Good Evening!

Good evening to all those anonymous voices out there connected though the miracle of modern technology. My name is Agnes I’m 28, and weight gain in my family is much like alcoholism in others, hereditary, social, and with deadly consequences. This is the first time in my life I ever posted my thoughts on a message board. A colleague told me that I am “someone that holds their cards close to their vest” and that seems appropriate enough. It has taken me a week of reading your posts to gain the courage to introduce myself. I’m not actually shy I just don’t like to admit that I need help. But this weight thing is beyond my self-sufficient aspirations. I see myself in the mirror and the ghosts of my grandmothers reflect in my features, as my weight is slowly spiraling out of control and it scares me beyond anything I can imagine. I’d rather face a tornado than the reality of what I am doing to my body. Every time my Mother (who is the first woman in my family line to stay in the 140lb range while in her 50’s) tells me I am gaining weight I get angry and when she lectures me on what I should be eating I want to run in to the kitchen and eat everything in sight. What is scary is that I know she is just trying to save me from myself but all I hear is criticism and judgment. I want my body to be like my garden healthy, flourishing and full of life. My goal is to go down to the healthy weight for my height. I want to live in my body not be trapped in it. I tried countless diets, and exercise plans, I dropped the weight only to gain back double, I’m tired of this rollercoaster but I don’t know if I have the strength and patience to change my life. A friend told me about this web site and here I am typing my thoughts and sending them in to cyber space. I don’t know what to expect, I just hope I have the strength to change.