Lame Friends

Helawat
Helawat Posts: 605 Member
edited September 18 in Health and Weight Loss
I started MFP on January 31st and went from 145-136.5 pounds. This is an accomplishment for me but the first thing my best friend said to me today was "you should have lost more weight."

I believe she's upset because she can't get to the gym herself due to work, car payments, and credit card bills. She has about 20k in credit card debt and is financing a 2003 BMW from a car dealership at a14% interest rate (she put a $500.00 down payment on the car).

If I go to Zumba class, she'll say something like "you shouldn't do that class, you'll make us Cubans look bad" or if I talk about how we used feather boas and chairs in Cardio Cabaret, she'll say "oh I'd be afraid of you in Cardio Cabaret, tryin' to look all sexy."

I'm just a little ticked because I would never tell a friend "you should have lost more weight" or "don't do that class, you'll make a fool out of yourself."

Does anyone else have any friends that disparage them as well?

Replies

  • Helawat
    Helawat Posts: 605 Member
    I started MFP on January 31st and went from 145-136.5 pounds. This is an accomplishment for me but the first thing my best friend said to me today was "you should have lost more weight."

    I believe she's upset because she can't get to the gym herself due to work, car payments, and credit card bills. She has about 20k in credit card debt and is financing a 2003 BMW from a car dealership at a14% interest rate (she put a $500.00 down payment on the car).

    If I go to Zumba class, she'll say something like "you shouldn't do that class, you'll make us Cubans look bad" or if I talk about how we used feather boas and chairs in Cardio Cabaret, she'll say "oh I'd be afraid of you in Cardio Cabaret, tryin' to look all sexy."

    I'm just a little ticked because I would never tell a friend "you should have lost more weight" or "don't do that class, you'll make a fool out of yourself."

    Does anyone else have any friends that disparage them as well?
  • dulceluva
    dulceluva Posts: 728 Member
    I totally understand where you are coming from. When I first started loosing weight (3-4 yrs ago) I had comments like that and gosh knows I have thought comments like that now (but its only thoughts and I would never be so harsh to anyone). Envy is a really negative thing to have towards others but its only because they are simply jealous. There are good and bad ways to be jealous of another persons personal accomplishments and obviously your friend has chosen a negative destructive one.

    Please don't worry about her and continue doing what you are doing.

    We all have our own struggles and some people cannot overcome theirs, as your friend is certainly struggling with her own affairs.

    You're right. She IS making a d*mn fool out of herself and let her, if that is how she wants to be. because in the end, YOU will be the one thinner, in shape, healthier and with a positive attitude AND you can also claim the fact that you weren't a negative friend.
  • msarro
    msarro Posts: 2,748 Member
    "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds"
    -Albert Einstein
  • janellybelly
    janellybelly Posts: 112
    At least your moving your butt...what is she doing??? Keep up the good work girl. You are gonna look HOT this summer! And maybe you wanna be a little sexy...who cares!?

    J
  • GemFB
    GemFB Posts: 104 Member
    Yup. One of my friends constantly points out my boobs because they are double ds (used to be triple)...I think she's just jelous because she is only a b verging c (but she'll wear D bras.) She always says "God Gem. When are you gonna lose some pounds so those things will look normal". Sad part is she know I used to have an eating disorder...Still she'll find any flaw she can. It sucks, but I sometimes think she wishes she wasn't a size 5. Doesn't matter to me much anymore. When we go out, I'm the one getting hit on not her. I think it's because real women have something to them.

    Talk to yer friend...Tell her. If she doesn't stop tell her to shove it and find a new friend. I told my friend and she's lightened up...Now I only hear it about once a month if even that.
  • mkeithley
    mkeithley Posts: 399
    My so called friends and co workers have been the same way!!! Jealous much is what I say in my head when they make some hateful, negative unsupportive comment. I think they must know that I am at least doing something, taking action and they aren't so to relieve their own guilt they try to sabotage my efforts(ain't happening) They even go so far as to ask my weight, dress size, body fat %, "How much food are you going to eat anyway?"(Even though it's all healthy) or "Oh, I'm sure you can't eat this b/c it's not rabbit food". WHATEVS!!!!

    Now coworkers are wanting fitness/nutrition advice...Hmmmmmm, funny how things change. The people I thought were my friends i find myself having less contact with b/c I want to surround myself with positive people. Friends are people who love you and WANT you to succeed and are happy when you are betering your life-Just my opinion:smile:
  • LightenUp_Caro
    LightenUp_Caro Posts: 572 Member
    I have a friend who tries to discourage me from losing weight. She just lost 20lbs and is down to underweight BMI. She says "Oh, we're the same size" or "don't lose weight, it will make me feel bad about myself because you're already tiny" ...as she trots away with no saddle bags.
    it angers me that she's so selfish.

    Keep your head up, people are mean and don't really understand whats appropriate and whats hurtful.
  • jakspak
    jakspak Posts: 260 Member
    i say they arent real friends i have one sort of like that
    have not knowen her long but she iratates me she is so impineated its not funny. thinks she is all that (and she is younger than me) saying to me 'oh i dont know how you can do all that calorie counting it would do my head in' or look my pants are falling of me here you have them they will fit you (we got the same size at the same time) and she does bloody nothing but im thinking she is doing it all wrong i hardly see her eat dinner or lunch let alone breakfast and she eats lots of mcdonalds icecream and mcdonalds food full stop so id rather do it my way alittle slower and get there for life than get there quick only to stuff it up and get more weight on.
    i try to not be around her all that often i dont need friends like that.

    stick with us kid and we will lift you up
  • lockedcj7
    lockedcj7 Posts: 257 Member
    I don't have friends like that. I really only have one good friend and he's all I need. I have several acquaintances that I don't mind getting together with on occasion but they all say and do things that make me not want to spend much time around them.

    Life is too short to suffer fools or drink cheap booze.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    I have a friend who tries to discourage me from losing weight. She just lost 20lbs and is down to underweight BMI. She says "Oh, we're the same size" or "don't lose weight, it will make me feel bad about myself because you're already tiny" ...as she trots away with no saddle bags.
    it angers me that she's so selfish.

    Keep your head up, people are mean and don't really understand whats appropriate and whats hurtful.

    "don't lose weight it'll make me feel bad about myself" :noway: :noway: :noway:

    That would motivate me to lose weight, get a face lift & buy a push up bra. :laugh:
  • MontanaGirl
    MontanaGirl Posts: 1,251 Member
    ILife is too short to suffer fools or drink cheap booze.

    AMEN!! Sometimes you have to limit your contact with certain people - especially ones who are negative and tear you down. Either that or next time she starts in just start laughing. When she asks why, say "You're so cute when you're jealous" and when she protests that she's not jealous, just keep laughing. She'll either get the point and quit or will just leave you alone entirely.

    Sorry you are having to go through this. For what it's worth - I think you are awesome and you have been an encouragement to me in my journey. :flowerforyou:
  • pam0206
    pam0206 Posts: 700 Member
    OH my gosh. To quote the Golden Girls, "Jealousy is an ugly thing, and so [is your friend.]" OMG. Just let it go. Sounds to me like she is totally jealous and only WISHES she could've lost as much weight as you. I think you're weight loss since January is great. :flowerforyou:

    I had a "friend" like this at work a few years ago. She was a slacker and wanted me to be the same. Needless to say, we haven't kept in touch and we are no longer friends.
  • icupfunny2000
    icupfunny2000 Posts: 470 Member
    i think we all have friends that are a little jealous!!! Its hard to hear things like that from someone who you care about and is supposed to be your friend, I have one of those friends also......... my friend is also supposedly trying to lose weight and when i told har my grand total of loss is 33 pounds so far she "thats nice, but you do know that you dont carry your weight very well." At first i was a little upset by the comment then i thought , who cares what she thinks i am definately not losing weight for her im doing it for me and the only one i have to impress is myself!!! everyone else can kiss my *kitten*:devil:
    j~
  • peej76
    peej76 Posts: 1,250 Member
    Jealous much?? Obviously your friend is not happy that your bettering yourself and she's not! And she can't make you feel bad because she doesn't have money for the gym, because neither do I, and I still workout in any way I can without spending money. Cardio cabaret sounds like so much fun!! I remember last summer I was at a bbq, and I took a handful of chips, my cousins wife says to me. I thought you were on a diet. She is bigger than I am, so I just looked her up and down and walked away, I hope she got my point!
  • kerikitkat
    kerikitkat Posts: 352 Member
    There are a lot of people like this. Sadly, I think I've been one of them. No, I didn't say anything demeaning or make any snarky comments, but IN MY HEAD I was much less happy for my friend than I should have been. Neither of us were very overweight, but she started this work pool and won it by losing 10 pounds over 4 or 5 weeks. I acted happy for her but I could have been far more supportive. Truthfully I was jealous, because I wanted to lose 10 pounds but rationalized that if I had as much free time as her (no job, less classes, money for the gym) I could do even better, and it wasn't fair.

    Well, honestly, I could have been doing it anyway, but I chose to be jealous instead.

    Jealousy is ugly! I think we all experience it, just some people let it right out in the open way.
  • gonezobean
    gonezobean Posts: 154
    I hate feeling guilty for being healthy.

    or

    Feeling like counting calories and working out is an eating disorder.
  • Helawat
    Helawat Posts: 605 Member
    Thank you for all your support!!!

    Everyone is right, she is a jealous monster but I wouldn't want to get rid of her. I've known her since the third grade and her mom is like my actual mother. She has been a good friend all these years but when I started to lose weight her jealous colors have been seeping thorugh.

    It's just hard to have a friend that is generally supportive of other things except weight loss but with everyone's help I have come to this decision:

    Next time I hear a bitter comment about my weight, diet plan, cardio classes, or other comments in general, I'm going to make her cognizant of her snide remarks by asking her questions such as "can't you just be happy that I'm losing weight?" or "why do you have to put me down all the time?"

    Knowing her, she will be on the defensive but she needs to be aware of her disparaging comments because I'm sure she does it to other people.

    Also: Like others have admitted, I'm completely guilty of this myself. Jealously is a human emotion but I keep it to myself and keep it in my head, I never externalize my jealous feelings.

    Thanks guys!:heart:
  • Violet1980
    Violet1980 Posts: 54
    One word (those of us Sex and the City fans know it): Frenemies!
  • tiretread
    tiretread Posts: 17
    My friends bring me a bowl of ice cream everyday at lunch. Rat bastids!!!:mad:
  • GemFB
    GemFB Posts: 104 Member
    One word (those of us Sex and the City fans know it): Frenemies!

    lol....That's great! :drinker:
  • shorerider
    shorerider Posts: 3,817 Member
    Had an encounter with a "lame" friend today, too. I IM'd him that I had just got back from my 20 mile bike ride and was so excited that I could pedal that far--his response was "yeah, but it's all flat there where you live, so how hard could it be?"

    :explode:

    I asked him how many miles did his fat butt pedal today??:angry:

    Of course, his answer was none because even exercise--he's always "just starting Atkins"--he's been on Atkins for 3 years and hasn't lost a pound yet but doesn't think he needs to exercise on top of Atkins.
  • abbychelle07
    abbychelle07 Posts: 656 Member
    Why is she upset that you joined a gym and she can't afford it? HELLO! Walk outside, rent fun exercise videos from the library, scrub your house from top to bottom, how hard is it? Lots of us work up a sweat without spending a dime.

    That being said, your classes sound really fun! Stick up for yourself. It might not be worth losing her as a friend, but just ignore, ignore, ignore, and she will learn that you don't listen to negativity.
  • Helawat
    Helawat Posts: 605 Member
    It's not that she can't afford it. It's the gym at our university and all students/alumni have access to it. She's upset because she can't find the time to go to the gym because of the extra work she needs to do for her $20,000 credit card debt and $540 per month car payments, among other things.

    That's good advice- ignore. Here's an update from my frenemy today:

    She sent me a myspace message saying that she signed up for step aerobics classes during the summer to lose weight. Mmmmhmm......the tables have turned.

    Now she wants to hop on the step aerobics train. Who wishes she could be losing weight now? :bigsmile:
  • Sinnettfamily
    Sinnettfamily Posts: 79 Member
    I have a friend that I confided in and told them my goals and how much I have lost. He told me that my goal was unrealistic. It hurt, but now I have something to beat. I will reach my goal in the time I want and I will prove him wrong that idiot. :smile:
  • dshandt
    dshandt Posts: 192
    Had an encounter with a "lame" friend today, too. I IM'd him that I had just got back from my 20 mile bike ride and was so excited that I could pedal that far--his response was "yeah, but it's all flat there where you live, so how hard could it be?"

    :explode:

    I asked him how many miles did his fat butt pedal today??:angry:

    Of course, his answer was none because even exercise--he's always "just starting Atkins"--he's been on Atkins for 3 years and hasn't lost a pound yet but doesn't think he needs to exercise on top of Atkins.


    Tell him how many calories you burned off!!
  • banks1850
    banks1850 Posts: 3,475 Member
    Hehe, I told people I wanted to get down to 190 by summer last fall. They just blinked and looked at me like I was a little foolish.

    WHO'S FOOLISH NOW? It's april and I'm 188 lbs and running in 5K's.

    I love telling those people that I am now 43 lbs lighter and working towards 12% body fat for August (which I WILL reach):glasses:
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