I don't know what to do.

olivetree_
olivetree_ Posts: 75 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm so torn between being thin and being fit.

Part of me wants to be skinny and have visible hip bones and ribs and even more visible collar bones. Part of me just wants to be skinny. Just skinny. A flat stomach, thigh gap... That part of me is willing and able to go days without eating just to see myself lose weight. That part of me is willing and able to restrict my calorie intake to 900 or less.

But another part of me wants to be fit. I want to have visible abs and toned arms and legs. I want to be able to run a marathon. I want to be able to do intense workouts without feeling like I'm going to literally die if I continue. Part of me wants to be fit so that I can get better at tumbling.

I spend so much time looking at workout, health, and fitness videos but I also spend so much time looking at thinspo photos and reading all these crazy diets like the SGD or ABC diets.

And just now I saw this picture:
3787c.jpg
and actually thought, for just a moment, that I would hate to look like that because that's not thin enough for me. Right after I realised I just thought that, though, I felt so bad and couldn't even believe it. Because truthfully, I'd love to have that body.

But this picture:
ejafes.jpg
I want this so badly. I won't even lie about it. This is what I want. This is just so perfect... absolutely beautiful.

But I also want this:
iyosv9.jpg
This is so amazing. Can you imagine having this body? Imagine how fit she must be. I want to be like that.

I just feel like what the *kitten* is going on with me. -sigh-

Replies

  • curvykim78
    curvykim78 Posts: 799 Member
    Sounds like you have some eating issues...You need to go about being 'fit' the healthy way. If you hurt your body and do it the incorrect way, you will end up with a whole lot of unhealthy issues and problems. I want to be 'skinny' as well as the next chick, but I don't want to make myself sick in the process. It needs to be a lifetime commitment, and eating healthy is the way to go.
  • aminakhan1980
    aminakhan1980 Posts: 105 Member
    Sounds like you have some disordered thinking when it comes to your body. Unrealistic and unhealthy goals. I suggest going to a doctor or therapist to talk about it before you make yourself sick. Take care
  • shannon8489
    shannon8489 Posts: 39
    I can totally relate... I had always been about 95-100 lbs but ever since i turned 21 I've gained about 15 lbs and I am constantly comparing my body to celebrities and thinspo pics. It can be VERY consuming and depressing to the point where I can't even concentrate on normal everyday things! :( I wish I had some advice but I guess I'm looking for some as well <3
  • olivetree_
    olivetree_ Posts: 75 Member
    I can totally relate... I had always been about 95-100 lbs but ever since i turned 21 I've gained about 15 lbs and I am constantly comparing my body to celebrities and thinspo pics. It can be VERY consuming and depressing to the point where I can't even concentrate on normal everyday things! :( I wish I had some advice but I guess I'm looking for some as well <3

    It IS very consuming! I can't eat anything without wondering how many calories are in it. It's on my mind 24/7. I don't even know how some people can just eat without a care in the world...
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,605 Member
    Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry, cause I can hear how intensely you're struggling with this. but you know that those last photos are of significantly unhealthy young women. And we know you know it, because you've very sensibly posted about it, asking for help.

    Unfortunately, we're really not the right people to give you the support you need. You need to talk to people in the real world about this. Starting perhaps with a supportive familly member?

    Please don't leave it to get beyond the 'I wish' stage to it actually being a significant problem.

    Take good care of yourself. x
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    I think it's really brave and admirable that you're willing to admit you're struggling. I think talking to a professional will really, really help you figure some stuff out. I suggest stopping looking at the thinspo and SGD and ABC stuff immediately. All of that stuff is a total mindf**k. Most of it isn't even real, its written by predators who are no better than pedophiles.
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    Please seek professional help.
  • BlowYourMind
    BlowYourMind Posts: 162
    You sound EXACTLY like an anorexic, I would know because I used to suffer the same thoughts and I starved myself just to get "perfection". Let me tell you, you DON'T want what I went through, I was dizzy, I suffered and for that I'm still hung up about every pound... the obsession... it's like being an alcoholic, you can stop the actions but the thoughts are eating away at you. I'm healthy and happier now, eating veggies, fruits, proteins, dairy. Sometimes though, thoughts still linger from the time to time, like, "What if I had went all the way?", but I immediately let it die off because I know being well-built, strong and healthy means I can wear whatever I want, eat more foods that in turn make me more happier than I EVER would have been starving myself. The worst part about being anorexic is that you'll either end up dieing or suffering trying to gain the weight back you worked so hard enduring to lose in the first place.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Media has warped your perceptions to the point that you have some kind of anorexia/bulimic issues. If you KNOW that being fit is better, then at least you're able to listen.

    Remember this;

    Us, men, do not care if you have a thigh gap. Because when it's important, everyone has one.

    Me personally, would want a partner that was fit and healthy and would live a long time so I could enjoy her company for as long as possible rather than someone unreasonably thin with a slew of underlying health issues that could take her away.

    Get professional help if you can before it consumes you entirely.

    Just as a sidenote, to me, personally, the girl in the green shorts is repulsive. The other two girls you posted pics of look fantastic.
  • shannon8489
    shannon8489 Posts: 39
    I can totally relate... I had always been about 95-100 lbs but ever since i turned 21 I've gained about 15 lbs and I am constantly comparing my body to celebrities and thinspo pics. It can be VERY consuming and depressing to the point where I can't even concentrate on normal everyday things! :( I wish I had some advice but I guess I'm looking for some as well <3

    It IS very consuming! I can't eat anything without wondering how many calories are in it. It's on my mind 24/7. I don't even know how some people can just eat without a care in the world...


    I know, I feel guilty when I eat (yet I can't stop) I am constantly in the mirror....I have been taking Prozac though and it seems to help a little
  • dmoisson
    dmoisson Posts: 10 Member
    Just my 2 cents. Fit looks healthy and amazing. Skinny looks like the person has a disease. For me
    it's quite cut and dry. Best of luck with your decision.
  • Pirschjaeger
    Pirschjaeger Posts: 15 Member
    I feel sort of the same way. I was rather thin until lately and I really miss being skinny to the point I'm depressed about it. Looking at "thinspo" probably doesn't help. Probably one of the few things stopping me from going the crazy route (fasting, eating under 1200 calories, exercising a lot) is being constantly tired all the time due to a sleep disorder. So I'm trying to settle with a goal weight still within the normal BMI range. It's already hard enough for me.
    However, the second picture looks like too much for me. The first one looks ok to me on the right person.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    Similar issues myself, I find the completely anorexic look repulsive these days even having been severely anorexic once myself (5'11 and 70Ibs at my worst), but I do not feel right unless I can clearly see my hipbones. To me, without those showing, I would be fleshy, fat. I used to pride myself on my spine sticking out and being able to clearly feel the bones just above my buttocks as well. It really can get a grip, and believe me, you don't want to be dealing with this sad obsession at my age (37). I end up crying at times at being unable to break totally free from the grip of my eating issues and body loathing, and would hate anyone else to spend years the same.

    I suggest you see someone about your disordered thinking, or pull yourself up by your bootstraps and stop wasting your life.
  • poseyj88
    poseyj88 Posts: 140 Member
    Ditto the others. And also, I think it's important to look at that last photo... unless she has the teeniest bone structure in the world, she seems too thing and not truly fit.

    I hope you can get the help you need to love yourself no matter what, and make realistic goals for your body.
  • brian1229
    brian1229 Posts: 28
    Sounds like you might want to get some professional help for your developing eating disorder.

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