I live with my fiance who refuses to eat healthy...

reisingmel
reisingmel Posts: 50 Member
edited September 20 in Health and Weight Loss
Alright, so I'm out of ideas about what to do. My fiance's eating habits are pretty much the opposite of mine and I need to find a compromise that will keep me from getting fat and keep him happy. He only ever eats dinner and it's usually lots of fried chicken, very generous portions of Italian, or whole pizzas where as I will have three medium/small meals plus two snacks a day and I haven't had any of the foods he's eaten for months, maybe even years. I've tried sneaking in whole grain pastas but he refused to eat it and I've tried light or veggie pizza and he says it's gross. I've even tried baking chicken with some fun flavors but he only picks at it.

Are we doomed to always eat separate meals and me to watch him get fatter and fatter? He doesn't see his weight gain as a problem and every time I bring it up he blames me for not loving him for the way he is. I do love him, I just don't want him to have to go through all the health problems associated with obesity as he quickly getting there. Am I alone, or is someone out there going through the same thing??

Any suggestions or ideas are much appreciated as I'm all out.

Replies

  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
    He's obviously not ready to face the truth about his eating habits yet. Some day he probably will, but unfortunately there's no way to force it upon him. All you can do is make sure that he KNOWS he's eating unhealthy, eventually, either by him coming to some realization about his body/health, or by some medical condition forcing him to change he will probably make the change, but whether it happens or not, just make sure he knows that when he does make a change, you're ready to support him. That's usually all you can do.

    I know this from experience, I was that guy up until about 3 years ago. I had a GREAT metabolism in my 20's, and could eat anything, right around 33 or so my body started to gain, and I became much less healthy, (I'll wager his cholesterol is pretty high right now given what he eats). Eventually a combination of my doctor telling me my cholesterol and triglycerides were high, and me looking in the mirror and NOT liking what I saw force me to make a change.

    It was very good knowing that my change would move me toward my wife's way of living, it made it a lot easier on me, and actually made her much happier as well (although now she's mad at me for being able to lose more weight than her :tongue: )
  • agarlits
    agarlits Posts: 429 Member
    You need to confront him about how unhealthy and dangerous his eating habbits are. Unless you want to be widowed when your middle aged.
  • cc_campbell81
    cc_campbell81 Posts: 622
    When I first started this journey my husband acted similar to this except he knew his eating habits were bad. I just asked for his input on meals and made the meals how I chose. Either he eats them or he doesn't. That sounds harsh but there's no reason someone should have to cook two meals. I do make some of his favorites and use healthier ingredients (like low fat versions) but don't tell him. I found that if you say something is healhty some people automatically think it's going to taste bad. SO I don't tell him it's healthy. I just keep trying recipes until I find ones we both like. He got tired of spending money on seperate meals and started enjoying meals. On a side note I haven't had good success with whole wheat pasta ( I don't like it either) but I've heard trying a different brand can make a big difference. Good luck. He'll come around just give him some time.
  • jlefton1212
    jlefton1212 Posts: 171 Member
    You might try telling him that you want him to eat better not because of his shape or the way he looks, but because you care about his health. Tell him you love him and want to spend a long life with him, and worry that foods like fried chicken, pizza, and heavy italian food will give him heart disease and take him from you too early. Even making little adjustments will have a big impact.

    Would he be interested in exercising with you? Like maybe going on a walk after dinner? Sometimes when people make one healthy decision, they start to feel better and see results and are more likely to start incorporating other healthy habits. Once my husband and I started hiking together, he stopped ordering the fettucini alfredo for dinner and now he even likes veggie burgers!
  • hasiangirl
    hasiangirl Posts: 1,613
    I guess i'm just mean....lol my boyfriend used to be the same way....he got up to 308 this year...and it was just about the same time i wanted to start a new lifestyle......he is forced to eat pretty much whatever I make.....every now and then he'll get a little treat for himself.....but for the most part he eats what I give him!! :laugh: :laugh: and is usually surprised about how good the food is......(I love using spices and herbs to enhance the flavors)
  • stormieweather
    stormieweather Posts: 2,549 Member
    I'm just a meanie, I guess. :glasses:

    I make healthy foods...my partner can either eat them or make/buy his own. Same with my children. I've even begun buying whole wheat macaroni and cheese and my teenage daughter is having a FIT, lol. Tough..if she wants mac n chz, she'll eat that.

    Gradually, as I began eating better and buying only healthy foods, my partner has developed better eating habits. Given the choice, he will still overeat and eat unhealthy foods, but at home, those choices are limited. He knows better but food is his weakness. He also hates veggies, low-sugar fruits (ie: berries), anything soy, or other substitute meats. What healthy stuff he does like, I make sure he has plenty of, however. Lettuce, peppers, onions, peanut butter, chicken, oatmeal, almonds, whole grain pastas and brown rice, etc.
  • reisingmel
    reisingmel Posts: 50 Member
    Oh how I wish he was budget conscious! Whenever he doesn't like what I cook he sneaks off to buy a ton of fast food and then hides the evidence under the sofa (like I wouldn't find it). I have tried the "health" route and how I want us to live long healthy lives together, but he skoffs it off and says he'd rather eat what he wants then eat healthy and live long. I guess it will take a doctor to open his eyes. I just hope it's not too late when it does happen. I'll just keep trying new recipes and mixing it up with stuff he likes until we get a happy medium or he get's too big to fit through door ways. I kinda pity the doctor who tells him what I've been telling him all along though, haha. He's not very good at being wrong.

    Thanks for all the advice. I'll prolly try everything at least once!
  • angiered
    angiered Posts: 169 Member
    Please take this as gently as possible....


    You need to decide if this is something you can live with in the long term. It's very very difficult to live a healthy lifestyle w/o your DH on board. The easy answer is, "Let him worry about it, he's an adult." In reality, this really does affect you in a myriad of ways.

    In the long term, this comes down to lifestyle. Are you going to be content to stay home w/him, or go do active things without him? Will it become a problem when you want to go hiking someday down the road, where you're frustrated that he wont come with you and he's frustrated that you won't stay home and veg out with him? Is this going to derail your own health down the road (physical OR mental?)

    I know that this seems like a small thing, and it feels like something you can change. The reality is that he will change IF and when he's ready, no matter how much you bug him. Is that a deal breaker for you?
  • Lose26LbsByXgiving
    Lose26LbsByXgiving Posts: 82
    do some fun activities and get him to do with you.. hiking,cycling,badmington..
    i heard sex also burn lots of calorie :tongue:

    cook/buy delicious meal and get him to at least taste it.

    he does know he 's big so there is not need to tell him that. his pants tell him every day already.

    and if nothing works...it's time for you to move on. it will be a good medication for him and for you.
    tell him you don't want to be with him unless he get back in shape. this is unconditonal love...
    he may hate you but he won't die for a heart attack or stuck in a wheel chair.
  • pillboy
    pillboy Posts: 28
    i use to be like your fiance,i would never stop eating pizzas, chocolate,and all that other fatty stuff,my girlfriend nagged at me all the time to try and lose weight i should not say nag because to be fair she was worried about me,i was nearly 22 stone and what she did not know was that i had been getting slight chest pains but i kept on stuffing my face anyway,the turning point for me was when my baby daughter was born i wanted to be there for her watch her grow up.

    so i started watching what i ate and did more exercise and to cut a long story short i have lost 6 stones in 7 months and i feel great i just wish i had done it years ago,i hope it does not take your fiance to get health problems to kick start him into action
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