Is my Mum trying to sabotage my weight loss???

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  • JoniRiaya
    JoniRiaya Posts: 79
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    Its hard to be constantly tempted then put down when you refuse. My friends are like sometimes but I wouldn't know how to feel coming from my mother. Its a tough situation because its easy to be like, just forget about her and do you, from someone on the outside but its still you mom.

    Maybe instead of trying to confront her, work on doing this yourself. Don't bring it up any more, don't talk about your successes and don't include her in your plans. Its obvious that when you DO do these things, they're responded to with negative reactions. Use your friends on MFP for support and encouragement, maybe you can find a friend of yours that can be a workout buddy or even just a support line for you in real life.

    When it comes to eating dinner she cooks, the first thing is to take smaller portions. if she cooks vegetables, fill half your plate with them instead of the other stuff. Maybe eat a bit less throughout the day to have some extra calories for dinner or even add an extra 10 or 15 minutes to your workouts. Its the little things that add up and with a combination, you can still enjoy your meals and not make your mother feel attacked by you declining her food.

    I think this is excellent advice
  • swisspea
    swisspea Posts: 327 Member
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    To be a bit blunt...

    You are an adult. Get up and make your own food, buy your own groceries, or even offer to make dinner so that your mom does not have to. YOU have to take control of the food situation and not expect people around you to change. If you want to eat healthy, that is up to you. You can not ask the other people in your life to quit eating they way they want to. It's a personal choice.

    Basically what I was trying to say, but a bit more straight forward :)

    I was in your exact situation during university. I commuted 1.5 hours each way to university and kept a 20-hour a week part-time job along with a student council position for 2 years, while keeping a good GPA. I made my own food every day, because if my dad had his way, I would be eating spaghetti and meatballs and potato omelettes every night- not a slight on him, it's just what he wanted to eat, and I am an adult.
  • mountainmare
    mountainmare Posts: 294 Member
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    If you can't afford to buy your own groceries and have no time to cook your own food, and are living in someone elses house then all you can do is try to eat as healthy as possible and exercise as much as possible. You are lucky that you can have a place to live for free and someone to feed you. Again--like the other poster --sorry to be blunt but you are no longer a student or child--you are an adult and can make your own choices.
    Maybe you can go out and get more veggies and lean cuts of meat and chicken for the family to share. Maybe you can offer to provide the meals once or twice a week, as a treat for your Mom you can cook for her. She may be trilled for you to say "Oh no--just sit down today and I'll do this for you"
  • bradthemedic
    bradthemedic Posts: 623 Member
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    Awesome advice in this thread.

    Some people for whatever reason DO want to see their loved ones fail. It could be a personality disorder or just plain jealousy. The trick now is to have the courage to say "No thanks, I am good. I don't need that chocolate."

    You can even go to an extreme - if she gets angry that you won't eat the naughty foods she prepares (ice cream etc) you can always claim lactose intolerance ;)
  • Scoobies100
    Scoobies100 Posts: 82
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    I wish I could! I couldn't even afford to do that. I will have to get a higher paid job before I can even think about moving out.

    I'm from the Midlands (UK)
  • Tdk4685
    Tdk4685 Posts: 293 Member
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    I don't have advise but I just want to say how sorry I am for you to have to deal with this situation. Losing weight is hard enough without the mental games others play. Best wish for you and your situation.
  • ArtemisMoon
    ArtemisMoon Posts: 144
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    I live away from my family now and am only just able to really have full control of my diet myself. I was weak willed around my family and tended to do whatever everyone else is doing. I still do when I visit them, eating out all the time, and they hardly keep anything of nutritional value in the house. It is very easy to get lulled back into old habits when I say with them even for a weekend.

    You are old enough that maybe you should look at moving out? Find someone like minded to move in with and work on a healthy lifestyle together. Or maybe find a friend you can eat with instead of going home to eat. Split the groceries and the cooking.
  • bradthemedic
    bradthemedic Posts: 623 Member
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    I wish I could! I couldn't even afford to do that. I will have to get a higher paid job before I can even think about moving out.

    I'm from the Midlands (UK)

    I lived in East Midlands (Nottingham) and there's a lot of reasonable shares available. But I am guessing you're in Birmingham or York and ya those do get pricey. But you COULD make it work.

    Just a thought. Obviously not the solution to the problem right now ;)
  • beamie2687
    beamie2687 Posts: 95 Member
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    Perhaps you could try cooking together. Maybe she feels left out that you're changing your lifestyle. She might feel like she's being left behind. You could attempt to "recreate" the foods you love with lower calorie things, and cook them together so she feels included in your process. The more responsibility she can "take on" for your weight loss, the more inclined she will be to help you succeed.

    Living with family is tough. I moved home for a few months after college, and I offered to do the cooking for my family. I made healthy, fresh meals and my family found some new favorites. I think including your mom is the BEST way to make sure she doesn't sabotage.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    For some people it's just in their personality to sabotage. Of my family members, 1 supports me (my daugher) and the others try to sabotage me and ridicule me. I only have 20 lbs to lose, yet as they stuff their faces with crap, they like to make fun of my healthy eating and exercise. Perhaps your mom is the same way, and she just can't help herself. Not sure what advice to give, as I just ignore the naysayers in my house, but do your best to keep on track and don't let anyone ruin your dedication and drive for a healthy life. :flowerforyou:
  • Pet03
    Pet03 Posts: 38 Member
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    I know the last time I visited my parents they were making alot of meat and potato dishes. My parents love steak and potatoes with all of the fixings (butter, sour cream). I would have a large salad and very little of the potato and some of the steak. My dad got angry that I was not eating enough. I told him I was getting enough. He kept saying I was eating just rabbit food however I stood my ground after all it is my body not his. That is why both my parents are not in the best health and I am trying to circumvent the many health issues they have. Don't get me wrong I love my parents but I still have to get fit and healthy for myself and my family. I have a ways to go but I am getting there. Just remember it is your body not theirs and we do not have to follow in our parents footsteps if we do not want to. Keep up your hard work. I know it is not easy but you can do it.
  • BeautyAndTheGeeks
    BeautyAndTheGeeks Posts: 109
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    I refuse to believe a 24 year old woman can't make her own meals. If time is an issue, prepare them all at once and refrigerate/freeze them so you have them ready throughout the week. Having read this thread, it's just once excuse after the other. If you don't want to eat the food your mum makes, then you have to make the food yourself.
  • Scoobies100
    Scoobies100 Posts: 82
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    I wish I could! I couldn't even afford to do that. I will have to get a higher paid job before I can even think about moving out.

    I'm from the Midlands (UK)

    I lived in East Midlands (Nottingham) and there's a lot of reasonable shares available. But I am guessing you're in Birmingham or York and ya those do get pricey. But you COULD make it work.

    Just a thought. Obviously not the solution to the problem right now ;)

    Yeah it can be done, not until I have paid some debt first though. I'm lucky if I have £200 left a month! Oh well good things come to those who wait!
  • bradthemedic
    bradthemedic Posts: 623 Member
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    Yeah it can be done, not until I have paid some debt first though. I'm lucky if I have £200 left a month! Oh well good things come to those who wait!

    Student debt sucks! Hopefully it will pay itself off in dividends over the years and be worth the sacrifice now. Good luck with everything!!
  • jshuckaba
    jshuckaba Posts: 1
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    Just because you want to change your ways, doesnt mean mom wants to. Unfortunatly.
    She probably isnt doing it on purpose, it may be all she knows. She may get alot of love when she presents goodies and treats.

    You just need to take more control of it. It is ultimatly your responsibility what goes into your mouth. So Stand firm. so what if she calls you fussy. Just keep repeating over and over you want to eat differently. She'll get used to it.
  • KetoBella
    KetoBella Posts: 141 Member
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    When people either intentionally or unintentionally push food that you have already stated you would rather not have and you have no choice in selections such as a guest at a dinner party, when asked didn't you like it? Or you must try such and such I made it just for you, the easiest way to put an end to it is just to say, no thank you I can't eat another bite, I am full. It shuts a person right up, I do it all the time.
  • sexforjaffacakes
    sexforjaffacakes Posts: 1,001 Member
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    I wish I could! I couldn't even afford to do that. I will have to get a higher paid job before I can even think about moving out.

    I'm from the Midlands (UK)

    I lived in East Midlands (Nottingham) and there's a lot of reasonable shares available. But I am guessing you're in Birmingham or York and ya those do get pricey. But you COULD make it work.

    Just a thought. Obviously not the solution to the problem right now ;)

    Yeah it can be done, not until I have paid some debt first though. I'm lucky if I have £200 left a month! Oh well good things come to those who wait!

    I'm currently at Uni, with a budget of just under £200 a month.
    £50 a week.
    £20 healthy food, £20 social life, £10 savings/misc
    You at least live at home, so you have more ingredients you can use to make your own food than I do, and I manage perfectly well.
    You just need to manage your spending money better.

    Just because you live at home doesn't mean you have to eat the same - while I was on my gap year I lived at home, and I bought and cooked all my own food. When I go back for holidays I'm a little lazier, just because it's a novelty to have someone cook for me again, but on the most part I ignore their frequent take aways and decadent food.
    My little brother has 3 tubs of ben and jerrys in the freezer at any one time, we have a huge box full to bursting with cadburys and rowntrees and many many other sweets, we have a massive biscuit tin, and *three* drawers full of crisps, as well as a fridge full to bursting with lots of yummy convenience food.I also live in the capital with about 20 delicious take aways near my house, that my parents all too often order from.

    I managed to lose 26lb, about 17-20 of which were lost at home, even with my parents trying to force me to eat their stuff.
    Basically, man up, cook your own stuff, tell yer mum to get tae.
  • iva001
    iva001 Posts: 162
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    I wish I could! I couldn't even afford to do that. I will have to get a higher paid job before I can even think about moving out.

    I'm from the Midlands (UK)

    I lived in East Midlands (Nottingham) and there's a lot of reasonable shares available. But I am guessing you're in Birmingham or York and ya those do get pricey. But you COULD make it work.

    Just a thought. Obviously not the solution to the problem right now ;)

    Yeah it can be done, not until I have paid some debt first though. I'm lucky if I have £200 left a month! Oh well good things come to those who wait!

    I feel you..I left the East Midlands and moved to London looking for work. My money is tight too. My suggestions:

    Sainsbury's has a 3 for £10 for Just Cook Chicken Breasts and other varieties of roasts, pick the lean ones. each one serves 3, so that's 9 main courses for £10

    Tesco has an Everyday value range, I get a packet of string beans for 79p, 6 oranges for 50p, 6 apples for 70p,bananas are £1, waters are 17p, add some brown rice for fiber

    I eat Greek yogurt everyday for breakfast a £2.70 container lasts all week. I add honey and granola and banana
  • Scoobies100
    Scoobies100 Posts: 82
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    I wish I could! I couldn't even afford to do that. I will have to get a higher paid job before I can even think about moving out.

    I'm from the Midlands (UK)

    I lived in East Midlands (Nottingham) and there's a lot of reasonable shares available. But I am guessing you're in Birmingham or York and ya those do get pricey. But you COULD make it work.

    Just a thought. Obviously not the solution to the problem right now ;)

    Yeah it can be done, not until I have paid some debt first though. I'm lucky if I have £200 left a month! Oh well good things come to those who wait!

    I'm currently at Uni, with a budget of just under £200 a month.
    £50 a week.
    £20 healthy food, £20 social life, £10 savings/misc
    You at least live at home, so you have more ingredients you can use to make your own food than I do, and I manage perfectly well.
    You just need to manage your spending money better.

    Just because you live at home doesn't mean you have to eat the same - while I was on my gap year I lived at home, and I bought and cooked all my own food. When I go back for holidays I'm a little lazier, just because it's a novelty to have someone cook for me again, but on the most part I ignore their frequent take aways and decadent food.
    My little brother has 3 tubs of ben and jerrys in the freezer at any one time, we have a huge box full to bursting with cadburys and rowntrees and many many other sweets, we have a massive biscuit tin, and *three* drawers full of crisps, as well as a fridge full to bursting with lots of yummy convenience food.I also live in the capital with about 20 delicious take aways near my house, that my parents all too often order from.

    I managed to lose 26lb, about 17-20 of which were lost at home, even with my parents trying to force me to eat their stuff.
    Basically, man up, cook your own stuff, tell yer mum to get tae.

    Wow £50 a week is a tight budget! Hats off to you for living off that. I do actually pay rent at home, plus personal loan repayments, phone bill, contact lenses, driving lessons and a hefty amount on public transport to get to work. I know it won't be forever though, I just need to persevere with finding something else. I do help out with the cooking on weekends so I can alter the recipes somewhat :P

    I like the idea of cooking some stuff myself and freezing them. I do that for my lunches sometimes so maybe I could make bigger batches.

    Thanks for the advice people, really appreciate it :)
  • Athijade
    Athijade Posts: 3,247 Member
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    I wish I could! I couldn't even afford to do that. I will have to get a higher paid job before I can even think about moving out.

    I'm from the Midlands (UK)

    To be blunt again...

    I live at home with my mom. I went back to school when I lost my job (like so many other people). I don't even have income besides my loans, which I try to minimize. My mom doesn't eat as healthy as I do and still gets her treats in the house. I buy a handful of groceries with my own, minimal, money and then buy the shared groceries with the money I get from her. The shared groceries include what SHE wants, staples, and what we use on dinners.

    I make it work. I do most (if not all) of the cooking. Hard to complain when someone else is making your food and doing the hard work. If I can do it, you can do it. If you WANT to do it, you can find a way.

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