Stupid excuses, so where to start?

The_new_Amy · May 2012

I'm 35, 5'2" and 157 lb. I think I have a decent nutrition plan in place, it's an area I'm very well versed in.

Working out, I'm not well versed in. At all.

I have a membership to the local family center, think YMCA but much nicer with a Starbucks and gourmet sandwich place. I've taken one zumba class there at the request of a friend, like two years ago. It was awful.

My husband is huge into fitness and has a ton of equipment in the pole barn. He's in Afghanistan though and things aren't going great between us. I don't even want to ask him how to use anything.

I drive by the family center several times a day when I take our daughter to her special needs preschool class. I could go in the morning or the afternoon. Several things that have stopped me thus far;

*My daughter goes to a stand alone building with two classes of about 15 each. The vast majority of us drive our children and there's no way around everyone seeing you in the car pool circle. We've moved from the town it's in but it's a small town. I stupidly worry about what everyone will think if I show up in workout clothes to drop her off, unshowered. My workout clothes will be baggy and could easily be mistaken for something one might wear to bed. I quit work 2 years ago and it seems that those I used to work on projects with or who knew me then feel it appropriate to question what I do with my time these days. I homeschool our other kids and that too, gets met with tons of questions, like what are my kids doing while I am working out if they are at home and I'm not there to instruct them.

*I know a ton of people who work at/work out at the family center. I'm extremely depressed right now (note to other married women, don't log in to the email account your husband asked you to create for him thus you having the password unless you are prepared for the consequences of dealing with what you might find). I deleted my facebook account without explaination and am avoiding friends at the moment. I really don't want to talk to anyone.

*I have no idea what to do. Do I start with cardio or weights? How do I come up with a plan? I'm totally out of shape, what are good goals to set? Aside a good bra and shoes, is it really worth it to invest in good workout clothes?

I completely realize that my giving thought to what other's think is insane and pointless. Under normal circumstances, I really don't but with him gone again, and things a mess again, I'm crying and/or getting numb and angry when the wind blows. I just don't want to deal with anyone and it's frustrating that I want to do this for myself more now than ever before and I don't know how or what to do now that I'm actually ready to do it! I am one of those people who always smiles no matter what and can always figure out what to do. I am the one everyone expects to have or be able to find an answer. The position I'm in with working out and getting in shape is in direct contrast to that and it sucks!!! My state of mind is not helping at all.

Any suggestions?

myjourney2 · May 2012

Take that first step and walk in the door. There will be people there that are trained to help you. Dont worry about what you look like or who is looking at you. Just concentrate on yourself.

I sequestered myself in my house for 4 years. I didnt want to go out or be with people because of my weight. Finally had enough and joined the gym in March. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself. You wouldnt believe how great you feel after a workout.

You deserve to be fit and healthy! Feel free to add me as a friend.

heytherestephy · May 2012

If you're really concerned about what people will think of how you look, then invest in some workout clothes that make you feel like a workout goddess. Workout clothing comes in all styles and cuts and it's very versatile these days. Some nice yoga pants or capris and a nice tank will help you feel more like you're "dressed for the outside world" and less like you're in pajamas.

gypsybree · May 2012

Honey, it ain't anyone's business what you're wearing and/or why! Nor where you are and what you're doing!

Not to be cruel, but obviously that's what your husband feels or else he wouldn't be causing you such distress (or maybe I'm wrong and he was merely complainin to a friend about how you said you were gaining weight...??)

I know being military its hard cause everyone is always up in your business but really they have no right whatsoever to be in your business.
Really if you're so afraid of people finding out the truth then lie.. when they ask why you're in your pajamas and stinking up a storm tell them you were off with a the mailman in the bushes fornicating to your hearts content. Its better to have people hate you for a lie than the truth.. its kind of pointless but so is worrying about what people think about you.

That said, I just want to say that I'm really proud of you for wanting to better yourself for yourself and being concerned that people will think things about you that are inaccurate, it shows that you're an honest hardworking individual. But truth is everyone is going to make their own opinions and make up their own beliefs about you and what you do. Those that take the time to get to know you and listen to you are those that it matters what they think and they will think the same thing that you do, the truth.
I don't envy your position however I've been there in my own ways and I know its hard hard hard but you can overcome every thing standing in your path, even if you let it, cause one day you really won't care, you won't think about posting a question in a forum for advice (kudos, btw for doing so, that shows bravery).
You're a smart chica and I believe that you can learn all the equipment and you can show those people you're worried about needing a defense strategy for that you not only know what you're doing in your life but that you're good at it and you don't need their judgement.
You're already one jaw droppin momma once you hit the gym you're gonna be causin car wrecks!
Good Luck to you, honey.

edieness · May 2012

Say this to yourself and then repeat everytime you are having doubts:

Never mind what they think, think what they never mind.

hanniejong · May 2012

If you're really concerned about what people will think of how you look, then invest in some workout clothes that make you feel like a workout goddess. Workout clothing comes in all styles and cuts and it's very versatile these days. Some nice yoga pants or capris and a nice tank will help you feel more like you're "dressed for the outside world" and less like you're in pajamas.

I agree with most of what has been said but I particularly agree with this one. And if you are worried about your kids is ther not someone who can watch them for an hour or so if not can you take them with you is there a creche or play area for them. And one other thought have you thought also about walking and taking the kids on nature walks it is good for them and exercise for you as well. By the sound of it the special needs school is too far away otherwise you could all walk there and back.
Good luck. And if you would like a friend add me!!!

KellyMirth · May 2012

It will be easier to go straight to the gym after dropping off your daughter than to try and figure it out later so don't worry about what anyone else thinks. I get into my workout gear, pull my hair up in a ponytail or braid and drive my son to school on my way to the gym. And since my Jeep currently has the doors off I know everyone can see me, but I'm okay with it because I'm taking care of myself. You need to take care of yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Just show up and ask for help figuring out the machines, someone there will be happy to help you out. And remember this...people that matter don't mind and people that mind don't matter.

marthashoe · May 2012

My experience has been to just start. Just go to the family center and get into a class. The instructor will help you with a workout routine. We're all going to start "on Monday". I read an article in TOPS magazine which said that for the author, Monday was not soon enough. She just started. You'll find that exercising will increase your endorphins and help your depression. As for showing up at school with work-out clothes on, the other Mom's will probably think you're wonderful for taking care of yourself and for having your priorities in order. Good luck. The first day is the hardest, but you can do it.

OSC_ESD · May 2012

“ Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ” ~ Dr Seuss

There are so many things I would like to say .. but I will keep this short. The most important thing in life is your health ... mental, physical and emotional. I would encourage you to dig deep and find the cause of all your pain ... find a way to put yourself first. Raising four children is no walk in the park ... add a military life and a child whom is challenged ... and your life is far from easy. But, that only proves how strong you are ! What you have been dealt has defined your character and allowed you to be the person you are ... obviously very giving and overly concerned about everybody else's opinions. I strongly urge you to create a life that will allow you to focus on the positive things in life and implement more surroundings that bring you joy !

1. You can get an excellent workout at home .... no fancy clothes, no gym and no opinions from the peanut gallery.

2. A woman who can continue through her day dressed according to her schedule ... is a strong independent human being. Business is business, pleasure is pleasing ... and the idea of sweating and looking like a " fitness " guru ... is hot !

3. Your emotional health will play a huge impact on your physical being. All the exercise in the world cannot overcome the damages that stress can cause on our bodies. It is sooooo important to find what makes you happy and start living it daily. You will see results almost immediately ... if not visually ... emotionally.

4. Try and connect with people who have more in common with you and will not judge your choices ... but yet, help guide you to make better choices that in the long run that will benefit you.

5. The first step is acceptance ... accepting that it is you and only you ... that can change this pattern. If you want to be different ... then you have to think differently ! Look the other way, shrug your shoulders and march to your own beat !

I wish you all the happiness I could possibly send your way ... life is sooo much better when you love who you are ! Do whatever it takes to find yourself again and show the world what your made of !

:flowerforyou:

pdworkman · May 2012

If you're so scared of going to the gym, and it's going to be a negative experience, then work out at home. Get some wii games, videos, weights, yoga mat, walking shoes, whatever, and just start it. Run up and down the stairs. Go for a walk. Or get a bike and trailer and bike your daughter to school. If being around other people to work out is too stressful, then find another solution.

The_new_Amy · May 2012

Thank you all so much.

What I really needed, I just got in the form of an hour long pep talk from my husband. I really shouldn't have mentioned that litlle portion of my current situation but it was seriously affecting my ability to wrap my head around the idea of going to the gym. He didn't say anything at all inappropriate in his emails and he has given me no reason at all to think I have anything to worry about. One of his female co-workers did say something I felt was inappropriate but it is what it is and really it's not worth making myself sick over, and I have been.

I didn't ask him much about the equipment we have but I did mention that I am serious about getting in shape for my own well being, physical, mental and emotional and he told me where some of his books are to help me see how to use what we have and that he has notes in each with routines he wrote up for himself. He said just try to cut them in half to start.

I am trying my butt off to save money, so I was really hesitant to buy work out clothes but it sounds like many people think that makes a difference.

As for worrying about what others think, I really loathe that I'm like that. I have very limited ability to 'fake it' like so many others can which makes life a lot more challenging at times. I wear my feelings on my sleeve and I'm generally an overly happy person so when I'm not, it's noticed and talked about, which makes bad times worse.

Again, thank you all so much. I think I will do a little shopping tomorrow for clothes and then hit the gym and use the elipitical or something before trying the weights at home. Maybe just ease my way into going to the gym.

gypsybree · May 2012

You're beautiful hita. Good Luck and I'm glad you got the time to talk to your husband!
Yeah, the clothes do make a difference. Its like a treat--like getting to talk to your husband after not having heard what you've been needing.
Of course though, just buy one or two outfits cause you're gonna drop your pounds quick!

Stupid excuses, so where to start?

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