Feeling so much pressure...

Laura_Suzie
Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm so tired of being pressured into losing weight. I do want to lose weight for myself, but I'm tired of my mother and sister lecturing me constantly. They say things like, "You have a great body, you just need to lose about 20 more lbs." and "If you lost 20 more lbs, you'd be at a decent weight."

What all started this comments was I was told by a director of mine that I need to lose weight, since then I've lost 15 lbs, but it never seems enough. My family is being supportive of my acting career and everything, the reason they want me to lose weight is because I'm auditioning for my dream role of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde: The Musical in a couple months. I'm a size 8/10 and my sister told me, "You're talented and all, but no way you'll get the part if you don't lose weight."

I appreciate their honesty and I know they just want me to succeed, but I just feel like I'm being suffocated. It's gotten to the point that all I think about is my weight and I feel like all my worth is how much I weigh. I feel bad when I "cheat" because they make me feel really guilty and I've actually tried hiding when I binge so they don't know about it.

I just needed to vent...

Replies

  • Robin_Bin
    Robin_Bin Posts: 1,046 Member
    It's hard when people don't support you the way you want. It's cliche, but you can't control others, all you can do is control your own behavior. Try not to react badly... like "I'll show them... I can eat what I want." If they are truly supportive, you might be able to ask them to act differently... only to compliment your successes, not to offer you more food or second helpings, not to comment on what you've decided fits into your diet today, to eat healthier with you... but don't count on them changing their habits.
    Good luck!
  • camila_scl
    camila_scl Posts: 238 Member
    Have you tried talking to them? Perhaps if you tell them how it makes you feel they'll stop.

    Remember the most important thing is to do it for yourself and at your own pace.
  • rsmugala
    rsmugala Posts: 35
    I would love to be a size 8/10. Thats my goal. Its all about perspective, and thats a HEALTHY size. Keep believing in yourself, sounds like you are doing great!
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
  • cutmd
    cutmd Posts: 1,168 Member
    Hmm, what a rare problem! At the same time, since you're interested in acting I see their point. I agree they should tone it down, but I guess it's like people telling me to study when I wanted to go to medical school, it's part of the beast. Theatre is more forgiving I think but if you are going to have to decide if an acting career is healthy for you. In that line of work there are ALWAYS people telling you to lose weight, from directors to agents to even tabloids. I think it takes a great psychological toll on many people, you have to decide if it's worth it. Best of luck!
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
    It's not showbusiness....many of my favorite actors have been/are currently larger people. To name a few, zach galifianakis(I find him very funny and also think he is a good actor) rainn Wilson (from the office, "Dwight" I think he is awesome) and will Farrell (possibly my fav actor) and yes I do like comedy best haha. But these actors and many more have not had a few pounds affect them negatively in pursuing a carrer in acting. :)
  • sarahsxt
    sarahsxt Posts: 66
    Hey - once you realize that underneath everything they are just trying to help you - you can turn their suffocation into strength :)
  • sexforjaffacakes
    sexforjaffacakes Posts: 1,001 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
    It's not showbusiness....many of my favorite actors have been/are currently larger people. To name a few, zach galifianakis(I find him very funny and also think he is a good actor) rainn Wilson (from the office, "Dwight" I think he is awesome) and will Farrell (possibly my fav actor) and yes I do like comedy best haha. But these actors and many more have not had a few pounds affect them negatively in pursuing a carrer in acting. :)

    And are all men...

    Fat chicks don't have it so easy. There are some larger ladies out there, mainly in comedy, there aren't a lot of overweight lead actresses.


    It's annoying, I'm also trying to lose weight for a musical career, sometimes the entertainment industry sucks.
    it's 10% talent and 90% good looks
  • Newf77
    Newf77 Posts: 802 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
    It's not showbusiness....many of my favorite actors have been/are currently larger people. To name a few, zach galifianakis(I find him very funny and also think he is a good actor) rainn Wilson (from the office, "Dwight" I think he is awesome) and will Farrell (possibly my fav actor) and yes I do like comedy best haha. But these actors and many more have not had a few pounds affect them negatively in pursuing a carrer in acting. :)

    I just want to add a few Kathleen M Brady; Marilyn Monroe; Ashley Judd.
  • sexforjaffacakes
    sexforjaffacakes Posts: 1,001 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
    It's not showbusiness....many of my favorite actors have been/are currently larger people. To name a few, zach galifianakis(I find him very funny and also think he is a good actor) rainn Wilson (from the office, "Dwight" I think he is awesome) and will Farrell (possibly my fav actor) and yes I do like comedy best haha. But these actors and many more have not had a few pounds affect them negatively in pursuing a carrer in acting. :)

    I just want to add a few Kathleen M Brady; Marilyn Monroe; Ashley Judd.

    Ashley judd and marilyn monroe are/were fat? o.o
  • briebebe
    briebebe Posts: 21
    I know that feeling your having, the more you think about your weight the more you want to eat. Or, you tell yourself your not going to eat 'xyzzy' and then that's ALL you want. Our family can be our toughest critics. Don't be YOUR toughest critic. I look back at pictures of myself a few years ago when I thought I wasn't in the best shape and guess what...I looked pretty damn good and didn't appreciate it. Look back at some old pictures and enjoy the ride. Find your inspiration and hold onto it. Your a beautiful girl, many people envy that in you, I am sure! Stay strong girl.
  • yksdoris
    yksdoris Posts: 327 Member
    I'm not in showbiz but I know exactly what it feels like when your parents are always saying things about your weight. That's the main reason I never did anything about it. First I was too skinny (helloooo! pre-teens, almost everyone's skinny at that age), then suddenly without any middle ground too fat. Apparently. Though looking back, how anyone could call 110 pounds at 5'1 too fat is beyond me. yes dad I LOVE being called chubby, it's really funny. Yes mom, I've heard allllll about your gymnast-past. Yes, I know cheese is bad for me. Sure grandma, I'll have another piece of chicken if it means that much to you. No (other) grandma, I don't WANT to go run outside, I'd rather read a book. It's good for my brain, you know.

    In the end, what really counts is that you're healthy. In good shape and love yourself! Sure, in showbiz appearance is important but even more important is: can you do the part? You're not supposed to faint halfway through the performance, you're to bring energy and zest to it! Particularly a show like Legally Blonde! Just because Reece Witherspoon can fit in your pocket doesn't mean that she's the be-all end-all of all blondes :)
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
    It's not showbusiness....many of my favorite actors have been/are currently larger people. To name a few, zach galifianakis(I find him very funny and also think he is a good actor) rainn Wilson (from the office, "Dwight" I think he is awesome) and will Farrell (possibly my fav actor) and yes I do like comedy best haha. But these actors and many more have not had a few pounds affect them negatively in pursuing a carrer in acting. :)

    And are all men...

    Fat chicks don't have it so easy. There are some larger ladies out there, mainly in comedy, there aren't a lot of overweight lead actresses.


    It's annoying, I'm also trying to lose weight for a musical career, sometimes the entertainment industry sucks.
    it's 10% talent and 90% good looks

    THIS. It is 10 billion times harder to be a woman in showbusiness and I'm not a comedian. All the roles I get called back for are the young, romantic leads, so I'm up against girls who are size zeros...

    The director who told me I needed to lose weight also told me I didn't lose the part because of my weight but because my acting was "unnatural". So I started taking acting classes. First day of class, I sit down and do a monologue for the teacher and he praises me in front of the whole class for being so "natural" and he said he could tell I was experienced. So yeah I'm calling BS on that director who told me I was a bad actress... in hindsight though, I'm glad I didn't get the part because of it I was forced to get out of my comfort zone and try something new.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    Hey - once you realize that underneath everything they are just trying to help you - you can turn their suffocation into strength :)

    Unfortunately that is easier said than done. These people should be brillant enough to know how to cross the borderline between being helpful & annoying.

    I understand where the OP is coming from except that I'm nowhere near an actress. Family members are the worst thing of all especially when it comes to criticisms about your weight. All my female family members were like that to me when I was at my highest weight & it was downright irritating to the point that I walked out. The reason why I lost weight & got lean is due to health reasons since I was diagnosed with two illnesses & not because of anybody. Also there has been constant pressure on women & more so for actress like you to get into the media ideal of sexiness (stick thin ones).

    I suggest that you bring this up to them, tell them something like this "I appreciate your support & concern but I don't really like how you are constantly reminding me about my weight. I know & am fully aware that I have a weight to lose & which is why I'm making some measures right now so there's no need for you to keep on reminding me about that". Then concentrate on the positive side that you already have. The fact that you are beautiful & talented means that there is more in store for you.
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
    It's not showbusiness....many of my favorite actors have been/are currently larger people. To name a few, zach galifianakis(I find him very funny and also think he is a good actor) rainn Wilson (from the office, "Dwight" I think he is awesome) and will Farrell (possibly my fav actor) and yes I do like comedy best haha. But these actors and many more have not had a few pounds affect them negatively in pursuing a carrer in acting. :)

    And are all men...

    Fat chicks don't have it so easy. There are some larger ladies out there, mainly in comedy, there aren't a lot of overweight lead actresses.


    It's annoying, I'm also trying to lose weight for a musical career, sometimes the entertainment industry sucks.
    it's 10% talent and 90% good looks
    Wow, your right. I did list male actors. Did not even cross my mind honestly. But, I still don't think that looks are more important than ability....
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    And are all men...

    Fat chicks don't have it so easy. There are some larger ladies out there, mainly in comedy, there aren't a lot of overweight lead actresses.


    It's annoying, I'm also trying to lose weight for a musical career, sometimes the entertainment industry sucks.
    it's 10% talent and 90% good looks

    True & which is why plastic surgeons make it big.

    However this doesn't only happen in showbizness. It also happens in the workplace & especially if you're looking for a job. The bigger you are, the lesser pay you will get (and that is if you're lucky enough to get hired). That's the sad reality of the world that we live in right now.
  • Newf77
    Newf77 Posts: 802 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
    It's not showbusiness....many of my favorite actors have been/are currently larger people. To name a few, zach galifianakis(I find him very funny and also think he is a good actor) rainn Wilson (from the office, "Dwight" I think he is awesome) and will Farrell (possibly my fav actor) and yes I do like comedy best haha. But these actors and many more have not had a few pounds affect them negatively in pursuing a carrer in acting. :)

    I just want to add a few Kathleen M Brady; Marilyn Monroe; Ashley Judd.

    Ashley judd and marilyn monroe are/were fat? o.o

    This is not my claim but the claims of society and the false standards they have placed on people Marilyn was reported to be 5'-5' 1/2" measurements 35-22-36 size 16 dress and fluxuated between 115 and 140, if I remember right.
    Once again not my standards but Ashley Judd has gained weight and "bashed" upon during her current filming and airing of Missing.
    Now of course I have heard names like Kim Kardashian; Cindy Crawford; Snooki and others called "chuncky".
    Basically what I am really trying to state and have believed for a long time; society has set a false standard on what is a "healthy" weight. Heck by societial standards if you are a certain height then you should weight in a certain range. Should we not take into consideration bone structure and muscular mass?
    Sorry OP did not intend ti debate in your post.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    Try looking into fat acceptance and health at every size. Nobody has the right to tell you to lose weight or what to do with your body in general. It's entirely up to you IF you want to do it. If you don't want to lose weight, that is a completely valid choice.
  • alujan74583
    alujan74583 Posts: 15 Member
    Be yourself and be true to you. keep your head up and don't let the pressure get the best of you. Don't listen to what other people say even if they are your family lose weight at your own pace.




    good luck :happy:
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
    It's not showbusiness....many of my favorite actors have been/are currently larger people. To name a few, zach galifianakis(I find him very funny and also think he is a good actor) rainn Wilson (from the office, "Dwight" I think he is awesome) and will Farrell (possibly my fav actor) and yes I do like comedy best haha. But these actors and many more have not had a few pounds affect them negatively in pursuing a carrer in acting. :)

    I just want to add a few Kathleen M Brady; Marilyn Monroe; Ashley Judd.

    Ashley judd and marilyn monroe are/were fat? o.o

    This is not my claim but the claims of society and the false standards they have placed on people Marilyn was reported to be 5'-5' 1/2" measurements 35-22-36 size 16 dress and fluxuated between 115 and 140, if I remember right.
    Once again not my standards but Ashley Judd has gained weight and "bashed" upon during her current filming and airing of Missing.
    Now of course I have heard names like Kim Kardashian; Cindy Crawford; Snooki and others called "chuncky".
    Basically what I am really trying to state and have believed for a long time; society has set a false standard on what is a "healthy" weight. Heck by societial standards if you are a certain height then you should weight in a certain range. Should we not take into consideration bone structure and muscular mass?
    Sorry OP did not intend ti debate in your post.

    No, please. Debate all you want. I find this conversation interesting. I think part of the reason average sized people are seen as fat in showbiz is because the camera really does add ten lbs. I've seen celebrities in real life and they are SOOOO much skinny than you think they are. It's frightening really...
  • poulingail
    poulingail Posts: 110
    Family, ya gotta love 'em.
    I've been overweight my whole life but the one time I got down to a good weight (113 lbs 5'2") for a month in my teens, I remember my Mom saying, "Just 5 more pounds and you'd be perfect." Never got there and was not eating right all day. Not quite good enough for her though. Now that I have lost 25 lbs and I'm still obese, she thinks I look great. I'm 60! finally good enough.

    Good luck in the audition. :drinker:
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    I try telling them that it bothers me when they remind me to lose weight. They just say, "If you want to be successful you have to lose more weight. That's showbusiness." They're right, but it's just hard to not take personal...
    It's not showbusiness....many of my favorite actors have been/are currently larger people. To name a few, zach galifianakis(I find him very funny and also think he is a good actor) rainn Wilson (from the office, "Dwight" I think he is awesome) and will Farrell (possibly my fav actor) and yes I do like comedy best haha. But these actors and many more have not had a few pounds affect them negatively in pursuing a carrer in acting. :)

    I just want to add a few Kathleen M Brady; Marilyn Monroe; Ashley Judd.

    Ashley judd and marilyn monroe are/were fat? o.o

    This is not my claim but the claims of society and the false standards they have placed on people Marilyn was reported to be 5'-5' 1/2" measurements 35-22-36 size 16 dress and fluxuated between 115 and 140, if I remember right.
    Once again not my standards but Ashley Judd has gained weight and "bashed" upon during her current filming and airing of Missing.
    Now of course I have heard names like Kim Kardashian; Cindy Crawford; Snooki and others called "chuncky".
    Basically what I am really trying to state and have believed for a long time; society has set a false standard on what is a "healthy" weight. Heck by societial standards if you are a certain height then you should weight in a certain range. Should we not take into consideration bone structure and muscular mass?
    Sorry OP did not intend ti debate in your post.

    No, please. Debate all you want. I find this conversation interesting. I think part of the reason average sized people are seen as fat in showbiz is because the camera really does add ten lbs. I've seen celebrities in real life and they are SOOOO much skinny than you think they are. It's frightening really...

    Cameras do add pounds, but I'm guessing you're auditioning for a stage part? The stage is actually very kind to the figure, and a 8/10 (by no means 'fat', by the way!) will probably look like a 6/8 in a decent-size theatre. Add to that the amount of exercise you'll be doing with all of those dance routines, and you wouldn't want to be much smaller! My various female friends in the West End are generally no smaller than a UK 10, though very toned with it from all the dancing they do. In opera, we tend to be a bit bigger, though the 'fat lady' stereotype is diminishing. The problem is that more and more directors are coming from film/TV to the stage and don't actually understand the physical implications of that shift, and the majority of the general public ie. your Mum and sister, base their impressions of 'showbiz' on what they see on TV or at the cinema rather than in live performance. Toi toi toi for your audition, by the way!

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