Anyone from Illinois here?

CHI-CAW-GO

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go, assuming you live north of Roosevelt Rd. , otherwise it's Chi-ca-ga.
Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Naperville , and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules: "Hold on and pray."
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago . We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "I-94." I-94 has no beginning and no end. It just IS.
The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2 to 8.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
We had so much fun with that we have added the Elgin-O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' does NOT go to either Elgin or O'Hare.)
All unexplainable sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero !"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks, Caddys, or Lincolns have the right of way. Period.
First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway - and more, all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections
If you stop to ask directions on the West side you'd better be armed.
A trip across town (from The Lake to the West Side ) will take a minimum of two hours.

Although many expressways (they are not freeways), have posted speed limits of 55, the minimum acceptable speed on expressways is 85. Anything less... get the hell out of the left lane.
The wrought iron on windows in Englewood , Lawndale and Austin are not ornamental.
The Eisenhower (Ike) (formerly Congress expressway) is our daily version of NASCAR.
If it's 100+ degrees, it's "Taste of Chicago."
If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Wrigley
If it's 60 degrees in april it's opening day at sox park
If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western Open is in the second round.
If you go to Wrigley Field pay the $50.00 to park in "Cubs Lot."
Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc.
If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run......
Chicago, there's no place like it!

---

You might be from Chicago if....

* You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois .

* You are annoyed by people who do

* You measure distance in minutes.

* You have no problem spelling or pronouncing " Des Plaines ."

* Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.

* Your school classes were canceled because of the heat.

* Stores don't have sacks, they have BAGS.

* You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. (Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the Jewel I wanna go with.")

* You can locate Illinois on the United States map.
* You carry jumper cables in your car - and you know how to use them.

* "You drink "pop."

* You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads.

* You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway."

* You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, Reagan, Bishop Ford. (Numbers? They have Numbers?)

* You refer to anything South of I-80 as " Southern Illinois " and anything west of Rt. 47 Iowa.

* You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake."

* You refer to Chicago as "The City."

* No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago.

* You buy "The Trib."

* You know what goes on a " Chicago " Hot Dog, and you're permitted to berate anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog.

* You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.

* You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City."

* You understand what "lake-effect" means.

* You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at.

* You have ridden the "L."

* You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815.

* You know the phone number for Empire Carpets.