sorry your Mom did not respond - positively or at all. I will bet that this is the pattern of the relationship you two have. Take a look at the patterns you both have. This is probably just another stop on the same continuous road - not good or bad, just the same. I would also bet that especially not seeing each other for a year, she had some things she wanted you to realize about her, as well.

    I agree with the others, as hard as this is for this special relationship, you are doing this for yourself. You may have to reconcile with yourself that this is just the way it is and go on from there. Revel in your success. Again, although this is a very special person to you don't let one person keep you from enjoying the progress you have made.

    Since your profile is not open I can't tell how old you are or other details of your life. I may be projecting my own thing but I am 55 and had to learn, as I got older, that my Mom is just a human being, not super human. Sometimes she did not acknowledge my wins but she had her own stuff to deal with. When I was younger it hurt a lot as these were MY expectations, as I got older I accepted my Mom for who she was and found ways to get that acknowledgement elsewhere. I will bet your own Mom excels for you in some other part of your life - this just may not be it.
  • lawmama_
    lawmama_ Posts: 103 Member
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    Look on the bright side - at least your mom isn't like my mom, who told me to keep losing weight, that I could afford to lose more and that I'm not done yet. Thanks, mom!
  • devilsangel2
    devilsangel2 Posts: 123 Member
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    Often those closest to us don't really look at us, they take for granted that we look how we have always looked.

    I stopped wearing glasses after 20 odd years and you would think that would be pretty darned obvious, but most of my family didn't notice. People I wasn't so close to on the other hand noticed straight away.
  • jengetsmoving
    jengetsmoving Posts: 2 Member
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    CONGRATULATIONS!

    I've lost 82lbs so far, and have kept if off for a couple of years. Many, many people in my life have been cheering me on with tons of praise and compliments. But a few close friends and family haven't really acknowledged my efforts or my shrinking size (until recently), and that really blindsided me. Found myself tearfully wondering "How much weight to I need to lose before they say anything?", but I've made my peace with it.

    Could be that they don't feel comfortable acknowledging someone's changing body shape, could be that they weren't prepared to praise me for making things right after letting myself steadily increase in size (and I do appreciate that they weren't critical about that!), could be that they weren't prepared to say anything until they saw that I was showing lasting results.

    I've realized that their lack of acknowledgement shouldn't be taken as hurtful, and that not everyone is going to be a vocal cheerleader. Think of it as silent approval ;-)

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