I feel so bad,others have been able to do it, why cant I?
AlexJourneyHall
Posts: 137 Member
I've messed up, again. I don't understand why I keep screwing up. I try and try and try to eat right but I always mess up. I don't understand. Others have been able to lose 10 lbs or more a month, I have tried and tried and can't get the scale to budget a single pound. I've tried so hard to eat right, but I always slip up no matter what I try. Someone please tell me what am I doing wrong? besides the obvious.
I know I need to clean up my diet, which I am doing now. Before I mainly ate healthy, but it wasn't healthy enough. I'm sure people will look at my food diary and critique it, but that's not what I need. I already know what to do because I've been here so many times. What I need to know is why can't I get my act together? I set plans up so that I don't get to the bad food, but somehow I do anyways.... I can't stop my parents from bringing the bad foods home and I can't stop others from trying to give me the bad stuff no matter what I say. So, I keep failing...only, I keep failing a little less terribly each time, but I am tired of failing. What do I have to do to finally get it right?
I know I need to clean up my diet, which I am doing now. Before I mainly ate healthy, but it wasn't healthy enough. I'm sure people will look at my food diary and critique it, but that's not what I need. I already know what to do because I've been here so many times. What I need to know is why can't I get my act together? I set plans up so that I don't get to the bad food, but somehow I do anyways.... I can't stop my parents from bringing the bad foods home and I can't stop others from trying to give me the bad stuff no matter what I say. So, I keep failing...only, I keep failing a little less terribly each time, but I am tired of failing. What do I have to do to finally get it right?
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Replies
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Useful Edison quotes (or something close to his quotes):
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize HOW CLOSE THEY WERE to success when they gave up.”
“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this - you haven't.”
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to TRY JUST ONE MORE TIME.”
And perhaps my personal favorite...
"THERE ARE NOT RULES HERE -- WE'RE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING.”
If you know what you need to do already (eat healthy, get some exercise to be healthy), then only you can determine why you are failing. But, you already acknowledge that 1) You KEEP trying, and 2) You don't "fail" as badly ... which really just means you are learning what works for you.
Best of luck... I believe you can do it. :flowerforyou:0 -
i feel the same way as you do right now.. i so badly want to lose more weight, i eat healthy all week long, and exersize, then i counter-act all my hard work by binging on the weekends.. it feels great to binge, but after a binge it's the most horrible feeling!! i feel like such a failure, but i pick up and start again the next week, and it's a continous cycle that i have yet to break
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Now I am being totally honest over how things have gone for me. I started this in 11/2010. Lost 35 pounds by 06/2011. Then I did a lot of traveling and a lot of hiking... along with a lot of eating the friends who never gain weight. So I was stuck at the 35 pound loss for the next six months, not losing or gaining weight until the new year. Now I've gained roughly 14 pounds.
I know what I was doing. I just started eating more than I should and with the cold weather I was not hiking as much. Yeah I average 5 miles a day of walking between work and walking my dog. But it wasn't enough to overcome by bad eating habits.
I justified what I was doing by what I loss earlier in the year. Now reality is back in the picture and I am doing what I did last year.
Limiting what I eat... I know it sucks when you work out then don't lose any weight. You want to just binge because nothing works.
There is no easy solution, you know you have to clean up your diet. That is the key. That was they key for me and it opened the weight loss door just as fast as it slammed it closed.
Wish I could offer better advise 0 -
@darlilama....What an awesome thing to post for her! Thank you for doing that!
What helped me, and it sounds so silly, is having a goal board. One of those $6 cork jobbers from Target. I cut out pictures and motivations that mean something to me. Every morning I look at it and take a minute to reaffirm my goals and decide to make good choices again. Each day I CHOOSE to do my best. Please remember that this is a process, not an event. Keep walking no matter what and you WILL get there. Good luck to you!0 -
Look, people slip up, it is part of the process. Like quitting smoking, people 'quit' multiple times before it actually sticks. So maybe try looking at this a different way...look at it as with each failure you learned something about yourself, your eating triggers, your discipline or your body - and you will apply that going forward.
You are going to fall down many times in your life (we all do, it's normal and not a criticism), what is really important is how you keep getting back up.
So get up, brush yourself off, say goodbye to what it was that you did yesterday that caused this blip and focus on what you can change to make tomorrow a positive day without any blips.. And just keep doing that every day. Also, re-examine your goals...are you putting too much pressure on yourself? Try setting smaller more achievable goals so you don't get discouraged. For example, maybe raise your calories by 100 for the next 7 days. Just to give you some breathing room.
Be kind to yourself, if you're not - who else will be? :flowerforyou: You can do this.0 -
YOU have to want to do it! Nobody else can do it for you. Set small goals for you. Incorporate cheat days.0
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i've learned that i can't let myself have cheat days, because i go fricken nuts.. so this week i'm trying a different approach, eating whatever i want as long as it is in moderation.. wish me luck. lol.YOU have to want to do it! Nobody else can do it for you. Set small goals for you. Incorporate cheat days.0 -
I'm in the same boat...I wish I knew what to say to help you. I thought my diet was ok...and I was pretty active before. Then I stepped it up and I'm trying so hard but nothing is happening. Everyone else can do it...like you said.0
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I was just thinking the same things about myself. I try to eat healthy, but I have a horrid sweet tooth. It's a weakness, but I'm working on it, and I try not to beat myself up too much about because I know that will just make it worse. The more you stress out, the more you will crave unhealthy things, so relax and remember that you are only human, you will make mistakes! Just keep trying every day =]0
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Have you tried see a psychologist about this? It seems like your issue is a lot deeper than it is. The quote I used quite frequently in the past is "You have the want to change, but lack the will to change." There is no silver platter in weight loss, i.e. people who undergo bariatric surgery still have to change their lifestyle.
As I read other posts I thought more about this. For me when I have the craving for that something sweet, I will push myself into working out and gaining the calories back before I eat that sweet treat AND sometimes I lose the craving all together.0 -
I totally understand that it is harder to refrain from eating not-so-healthy foods if they are readly available. Fortunately, I do the grocery shopping in my house, so if they want junk, they eat it outside the home. The only way for me to control what I eat is not to have it available to me. Try expressing your concerns to your family members. Perhaps they will undersand and offer some support by not bringing SOME of those foods into the house.0
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you have to want it and think your self important enough to be a priority to take care of. Until then, nothing will work, its really all in your head. I promise it is. Sucky but true.0
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i've learned that i can't let myself have cheat days, because i go fricken nuts.. so this week i'm trying a different approach, eating whatever i want as long as it is in moderation.. wish me luck. lol.YOU have to want to do it! Nobody else can do it for you. Set small goals for you. Incorporate cheat days.
I definite understand how you feel. I just decided to take them out. From now on Im cutting out everything but fruits, veggies, protein and healthy grains. I am also going to have to earn cheats. Im going to keep a small notepad with me for when I want something bad and pro con things. Hopefully, that will help as a visual aid.0 -
I totally understand that it is harder to refrain from eating not-so-healthy foods if they are readly available. Fortunately, I do the grocery shopping in my house, so if they want junk, they eat it outside the home. The only way for me to control what I eat is not to have it available to me. Try expressing your concerns to your family members. Perhaps they will undersand and offer some support by not bringing SOME of those foods into the house.
I've tried talking to them. It doesnt work....0 -
Useful Edison quotes (or something close to his quotes):
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize HOW CLOSE THEY WERE to success when they gave up.”
“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this - you haven't.”
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to TRY JUST ONE MORE TIME.”
And perhaps my personal favorite...
"THERE ARE NOT RULES HERE -- WE'RE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING.”
If you know what you need to do already (eat healthy, get some exercise to be healthy), then only you can determine why you are failing. But, you already acknowledge that 1) You KEEP trying, and 2) You don't "fail" as badly ... which really just means you are learning what works for you.
Best of luck... I believe you can do it. :flowerforyou:
Thank you so much for this! I will definitely be keeping it in mind. I will also keep these quotes in mind!0 -
It sounds like you're being really hard on yourself, seeing it as a right-versus-wrong thing. But that's just going to frustrate you. Don't worry about losing a certain number of pounds per month, or doing what others do. You're just you, not anyone else, so you can't compare yourself and judge yourself based on what other people might do.
There's a certain way of thinking that helps me make better choices. I ask myself a few questions: what would you do if you were already healthy and at your ideal weight? What might you eat, or how might you spend your time? If you work on doing those things now, rather than saving them for when you're already where you want to be, you will eventually see that result. It may take a while, but if you're moving in the right direction, at some point, you'll get there (and there are lots of small benefits along the way). It's not about becoming perfect overnight; if you just make little improvements as you go along, they'll add up until you can do it all without feeling pressured or guilty.
I think this post might help you; I wrote it up to help people with this kind of issue (and I just prefer to post the link so people don't get sick of me copy/pasting it). Please give it a read. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/578928-give-yourself-a-chance0 -
Have you tried see a psychologist about this? It seems like your issue is a lot deeper than it is. The quote I used quite frequently in the past is "You have the want to change, but lack the will to change." There is no silver platter in weight loss, i.e. people who undergo bariatric surgery still have to change their lifestyle.
As I read other posts I thought more about this. For me when I have the craving for that something sweet, I will push myself into working out and gaining the calories back before I eat that sweet treat AND sometimes I lose the craving all together.
I think I could try that. However, that may be difficult if it is a late night craving....though I don't get those much at all anymore0 -
maybe you are trying too hard, making abrupt changes in your diet and causing huge stress to yourself (which then causes you to fail).
Whenever I see someone with a similar complaint, I think that they are worrying more about 'healthy/clean' eating (whatever that is) than about the most important thing for losing weight - calorie deficit. What I wan't to say is go slowly, make small changes. don't just plunge into healthy eating straight away. start first with simply reducing what you normally eat so that it fits your calories goal. then, once you are used to that, start replacing one by one item, moving towards more healthy food.
I'm losing fat (I think
) while still eating everything I used to eat, just in smaller amounts/less often and gradually including more vegetables. 0 -
It sounds like you're being really hard on yourself, seeing it as a right-versus-wrong thing. But that's just going to frustrate you. Don't worry about losing a certain number of pounds per month, or doing what others do. You're just you, not anyone else, so you can't compare yourself and judge yourself based on what other people might do.
There's a certain way of thinking that helps me make better choices. I ask myself a few questions: what would you do if you were already healthy and at your ideal weight? What might you eat, or how might you spend your time? If you work on doing those things now, rather than saving them for when you're already where you want to be, you will eventually see that result. It may take a while, but if you're moving in the right direction, at some point, you'll get there (and there are lots of small benefits along the way). It's not about becoming perfect overnight; if you just make little improvements as you go along, they'll add up until you can do it all without feeling pressured or guilty.
I think this post might help you; I wrote it up to help people with this kind of issue (and I just prefer to post the link so people don't get sick of me copy/pasting it). Please give it a read. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/578928-give-yourself-a-chance
That's true...I really do try to focus on myself but I always see others. And I think I'll try that tip. I'm trying to do more than I used to. Plus, I love exercising now. I like making progress there. It's just the eating part that gets me.0 -
A few things.....FIrst I do not see any water and almost no exercise. Calories are very high on many of your days.
Try sticking closer to your limit, add some excerise and on those days you can eat alittle more.
That and some water should make a difference.
Best of Luck!!0 -
What about taking baby steps? Introduce one change at a time. Maybe incorporate more fruit and veg into your diet, or work out X times a week, or reduce the amount of unhealthy snackfood. Then when you've settled one routine add another. Tackling it step by step might seem easier than going totally 180 on your previous lifestyle.0
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Stop. Just stop. Decide that every moment before now is the past - and it is, you know. Decide that from this moment on you will:
1. consider every bite before you take it. Just because someone gives you something to eat doesn't mean you have to eat it. And, if you do have it, it doesn't mean you have to eat the whole thing
2. Every bite is a decision. Is this good for me? Do I want it? It's ok to eat stuff you want that isn't good for you, you just need to acknowledge it BEFORE you take the bite and own the decision. I'm drinking a glass of wine right now.
3. Stop beating yourself up. We're all only human. Just because some people have lost 10 lbs in a week doesn't mean you have to. Start smaller. Decide to make small changes that will allow you to drop a pound a week. Or, a pound every two weeks. The speed of the journey isn't what matters - that you're working to becoming healthier is what matters.
4. Log every single bite as quickly as possible. Know off the top of your head how many calories you have left. And, make decisions. Own the food instead of letting the food own you. If people give you grief because you choose to not eat it, let them. If someone cries that you don't appreciate them, let them cry. Just explain that you need to be healthier. If they keep pushing, let them know you'd appreciate their support, but you're going to do this regardless.
When I started this journey, it was a lark. I wondered if I could do it. The basics seemed so simple - plug in your numbers, eat what you want, and don't go over your calories. I was shocked that it worked. Now, it wasn't always easy to keep to my calories, and I sometimes went over. But, each time I did, it was my decision to go over and by how much. I didn't give myself a timeline, and although I set a goal, I wasn't pushing toward reaching it at any specific time - didn't think I could. Shocked me that I did. It took me a year to lose 35 lbs. But, it was the journey to eating healthier that was important to me. Stop stressing on the scale. Decide you're going to do this for you and do it. You can, you know.0 -
my daughter is a personal coach and she told me that I should allow myself to be a brat and eat what i want 1 day a week, this way it will make the not cheating easier. Just remember for every bad food you eat you have to exercise it off.0
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I understand...my husband only eats crap and before long, my healthy eating habits went right down the toilet. Best advice? Log in often and keep yourself busy with other things. Take a photo of yourself and put it on the refrigerator or cupboards to remind you that you are doing this for yourself. Brush your teeth instead of picking up the tempting foods...I also try using Crest mouthwash (in the white bottle)...makes foods taste terrible for hours. Buy an outfit one size less and hang it in your room to look at every day. It will feel so good when it fits.
Maybe try cooking for them while you cook for yourself...take back your control.
You can do this - you just have to decide that you are worth this effort. This is something that is very hard to understand because we are all so negative about ourselves (who needs enemies when we have our own inner voices)?0 -
Don't look at it as you failed! Try to focus on right now and not the past. And when you eat something that is not good for you, don't let yourself feel like you failed, just focus on leaving it at that thing you ate and let the next one be a healthier one.
When I get cravings I say to myself I have to wait 30 minutes until I can eat whatever it is that I want right then, and if I want it as bad after that half hour I can have it. When those 30 minutes have passed I don't feel like eating the bad stuff anymore. Maybe that could work for you? Another thing I do is always, ALWAYS, wherever I go bring a healthy snack with me. Because there are so many situations during the day where you have to say no to unhealthy stuff and then it's great to have your own stuff with you that you can eat! My favorite is natural almonds.
Good luck!!!!0 -
Don't give up, you have not failed! You just need to make some adjustments and give it time and lots of hard work. I'm struggling right now as well. I have a vision of what I want to be/want to happen, but I am trying to do so many things at once, I often get frustrated, so this month I am trying to take it slower and focus on the important things.
Looking at your diary, yes you are way over on calories a lot of days... instead of eating 2 oatmeal packets... eat only 1. eat only 1-2 thing for a snack instead of 3-4. for snacks i just try to have a piece of fruit, or protein bar, sometimes crackers w/ laughing cow cheese, veggies & hummus if you like dip.
You can also go on fat2fitradio and figure out your bf% and then bmr and all of that... there is a good link... i don't have it open atm, perhaps someone else will post it. but if you search here it might come up. that will help you more with a calorie goal.0 -
I know what you mean! As a mom of four kids, I have complained for years that it's not fair how I have to be the one to make yummy foods and snacks for my kids, but somehow I'm supposed to not eat those things myself. I have learned that in moderation, I CAN eat most of what I prepare for my kids. But instead of loading my plate with the casserole, or the rolls, or the mac and cheese, I focus on bigger portions of salad or veggies and a smaller portion of the higher calorie food.
I wonder if the problem is that you are looking at your journey toward health as a "diet"--a thing that you just have to force yourself to do, and someday it will be over. The truth is, you should not look at this as having a "good" diet, and then having "cheat" foods, or "cheat" days. If you want to eat ice cream because everyone else is eating ice cream, then eat ice cream! Just eat a small portion, and make sure you log it. You can't cheat yourself if you are brutally honest about logging everything you eat.
As the mom in our home, I do buy lots of foods that I don't personally want to eat because they have lots of sugars, etc. I buy them for my kids. But, I do make sure I also keep alternative treats on hand for myself that align better with my personal goals for myself. I keep Skinny Cow ice cream treats in the freezer, and fat-free pudding cups, and fat-free whipped topping, and low-fat crackers and chips. I have a high fiber cereal when my kids eat Cookie Crisp, and I use skim milk instead of the whole milk or 2% that my kids use. Then I don't have to feel like I've failed, and I don't have to log as many calories as I would if I ate the full calorie alternative. Talk to your parents about buying you some lower calorie alternatives, and let them know how important it is to you to be able to meet your health goals.
And above all else, LOG, LOG, LOG. Every day, no matter what you eat. It WILL help you to make better food choices when you have to actually be accountable for the choices you are making.
Good luck, and don't give up!0 -
I so can relate! I feel like I am big goof up with this, most of it is me in the end. I still don't know why I mess up and slip. I have gotton so bad now I won't log my food beacuse I don't want to know how bad I am doing. I keep working out, but I have this voice in the back my head that will tell me go ahead and eat that ice cream it's okay you workout out today. I just read a great book called Primal Nutrition and it made a lot of sense when I read it. I recomend checking out the website www.marksdailyapple.com. It's the author of the books blog and some other stuff. I am also going to be doing the Beachbody Ultimate Reset (like a cleanse) to help me get refoucsed. Check out the website. I have made a lot of the meals but fell off the wagon again...keep your chin up and we will get through.0
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bump for later, need some advice in that department, too 0
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You've gotten some pretty good advice in the past hour. I just wanted to add my 2 cents. You CAN do it. Every single person on earth CAN. But weight loss is hard work. You REALLY have to WANT to lose weight to do it. If that wasn't true, the world would be full of skinny people. So asks yourself, what do I REALLY want? And then ask yourself, what that will do for you? Saying, "I want to lose weight and fit into smaller clothes" is different than saying, "I want to lose weight and fit into smaller clothes that I can wear to my high school reunion coming up in July." See the difference?? If you get what you REALLY want, nothing will deter you. 13 years ago, I saw a picture that my co-worker took of me sitting at my desk. I had a perfectly round circle of a face. Just like Charlie Brown. That day I decided to lose weight and kept 65 pounds off for about 12 years. Now I got sloppy and am here because I put some back on. But I did it and you can too. Believe in yourself and your dreams.
And with goodies in the house, my friend keeps her family's cookies in a separate drawer in the kitchen. Yes, she knows that they are there. But for the most part, it helps. Out of sight, out of mind is at least half of the battle.0
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