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Different kind of rant & question about the hubs
AlsDonkBoxSquat
Posts: 6,128 Member
My DH is a sweet and wonderful man. He's gentle, thoughtful (generally, but who doesn't put their foot in their mouth from time to time), and sensitive. He's also seriously nostalgic.
We've lived in our house for 8 years, about 4 years in I came home and he had filled, I mean seriously filled, our walls with pictures of not just family but also friends in frames that go beyond mismatched. There are people on my walls from his college years that I don't believe he's spoken to in several years. Some of these people have lied to him (we were planning a big trip together and they were invited to a location wedding the same weekend to which we weren't invited. Instead of telling us that they were going to a wedding they each gave him a very different and specific excuse of what they were doing. We went on the trip just the two of us and I can't tell you the shock and hurt on his face when they started loading their pictures and status updates on facebook).
I love having our relatives (parents, grandparents, children, cousins, and pets) randomly decorating our home. I love having a picture of our closest one or two friends whose lives we actively share, talk to at least once a month (not friends we haven't seen in 4 years or more), friends who call to see how BIL is doing on his trips in and out of the hospital as his liver is in failure.
We are getting into the process of listing our house for sale, when we move into a new house I don't want my walls cluttered with pictures and memorabilia that meant something 10 years ago but means nothing now. I think that if they haven't seen either one of us since our son was born 2.5 years ago, they have lost the right to be on our walls and that I shouldn't be reminded of my DH's ****ty friends. Further, all of this clutter makes me feel claustrophobic. Where's the compromise that won't hurt his feelings?
We've lived in our house for 8 years, about 4 years in I came home and he had filled, I mean seriously filled, our walls with pictures of not just family but also friends in frames that go beyond mismatched. There are people on my walls from his college years that I don't believe he's spoken to in several years. Some of these people have lied to him (we were planning a big trip together and they were invited to a location wedding the same weekend to which we weren't invited. Instead of telling us that they were going to a wedding they each gave him a very different and specific excuse of what they were doing. We went on the trip just the two of us and I can't tell you the shock and hurt on his face when they started loading their pictures and status updates on facebook).
I love having our relatives (parents, grandparents, children, cousins, and pets) randomly decorating our home. I love having a picture of our closest one or two friends whose lives we actively share, talk to at least once a month (not friends we haven't seen in 4 years or more), friends who call to see how BIL is doing on his trips in and out of the hospital as his liver is in failure.
We are getting into the process of listing our house for sale, when we move into a new house I don't want my walls cluttered with pictures and memorabilia that meant something 10 years ago but means nothing now. I think that if they haven't seen either one of us since our son was born 2.5 years ago, they have lost the right to be on our walls and that I shouldn't be reminded of my DH's ****ty friends. Further, all of this clutter makes me feel claustrophobic. Where's the compromise that won't hurt his feelings?
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Sounds like you have a good fella.
Stop messing around and just tell him what you just told us.
The world will continue to turn, I promise.
...and if you can, make sure he has a space of his own where he can chill, and put up any pics he wants to.0 -
What if you each get a set amount of pics to choose? He gets 5 you get 5 or whatever and you each get absolute veto power over one photo, (or two, whichever you agree on). He may choose photos you'd rather not have up, but you'll feel less claustrophobic because of the limited number of pics in the house. That would be compromise. He'll really need to think about who he wants up, the pic of him and the boy playing or the jack-*kitten* friend who lied. And when either of you want to put a new pic up, one comes down.0
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...and if you can, make sure he has a space of his own where he can chill, and put up any pics he wants to.
^^ This. If he won't agree not to hang them at all, then make sure you have a study or someplace that is his where he can put up whatever he wants.0 -
...and if you can, make sure he has a space of his own where he can chill, and put up any pics he wants to.
^^ This. If he won't agree not to hang them at all, then make sure you have a study or someplace that is his where he can put up whatever he wants.
this is good too.0 -
@karincakes, I was just about to post that i liked your idea too.0
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...and if you can, make sure he has a space of his own where he can chill, and put up any pics he wants to.
^^ This. If he won't agree not to hang them at all, then make sure you have a study or someplace that is his where he can put up whatever he wants.
this is good too.
I've asked him twice to pare down and he said that basically every wall should be papered in people. He actually got really mad about it. When he did it he had his own space. I'll try again at the new house.0 -
I've asked him twice to pare down and he said that basically every wall should be papered in people. He actually got really mad about it. When he did it he had his own space. I'll try again at the new house.
Hmmm, did you explain how it made you feel to be reminded of those people who you no longer appreciate? I don't know how else to settle such a big difference in opinion. Sorta curious why he things that is how it should be, is that how his house growing up was?0 -
Sounds like a nice guy. These pictures may not mean anything to you but they seem to still have meaning to him.
My suggestion is; instead of placing all the pictures on the walls making you feel so claustrophobic, maybe place them in a scrap book or photo album that can easily be displayed on a table but not out all the time. If you want to keep a few pictures up you can see if a rotation of photos that you and he like may be in order.
My husband is kind of the same way, but mostly with things that he collects. We've made a deal that he can have his things out on display if they go with the decoration, and the pictures would be best rotated like I suggested. We have one wall (which is a lot less then what he wanted) dedicated to family, all the other pictures are placed in a scrap book that he or anyone else can easily grab off the book shelf.0 -
If your home is that covered in photos and pictures it will never sell. It will make the rooms appear much smaller, people will focus on how many pictures there are instead of the remodeled bathroom or nice landscaping, and people will wonder if all the pictures were put up to hide something like holes, marks, or water damage.
Take the pictures down and box them all up. Then have the boxes "get lost in the move".0 -
Anyway, back to your problem with the husband's pictures. My husband is the same way with his things. He never throws things away. He has things I don't like but they aren't in the main area of the house. I can't stand clutter and he understands that so it's in his spots not our spots. Hope that helps! I have things that he doesn't like, they are in my home office
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Move to a house with mirrored walls. I hear it's hard to hang pictures on mirrored walls...0
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Sounds like you have a good fella.
Stop messing around and just tell him what you just told us.
The world will continue to turn, I promise.
...and if you can, make sure he has a space of his own where he can chill, and put up any pics he wants to.
^^^ That.0 -
We are getting into the process of listing our house for sale, when we move into a new house I don't want my walls cluttered with pictures and memorabilia that meant something 10 years ago but means nothing now. I think that if they haven't seen either one of us since our son was born 2.5 years ago, they have lost the right to be on our walls and that I shouldn't be reminded of my DH's ****ty friends. Further, all of this clutter makes me feel claustrophobic. Where's the compromise that won't hurt his feelings?
It's pretty well known that it's best to depersonalize your house when you sell it. Prospective buyers want to picture themselves in your house, and that's difficult to do when it's filled with things like a gazillion family photos. Use that as the hook to get your husband to clear most (if not all) of that stuff off the walls.
Besides, clutter doesn't sell a house. Clean does. Mention that, too.0 -
Perhaps that box gets lost in the move?? :huh: I myself prefer a cleaner room although I do have pictures (mostly in frames, on bookcases, etc.). Does he have a "man cave"? Or a room that is his? If so, maybe you could compromise at the new place, he can do whatever he wants in that room, but in the shared rooms, you have to compromise on what's on the walls.0
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Sounds like a real sweetie, hope everything works out okay0
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Sounds like a real sweetie, hope everything works out okay
He is just a really wonderful person, couldn't imagine being married to a better man, he's just rather attached to things.0 -
If you're trying to sell the house all that stuff needs to come down.....you don't want such personalized clutter. And then gee whizzed.....the box all that stuff got put into accidentally went in the dumpster. I hate when that happens.0
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Guys aren't sentimental about pictures. Tell him the truth, that Realtors want less clutter, neutral decor! End of story.0
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Guys aren't sentimental about pictures. Tell him the truth, that Realtors want less clutter, neutral decor! End of story.
This issue is no longer this house, as the pictures are coming down for sale, the problem is reproduction of this mess in the new house.0
This discussion has been closed.
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