Do I really want this?

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I've been trying to lose weight for about a year now. I started on mfp last may, and by august, I had lost about 15 pounds. Then I started binge eating when school started, and I gained it all back, plus another 15 pounds. Pretty much every day since about February, I've said to myself "Today is the day. Today's the day I will stop binge eating, I will start exercising, and I will get my weight loss bak on track." However, I feel like I'm still right back where I started. I'm starting to question why I'm even on this journey. It's not just once in a while, when I see a cupcake I want to eat, or when I have a bad workout. It's every day, pretty much all the time. I know the motivation to lose weight needs to come from within me, but I can't understand why this is happening. Shouldn't I want to lose weight? Shouldn't I want to be nice and healthy and pretty like my friends? I'm just wondering if anyone on here has ever felt like this before. It's such a strange feeling, and I don't know how to get rid of it!
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Replies

  • buckeye86
    buckeye86 Posts: 128 Member
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    It took me years of feeling like that before I was finally ready to stick with it. It will be much more difficult to do (as you have experienced) if you aren't fully in it. You have to want it for yourself and have reasons and goals to be able to keep going. If the cupcakes are more enticing right now, there are probably other things you need to mentally work out before you're ready to focus on the weight loss. On the other hand, if you're truly happy where you are, why does it matter? Just because your friends are skinnier doesn't mean they're prettier or better than you (or necessarily even healthier). It's just one aspect of a person. Changing for the sake of blending in doesn't seem like much of a reason to me?
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
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    It's not a matter of "should." You're not a bad person if you don't want to make the commitment to get healthy, any more than you'd be a good person just because you changed your diet and became a marathon runner. This is not tied to "should."

    That said, it's a matter of priorities. If your priority is to keep your life the way it is, without making changes, that's valid. But you have to understand that nothing will change if you don't change. If your priority is to lose weight and get healthy, you're going to have to let go of some things and make changes in your lifestyle. It just depends on what you want more. Every action you take involves a choice. Take ownership for your choices, and don't apologize for them. If you choose to continue on the way you are living, that's fine, but you need to own the fact that you are making that choice. it's entirely within your control. :)
  • ProjectTae
    ProjectTae Posts: 461 Member
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    Hello Irish! I at times have felt something similar to what you're feeling, I had lost my motivation a while back but the rapid approach of summer whipped me back into shape, and I also noticed that when I started school again I packed on 10lbs, I really think it's the lack of time to prepare proper meals and just grabbing the cafeteria meals or the fact that I didn't want to be different, I wanted to eat everything my friends were eating, (even though I knew it would affect my body differently), hmmm as for the lack of motivation maybe you should try to talk to your counselor about it and see if she can recommend any groups that have similar goals as you, I know that when I'm physically around people who have the same goals as me it can motivate me more than having great support online (I love all my mfp friends but it really isn't the same as having someone you can see and interact with), joining something similar to a YMCA might also be a good option because they have many classes and activities for youths that help you exercise such as zumba etc. and you might meet some really interesting people there as well. Hoped this helps a little bit!
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
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    I finally had to recognize that it was my unhealthy habits that were making me miserable. Being overweight made me depressed and eating crap and punishing myself made me feel even worse. I realized that if I wanted to be happy (and I do), I have to stop actively doing the things that make me unhappy. From there, it was easy, just a matter of cause and effect. If I take good care of myself, I feel good and am heading toward my goals; if I do things I know are unhealthy, I feel bad and head away from my goals. I just keep that in mind with every choice I make, no judgments or tricks and find I don't require any additional motivation.
  • irishdancer23
    irishdancer23 Posts: 172 Member
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    thanks you guys for responding. i guess i'm just conflicted. i have absolutely no motivation right now, but at the same time, if i sat down and told myself that i was just going to stop losing weight and accept the way i look right now, i don't think i would be able to do it. i know i'm throwing my life away. i can't do sports i want to, i can't wear clothes i like, and all of the binge eating i am doing is making be beyond depressed. maybe i just need a few days to think about it.
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
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    Maybe you actually need a few days to *not* think about it. :) Maybe you need a little mental break from worrying about it.

    Or, maybe it would help to think about small changes that you can make that won't be too difficult. Simple things like replacing one soda each day with a glass of water, or having an apple with your lunch. Take a brisk walk around the block in the evening before you sit down to dinner. Maybe if you make some small changes that are easy, you'll start getting that momentum going again.
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
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    I've been trying to lose weight for about a year now. I started on mfp last may, and by august, I had lost about 15 pounds. Then I started binge eating when school started, and I gained it all back, plus another 15 pounds. Pretty much every day since about February, I've said to myself "Today is the day. Today's the day I will stop binge eating, I will start exercising, and I will get my weight loss bak on track." However, I feel like I'm still right back where I started. I'm starting to question why I'm even on this journey. It's not just once in a while, when I see a cupcake I want to eat, or when I have a bad workout. It's every day, pretty much all the time. I know the motivation to lose weight needs to come from within me, but I can't understand why this is happening. Shouldn't I want to lose weight? Shouldn't I want to be nice and healthy and pretty like my friends? I'm just wondering if anyone on here has ever felt like this before. It's such a strange feeling, and I don't know how to get rid of it!

    Tough love time.

    You want it, you just want to not put in the work more right now. Don't let yourself make excuses. Either do it because you want to and are ready or don't because you aren't.
  • maru84
    maru84 Posts: 128
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    I read something on the forums that went sort of like this- When I finally figured out that the secret to all this is an assload of determination (to track everything, to exercise, etc), it all came together. There's no answer but determination and hard work. It helps me to have things easily accessible, aka I'm going to set up our spare room as my workout room so I can sweat uninterrupted, and I won't have to get out my crap. I also have a certain drawer in my dresser for my workout clothes. MFP is my homepage so I see it a lot. I am trying to make it as excuse free as possible.
  • sdm329
    sdm329 Posts: 57
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    I agree with Ajweekley, pick something small and in a few days or a week add to that something small with another small item. It will snowball in a good way. There's also a binge eating group, it'll take me a minute to find the link and post it. You should check it out, tons of support there.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    Sounds like you might also be a little depressed. Maybe try a therapy session (if you can't afford it or your insurance doesn't cover it, there are plenty of places that charged based off of what you can pay...and many times therapy ends up being free). This might help get to the bottom of why you are feeling the way you do, or why you seem to be stopping yourself from success.
  • awilda_54
    awilda_54 Posts: 1
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    Hi Irish,
    I think you're focusing on the wrong thing. I am 57 and have to lose weight for health reasons. The last scare was enough! However, I am doing it in a sensible way, thanks to "Pal." I am calorie counting and have only given up pop (soda) and most sugar. I still eat everything I ate before but with "Pal" I am able to decide what meal is more important to me on any given day. If I eat more calories for breakfast, I eat less for the others or skip one of my cheat snacks (100 calorie nutter butter bar). I am always so excited to enter what I've eaten. Most of the times I find that I am not using all the calories I'm allotted for my goal. I have lost 15 lbs in four weeks and not felt more excited. My exercising has been minimal ( walking between 30 to 60 minutes every other day and running in place 10 minutes two days a week). I don't focus on "dieting" and I don't feel like I'm dieting. If you get tested for your metabolism, this also helps. Your doctor can do this in minutes and give you a guide. I am enjoying being more active now and I feel great! My kids are happy that they don't have to worry about me collapsing from exhaustion or high blood pressure and it's been keeping me out of the grip of diabetes which runs in my family. It's not so hard and now, even restaurants post the calories on their menus. You don't have to give up anything, just spread it out. If you want cake, eat less sugar in something else or no sugar making certain you have your sugar allotment for the cake. Don't give up! I'm so thankful to have "Pal" in my life. I will never have to worry about gaining weight. "Pal" will always be in my life!!!! Good luck and get healthy!
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I can relate to a degree. Although I am trying to maintain my weight and have not been overweight, I do struggle with the battle with binge eating versus the body I would like to keep. It seems that once you get into that sort of 'mood', shall I call it, the logic of what you want and of how miserable it ultimately is making you, seems to fly out of the window. I am guessing your bingeing is some sort of an emotional response, maybe to the stresses of school or somesuch, or even boredom ? Are there any activities you can get involved in that will take you away from food more ? Can you control what you have access to ? Can you maybe try and fill up on healthy foods first so that you might be too full to fit in binge foods? I tend to go for fruit, Greek Yoghurt and seeds before I go for the less healthy foods. It does not always work, but sometimes it leaves me too full to contemplate adding anything else.

    I think in the end, the emotions driving your wish to be slimmer, need to overpower the emotions that are driving you to binge eat. Find something other than food, that makes you feel calm and happy, as although eating can be comforting and pleasant in the moment, that moment doesn't last and then you are left with the sense of failure and hopelessness.
  • AngieJoy81
    AngieJoy81 Posts: 99 Member
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    I have definitely been there. Sometimes you have to "fake 'till you make it." commit to one week of healthy eating, even if you don't want to, and maybe you"ll find out that you feel better and will want to continue. Last night I did NOT want to exercise. I did it anyway and it was over before I could really complain about it!
  • leebaser
    leebaser Posts: 38
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    Losing weight is hard, being fat is hard.

    Choose your hard.

    Write down a list of all the things you'd like about being fit and healthy. As an example, I long to be able to buy normal sized clothing verses Big and Tall. I'd love to fit comfortably in an airline seat.

    Write another list about what you don't like about being fat. Don't like being tired, sore feet, sore back, sleep apnea. Etc.

    Keep your motivations in mnd so that you have a reason to endure the discipline needed to loose weight
  • irishdancer23
    irishdancer23 Posts: 172 Member
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    thank you! i really like the "fake it til you make it" idea. i think i am going to take a break for a week, then start making little changes and work up to dieting. then i will just tell myself that i need to eat healthfully and exercise for 1 week, whether i like it or not, and see how it goes. i am also going to join that binge eating group. great advice! thank you!
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
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    Been there!

    Went to the gym for a whole year....lost 13 lbs..IN ONE YEAR. because I was eating all my cals back (pre MFP)...then gained it all back plus more in 3 weeks of being a lazy quitter....but now being on MFP I know what I'm doing right and wrong and still learning so much more from all these awesome members. Don't give up, only you can fix what you know you are doing wrong.
  • JustPeachy044
    JustPeachy044 Posts: 770 Member
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    Losing weight is hard, being fat is hard.

    Choose your hard.


    Love this, it hit me right between the eyes. Mind if I make it my profile quote?

    And to the original poster, I feel your pain. I've been there too. I can tell you that since I've decided to climb off the "I'm fat and I hate my body but I'm choosing not to do a dang thing to change it" wagon, I feel much better about myself! I strongly suggest you work exercise into the equation ASAP...maybe just a few times a week. The endorphin release is an added benefit and it will contribute to starting to change your feelings about yourself. Then hopefully things will snowball in the right direction from there...
  • donna_glasgow
    donna_glasgow Posts: 869 Member
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    I would say if you feel you want to lose weight but your will power is not what you expect it to be .... then try and drop 1/2 a lb a week ... that way you can work the "goodies" into your diet and you will not then feel that you are losing out you will feel like you are living ...... if you cant live without goodies then cal count them and eat them ... this is a life style change not a "diet" .....

    Im a little tipsy at the moment ... I work alcohol into my diet :wink: Ive lost 33lbs to date

    good luck on your journey x
  • irishdancer23
    irishdancer23 Posts: 172 Member
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    Losing weight is hard, being fat is hard.

    Choose your hard.


    Love this, it hit me right between the eyes. Mind if I make it my profile quote?

    i agree. love this quote!