Feeling Really Down

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msartishia
msartishia Posts: 123 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I broke up with the guy that I felt to be my soul mate. I slept this whole weekend and I am trying to get back to "normal" but it is so difficult. I havent made a lot of bad food choices since this has happened, but I am not motivated to do anything. I listen to everyone say that things will be fine, and to just pray for strength to make it through this time. I think tonight Imma have to do this. I lost my mojo and it is not fun. I broke the 230 mark and I dont want to go backwards by not continuing to work out. :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :brokenheart: :brokenheart: :brokenheart: :brokenheart: :brokenheart: :brokenheart:
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Replies

  • 1952may
    1952may Posts: 3
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    I can tell you that there will be other men. Hang in there and think of your health and taking care of yourself.
  • MsMarlaMae
    MsMarlaMae Posts: 144 Member
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    I know it's hard when you are heartbroken, but try to channel that energy into the positive of working out. Or fixing you for you. That guy wasn't the reason you started all this hard work, don't let him be the reason you let yourself stop.

    One day at a time, as my mother always tells me.. This too shall pass.

    M
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
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    Girl the moment you stand up tall and you say - "it is his loss not mine" is the moment you will regain that motivation back... you can't control what others do but you can control your attitude towards it - you are still breathing and life does go on... best of luck to you :)
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
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    allow yourself to grieve. lean on your family and friends for support, and try to keep yourself busy. it will get better with a little time.
  • Fockertots
    Fockertots Posts: 221
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    I went through this back in December, the week before Christmas. Christmas being the holiday that I chose to not go back to Missouri to see my family because I was going to spend it here with his...... we broke up 7 days before and I spent Christmas alone. It blew. I cried. I cried. I cried.

    Everyone smothered me in, "it was the right thing to do" "you're better off" "get back into shape, that'll show him what he's missing out on" (which was irrelevant because I lost 30 pounds during out relationship) and my favorite "lose weight to make him squirm" None of that was helpful and none of it was motivating. What I needed to hear was, "I know that you're hurting. Exercising is a way to express your feelings in a physical way and it's physically (chemically) impossible to not feel better afterwards." That would've done the trick for me.

    So. If you wanna get on track and make a difference in your life, do it for the right reasons. Do it because you deserve to be the best you possible. Do it because you love yourself. Do it because you're important. Don't do it for anyone else.
  • obum88
    obum88 Posts: 262 Member
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    It will hurt and it may hurt for a while, but go fo that walk or pop in that dvd or get to the gym. Just get up and start, START.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    Stick with it! You can do it. I know its a HUGE challenge to stick with healthy eating and working out when life takes a turn, but not working out and eating "bad" will only make you feel worse. I know it will probably be difficult transitioning into a new life, but in the end it will all be worth it! Head up, you can do this!! Just think of all the hard work you already put into this. You dont want to have to do it all over again! :) You will get through this, just take it day by day
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
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    I went thru this about 2 months ago. He just broke up with me for no reason. I didn't feel motivated to do anything for awhile and when I did, it was sporatic. Sad to say, not to be trite, time heals. The more I put effort into working out and eating right, it was a good reliever and kept me going. The times I didn't workout/log my meals, I felt WORSE! It will get better. You can do this! After a month of plateauing and not logging, it's deferred me from getting to my goal.

    Good luck!
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    My longest standing friend just broke up with his fiancee. He'd been with her since I was 14. I'm 22 now.

    The first week he didn't eat or sleep.
    The next two weeks he cried. A lot.
    The fourth week, he's dating.

    Your time frame may be different, but you will get over it :)
  • LilGiselle21
    LilGiselle21 Posts: 110 Member
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    Everyone smothered me in, "it was the right thing to do" "you're better off" "get back into shape, that'll show him what he's missing out on" (which was irrelevant because I lost 30 pounds during out relationship) and my favorite "lose weight to make him squirm" None of that was helpful and none of it was motivating. What I needed to hear was, "I know that you're hurting. Exercising is a way to express your feelings in a physical way and it's physically (chemically) impossible to not feel better afterwards." That would've done the trick for me.

    So. If you wanna get on track and make a difference in your life, do it for the right reasons. Do it because you deserve to be the best you possible. Do it because you love yourself. Do it because you're important. Don't do it for anyone else.

    Great advice wish I had got it when it happened to me. I used to hit the gym hardcore after my break up I had a goal and the breakup wasn't going to change that. I must say it helped me heal. My anger towards the situation diminished slowly with every workout. Yes sometimes I still cried then I get mad then id be happy and that's all normal. You are where you are with your weightloss because of all the hardwork you put in keep it up.
  • Myndi73
    Myndi73 Posts: 270
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    I went through this back in December, the week before Christmas. Christmas being the holiday that I chose to not go back to Missouri to see my family because I was going to spend it here with his...... we broke up 7 days before and I spent Christmas alone. It blew. I cried. I cried. I cried.

    Everyone smothered me in, "it was the right thing to do" "you're better off" "get back into shape, that'll show him what he's missing out on" (which was irrelevant because I lost 30 pounds during out relationship) and my favorite "lose weight to make him squirm" None of that was helpful and none of it was motivating. What I needed to hear was, "I know that you're hurting. Exercising is a way to express your feelings in a physical way and it's physically (chemically) impossible to not feel better afterwards." That would've done the trick for me.

    So. If you wanna get on track and make a difference in your life, do it for the right reasons. Do it because you deserve to be the best you possible. Do it because you love yourself. Do it because you're important. Don't do it for anyone else.

    Wow! So sweet. I wish I had you around when I had my heart broken. :)
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
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    the first part is the worst. It takes time, nothing else will make you feel any better. But each day does get easier.
    You will have good and bad days for a while, more bad than good then suddenly you will realize it has been a while since you had a bad day.
    There is a good reason you split from this guy, so DO NOT let him sabatoge you. Dont let him have power over you and your life anymore. Make it your life and make decisions for your best benefit.
    Nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy and becoming the woman you are on the outside is worth it..
    So keep pluggign forward and dont comfort with food, you will only feel worse..
    Now get moving, life is too short to waste over your past... You can not like me for that but in a while if you do it you will appreciate it..
    I did when I got it... good luck... :flowerforyou: <<hugs>>
  • cadillacfrank
    cadillacfrank Posts: 68 Member
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    You already have the strength you need. Just look at all the responses. That's a lot of shoulders to lean on while you channel that strength back. When something gets me really down, I force myself to remember that there are times when you gotta be the most important person in your life.
  • Fit4_Life
    Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
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    allow yourself to grieve. lean on your family and friends for support, and try to keep yourself busy. it will get better with a little time.

    ^^THIS! And most of all....It is time to concentrate on YOU! The next time he looks at you..he's gonna think twice why he left.
  • amsaunders0313
    amsaunders0313 Posts: 52
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    My Grandma used to say 'God gives you what you can handle'. I've used that a lot lately and sometimes you feel like you are being punished but in the end there is a reason! Exercise for yourself and know this was just another hurdle to get over to get to the prize! Best of luck to you!
  • jjnt007
    jjnt007 Posts: 302 Member
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    Please do not stop taking care of yourself. I have done that and I have been miserable for several years. Tomorrow wake up and sometime in the twenty four hour period excercise for 30 minutes preferably outside so you can smell the fresh air. Your heart is broke right now but God has someone special picked out just for you. Dont forget to wear something that makes you feel pretty. Good luck and keep us posted.
  • Sunshine_and_Puppies
    Sunshine_and_Puppies Posts: 41
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    I'm in the exact same place right now. I don't want to do anything at all but sleep and veg. The first couple of days I didn't wanna eat anything at all, then yesterday I went on a huge carb binge, today I'm force feeding myself so I am not starved enough to go ape**** on carbs again..... This is my post break-up protocol (1) Work out even tho you really don't want to, because it will make you feel better, (2) eat even tho you really don't want to, because it will make you feel better, (3) drink so much coffee that going to bed just isn't even an option, because sleeping all day does not make you feel better, (4) listen to music at all times to stay out of your own head, because it's scary in there, (5) Pray, pray, pray, pray for strength, sanity, and forgiveness....

    I have found that I'm getting pretty good at this whole heart broken thing, but everyone does it differently. All I know is that I have to get up and keep going, then one day I wake up happy again..... hopefully soon. :flowerforyou:
  • Fockertots
    Fockertots Posts: 221
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    I went through this back in December, the week before Christmas. Christmas being the holiday that I chose to not go back to Missouri to see my family because I was going to spend it here with his...... we broke up 7 days before and I spent Christmas alone. It blew. I cried. I cried. I cried.

    Everyone smothered me in, "it was the right thing to do" "you're better off" "get back into shape, that'll show him what he's missing out on" (which was irrelevant because I lost 30 pounds during out relationship) and my favorite "lose weight to make him squirm" None of that was helpful and none of it was motivating. What I needed to hear was, "I know that you're hurting. Exercising is a way to express your feelings in a physical way and it's physically (chemically) impossible to not feel better afterwards." That would've done the trick for me.

    So. If you wanna get on track and make a difference in your life, do it for the right reasons. Do it because you deserve to be the best you possible. Do it because you love yourself. Do it because you're important. Don't do it for anyone else.

    Wow! So sweet. I wish I had you around when I had my heart broken. :)

    I wish that I had received that form of support as well. Don't get me wrong, my friends were great, but just misguided on what I needed. No one wants to tell their grieving friend, "Get your *kitten* up and go to the gym," but I definitely lean towards that now more often.
  • riley711
    riley711 Posts: 298 Member
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    I don't know if you remember reading my profile, but here is an excerpt: "I used to live a very active lifestyle, always at a club, dancing and partying life away. Then I got engaged, moved from Philly to Baltimore, and stopped hanging out and partying completely. When the relationship ended, I was alone in a new city." I put on a brave front and tried to be strong, listening to everyone saying "it was the right thing to do" or "you're better off". Inside, though, I was seriously hurting. No one said to me "I know that you're hurting. Exercising is a way to express your feelings in a physical way and it's physically (chemically) impossible to not feel better afterwards." That would've done the trick for me. {wording borrowed from Fockertots}. As a result, I gained over 100 lbs.

    Don't do like I did and allow the hurt to have a negative impact on you. Acknowledge the hurt, don't internalize it or let it paralyze you and throw you off track. You've been doing great since you been here, so don't stop now. I know it sucks and it hurts. Allow yourself some time to grieve, but don't stop taking care of yourself. Continue all the positive habits you started since you've been on MFP. Focus on YOU and the goals you set when you joined MFP instead of focusing on losing him. You may just find that after you look at the situation objectively that God used this fellow to get you to a particular point or place, and now God removed this fellow so He could prepare you for what He really has in store for you.

    I'm not to far from you if you need to talk. I will keep you in my prayers :flowerforyou:
  • msartishia
    msartishia Posts: 123 Member
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    I want to say thank you for all of your kind words. I am in tears something that I havent done yet through this process because I have slept all day long, or just had music playing or was at work. I can not talk to my friends because they say the normal "he wasnt good enough for you or vice versa or we never liked him anyway" so I dont have that person in front of me to say its okay Tish...cry get it all out, scream do what you have to. Today while I do not know any of you personally, I feel a close connection because I am finally shedding the tears that I have been holding back. Thank you all sooooooo sooooo sooooo much for even reading and responding to my post. :wink: :smile:

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