When does socializing with food get easier?

jbsangel · May 2012

When does it stop being so overwhelmingly frustrating to partake of social activities that involve food? I'm starting to downright hate going places because of the anxiety and anguish I put myself through leading up to the event. If I'm in a BBQ restaurant, I just don't want to eat grilled chicken! I want ribs! If I go to someone's cookout, I don't want to eat ahead of time, I just want to have a damn hot dog and hamburger. If I go to an outing and everyone is eating pizza, I don't want to stand there eating nothing. I want pizza too! I don't want to eat ahead of time because all that happens when I get to the event is I STILL want to eat what is there. What I know to do, and actually do most of the time in the moment, is one thing, but what I'm struggling with is the annoyance I have when I think about being in the position in the first place, where I have to make a good choice. It is a lot easier to make good choices and feel happy about them when I don't put myself in a situation where the bad stuff is at my fingertips.

I understand this is all mental and I just need to control my cravings and wants, but when does that get easier to do?

I recognize I'm saying a lot of "I don't want to do this or that" so let me be clear. I do make what I think are good decisions, and balance this stuff ok. I'm 60 pounds down so I must be doing something right. What I'm tired of is being mentally annoyed at the thought of hanging out. It takes the fun out of social outings, as all the time leading up to the event and the time during the event I'm dreading that moment when I have to actually make the right decision and then deal with the annoyance that comes with making a good choice or the guilt of making a bad one.

Yes I plan my meals and all of that, but sometimes, like this week, it has just been one day after the next of social events involving food, some that just come up when my husband just makes last minute plans. I know I can't just say, "I'll have my day today" when it's like this because all that happens is 3-4 days in a row become "my day" LOL.

I'm tired of being irritable and anxious about these things. I can see being irritable at NOT eating what one wants to eat, but really, I'm just irritable about being in the position to have to make a good choice in the first place! I don't want to skip the outings, but I also don't want to have to look at the food I want to eat and have to make a decision not to eat it. Eating less of it has always been my way of balance, but it is difficult to do also.

I think I'm doing ok and all of that, but I guess I'm just looking for help with the mental war and emotions, as opposed to the actual healthy eating tips, as I think I already know them, I just need to figure out how not to be angry about them, if that makes sense.

Any tips for dealing with the mental war and anxiety?

Valtishia · May 2012

I found it got easier when I started making better food choices (and liking them) at home. I found it much easier when I went out after that. And personally... if I really want something that isn't good for me, I will give in to temptation once in a while but since I can't seem to eat large portions in one sitting, I generally don't overeat.

I don't think things will change until you see food differently. I think you have done a wonderful job with what you have lost so far, but this part of it will be a different battle.

shaunydude · May 2012

Firstly well done on the 60lbs - thats impressive - I have recently just started using this site so hopefully you will have some words of wisdom

.

I understand what you mean though, it can be really frustrating when there is something you really want and you know you shouldnt but that still doesn't help.

Occasionally I believe you have to allow yourself the odd treat here and there but only if you really feel you deserve it. Maybe do an extra work out before the social event so you don't feel so bad if you do cave in to your cravings? Or do a happy medium - have the burger or a couple of slices of pizza but have some salad/fruit with it to balance it out?

jbsangel · May 2012

Yeah I'm going to have to figure out how not to be bitter about not eating what I want or as much as I want. Usually when it's time to go out to a restaurant, I just get really agitated knowing that I'm going to have to go in there and be good when it's not what I want.

I'm proud of myself that for the most part, I do the right thing, which is either eating what I want in moderation or choosing the better option when it is appealing. I guess I just lose sight of this pride leading up to the moment when all I have going on in my brain is a bit of bitterness at knowing that is what I need to do.

I wonder how I can train myself mentally to feel positive about making a good decision as opposed to feeling disappointed at the prospect of having to make a good one.

jbsangel · May 2012

Occasionally I believe you have to allow yourself the odd treat here and there but only if you really feel you deserve it. Maybe do an extra work out before the social event so you don't feel so bad if you do cave in to your cravings? Or do a happy medium - have the burger or a couple of slices of pizza but have some salad/fruit with it to balance it out?

I agree, we definitely have to allow ourselves the odd treat. I certainly do that! :-) LOL

But if I'm going to go out to a function 3-4 days in a row, I start to feel like I can't give myself a treat 3-4 days in a row LOL. And that is where the anxiety enters: I know if I'm going to have a busy week of dinners with friends, or like this time of year, cookouts, I know I can't keep treating myself and I start to get frustrated.

I need to figure out some kind of mantra to repeat to myself or something! I mean, I think I make decent decisions, I'm just tired of being frustrated at having to make them because of the conflict of wanting what is good for me and also wanting what tastes good to me!

wolf23 · May 2012

As you already mentioned, it is a mental game. Try not to make the outings about the food. Try to look at the food as secondary and the socializing as the priority. It is difficult because the two always seem to go together, but it is just a different way of thinking about it. Congratulations on your 60 pound weight loss. It looks like you have already figured out some of what works for you :flowerforyou:

jaireed · May 2012

I tell myself that the healthy food choices I make are yummy. I only eat healthy foods I think are delicious. When I'm in a public setting and I know everyone else is eating pizza, or tacos or cookies, I'll allow myself to have a couple bites of the "bad" foods, because those are the only good bites anyway. Then I eat my yogurt and fruit or whatever I brought for the day. At first it was really hard because all the kids in my cohort are 20-22 and they eat whatever they want and then would bother me about not eating pizza or donuts. Now I bring an extra orange or apple and I'll say something like "taste how good this orange is" and I give them some and they agree. It helped me to think that healthy food actually does taste good when others think so too!

jbsangel · May 2012

Thanks for the ideas. Those are two good ways to look at it! The outings are definitely about the socializing, or at least they should be anyway. I won't lie, I didn't get to be almost 300 lbs because I like to socialize, I got that way because I like to eat! I'm actually not so much of a social butterfly actually, so perhaps it's time for me to transition to looking at these outings as social events, not eating events, which is what they have always been for me prior to finally deciding to get to a healthy weight.

Jaireed, thanks and also you've just given me a great idea for tonight's cookout and future outings, which is to ALSO take my own food with me, so I'm not stuck only with what will be at the party, whatever it is. I can take my own healthy food and snacks that I like, and also allow myself to have the proteins that are there.

Feeling more in control definitely helps with anxiety, so thanks for that.

verdammtwenig · May 2012

I like the idea of bringing some healthy things to eat to social event. I always keep almonds in my purse for emergencies, and they're something I'll definitely pull out when all my friends are eating tacos off the taco truck after the bar. For me, I also like to plan ahead calorie-wise for social events. If I know I'm going to want to go grab a greasy sandwich after a few drinks with friends, I'll go on an extra long bike ride and eat my normal calories for dinner. That way I have that give in my calories for the day for those fries or that burger that looks so good while my friends are eatin it.

Just a thought.

meerkat70 · May 2012

I find that socialising with food is generally frowned on in polite company....

dr_tina · May 2012

I have found that if you really pay attention to how your body feels after you eat unhealthy food, you really do want them less. I am a junk food and carb addict, aways have been. I eat low during the week, and then spike my calories on the weekend, particularly Saturday and eat what I want. It is amazing how freakin crappy you feel after you do that. Don't get me wrong, I do it again the next Saturday, but there is no way you would want to eat that way for many days in a row. I get it out of my system, then start over. That is the good thing about calorie cycling....you don't look at it on a daily basis, but only a weekly deficit, so you can eat a lot less on days you know your not going to be tempted. I have lost almost 25 pounds this way, BUT...you really do have to exercise a lot to make it work.

wheezybreezy · May 2012

I'm really glad you posted this. The advice in here has been great. I always look at events as food events, but really, it's about the socialization. With summer and endless barbecues approaching, my new goal is to reframe my thinking away from abstaining as a punishment, but rather as getting me one step closer to my goals and yet another victory over food!

Congratulations on your loss! That's really amazing. Best of luck to you, you obviously already have the tools for success :flowerforyou:

mem50 · May 2012

Hate to say it this way but here goes.....

Socializing with food along for the ride got easier when the size 28's got to be size 18's and now that they are 10's I am more social.

When I go to events I limit myself to one serving and drink lots of water.

TourThePast · May 2012

Any tips for dealing with the mental war and anxiety?

A side effect of going regularly to the gym and getting fitter was connecting with more people who care about what they eat and don't stuff themselves stupid like pigs about to face a food shortage.

Have to say, I enjoy their company far more, the focus is on conversation rather than vast quantities of poor quality food.

mikewpg1ca · May 2012

Yup, you're right such situations are very difficult and very tempting. I know sometimes I can say no in such situations, however, sometimes I can't and at the same time I want to partake, but in moderation.

Congratulations on your 60 lbs. If you've incorporated exercise into your weight loss read on, and if you haven't read on for motivation to do so.

I find just knowing that I'm going out at night or in the afternoon for whatever (ex. beer and pizza) with friends, family, etc. is really big motivation to hit the gym hard the morning/day of and earn some extra calorie room.

For instance tonight my girlfriend and I are going out to a local Wine Festival and will be consuming a number of empty calories in the form of wine. So to balance this out, we both hit the gym this afternoon and put in a weight workout for thirty minutes and then an hour of cardio. Now, I can go tonight and not feel guilty at having a few glasses of wine because I've earned them. I did the same thing a few nights ago for a co-workers retirement dinner. I had a really good cardio workout before hand and then at the dinner ate moderate portions and skipped the gravy (liquid fat in my eyes...lol) and had a couple of light beers and managed to not go over my calorie amount.

srmcghee · May 2012

Personally what I have found to be the most helpful is to not make the diet to strict. When I did do that I was always unhappy so I quickly changed it to focusing on portion control. I know that is really hard when going out to eat but most meals at a restraunt end up as 2 meals for me. I also try to eat slowly with a drink of water every second bite. It helps me realize I am full when I am and not feel so wierd about not having half a portion left when others are done.

The other thing I found to help is excercising a ton as not only is it good for you but it makes me not crave and want the unhealthy foods.

Good luck.

TourThePast · May 2012

I'll allow myself to have a couple bites of the "bad" foods, because those are the only good bites anyway.

Fantastic advice!

Same with ice cream for me, I love the first few spoonfuls but after that it's nowhere near as nice, which is why I now only eat my own home made ice cream. It's great to be able to have ice cream whenever I want, knowing that it's made with fresh ingredients, and that I can have just one spoonful.

Tonya509 · May 2012

I think when you start to realize that you are in control of your choices. I know it's hard when there is all this great food you usually don't get all time and at my family get togethers I could go crazy. So if I know one is coming I try to work it into my day if not week to keep on track.

harrietlg · May 2012

Ok so I hate this too! so if it's an evening do I limit myself 500 cal for breakfast / lunch (i've learnt to be creative with low cal food :P) Then I hit the gym and burn at least 600 cals so i then have 1600 cals to eat when I go out. I always have a look at the menu before i go out and work out the calories, if i can just have at least something i like then i'm happy. I usually stay away from fried foods now anyway as my ibs flips out when i eat it ! but I really like half roast chicken with bbq sauce! its not even that calorific either! also if you haven't cut out diet sodas diet coke is excellent for filling you up so you don't over eat too, obviously water does this too and doesn't make you bloated !
Your obviously doing amazing at 60lbs lost so i'm sure you can do it

just go for something you enjoy and isn't too calorific, you then won't feel the need to go crazy because you ate something you weren't satisfied with

I hope this helps

8620eater · May 2012

When you're where you want to be, nothing is as tasty as the I feel great size! With that being said, if it's a place with not so healthy choices, I try to eat a lot of healthy choices before going, that way, if i do eat a little, it won't mess with all the work we're trying to do!
:-)

Darkskinned88 · May 2012

myself i still eat what i want in moderation or hit the gym hard before i go out to put my mind at ease.

1953Judith · May 2012

Where I have control, I have tried to shift it so that I socialize through an activity with food being secondary. For instance, tomorrow an hour bike ride with friends ending at my house where I will serve my kind of food for lunch. If it is work-related socializing, I try to emphasize touching base with people I don't usually see. Only after I have talked to a certain number of people can I have a drink or an appetizer.

Contrarian · May 2012

myself i still eat what i want in moderation or hit the gym hard before i go out to put my mind at ease.

This. It's just planning. If you know you will want to indulge, workout hard and enjoy yourself with no guilt.

meshashesha2012 · May 2012

i agree with 1953judith start inviting people to things that arent foodcentric. bowling is a good option. people who want to eat can eat, people who want to be active can be active. i really dont do much socializing anymore that's just "hey let's meet at xyz restaurant and eat" unless it's a restaurant where i know i'll have several healthy choices.

Silver_Star · May 2012

Yeah I'm going to have to figure out how not to be bitter about not eating what I want or as much as I want. Usually when it's time to go out to a restaurant, I just get really agitated knowing that I'm going to have to go in there and be good when it's not what I want.

I'm proud of myself that for the most part, I do the right thing, which is either eating what I want in moderation or choosing the better option when it is appealing. I guess I just lose sight of this pride leading up to the moment when all I have going on in my brain is a bit of bitterness at knowing that is what I need to do.

I wonder how I can train myself mentally to feel positive about making a good decision as opposed to feeling disappointed at the prospect of having to make a good one.

if you can picture in your mind, how you felt about yourself, before you lost all those lbs...that can be really motivating and encouraging while youre making those difficult but healthy choices in social situations. Feel damn proud of yourself while you take that smaller piece,of whatever mouthwatering food is in front of you....FEEL DAMN PROUD of yourself. Remind yourself at each gathering, that you DID this on your OWN!! That food that you want to eat so bad...will be GONE when you get home...so it was just a temporary temptation....While your success is permanent! Awesome job!!

dododo123 · May 2012

How about not eating before the event

stephyy4632 · May 2012

I eat what I want in moderation this is a life style change kwim we are still going to to have those bad things every now and again we just need to know when enough is enough.

also plan ahead exercise alittle extra that morning if you know your going out to a social event and relax and enjoy the event

itgeekwoman · May 2012

I work in IT, pretty much every day we have food in our area. It's either donuts, pizza, subs, ... and the list could go on. Oh and the cookies they had in there on Friday were enough to make a grown woman cry. Having said that. I had stepped on the scale that morning and finally hit -50 lbs. That is what motivates me. Small goals/Big goals and having something I'm working towards. I've actually started encouraging all the people I work with to eat another for me!!!

Job security right?

In all seriousness, you have to want it bad enough .. I mean you have to want to lose the weight bad enough to realize that when you are faced with a choice, you are comfortable knowing that it's easier to say no than to have to spend that 40 mins on the elliptical.

Good luck. I understand, but I'm very single minded. I haven't had any refined sugars in 3 months. I haven't had caffeine, gluten, dairy, soy or alcohol since Feb. I'm also losing very fast now.

jbsangel · May 2012

Definitely moderation is key. Exercise has become part of my normal routine and I definitely make an effort to exercise longer or go to the gym that day if I normally wouldn't if I know I'm going out that evening. I do take fruits and veggies and snacks with me a lot of times when I'm going to be gone all day. The struggle isn't so much doing these things, it is just that i get anxious and a bit agitated before the event knowing that there will be foods I love that I know if I don't reign myself in I can get out of control with. I think it is more agitation that it doesn't come easily to make good choices than actually making good choices. Its like, I make a decent choice, but I'm disappointed that I have to even make a choice. I should probably stop looking at my food choices as choicesi HAVE to make and instead look at them as choices I CHOOSE to make.

Sometimes I start to feel like even in moderation, its still not healthy to eat out day after day, so when we have multiple days of functions I just get annoyed.

There are some really good tips and new ways to look at things so I'm glad I asked the question!

Its definitely true that overeating definitely just feels gross for days afterwards. Last week I was on vacation in new Orleans and while I went to the gym everyday and walked so much sightseeing and I just tried to enjoy myself and he food and drinks and music.Now that I have shed the retained fluid pounds, I am at the weight I was when I left, but the memory of how awful some of those days felt is a good reminder of why I shouldn't even want to eat like that regardless of how bad it is for me.

I like the idea of remembering where I want to get and how far I have come. I think I need to give myself credit for the work I have done and stop thinking in my mind that I can't eat a single bad thing or things without something bad happening.

jbsangel · May 2012

Well for anyone still following this, I couldn't stop thinking about the great replies I got here and also just trying to wrap my head around this problem psychologically. I even talked to a few friends about how this. I finally realized what it is for me.

I get annoyed at the idea of eating out because really, I feel like "eating out" and "eating bad" are the same thing, as in, eating out is not eating healthy, even when I'm making better choices and staying within my calorie goals. I really feel like I need to not be eating anything out of a restaurant if I am to "do good" and lose weight. I'm struggling with the whole "calories in / calories out" thing in that I feel like even if I make a good decision in a restaurant, I shouldn't be in the restaurant in the first place.

I'm not condoning eating out in restaurants, just sharing with others that might be struggling with this as I am. In my mind I don't think eating out 4.2 times a week as the average american does is good for weight loss or being healthy, no matter what the person eats, but I guess in reality, it IS about what the person eats (and how much) and eating out isn't a recipe for disaster or a reason to feel bad.

When does socializing with food get easier?

Replies

Categories