33 Geeky Insults You Can Use Almost Anywhere

_binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
33 Geeky Insults You Can Use Almost Anywhere

You know, you are a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain.
— The Doctor, Doctor Who

Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking… Nerf herder! — Princess Leia, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.
— Thurio, The Two Gentlemen of Verona by William Shakespeare

[You're] a girl with as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar-bears-only club.
— Blackadder, Blackadder Goes Forth

You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!
— The Wizard, The Wizard of Oz

You’re about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican.
— Rimmer, Red Dwarf

[He] may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
— Groucho Marx as Rufus T. Firefly, Duck Soup

I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.
— Westley (The Dread Pirate Roberts), The Princess Bride

Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room and I think it’s you.
— Groucho Marx as Rufus T. Firefly, Duck Soup

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
— French Guard, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Well if it isn’t fat stinking billygoat billyboy. How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip-oil? Come get some in the yarbles, if you have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thou!
— Alex DeLarge, A Clockwork Orange

You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity.
— Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs.
— Wanda, A Fish Called Wanda

Your heart is full of unwashed socks. Your soul is full of gunk …The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, “Stink, stank, stunk!”
— How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (TV version)

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
— Oscar Wilde

Freaking idiot.
— Napoleon, Napoleon Dynamite

You bowl like your momma. Unless of course she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her.
— Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

Shut up, Big-booty, you coward. You are the weakest individual I ever know.
— Doctor Emilio Lizardo/Lord John Whorfin, Buckaroo Banzai, Across the 8th Dimension

Well, I’ll tell you something that should be of vital interest to you. That you, sir, are a NITWIT!
— The Doctor, Doctor Who

I didn’t mean to say that the Enterprise [or your car/van/truck/RV] should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away as garbage!
— Korax, Star Trek – “The Trouble With Tribbles”

Don’t get uncool and heavy on me now.
— Neil, The Young Ones

Your brain’s so minute that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit.
— Blackadder, Blackadder Goes Forth

I’m trying to thank you, you pointed-eared hobgoblin!
— Dr. Leonard McCoy, Star Trek

I think… no, I am positive… that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. In the short time we’ve been together, you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick.
— Alexandra Medford, The Witches of Eastwick

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
— Oscar Wilde

You would bore the leggings off a village idiot.
— Blackadder, The Black Adder

Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!
— Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Smeg head.
— Lister, Red Dwarf

Well, of course, this is just the sort of blinkered philistine ignorance I’ve come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker’s cuss for the struggling artist. You excrement, you whining hypocritical toadies with your colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding masonic secret handshakes. You wouldn’t let me join, would you, you blackballing *kitten*. Well I wouldn’t become a Freemason if you went down on your stinking knees and begged me.
— Monty Python’s Flying Circus

You are a fart factory, slug-slimed sack of rat guts in cat vomit. A cheesy scab picked pimple squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side.
— Rufio, Hook

What are you, a captain in the innuendo squad?
— Micky, Doctor Who

Out. For. A. Walk… *****.
— Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

You are about one bit short of a byte.

I do desire we may be better strangers.
— Orlando, As You Like It by William Shakespeare


  • yummy♥
    yummy♥ Posts: 612 Member
    these are freaking awesome.
  • cnsmith2
    cnsmith2 Posts: 539 Member
    Love it!!!!
  • heidiberr
    heidiberr Posts: 643 Member
    This is pretty great.
  • KariQuiteContrary
    KariQuiteContrary Posts: 274 Member
    Dude I just got geek wood for this! \m/
  • wish3s
    wish3s Posts: 14
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member

    You’re about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican.
    — Rimmer, Red Dwarf

    Loooove that one xD Rimmer is awesome, haha.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
    34....add one!!

    "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries..."

    John Cleese - Fawlty Towers!
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    you look like you just fell off the top of a church! (gargoyle)
  • fayglet
    fayglet Posts: 72 Member
    Aaaaaaand I have a new hero :laugh:
  • NancyNiles
    NancyNiles Posts: 145 Member
    And if you're really hard up for an Olde English insult ... try this site. Click the "insult me" button over and over for new and pithy comebacks!

  • cannonsky
    cannonsky Posts: 850 Member
    "There's a tribe in Papua New Guinea where when a hunter flaunts his success to the rest of the village they kill him and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. Superstitious nonsense of course, but one can see their point." - Sheldon, Big Bang Theory
  • tmacmoto
    tmacmoto Posts: 286 Member
    You have earned our collective respect and any emanations from any future gastric bypass. We hail you our new Insult Master...or the very least Duke of Insult Collections.
  • G30Grrl
    G30Grrl Posts: 377 Member
    Thanks for making my workday a bit more fun!
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
  • beckyinma
    beckyinma Posts: 1,433 Member
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
  • mayerel
    mayerel Posts: 254 Member
  • twisted88
    twisted88 Posts: 330 Member
    Love it. I recognized way too many of those.
  • Mcctin65
    Mcctin65 Posts: 507 Member
    I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
    — French Guard, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
    ^^ I was specifically looking for this one!!

    I do desire we may be better strangers.
    — Orlando, As You Like It by William Shakespeare
    ^^ and this one I tend to overuse as much as possible! thanks!