Support from a Loving Spouse...

ladytxn
ladytxn Posts: 97 Member
edited December 2024 in Motivation and Support
Does anyone else have this problem...? I love my hubby...but it is really frustrating when I wake up early to go to the gym or head out in the evening for a run and he asks..."again? didn't you just go yesterday?" He's the tall, thin type that can eat anything and not gain an ounce. I struggle to maintain. I've tried to explain that a woman my age needs cardio each day or just general fitness ideas. I've tried telling him that I'm not doing it for him...I'm doing it for me. He tries to be supportive and tells me "I think you look good just the way you are" but its just really frustrating. Any advise on what I can say that would make him more accepting of my fitness routine?

Replies

  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
    Does anyone else have this problem...? I love my hubby...but it is really frustrating when I wake up early to go to the gym or head out in the evening for a run and he asks..."again? didn't you just go yesterday?" He's the tall, thin type that can eat anything and not gain an ounce. I struggle to maintain. I've tried to explain that a woman my age needs cardio each day or just general fitness ideas. I've tried telling him that I'm not doing it for him...I'm doing it for me. He tries to be supportive and tells me "I think you look good just the way you are" but its just really frustrating. Any advise on what I can say that would make him more accepting of my fitness routine?

    This is your "ME" thing that you do - just for you. Everyone has to have a "ME" thing...or things. What does your hubby like to do for himself - hobbies and the such? My hubs loves surfing and golfing. I'm a spa junkie and am a very amateur photographer.

    We're both into fitness, so it's not an issue for us - but, we both support the activities that the other person likes to do that we don't do together. Tell your hubby to look at this like your hobby and that you would appreciate him supporting your hobby. It sounds like you try to work it in at times that don't affect your together time too much, which would probably be a spouse's #1 complaint.
  • bjohs
    bjohs Posts: 1,225 Member
    Does anyone else have this problem...? I love my hubby...but it is really frustrating when I wake up early to go to the gym or head out in the evening for a run and he asks..."again? didn't you just go yesterday?" He's the tall, thin type that can eat anything and not gain an ounce. I struggle to maintain. I've tried to explain that a woman my age needs cardio each day or just general fitness ideas. I've tried telling him that I'm not doing it for him...I'm doing it for me. He tries to be supportive and tells me "I think you look good just the way you are" but its just really frustrating. Any advise on what I can say that would make him more accepting of my fitness routine?

    ^ Print this out and have him read it. Unless you express your feelings to him, he will not know how much this means to you. Good luck!
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    I am so sorry your husband isn't supportive in the way you need; maybe try talking to him about it to explain exactly what you need from him in order to feel like he supports you?

    My husband was the one that signed me up to the gym in the first place. Initially I thought 'Oh my God, he must hate how I look and unless I lose weight I'll never be good enough for him!' but it's the best thing that could have happened. Gym makes me FEEL good. If going to the gym helps you too, let him know. I'm sure he doesn't mean to come across the way he does.
  • robinogue
    robinogue Posts: 1,117 Member
    Oh yes!! My hubby is now very supportive but in the beginning OH BOY!! Working out isn't his thing, eating healthier isn't either and he loves sweets! It was a hard adjustment for us both but eventually he understood this was a lifestyle change for me and I wasn't turning back. One side of the cabinet is his cookies, cakes etc the other side is my protein bars.
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
    I get the same reaction from my family. I, unfortunately, do not now nor have I have I ever had a spouse.... my kids and my mom & aunt give me hell about it though. "Oh, that's right, we can't go because Amanda has her... ya know... /class thing/" Or my kids whine "awwwww, mom, we dont want to watch you do laps". Theyre a bit more supportive in the long run though because im raising them to understand how important it is to exercise and be healthy.
  • ShawnaCurley
    ShawnaCurley Posts: 82 Member
    Gosh, I don't know how that feels. I am so blessed to have a supportive husband that works out with me. And he is in the military and very fit! But he does it because it gives us a bonding time! And he knows how important to me, I personally love working out with either my daughter and/or husband! I don't like working out alone.

    Try doing something together that's fun. Or suggest the he go to the gym with you.

    Good luck with your journey!
  • fatboymax
    fatboymax Posts: 90
    Yes this is also my problem. My wife thinks i am cheating on her or that i do not love her anymore if I go to often. She takes it personally which bothers me a lot. My health is very important to me because i have a history of illness in my family that i do not want to succum to. It is hard to have this dream of health and happiness with the support of the one you love the most.
  • Superchikanthem
    Superchikanthem Posts: 362 Member
    I would tell him when he says "YOu look great just the way you are"...It takes me working out everyday to keep looking this good!
  • randomnennie
    randomnennie Posts: 84 Member
    Are you writing about my life? LOL. I swear we are living identical lives.

    I've found that asking my husband to join me on bike rides and my walks has really helped subside the complaining (only word I can think of for lack of a better one).
  • rockinright
    rockinright Posts: 241
    It could be a couple things.

    -He probably really does like the way you look now, and feels he should compliment you. Nothing wrong with that.

    -He might worry that your fitness goals could become "obsessive" and interfere with your "together time" - which at this point it appears it isnt, but that doesn't mean he doesn't think so.

    -He feels lazy when he sees you so active...but has no desire to become as active so it's a defense mechanism.
  • betteringmyselfeachday
    betteringmyselfeachday Posts: 99
    Maybe you should try doing exercise together. How about some walking in the evenings, a bike ride, a game of horse (basketball), etc. That way he would feel included. who knows maybe then he will start enjoying it and it will improve his feelings of neglect or whatever it is.

    Maybe you could try working out in the morning (if your like me you love the snooze button), then your evenings would be free to spend time with him?

    Don't let him pressure you into stopping. Too many times as women we put jobs, family, spouses, and others need ahead of ours. This is something you are doing for you. Don't ever feel guilty about going to the gym or to whatever. Sometimes I feel like I need to skip a gym day to be with my boyfriend, but I always end up regretting it.

    DO THIS FOR YOU! STICK WITH IT! Stay with MFP, you will get plenty of support here, I promise! :)
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    Does anyone else have this problem...? I love my hubby...but it is really frustrating when I wake up early to go to the gym or head out in the evening for a run and he asks..."again? didn't you just go yesterday?" He's the tall, thin type that can eat anything and not gain an ounce. I struggle to maintain. I've tried to explain that a woman my age needs cardio each day or just general fitness ideas. I've tried telling him that I'm not doing it for him...I'm doing it for me. He tries to be supportive and tells me "I think you look good just the way you are" but its just really frustrating. Any advise on what I can say that would make him more accepting of my fitness routine?

    Just be direct. Tell him point-blank that you like being healthy, this is how you are maintaining your health and his comments are not supportive of your efforts or goals - although he may think they are (you look good the way you are, you don't need to work out).

    And if he wants to come along, he is welcome.

    Say it with a smile, finish it with a hug -- it doesn't have to be confrontational or argumentative.
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
    My EX husband was the same way.

    I am so glad I have a supportive partner now, that is not threatened by me wanting to take care of myself. :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: Plus he's an awesome workout partner.
  • mgmlap
    mgmlap Posts: 1,377 Member
    My hubby is on the line..he doesnt encourage..but he doesnt discourage....I really dont care..I do it for myself..not for him..anyways...I just keep telling him that someone is going to steal me away..LOL
  • Going4Healthy
    Going4Healthy Posts: 38 Member
    It's nice that he loves you for who and what you are now. My husband is hyper-critical of my weight but sabotages my every effort to lose weight. While I'm trying to eat healthy--he brings me home ice-cream or snacks. When I try and exercise, it's always inconvenient of not enough of a workout.

    Ignore your hubby's early morning grumbles and hold on the to positive side--he loves you!

    Hang in there...:flowerforyou:
  • rockinright
    rockinright Posts: 241
    Another thing I will add, and I said something similar on another thread yesterday.

    A lot of times, people who are not fitness-conscious see those who are as no fun, obsessed, etc.

    Perhaps your husband is concerned that you will become so dedicated to your fitness, that you won't want to do "fun" things with him anymore, like drink beer, or eat out at a greasy burger joint, whatever (I don't know what you two do together for fun).

    My wife and I are doing this together, so it's easier for us, but we both acknowledged that if only one of us was doing it, it would be harder.

    Other thoughts:

    Some guys like larger women to start with, plus, a lot of guys have the attitude that a chubby, out of shape, but FUN woman is better than a toned, in shape, thin gal that is so dedicated to her exercise routine and weight/fitness, that she never wants to do what the guy percieves as "fun" activities. I'm not saying this is based in fact, but it's based on the perception.
  • ladytxn
    ladytxn Posts: 97 Member
    Thanks everybody! You've given me a lot to consider! Gonna take more than a complaint or two for me to give up on this journey... :tongue:
  • dogacreek
    dogacreek Posts: 289 Member
    I have been very lucky since my husband totally supports my time to exercise and eat right. I will come home and prepare supper and tell him to pop it in the oven at such and such time and he will do it. He also cooks certain items that I wouldn't have time to do so. Of course, if I am "resting" that day, he will ask if I need to go do a dvd or go to the gym. I think he is enjoying his "space". I couldn't have asked for any better support - I love him dearly. :love:
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