Too much help!

ClaudiaRN
ClaudiaRN Posts: 20
edited September 20 in Food and Nutrition
My husband who is retired is helping me out. since I still work and he is home all day he has been fixing dinner for me. so when I get home it is already and I just have to sit down and eat. :smile:

So what do I have to complain about. Don't get me wrong I love that he is doing this he even has been changing the menu to add more veggies and fish. Now if I could just get him to stop using so much butter and oil. :sick:

He made me zuccini last night and it was very good but drowning in grease. He is a great cook and he enjoys it, but how do I tell him to lighten up on the grease with out hurting his feelings.:cry:

The last time I suggest he add more chicken and less red meat. he didn't cook for me for a week. Because it hurt his feelings. :brokenheart: Any suggestions?

Replies

  • 15togonar
    15togonar Posts: 25
    That sounds just like my husband....I try to make suggestions (less butter, low-fat cheese, etc...)by telling him we should do it for health reasons. (to lower cholesterol, heart health). He listens and has made a few changes. I will keep working on the others....
  • jalara
    jalara Posts: 2,599 Member
    Perhaps if you sat him down and told him why this is so important to you - how it makes you feel. And how muchyou value his support.

    Or is there I way you could talk to him, tell h im how frustrated you are with your progress (even if you're not) and ask him for some help, what he thinks you should do. He may think it's his own idea!
  • kokonutmama
    kokonutmama Posts: 100
    aw, that's hard. If it were me I might just eat less of what he makes and control the calories through portion size... maybe he'll start to get that if he uses less fat, you'll be able to eat more of his delicious food, or maybe not. I don't know, though, that might be perceived as "passive-aggressive." :( Or maybe you can get him on MFP himself so he can see what 1/4c olive oil does to 2 med zucchini :wink: Of course, that would mean implying that he should watch his intake, which is never easy... hmm. I don't know Claudia. That's a tough one.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    My husband who is retired is helping me out. since I still work and he is home all day he has been fixing dinner for me. so when I get home it is already and I just have to sit down and eat. :smile:

    So what do I have to complain about. Don't get me wrong I love that he is doing this he even has been changing the menu to add more veggies and fish. Now if I could just get him to stop using so much butter and oil. :sick:

    He made me zuccini last night and it was very good but drowning in grease. He is a great cook and he enjoys it, but how do I tell him to lighten up on the grease with out hurting his feelings.:cry:

    The last time I suggest he add more chicken and less red meat. he didn't cook for me for a week. Because it hurt his feelings. :brokenheart: Any suggestions?

    Honey, he is your husband and a grown man.
    Telling him that you love his cooking and appreciate what he does for you, but asking that he try to make it a bit more healthy is NOT a crime.
    If it hurts his feelings.... allow him to act like a little boy and sulk, I guess.
    But it won't help you to keep eating those butter-soaked foods (although I bet they taste SOOO good) and it won't help him if he thinks he is doing the best thing for you (when he is unaware of the result of his good intentions).

    :flowerforyou:
  • Demetria
    Demetria Posts: 178
    first let him know how much you appreciate his help! When you start off on a good note, they seem to be more open to suggestions. Really stress how his actions are making a difference in your life, then go with how you really want to be healthier, so that you can be together for many more years to come, and one way he can help you be healthier is to cook or prepare meals healthier. If he starts balking or giving you an attitude, again remind him that you love and appreciate him. Maybe he is not sure how to cook healthier, you can also give him tips like he can use just half the amount of butter that he usually does, let him go at it gradually, go to the store with him and suggest alternatives to the high fat items and most of all reward him for his contributions, does he love chocolate cake? or something else? have a dessert for him and you can partake as well, don't totally deprive yourself or him.

    hth,
    Demetria
  • ClaudiaRN
    ClaudiaRN Posts: 20
    thanks everyone for giving me your support and I will try some of your advice. Wish me luck.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    first let him know how much you appreciate his help! When you start off on a good note, they seem to be more open to suggestions. Really stress how his actions are making a difference in your life, then go with how you really want to be healthier, so that you can be together for many more years to come, and one way he can help you be healthier is to cook or prepare meals healthier. If he starts balking or giving you an attitude, again remind him that you love and appreciate him. Maybe he is not sure how to cook healthier, you can also give him tips like he can use just half the amount of butter that he usually does, let him go at it gradually, go to the store with him and suggest alternatives to the high fat items and most of all reward him for his contributions, does he love chocolate cake? or something else? have a dessert for him and you can partake as well, don't totally deprive yourself or him.

    hth,
    Demetria

    In that same vein of thought, maybe you can show him how you count calories.
    Once he realizes he is scooping 500 cals of butter into that zucchini, maybe he will understand why it's so unhealthy. Often times, we don't realize what a portion size really looks like or how many calories are really in it! Maybe he can help with being able to tell you how many calories are in his meals. (I don't know if he likes that kinda stuff or not.... crunching numbers and calculations, kinda making his own recipe and calorie book.... I'm a dork, I love numbers like that :laugh: )
  • paddlemom
    paddlemom Posts: 682 Member
    Lucky you - it' sounds like he really wants to be helpful and you have gotten some great advice. The only thing I would add to that is to pick a time to talk to him about it that is NOT right when he has cooked you a meal. Regardless of how well meaning you phrase your comments, it still is deflating when you are happy to have done a nice thing, which probably is why he gets all grumpy about it.

    If he likes to cook, he probably would welcome the chance to get creative - why don't you plan an outing to the bookstore or a kitchen boutique, or even some cooking classes, where you can have a 'date' exploring the creative side of cooking lighter together.
  • barbarella
    barbarella Posts: 609 Member
    I have a similar situation with the bf who was semi-retired and now looking for work.
    No luck so far...... :grumble: :cry: :noway:

    Lousy that he's home so much, EXCEPT that he Cleans & Cooks!!! :drinker: :bigsmile:
    He loves to experiment (like a mad scientist!) and would put cheese & sauce
    on EVERYTHING if I didn't say Whoa Nelly............. enough already!

    Two good things have come out of our budget situation:
    1 - Cheese & packaged products are too $$
    2 - Chicken Salad!

    He makes me a beautiful salad of grilled chicken, greens & low cal veggies. I compliment him like crazy and tell him how much it has helped me lose weight. AND he eats & enjoys it too!

    Portion Control: When he makes something crazy, I eat half & box the rest for lunch the next day.

    Good Luck to you!!! :drinker: :flowerforyou: :love:
  • kokonutmama
    kokonutmama Posts: 100
    Lucky you - it' sounds like he really wants to be helpful and you have gotten some great advice. The only thing I would add to that is to pick a time to talk to him about it that is NOT right when he has cooked you a meal. Regardless of how well meaning you phrase your comments, it still is deflating when you are happy to have done a nice thing, which probably is why he gets all grumpy about it.

    If he likes to cook, he probably would welcome the chance to get creative - why don't you plan an outing to the bookstore or a kitchen boutique, or even some cooking classes, where you can have a 'date' exploring the creative side of cooking lighter together.
    ^I agree with this.
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