Motivation help that isn't negative!
Simone_King
Posts: 467 Member
Well, I have this ever so slight problem. I am trying to lose weight but then I get upset, and what not then I start turning to food. It is a bad habit I know but, for the most part, I want to change that but nothing I do works.
I tried talking to my parents but it seems everything I say is either A: ignored or B: Used against me.
I can have good weeks, and I can have bad weeks. I try to go to the gym but sometimes with my job, I just don't feel up to it. (I am a janitor and I walk all day.)
If that isn't enough, there are days when my mom, and god forbid, my dad get into the whole argument of "You need to lose weight."
Like it isn't a known fact already.
The whole argument just turns bad. I can't do nothing to defend myself. If I try to defend myself, I am told I am a "I person or a I am a me person." Negative.
It doesn't end until I agree with what they both have to say. (Really, there are times when I burst out in tears because I am tired and don't want to listen to it any more.)
Usually, they are mad about something else but then turns onto my weight and how heavy I am. I admit I was never a skinny person and I will never be.
My dad looks at my arms and goes, "You have bigger arms then I do. At your height and weight you should be smaller than I am!"
Yes, granted, I should but you can't take a life time of mucking out horse barns and riding horses away! Most of my arms is muscle! I am sure!
yet, I can't defend myself and it just a cycle that never ends! Mind you, I know I must lose weight and have taken steps to lose that weight.
Yet, my question is how do I get out of the negativity?
My parents think they help, but they don't and in the end it just makes me feel worse than I am!
I tried talking to my parents but it seems everything I say is either A: ignored or B: Used against me.
I can have good weeks, and I can have bad weeks. I try to go to the gym but sometimes with my job, I just don't feel up to it. (I am a janitor and I walk all day.)
If that isn't enough, there are days when my mom, and god forbid, my dad get into the whole argument of "You need to lose weight."
Like it isn't a known fact already.
The whole argument just turns bad. I can't do nothing to defend myself. If I try to defend myself, I am told I am a "I person or a I am a me person." Negative.
It doesn't end until I agree with what they both have to say. (Really, there are times when I burst out in tears because I am tired and don't want to listen to it any more.)
Usually, they are mad about something else but then turns onto my weight and how heavy I am. I admit I was never a skinny person and I will never be.
My dad looks at my arms and goes, "You have bigger arms then I do. At your height and weight you should be smaller than I am!"
Yes, granted, I should but you can't take a life time of mucking out horse barns and riding horses away! Most of my arms is muscle! I am sure!
yet, I can't defend myself and it just a cycle that never ends! Mind you, I know I must lose weight and have taken steps to lose that weight.
Yet, my question is how do I get out of the negativity?
My parents think they help, but they don't and in the end it just makes me feel worse than I am!
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Replies
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I am sorry they aren't being supportive. Honestly, they probably think harassing you about your weight is what will get you to do something about it. People don't realize that it just causes pain and you end up turning to what comforts you. For me it was food as well.
Try to channel that negativity into your workouts. But first and foremost, make sure that you are ready and wanting to lose the weight. The only person you should ever change for is yourself. If they are being that negative around you, walk away from them. Go for a walk to calm down. Listen to your favorite music. Just do whatever you can to get away from that. Have you told them how it makes you feel? Have you told them to keep their opinions to themselves?
On a positive note, if you are completely ready to change for yourself, then good luck to you. You can do whatever you put your mind to. It's hard work, but I am sure you can do it.0 -
Do you live with your parents or see them every day? It kind of sounds like it, and at your age that can cause a lot of friction. I don't know that there is much you can do about their attitude... I would say to sit down and explain to them how their negativity is actually working against you, but it sounds like you have done that. Maybe you can tell them that it is no longer up for discussion, and next time they bring it up just refuse to talk about it.0
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Thank you and yes, I am making a change. I went to change!
It just seems I decied to go on a diet at the wrong times Ie. Few weeks before a major holiday. Only to find out...
Food Food Food..Everywhere. x_X!
Though, I realized I was drinking 3 to four diet dr peppers a day. (A day!) I then forced myself to quit them. I am not completly sober...*Eyes the 12 oz dr. pepper at her desk.* but at lest it isn't every day.
Yes I am ready for a change. Whats the hardest is keeping away from the snack machines and other goodies people hand to me.0 -
My father talked to me like that, i just simply told him if you keep putting me down I'll eat more!
He stopped.0 -
Don't let anybody rain on your parade! I remember being called a "fat *kitten*" by somebody I once loved. I lost weight for myself and he became an ex. Keep your head up!0
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Elizabeth: Unfortunately, for me I do. This living argument is something I have to deal with. (Few hard years of unemployment and then having no money, then going to school and other issues that I agreed to made it impossible for me to move out. With a mother who is German and some..health issues I need to be around.)
And, I have tried to do that. I even tried to "turn off" but that doesn't work.
My dad was in the military. So yeah
I swear, in another life my mother will be a Drill Sergeant.
Also, when my mom comes back from Germany, I will try and sit down again with her to explain that.
Everyone else: You know, i will try that. XD I never thought to tell them if they keep making me upset I will eat more. I wonder what arguement my mom will come up with when she hears that.0 -
Thank you and yes, I am making a change. I went to change!
It just seems I decied to go on a diet at the wrong times Ie. Few weeks before a major holiday. Only to find out...
Food Food Food..Everywhere. x_X!
Though, I realized I was drinking 3 to four diet dr peppers a day. (A day!) I then forced myself to quit them. I am not completly sober...*Eyes the 12 oz dr. pepper at her desk.* but at lest it isn't every day.
Yes I am ready for a change. Whats the hardest is keeping away from the snack machines and other goodies people hand to me.
I used to always tell myself that I couldn't start a diet because of work or the holidays or things being busy. Then I realized, there's never a good time to start a diet. So I gave up on dieting, and I started making small changes for my health. I started the weekend of Thanksgiving, which normally would have been a diet-free zone. You can do it!
Continue to work on your soda habit, bring healthy snacks to avoid the vending machines, and when some well-meaning person tries to hand you food you don't want, just politely say, "No, thank you."
I'm sorry about your parents. I agree with the poster who said not to even discuss it with them. If they persist, just walk away. Every time. They'll get the point eventually.0 -
I grew up being told I was almost anexoric, and after having children my parents would make comments regarding about how heavy I had gotten, so I get what your saying. But this journey is about YOU! Change the subject, food and weight are no longer up for discussion. There will always be food, but you will have to decide for yourself are you worth this effort? I say YES!! Make sure you are eating enough, you do not need to starve yourself in order to lose weight! Check fat2fitradio.com and see what their calculators say. When you eat enough, you will be more in control of yourself. To hell with anyone who isn't supportive, this isn't about them, this is about YOU!! YOU can do this!!! Eat cleaner, do your own cooking, forget fast food, drink water and move!!!0
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So your dad used to be in the military? I'd ask him to be my personal trainer! My BIL is currently in the military and he gave my sister and I some pointers. Maybe your dad can work with you along this. If you're going to be in pain, he's gotta go through it too right?! lol If they want you to lose weight, they should go with you every step of the way. Eventually, you'll find yourself becoming more independent and you could do it without their help.
I would also suggest to listen to music on the job? If it allows you to? You're a janitor and i would guess a Janitor can listen to music as long as they get their job done, right? Do you like to dance? Dance!
If and when you get MAD, use that as FUEL itself instead of turning to food. Use that to lose weight. When you lose 10 pounds, you can shove it in people faces because 10 pounds is success! Keep that anger ignited till you have something better to keep you motivated. And you WILL find something.
-Always think healthy and strong.
-Do and don't procrastinate. And if you do procrastinate, the only way to change that is to kick yourself in the butt and rant like hell. haha But really, you'll feel better about yourself when you get something done. Just Do It.
-Take your time. Don't be in a rush. Taking your time will last for the long run. Don't listen to anyone who will nag at you. It's your body, your control.
-Take the opportunity to listen and take some pointers from anyone who will help. Any suggestions should be welcome. Keep an open mind. Try knew things. That's the fun part. Be an adventurer. Have fun. If you don't want to run or lift weights or anything, have fun instead. Do what you love that gets you moving. Just stay active. Remember, this is your life, your time, and you decide the pace you want to go at.
-Plan. That's important. Plan, especially when in doubt and feeling discouraged. Have a snack (anything), plan, look at what you're eating, then get back to planing.
Side Note: Drink lots of water. Preferably half your weight.
I hope this helps somewhat. Feel free to add me.0 -
Make sure you are eating enough, you do not need to starve yourself in order to lose weight!
Yes, I am. I can't starve myself. For me its 3 to five small meals a day.
Vahine: Uhh..I think we both tried that. It ended..badly.0 -
Aww. It was worth it to suggest the possibilities though.0
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Make sure you are eating enough, you do not need to starve yourself in order to lose weight!
Yes, I am. I can't starve myself. For me its 3 to five small meals a day.
Vahine: Uhh..I think we both tried that. It ended..badly.
Use the fat2fitradio.com calculator. You'd be surprised how low MFP is with making calorie goals.0 -
I think your parents need to back off and perhaps they are part of the problem. Tell them how you feel at a time when everyone is calm and perhaps they will understand that by putting you down they are doing you no favors. Your binge eating is filling a void, love yourself and take care of yourself. You do deserve it.0
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