Lost over 100#s, Very uncomfortable, then regain

ChinaDollTKP
ChinaDollTKP Posts: 12 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
HI All,

I find it very hard not to think about the fact that I lost over 100#s and was within less than 30lbs of my goal weight. I tend to keep beating myself up because I regained over 50#s back. But then I remember...

When i was at my smallest, I was so UNCOMFORTABLE!!!! I hated the fact that people I knew gushed about how great I looked. I hated that I got so much additional attention from guys. I hated looking in the mirror and feeling like I wasn't me anymore. I did however love my clothes and the fact that I felt so good (healthy).

Once I started to regain (which did take me about a year and 1/2) I was honestly more comfortable in my own skin. Well at least until I stopped fitting into all the clothes in my closet. :-P

I guess I am just looking for other people's experiences, insights, whatever you want to share.

Replies

  • Osu2k1
    Osu2k1 Posts: 116 Member
    Honestly, that's something I am having issues with. I fear that WHEN I finally hit goal, that things will change. I worry about all those things, that sometimes I think it's hindering my weight loss.

    I don't really have any suggestions or words of advice. I have a feeling I will be going to therapy when I get down in the 100's, not saying you need it!!! I just know it helps me. Keep it up! And I guess all I can say is, be proud of what you loose and don't let others make you feel bad about it! Keep in mind that as you shed the outer you, you need to nourish your inner you, by reaffirming how much healthier you are now. Hope this helps a bit. :flowerforyou:
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
    Personally, if I were you, I'd see a counselor while I made healthy choices...ate a healthy diet and exercised.
  • blueyednurse06
    blueyednurse06 Posts: 29
    I completely understand how you feel! I have always been a large girl, but 3 years ago I lost 90 pounds (down to 145). I thought who is this person?? Anyway, over the next 3 years.. I managed to gain it back.. and more. So, here I am... again starting this journey. But, I plan to actually learn to maintain. . it is definately a lifestyle change.
  • bernicem77
    bernicem77 Posts: 14 Member
    I totally understand what you are saying. The same thing happened to me. I was actually sad after I lost my weight and thought that I was happier when I was heavier. Well that was a BIG FAT LIE, I'm not happier when I'm heavier, and now I miss the smaller version of me. I agree with what others are saying here. I am planning to go see a counsellor this time around and work out my feelings.

    You are not the only one struggling with the feelings you are having.
  • DebbieMc3
    DebbieMc3 Posts: 289 Member
    I get you!!!!!
    I've lost 100 lbs twice.
    I am currently 55 lbs up from my last loss.

    I can't put into words exactly what I want to say to you. Try to love yourself enough to not care what others think and to gush when you deserve it.
  • cmurray234
    cmurray234 Posts: 112 Member
    Since I don't know you, I cannot speak for why you feel that way....but I know why I felt that way. Part of it was that I felt a little like a fraud. I still felt like someone who was overweight because I had been my whole life. But mostly for me the problem was that the attention felt so..disingenuous. I was uncomfortable getting attention from somebody when I KNOW they wouldn't have looked at me twice when I was heavy. It was like they were rejecting the real me.

    I didn't stay thin, and now I'm having to lose weight again...but before I did, I had to do some soul-searching about my identity and the fact that the "real" me has nothing to do with how much I weigh. It took a LONG time.

    OP and everyone else struggling with this, I wish you the best.
  • CaroSeraMince
    CaroSeraMince Posts: 51
    I really can't even imagine what you're saying, OP. I lost 75 lbs in 2008 and the attention and gushing was AMAZING and I loved it. After spending my whole adult life overweight, it was so fantastic to get that sort of attention. I gained 20 back and I was so mad at myself. I've since relost that 20, gaining admiration again and it's set me on the road to losing another 30 - 40.

    I'm really not ashamed to say that I don't blame people for not paying as much attention to me when I was heavier. I still have the same best friends I had then, but as far as male attention, I get much more now. I had people attracted to me at my heaviest, but I have MORE people attracted to me post weight loss. *shrug* I'm attracted to fitter people, so I'm certainly not going to get butthurt because guys like me better thinner. I'm still the smart, funny and great girl I always was, I just don't have to PROVE it so hard anymore because the spark of attraction can lead to everything else (it's a fabulous thing to be rid of the "but she has such a pretty face!").

    Edited to say that I really think you should see someone about the underlying issues that are at play here.
  • bm99
    bm99 Posts: 597 Member
    See a counselor.

    It's no secret that people react differently to bigger people than smaller people. You may be overall treated better, men will give you more attention, society in general will like you better simply because you look healthy. That can be a very hard thing to deal with if you've been large your whole life. If you don't know how to deal with all that sudden attention or if you are using your large appearance as some sort of social crutch (people won't notice me if I'm fat etc) then you will definitely benefit from counseling.

    I know one of the things I don't mind as a fatty now is the lack of attention. I LOVE that no one wants to hit on me and that if someone wants to be around me it is very definitely for my personality. Before I gained the weight I'm pretty sure people wanted to be around me for my boobs lol Now, 110 overweight I feel blessedly invisible, but that is not a healthy way to live socially or physically.
  • ChinaDollTKP
    ChinaDollTKP Posts: 12 Member
    Thank you everyone for your concern. :-) I guess it would have helped to say that I have been a "big" girl for my entire life! I accepted and was proud of my body. I never expected to be thin. I had an amazing wardrobe, never lacked for friends or male attention and was comfortable in my own skin. Health reasons forced me to try and lose weight. It was hard for me to have people keep telling me how great I looked, when I looked before.

    It is good to know I am not the only one.

    Hi there Bernicem77 :happy:!
  • celebrity328
    celebrity328 Posts: 377 Member
    When I was in high school I was a fiesty 120 pounds and had a huge personality :)

    Over the years as I met a man got married I gained the weight etc. I have noticed that I have started to kind of close people off around me (not sure if its the weight or depression) but Im just not that fun loving person I was! My entire adult life I have been this "big" girl and just learned to deal with not being happy with myself. I know weight is not who I am but as I lose 1 pound after the other im starting to realize that the weight has been a "safe" zone for me. Guys sure never paid attention to me at 264 but I can say even with the weight loss Ive had men sure are looking and talking to me more. I dont even know how to respond to a guy asking me out because its something that hasnt happen to me in 13 years lol :)

    When people who havent seen me in a while come up to me and are like OMG YOU HAVE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT YOU LOOK SO MUCH BETTER OMG!~~@! - a part of me feels like ok! i get the point before i was just a freaking slob and I got myself together... or Ok I get how freaking fat I was before! I know this isnt how they are meaning it but thats how I am taking it. (Thats my issue I need to work on!)

    I think as I lose more weight more "issues" are going to come to the surface and need to be dealt with. Lucky for me I have a husband that is supportive and willing to listen to every rant or confort me when Im a freaking mess! I am kind of the samea boat I really dont know who I am! Going shoping with GFs is my idea of a form of torture! I walk around a clothing store and have no idea what size I am because I have avoided it for so many years or just "picked" the first thing that fit... Now im running into the problem of being stuck in Jr clothes and to be honest the Jr sections of stores freaks me out lol :)

    Just know you arent alone in feeling the way you do. I feel like an alien in my own body and am really struggling right now with the fact that im so use to being this way and am very scared that i might turn into one of those "skinny" chicks everyone hates lol :/
  • ifyouknew
    ifyouknew Posts: 68 Member
    Thank you for sharing this story. There is so much focus here on staying positive, losing weight and keeping it off, etc that sometimes these forums feel a bit phony- like they're full of cheerleaders who think everything will be perfect if they lose the weight. But nothing is perfect and there is a downside too. It's nice to hear fromt he other side as well.

    I think there are a few things to remember here.

    One, when you first lose a bunch of weight, everyone you know is going to make a big deal about it. It's just like if you get a drastic new haircut or something. But if you keep the weight off, after a while people get used to it and stop commenting about it so much, so if you're uncomfortable with attention, you just need to hang in there and it will get better over time. You can even ask your friends and family not to make a fuss over your weight loss.

    Two, if you need to lose for health reasons, you may need to just do it, in spite of feeling uncomfortable in your new size. In that case I agree that counselling may help you accept your new healthy size and start to feel more like yourself again. One of the underlying issues here is that some people subconsciously want to be overweight for a variety of reasons, and fighting against that is very hard. For instance, if you have low self-esteem you may feel ugly on the inside and want the outside to match. But the key isn't to keep the outside that you feel comfortable with, it's to change the way you feel on the inside! Counselling can help. As another example, a lot of people who have been sexually abused stay overweight to avoid attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if that's your situation, but counselling can help with that too.

    Probably the most important thing is (and you already know this), to realize that losing weight alone won't make your life perfect. A lot of people where are really focused on how great everything will be once they lose. For most people life really will be better, but it won't be perfect. If you have that expectation, you may be disappointed when weight loss doesn't fix everything, and then think 'what the hell, I might as well gain it back'. Have realistic expectations and aim to be healthy (inside and out).

    Good luck. A lot of people love the attention they get when they lose, but if you don't, that extra layer of psychological complexity will make weight loss even more of a struggle for you than for others, since you will be doing it without really wanting to. But you did it once, so you know you can do it again. Your health is worth it! And I think over time you will start to feel at home in your new body.
  • celebrity328
    celebrity328 Posts: 377 Member
    Thank you for sharing this story. There is so much focus here on staying positive, losing weight and keeping it off, etc that sometimes these forums feel a bit phony- like they're full of cheerleaders who think everything will be perfect if they lose the weight. But nothing is perfect and there is a downside too. It's nice to hear fromt he other side as well.

    I think there are a few things to remember here.

    One, when you first lose a bunch of weight, everyone you know is going to make a big deal about it. It's just like if you get a drastic new haircut or something. But if you keep the weight off, after a while people get used to it and stop commenting about it so much, so if you're uncomfortable with attention, you just need to hang in there and it will get better over time. You can even ask your friends and family not to make a fuss over your weight loss.

    Two, if you need to lose for health reasons, you may need to just do it, in spite of feeling uncomfortable in your new size. In that case I agree that counselling may help you accept your new healthy size and start to feel more like yourself again. One of the underlying issues here is that some people subconsciously want to be overweight for a variety of reasons, and fighting against that is very hard. For instance, if you have low self-esteem you may feel ugly on the inside and want the outside to match. But the key isn't to keep the outside that you feel comfortable with, it's to change the way you feel on the inside! Counselling can help. As another example, a lot of people who have been sexually abused stay overweight to avoid attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if that's your situation, but counselling can help with that too.

    Probably the most important thing is (and you already know this), to realize that losing weight alone won't make your life perfect. A lot of people where are really focused on how great everything will be once they lose. For most people life really will be better, but it won't be perfect. If you have that expectation, you may be disappointed when weight loss doesn't fix everything, and then think 'what the hell, I might as well gain it back'. Have realistic expectations and aim to be healthy (inside and out).

    Good luck. A lot of people love the attention they get when they lose, but if you don't, that extra layer of psychological complexity will make weight loss even more of a struggle for you than for others, since you will be doing it without really wanting to. But you did it once, so you know you can do it again. Your health is worth it! And I think over time you will start to feel at home in your new body.

    I totally agree with you! I told my husband today "if i lose weight guys will pay attention to me, how do I handle this?" I told him I really feel my weight was brough on by some things that happen as a child etc, and that "layer of fatness" is my way of keeping men away from me. The sad part is I realized that it keeps men away yes but it also keeps HIM at a distance! Now that I know this about myself its just coming to terms with the "whys" and moving on :) I have been in counseling before and really enjoy it I suggest it for anyone who doesnt have a support system in place or someone they can just be real with lol it works!
  • pitbulllover
    pitbulllover Posts: 98 Member
    Wow I relate to just about every single thing said in this thread.

    I've been a yo-yo dieter my entire life (my mom started me on diets when I was 4, I started dieting on my own when I was 13... I've lost 50 pounds or more between 10-15 times in my life, and now I need to lose 100 or more). I've found that NO MATTER WHAT, I'm not comfortable with attention from others. When I'm thin, I hate comments from people telling me I look good, because like some of you I take it as an insult that there was something wrong with me when I was heavy. When I'm heavy, I still hate attention because I feel like everyone is judging me for being overweight. Even if they're being nice to me, I think they're secretly thinking how disgusting I am. So basically, because of all my issues, I've made it so no one can ever say anything right to me! I think my dieting has partly been a constant struggle to find a size where I'm comfortable, and I never found it.

    Every time I lose, it gets harder each time (especially now that I know about my pcos and slow thyroid). I know all the yo-yo'ing around has also negatively affected my metabolism. But now for the first time I'm trying to concentrate solely on health instead of appearance. I am going to need lots of therapy too I'm sure, I actually tried it last year but the therapist I had wasn't working out for me. I guess I need to just keep looking for a new one until I find one that works.

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