College is just breaking me down...
CMary192
Posts: 31 Member
I have to vent. Im at work and nearly in tears. I have moved around so many times since I can remember... Ive lost many wonderful people due to that, people who thought would be my friends for a lifetime. I chose to move away from my family to go to college.
I came to college thinking that I would find friends for a lifetime and I've just found so many cruel people. People who have taken advantage of me, and talked so much trash behind my back that I dont deserve. I just don't get why people hate me so much here.
I've never had enemies, every in my life, of course there are people that don't like each other but never to the point to say the things that some people have said here.
My closest friends here drifted away from me once they found new people to hang out with, they started calling me "sausage link" Once this got to me it hurt me really bad because I thought they were real friends even though we weren't close to me.
My roommate called me an "immigrant" many times on Facebook and Twitter just because I'm Hispanic.
This past weekend this guy that I had to kick out my house because he was staying there for FREE for almost 7 months said some cruel things on twitter. That my boyfriend has cheated on me, that I was a Dominican sausage, that I was (excuse the language) a "fat *kitten*"
I was never bullied and this has taken a toll on me. My boyfriend tells me not to let this get to me but its hard because I'm a nice person. I don't mean to hurt anyone. I've talked about those people because of the things they've said about me but I've never been mean/rude to them before they started being so cruel to me.
I just don't know what to do, think, say anymore... I wish I could just transfer somewhere else and forget about this place, but I'm not the kind of person that runs away from her problems.
If anyone has some advice, encouraging words I would love them. Even if its one word. I really feel misunderstood.
I came to college thinking that I would find friends for a lifetime and I've just found so many cruel people. People who have taken advantage of me, and talked so much trash behind my back that I dont deserve. I just don't get why people hate me so much here.
I've never had enemies, every in my life, of course there are people that don't like each other but never to the point to say the things that some people have said here.
My closest friends here drifted away from me once they found new people to hang out with, they started calling me "sausage link" Once this got to me it hurt me really bad because I thought they were real friends even though we weren't close to me.
My roommate called me an "immigrant" many times on Facebook and Twitter just because I'm Hispanic.
This past weekend this guy that I had to kick out my house because he was staying there for FREE for almost 7 months said some cruel things on twitter. That my boyfriend has cheated on me, that I was a Dominican sausage, that I was (excuse the language) a "fat *kitten*"
I was never bullied and this has taken a toll on me. My boyfriend tells me not to let this get to me but its hard because I'm a nice person. I don't mean to hurt anyone. I've talked about those people because of the things they've said about me but I've never been mean/rude to them before they started being so cruel to me.
I just don't know what to do, think, say anymore... I wish I could just transfer somewhere else and forget about this place, but I'm not the kind of person that runs away from her problems.
If anyone has some advice, encouraging words I would love them. Even if its one word. I really feel misunderstood.
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Replies
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Honey you need to get these toxic people out of your life. They seem like very sad people that are taking their own problems out on you.0
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Don't let people get to you. Yes, there are tons of fake people that will try to backstab you as quickly as they can, but there are also good people that will be there for you no matter what. It takes some searching, but when you find them you'll be glad that you did. And you're beautiful! Don't let others' jealousy get to you, since all they're trying to do is bring you down. Just brush them off and go on your merry way because you're the mature one, not them.0
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First off, I'm sorry for everything you've had to go through! Meeting people in college can be extremely tough, everyone says you'll meet your friends for life here but at least in my experience that has been far from the truth! I'm disgusted by the bullying you've had to go through, and the best advice I can give is to say "F it" and rise above it... which I know can be easier said than done. People can be cruel, I had my fair share in middle school and high school! At least in my experience, I've learned to cut negative people out of my life and just ignore it and immerse yourself in things you really enjoy, ie: exercising, painting (for me) and concentrate on school.
I hope this helps, I definitely can understand how college can suck though, I had to transfer out of my old school because it made me miserable!0 -
Thats horrible. College can be a harder place then most think to make friends... A lot of my classes are lectures, and you sit, then leave, never get talking to anyone. Lab classes are easier to make friends. And of course, living in the dorms give a lot of opportunity.
As for your boyfriend, get rid of him if he really did cheat.... "Friends" too. Youll find the faster you get rid of the negative people in your life, the easier your life will be, and new people come around. I PROMISE.
I live in Alaska, and grew up in Hawaii. I miss my friends dearly as well. I have a few close friends here in Alaska, but nothing like my childhood friends. I feel your pain. Keep going!0 -
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. Forget about these mean people. Try to find activities or clubs or a job where you can meet people interested in the same things you are.
As for transferring, if you are really that unhappy there, then transfer! It's not running away, it's finding a place that is a better fit for you (emotionally at least). If you really can't transfer (for whatever reason), then you have to find a way to avoid the people that are not good for you. And it seems like your boyfriend is on your side, so that is fantastic! Listen to him, not the people putting you down.0 -
I am so sorry to hear of how badly you have been treated. First of all, you are not a "sausage" at all. You are BEAUTIFUL! Please don't ever forget that! I also see you have already lost 19 pounds, so that is an amazing accomplishment. I think too often that people who say nasty things to others are truly feeling low about themselves, although that is no excuse to take you down with them. I love also that you have a great attitude about not wanting to quit the school you're at. I think that someone special will find you and see how great you are and want to become friends with you soon. Maybe you'll even meet this person tomorrow. Keep your head held high because things will get better. Good Luck with your weight loss journey and with your school work!
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Hi. Sometimes when people bully you, it's more of a reflection of how they feel about themselves than how they feel about you. That fact may not make it less hurtful to you but it might help a little.
Spend time working on what makes you happy. Reaching your goals will give you more confidence to deal with the occasional insult. When you are happy and confident, you will attract positive people and you will have the strength to remove those in your life that don't have a positive impact.
Hope I've helped some 0 -
Keep your head up! There's a lot of really good, decent, honest people out there. It just seems unfortunate that you haven't found them. You're beautiful and it doesn't matter what they say or think. If they are calling you immigrant and other things, they are racist which makes their opinion completely null and invalid.0
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Yes. My boyfriend is on my side. They have said nasty things about him too but he brushes it off and I wish I could do the same. Thank you for your advice. It really helps to hear from people that don't really know me or them. Bullying is the worst thing, my brothers are in High School and Middle School and they are bullied also. I didn't know how they felt before but now I do..0
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I suggest you get away from these tools. They won't change bc most miserable people can't. Change roommates for next semester and join clubs. I don't belong to one, but my friend says that joining her sorority has given her more quality friends. (her sorority is nothing like the ones you expect to see. They are much more down to earth than the stereotype, though there are many out there that fit the stereotype exactly). Also, the semester is probably almost over. Your new classes will have plenty of new people to talk to! Add me if you need an ear.0
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I know these things can be hurtful, especially when it comes from someone whom you viewed as a close friend. However; YOU ARE A GROWN *kitten* WOMAN!! You can go crying every time you lose a friend. In life, things will not always be the way you want them. Move on! It takes you more heartache to dwell over them than to let it go. I promise your life will go on with our without these people. You know who you are. You are already very beautiful on the outside and I’m sure it is the same inside. Let that shine through. I promise you things will get easier when you learn not to sweat the small/non-important stuff.0
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Honey you need to get these toxic people out of your life. They seem like very sad people that are taking their own problems out on you.
^^ Agreed!!! These people don't deserve your time or tears hun, and what goes around comes around, so keep your chin up and don't give them the satisfaction of showing that they're hurting you! I understand how cruel people can be, and they thrive off reactions, so either ignore their petty *kitten* or kill them with kindness, it drives bullies like that crazy !!
I just added you as a friend so if you ever need to talk or vent feel free! 0 -
Honey you need to get these toxic people out of your life.
^ Quite literally the exact same thing that came to mind while reading this.
When you wake up every morning, there is one person that will always be there for you no matter what....and that is yourself. With that being said....
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First off you are a very atrractive women with a "good head on your shoulders", as my parents would say. The way your generation treats each other saddens me. You should not have to put with this kind of verbal and mental abuse from anyone. It is not always runing away from your problems, merely removing yourself from the problems in order to stay sane. You have to put yourself first, mentally as well as physically. Keep your head up, your so above all the back-talk and petty behavior. Don't fall victim to it or lower yourself tot hat level. I wish you nothing but luck and great success at everything you attempt or do.0
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I am so, so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. People can be real jerks! I would totally give you a hug if I could The first year of collage can be really hard, I know it was for me. I moved to a new city where I didn't know anyone and since I can be really shy at times it took me at least a year to feel comfortable and to start meeting cool people. Hopefully that will happen for you soon too. Until then take some time to do something good for yourself : ) Go do your favorite exercise or get a manicure or buy your self a little treat-something that you normally wouldn't do. You deserve it! 0
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I felt the same way when I went to school, even though I was only a two-hour drive from home. Sadly the world is full of hateful people and these day, social media emboldens them as they can hide behind a keyboard or LCD screen. If you are a person of faith, see if your campus or local worship centers have a student group, where you can find support and activities. You may also consider volunteering, perhaps with children or the elderly. Your sweet spirit and generosity can lift up others, and help you make new friends. I wish you the very best :flowerforyou:0
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People who are so cruel usually hate themselves, not the person that they are bullying. Keep your head up, keep smiling, rid yourself of anyone who makes you miserable. I am 32 years old and I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones that I do have would lay down on hot coals for me. I promise that there are good and kind people out there.....don't give up on finding them.0
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Once your out of college and you find the right job to settle down in things really start to fall into place and become easier. I have been out for one year and started my "right" job in January and never been so stress free!!!!!!!! It will all come in time.0
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oh gosh, you're GORGEOUS GIRL! I don't hype up people's egos for fun either.
you sound like you go to school with some pretty ignorant people. I experienced some of that as well as a freshman in college, and thank the lord I knew better than to stick around those people. after my freshman year i pretty much cut off all ties with them except for the occasional "hi" "goodbye" and some small chit-chat if we ran into each other between classes or whatnot.
you are worth more, and if someone is being ignorant, your response should rise above that, never stoop to their level, it profits nothing because you cannot fight fire with fire.
you can be the nicest person in the world, and will forever be misunderstood by some people.
keep your head up, I know I stay sane because my best friend is Jesus (unashamed 0 -
Thank you everyone for all of your beautiful words. Im at work crying
you are so kind! Just to clarify I have a job, there are really nice people here who do cheer me up. I am part of an organization for my major and we do really fun stuff and volunteer. I met new friends that are really supportive but those negatives people keep haunting me. I have deleted them and blocked from the social networks I had them on. If anyone wants to add me on here you are more than welcome! I love all support 
and give a lot of support too! 0 -
If that college is not making you happy, I'd seriously consider looking into another school, or living off campus. Yes, it does take time to get to know new people, but no one deserves to feel constantly attacked. You have to go where you feel loved and appreciated, or at least less ridiculed. Maybe consider volunteering off-campus. Just because you're away at school, that doesn't mean that your school has to be the center of your social life. You're there to learn, and college is too damn expensive nowadays to spend your time miserable.0
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Poor you! I agree with alot of the posts and college can be a very difficult place to make friends as there is alot of peer pressure. My advice is to focus on why you are there, study hard, join a couple of clubs and you will soon make friends. There will be other people there who miss home too and who are just as nice as you.
Your boyfriend is right though it's not easy - ignore anyone who makes horrible personal comments. Laugh it off or say nothing - they only show themselves in a bad light.
Your situation will improve with time so hang in there and get studying in that library!0 -
Deleting, blocking, and ignoring them is the best you can do. Just remember, they're jealous of you and your success, and they attack you to make themselves feel better. Don't give them the attention they seek, and just keep surrounding yourself with positive people. Good luck! *hug*0
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I know it is hard. I have gone through simular hardships at my university. I know it is easy for me to say you will make it but the fact of the matter is that YOU WILL MAKE IT. I am glad you felt comfortable enough to vent and share your feelings openly on MFP. Good for you. The people on MFP are awesome and you will find a really supportive community here. Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy too. Keep leaning on his shoulder.
Once you graduate and find a job you will have forgotten all about those A-holes. AND!! You will have reached your MFP goal :-D
Good luck to you and keep your head up.
Joe0 -
I am really sorry that you experienced that. There's this common perception that college is fun and full of friends and events, but it doesn't seem to hold true for a lot of people. I went all the way through college without making a single friend from school. But you know what? I also worked my whole way through school, and it was the people working next to me, people from wildly different backgrounds and perspectives from my own, people who I didn't have any obvious commonalities with, who ended up being my friends during that time. In my experience, the college culture did not fit for me. I wanted an education, not immature drama, but it seemed like most of my classmates were there to put off life and responsibility rather than participate in it.
All I'm trying to say is that if those people tend to treat you badly, look elsewhere. You mention that you've made new friends who do support you, and that's great! There are a lot of people who think that kindness and understanding are weaknesses. They're wrong, and hopefully they'll learn it sooner rather than later (but it always comes back to bite them in the *kitten*). Find the people who genuinely like you for who you are and remind yourself that those who treat you badly are demonstrating only their own issues, not yours.0 -
It sounds like a sad situation and you definitely don't deserve it. As has already been said, you need to cut these people out of your life. Block them on twitter and FB and don't engage in the hating. You have a boyfriend who cares about you and friends you deserve.0
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Thank you for taking your time for writing me encouraging work. Im trying really hard to not let this set me back!0
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I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that. Being bullied in high school is almost expected but in college you would hope people have the maturity to get over things like that.
Online bullying is easier for people too - because they can hide behind their phones/computers etc., I bet if these people were confronted they would back down like the cowards they are.
When you cut them out of your life, it will still sting for a little bit but you will learn that those people drain you and are not worth the energy you could be putting into something more positive for you.0 -
Life is too short to deal with ignorant or hateful people. I've dealt with a few people who throw out Hispanic jokes too in my life, and I've had some white girl jokes (I'm a halfer) so I know what that's like. Stay strong, Chica, and just push this horrible people from your life. Block, delete, ignore. You don't need this and you're doing such a great job getting in shape. You should be around those who celebrate you, not put you down.0
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I know you're going through a tough time right now, and being bullied is a really REALLY hard situation to be put in. and i know its hard to just let it go because its like you hear something new every day, but people say mean words to people about there physical appearances because they have nothing else to say. thats the only bad thing they can think of, and because they know what gets people going. your college experience shouldn't be this way. Its just the people you used to be associated with are immature. I mean come on, look at the guy who tweeted about you?! perfect example of being immature! you're strong, BEAUTIFUL, smart, and a great person to be around, and you're doing wonderful things with you're life by being in school, and getting yourself into better shape! (8
stay beautiful my friend!!! don't let them get to you!0
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