ADVICE FOR A FRIEND...... I CAN NOT THINK OF A SOLUTION

deniseearheart
deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
edited December 18 in Motivation and Support
SHE IS WITH THIS GUY, THEY LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE. SHE DOESN'T HAVE A CAR, DOESN'T HAVE A LICENSE, NO JOB AND THE NEAREST BUS STOP FOR HER IS 3 MILES AWAY.... HER GUY TELLS HER HE DOESN'T WANT HER TO WORK THAT HE LIKES HER BEING AT HOME AND THEN DOES'T WANT TO BUY HER ANYTHING, WORKS ALL THE TIME, DOES EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO STAY AWAY FROM HER EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY..... HE NON STOP YELLS AT HER AND TELLS HER EVERYTHING SHE DOES WRONG AND HOW SHE COULD BE DOING THIS OR THAT BETTER... TODAY SHE CALLS ME UPSET BECAUSE HE TOLD HER TO GET THE F OUT OF HIS HOUSE IF SHE DON'T LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE.... SHE HAS NO FAMILY, NOT MANY FRIENDS, NO JOB, NO CAR, NO LICENSE ETC.... WHERE SHOULD SHE START????? HOW DOES SHE GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION WITH NO WHERE TO GO AND NO ONE TO TURN TO???

Replies

  • bunnysone
    bunnysone Posts: 486 Member
    My cousin went through exactly the same thing about 18 years ago. She married young, met him only 6 months before she got married, and it got to the point that he would not let her family visit her.

    She divorced him 4 months later. It was the BEST thing she has ever done.
  • JeepBaja
    JeepBaja Posts: 1,824 Member
    She doesn't need a lot of friends, just one who can help. Assuming you have mutual friends, you know of no one who can put her up for a while so she can find a job and go out on her own?

    I know it is not a simple as that, but it would seem like anything will be better than her current situation...
  • kimimila86
    kimimila86 Posts: 399 Member
    This guy sounds like an insecure predator! If you're able and willing, maybe you can help her get back on her feet... I can only imagine how hard it would be to start over again. No one deserves that emotional abuse :noway:
  • misty0413
    misty0413 Posts: 212
    tough one . a shelter could help. she could walk to the bus station not sure there has to be a way. Maybe she could sell something of his at the bus station to pay for a ticket.??? she could start walking soon after he left.
  • JamCubeChi
    JamCubeChi Posts: 378 Member
    if she could find out about some type of women's shelter or other type of shelter that she could possibly go to-they help but i believe its only temporary-she could start from there and see if maybe she could pick up some type of work and get away from this guy-he sounds like a real jerk and a cannonball waiting to explode. I wish your friend the best of luck- she deserves better!
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    I second the woman's shelter idea, so she can get back on her feet
  • batalina
    batalina Posts: 209 Member
    i second the idea of a womens' shelter. best of luck to your friend :(
  • jenj1313
    jenj1313 Posts: 898 Member
    That's rough. She needs a place to stay and she needs a job.

    A shelter would be a good idea if she really has no friends that can help her get on her feet. They can also help with job training, etc. Local churches may have some resources too.

    If she can find a place that's in town, a bike + the bus will get you to a lot of places.
  • andrea198721
    andrea198721 Posts: 173 Member
    Maybe y'all could start to look for a shelter in her area. Most of the times they have things such as job assistance. Good luck to her, I cannot imagine being in that situation.
  • snookumss
    snookumss Posts: 1,451 Member
    I'd hack into his accounts, take his money and ditch. Screw that.

    My little 18 year old sister, moved out and got with this control freak little drug dealer. She's just had a baby, he just got out of jail for beating her and attempted strangulation on her. She's back with him.


    Those people never change... She needs to leave. Find a program online that she can get into for abusive relationships and such... they'll find her a home, a job, etc.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    Simple solution...

    Grab shoulders, pull as hard as possible. Pack light and GTFO. You can say all you want, but it comes down to her needing to take action.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    http://www.thehotline.org/

    You can also call and find a DV shelter that is close to her.

    Good luck. :)

    Food for thought...the shelter I stayed at many moons ago, would pay for a taxi to pick my son and I up. Maybe that's an option for her?
  • Jude1064
    Jude1064 Posts: 83 Member
    Most communities have some sort of subsidized housing where her rent would be based on her income. If she has no income, then she would pay no rent. Sometimes there is a waiting list. In that case she could probably stay at a shelter until an apartment comes up. The shelter should help her find a job and counseling. She should also sign up for food stamps. She has to WANT this and be willing to stand on her own. Hopefully someone can give her a ride to the shelter and a few bucks to tide her over. My prayers are with her.
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    HOW DOES SHE GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION WITH NO WHERE TO GO AND NO ONE TO TURN TO???
    The A-Team?
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    It sounds like an abusive/controlling relationship. I think the best way to help her would be jump in your car, go pick her up (preferably at a time you know he won't be there) and get her out of there. Until someone does that, the situation won't get better.
  • kathyc727
    kathyc727 Posts: 187 Member
    Phone books usually offer assistance phone #'s for temporary shelters, assistance programs, etc. The Police (NOT 911) may also be able to help. Smaller towns/counties usually would rather help in this type of situation before it becomes a domestic abuse/assault situation. Social Services usually have some options, but she may need to be on a waiting list for that. No better time to start looking for options than the present. It is always better to be safe than sorry...verbal abuse can turn to physical abuse quickly. I pray all goes well for her & others in her situation.
  • joelleh26
    joelleh26 Posts: 74 Member
    First things first, does she want to leave? if she does great if not, theres nothing you can do untill she is ready...

    Are there any refuges in the area or nearby, any friends or your friends that may have a spare room that could put her up for a while, payment being helping round the house?

    I was in a emotionally abusive and occasionally physically agressive relationship for four years, fortunatey i had a good friend who's brother had a flat, but wasnt using as he was living with his partner, so i got to use that for 3 months,then got a room in a shared house for a while and lived with some really nice people... and i couldnt be happier now... leaving was the best decision i ever made.

    There are things out there you just need to do research with regards to refuges and friends be resourcefull.

    good luck
  • editnonnalynn
    editnonnalynn Posts: 495 Member
    There may be a church that takes women in these situations. Shelters and churches have TONS of resources. Call one and they can direct you to the next step. I am praying for you and your friend and all of the posters here who mentioned similar situations. There is light! Sometimes we are too blind to see the darkness! Praying for him, too. He needs it!
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
    I wish I could help her but I myself am not in the best situation either :-/
  • sonyagruman
    sonyagruman Posts: 27
    The National Domestic Violence Hotline

    1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)

    I was struck in an abusive relationship for over 5 years and I can tell you right now this is how it starts there are so many signs she is in danger before you know he will start hitting her and he probably already has and she is hiding it.
    she needs you, help her let her live with you and if she cant there are lots of places that will take her in and help her just drive her there.
    if she doesnt get help she will be in hospital or dead I was lucky and so was my child I found a way out. please help her but stay away from him, when get her out of that house make sure he is not there it needs to happen quickly maybe one hour or less is better . just make sure he will not be coming back during this time.

    Here are some examples of emotional abuse:

    calling you names,
    yelling,
    threatening,
    not letting you go where you want to, or
    not letting you call or see friends or family.

    The National Domestic Violence Hotline

    1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
  • reneelee
    reneelee Posts: 877 Member
    Go to a womans abuse shelter. She is beat down by his words and words leave deeper wounds than physical abuse.
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
    she is in another state so i can't help and my guy is very funny about people staying with us
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,243 Member
    LOL, how is your "guy" funny about people staying with you, she's your sister? Good luck to you both.
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
    She needs to run. Far and fast and traveling light. This is the first step to much more serious abuse---and it is abuse, trust me.
  • ldalbello
    ldalbello Posts: 207 Member
    Sounds like someone I know. One day he burned all of her clothes, even the ones she was wearing and left the house for a week with no phone, car, money or food. She finally left him thank god
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
    LOL, how is your "guy" funny about people staying with you, she's your sister? Good luck to you both.



    ummmm no she is not.. she is just a friend
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
    Sounds like someone I know. One day he burned all of her clothes, even the ones she was wearing and left the house for a week with no phone, car, money or food. She finally left him thank god



    terrible.....
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