transitioning from female to male...

bynsky
bynsky Posts: 15,837 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm going to guess this topic brought you here expecting pics or something or other involving a sex change operation. I'm sorry that I'm not able to oblige on that, but please continue reading. If you have advise, offer it. If you have a witty remark, I'll take that too.

About 2 months ago my female boss left the company I work for. A short time later, a male co-worker was promoted into her position. I have not had a male boss in over a decade, and even when I did it was only for about 9 months. Every boss in every position I've had post college has been a female. Plus, this is the first time that my boss has changed when it wasn't due to an act of mine (ie: promotion or employer change) so it's a bit odd for me.

It's a little odd for me trying to figure out how/if I should change the way I'm doing things. And he's not giving me much direction on wanting things differently yet, other than the fact he tends to be the type to just holler from his office sometimes instead of picking up the phone or sending an internal IM. In fact, I know already that I've missed a couple things that I found out about later cause he hollered assuming I was here.

Any advise as to what to do? No, I'm not going to sleep with him.... SOOOOOO not my type! :laugh:

Replies

  • kappy_hollowell
    kappy_hollowell Posts: 399
    :drinker: We don't need no thought control......:drinker:
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I don't understand the question. Men are individuals and they have different management styles, just like women do... Have all your female bosses acted exactly the same?
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  • misscristie
    misscristie Posts: 643 Member
    Working for men is way better. Just ask him what he expects and he'll tell you. No Jedi mind tricks. Enjoy it!
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
    Uh, I doubt there is more difference between male and female bosses than between one boss and another.

    Just work hard and be welcoming, and eventually you will figure out your new boss's management style. He may be anywhere from hands off to a micro-manager. This has nothing to do with his sex, it has to do with his personality.

    Good luck!
  • lururu
    lururu Posts: 123 Member
    Could you maybe ask for a one to one meeting with your boss and ask him to help you out by being clearer about what he wants you to do? Explain to him how you worked with your previous bosses and maybe you can work something out between you so you can be a more productive team :)
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,271 Member
    I think you will find male bosses are easier to work for because females tend to be all power hungry and overly concerned with stuff that doesn't matter. guys just want to get the work done.
  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
    Not sure that gender will make a major impact, but I guess I would say to be direct.

    Ask him to let you know what's on his mind and if he has any preferences.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    pretty much just do your job. If he wants you to change things, he will tell you.
  • bestbassist
    bestbassist Posts: 177 Member
    You sound responsive and responsible enough so, no, don't change how you go about things. Most men tend to expect employees to get the job done without asking or micromanaging. Obviously this is not always true, but mostly. I would just note the difference in that he verbalizes more and roll with it.
  • legnarevocrednu
    legnarevocrednu Posts: 467 Member
    I'm not really sure what the question is really? Nothing should change...unless you used to talk about womanly things with your old bosses? I don't think a man would appreciate that. I had to switch from a female boss to a male boss but I kept doing things the way I was doing them because I knew I was doing them the right way. If he wants you to change something, he will ask. Until then, just keep doing what you are doing! He's a person like any other!
  • bestbassist
    bestbassist Posts: 177 Member
    I think you will find male bosses are easier to work for because females tend to be all power hungry and overly concerned with stuff that doesn't matter. guys just want to get the work done.

    Nailed it.
  • trinitylyons01
    trinitylyons01 Posts: 126 Member
    Have all your female bosses acted exactly the same?

    oddly enough, yes. they've all been 2-faced witches after their own agenda and barely cared about their subordinates.

    LMBO! Well, maybe this will be a positive change once you learn to "manage" him. Men are easier to figure out (at work) than women are. Take some time to learn what he likes or doesn't like in his employees. You can manage him by making sure you do what he likes (meaning what he expects his employees to do) and avoid the things he doesn't like. This should also help you stay out of his line of fire. This may mean, however, that you initiate one-on-one meetings with him from time to time to discuss your performance, what he wants from you and where he sees areas of improvement. This will make you look like you care about your job and could also benefit you at review time.

    Just a suggestion. :-)
  • leika79
    leika79 Posts: 114
    oddly enough, yes. they've all been 2-faced witches after their own agenda and barely cared about their subordinates.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Meatsies
    Meatsies Posts: 351 Member
    I'm afraid I don't understand what the problem is, or what you're asking, specifically. If it's an issue with missing a few directions because he's called out & assumed you were there when you weren't, it's probably just a matter of saying, "Hey, if you hear me call back a hearty 10-4, then it's safe to assume I've heard you and will take care of whatever needs handling. If you don't hear me call back, then you should probably throw me an email."

    I actually clicked on this ready to give some support to someone going through a gender reassignment thing. I have no idea what any of this has to do with male versus female. It's a boss. You do your work, try to play nicely in the sandbox, make boss happy. Rinse. Repeat.
  • dreawest
    dreawest Posts: 208 Member
    I don't understand the question. Men are individuals and they have different management styles, just like women do... Have all your female bosses acted exactly the same?

    ^^such a good point

    In my current work there was a director rotation and I have learned to test my assumptions. There are things I do that are standard behaviors and then things that can be suited to the relationship. When my Director stepped in (from male to female) I thought about my interactions with that role and then wrote an email asking for their preferences in situations where change was an option (also explaining my current norm) She was happy that I had taken the time to try and best meet her needs and opted to keep most things the same but changed a few things. It allowed us to dialogue which was great and I am more confident with our relationship than a lot of my colleagues because we decided on a game plan that would work for us.
  • healthychx
    healthychx Posts: 8 Member
    One of my favorite 'de' motivational posters is "The only consistent feature of all my dissatisfying relationships is me." It's true - if you have trouble getting along with others it's probably about more than the people you work for.

    Men and women are different managers - men are far more interested in the bottom line as in meeting deadlines, humor, your making them look good and not expecting them to understand the emotional baggage we sometimes bring to work with us. But, they also need to be managed up - as in figuring out how to be one step ahead of your boss.

    Women tend to focus on the relationships they manage, so you would most likely have longer meetings, be asked about your life, make sure you are okay with the assignments you are given and work by consensus. Women also need to be managed up.

    If you are really interested in knowing more then Deborah Tannen has written a number of books on this topic.

    Good luck with the new boss.
  • magichatter06
    magichatter06 Posts: 3,593 Member
    I thought you were going to say that your boss was female and left and came back as a male :tongue:
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    Is said male boss said previous female boss?
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
    .
  • LisaF1163
    LisaF1163 Posts: 141
    I just think everyone has different styles, I don' t think this is so much a "male/female" thing, honestly. All my bosses are male, yet I have three unbelievably nice ones and two really heinous ones. Gender doesn't enter into it so much.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I've found that my female and male bosses are pretty much the same, except that if my male boss was an *kitten* he was more honest about it than if my female boss was an *kitten* hole. If I've been back stabbed it's pretty much been by a female boss (except once) where as if my male boss (except that one case) was going to stab me he'd more likely go for the gut. In all seriousness, though, I get along better with my male bosses because they are straight forward. If they take credit for your work they do it in front of you, if they give you credit they do it publicly, and they act the same in the office as the do the bar. My current boss if probably my second most favorite (both being men) because he's a straight shooter with a great respect for his staff and honest forthcoming with expectations. Not saying that these are solely male boss qualities, these are great boss qualities that I'm lucky my now boss possesses.

    If you need something ask, if you are unsure about something ask, and if you prefer communication occurs in some way other than shouting out the door just let him know that it's easier for you to not miss something when you have it in writing. I always default to a straight forward approach.
  • slrrese
    slrrese Posts: 180 Member
    Well, male or female; I am always very up front with my bosses and tell them what I need from them. If I were you, I would tell him that I have found out after the fact that he yelled something from my office when I was not at my desk and I can not be expected to deal with assignments sent to me this way. I WANT to do what is needed by the organization, but I need to know in a more concrete manner what assignments you are expecting me to work on. I would be telling him that I deal much better if he gives me assignments in email or on an agenda in a one on one meeting with him and that I need due dates if he has any in mind; otherwise I will prioritize as I see fit. I am always willing to review with him (or her) my to-do list and how I have prioritized IF they think I am not getting things done how they want.
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
    Could you maybe ask for a one to one meeting with your boss and ask him to help you out by being clearer about what he wants you to do? Explain to him how you worked with your previous bosses and maybe you can work something out between you so you can be a more productive team :)

    I agree with this. It's a lot easier to work with men imo because there isn't that silent ... heirarchy determination? I feel like working with women means you have to determine which one is the dominant female, which is such a pain in the *kitten*. (Why do you think I went into engineering?? lol)

    Working with men just means you have a job to do and you do it to the best of your ability and then go home. Very straightforward and simple. :P

    I encourage you to speak to him directly saying that if he needs something from you to please do so via email or written note to ensure that you get the message etc. etc. etc... Good luck! ^_^
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  • LoViNlIFe0225
    LoViNlIFe0225 Posts: 121
    I have worked for both male and female bosses and find the male bosses much easier to work for and easier to get along with, but also much higher maintence. When I switched bosses I just typed up an initial counseling statement including what my job duties invovled, the job standard I was under with my previous supervisor, and what I expect of myself. I asked him for his input and after he provided it we both signed it the document that way there was a clear understanding between both parties of what was expected of me. We have a great working relationship but had I not done that I wouldn't have known what was expected...its about taking charge and control of your own career. Good luck! :happy:
  • Psychoanalytic
    Psychoanalytic Posts: 261
    My bosses holler. They also go crawling into their offices when I tell them to leave me alone when I'm being crabby and bleeding from my vag. (And sometimes, I end up with boxes of chocolates on my desk.) But we also have the worst communication in the world. And they're also the world's best bosses too. I wouldn't trade them for anything.

    Edit: What I was aiming to say was just ride it out. You both will have to get used to each other :)
  • dvisser1
    dvisser1 Posts: 788 Member
    Be completely up front with him. If this is his first time in a management position, he's adjusting to a lot of new things.

    Tell him his hollering from his office instead of using IM or picking up a phone is both distracting and not an efficient way to communicate. That distraction and random interruptions disrupt productivity in the office, which could end up reflecting badly on everyone there.

    If you're having to hand hold him through the same thing repetitively, find a tactful way to remind him of that. "Oh, this chart here is the same information we went over last Thursday but a couple numbers got changed for this week...." Don't be passive aggressive about it. Tactful but obvious.

    Don't be afraid to request a meeting with him and directly ask him if there is anything he wants changed in the work you do, either in terms of job duties or how much substance and explanation is included in what your produce. Chances are he'll have no clue as to why you're asking. Just be professional and explain it's a new manager, new preferences issue and you want to do the best job you can.

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