Do you wait for your partner to get home to eat with them?

mischa_12
mischa_12 Posts: 126 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm facing a dilemma...a new dilemma actually as I've just moved in with a boyfriend. He doesn't finish work until 9 - 11pm most nights and I'm finding that way too long for me to wait for my dinner. I end up snacking on a million things and sometimes I just get so bored being at home alone that food is all I can think about.

I think he would be a bit upset or disappointed if I went ahead and had dinner without him so I've been waiting until he comes home but it's only making me excessively snack until then and I'm gaining a lot of weight from it I believe.

Do you wait for your partner to have dinner with them even if they work late shifts every night? Would it be rude if I just left his dinner for him?

Replies

  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
    I used to, but I found it was usually to heavy a meal to late. Now I cut out my afternoon snack, eat dinner early with the kids, then have a small supper later when my partner is home.
  • poodlelaise
    poodlelaise Posts: 149 Member
    I've been married over 25 years and I still struggle with this. I have finally realized that I have to take care of myself. Not that I can't take care of him too. So if I can move my planned evening snack to dinner time, and eat a later dinner with him I'll do it. But if he's late enough that it would require an extra snack, then I just go ahead and eat dinner at my regular time, and have my snack when he eats dinner.

    The trick is knowing how late he'll be. Its not always predictable.
  • saraann4
    saraann4 Posts: 1,296 Member
    I had this talk with my boyfriend because we are thinking of moving in with each other. You need to ask him. Ask him if it's ok to eat without him.
  • saraann4
    saraann4 Posts: 1,296 Member
    Also, just reread your post. He doesn't get home until 9-11pm. I'd totally eat w/out him! But definately ask how he feels about it
  • mab33
    mab33 Posts: 242 Member
    It's really not good for you to eat so close to bedtime. I used to get home at 10 or 11 after working 2 jobs and my hubby always waited for me. We both ended up gaining a lot of weight.

    I think it's reasonable for you to eat earlier, and have joint meals on the weekends.

    Oh, and hubby still waits for me to get home (now more like 7 to 9) to eat. I don't think it's necessary for him to do so on late nights and I've told him so. Health is most important.
  • skygoddess86
    skygoddess86 Posts: 487 Member
    I wouldn't wait if it were me. I lose weight much better if my last meal is early. My husband wouldn't care but he'd be happy if I had something ready for him and visited with him while he ate.
  • keem88
    keem88 Posts: 1,689 Member
    i have this exact same thing going on. my fiance sometimes gets off at 6 like i do, but most of the time he works a double and does not get home until 1030ish.

    sometimes i eat without him, he has told me numerous times to not wait for him.

    most of the time i do wait for him though, and it is very hard to keep from snacking when you are alone and bored. i binge a lot when bored so i know EXACTLY what you mean.

    i started trying to eat lunch later at work, and having a few lighter snacks at work as well since i get home between 630 and 7. like pears, or another fruit.

    i agree with obsidianwings on the late eating though, i really hate to have dinner that late at night. i would prefer to eat a full dinner when i get in, and then maybe sit down with him to eat when he gets in and have something light.

    but to answer the question, yes i usually wait for him to get home to eat, i feel weird eating alone, and sometimes it makes me feel fat (i'm a weirdo).

    this probably was not helpful to you, sorry.
  • Athijade
    Athijade Posts: 3,300 Member
    Talk to him. Explain to him what you have said to us.

    Personally, that is way to late for me to be eating a full meal. I usually have a snack at about 9PM (Apple with Peanut Butter or a Greek Yogurt for example), but a full meal would make me almost sick at that hour. I would hope that my significant other would understand that and not get upset.

    So, for me, I would eat dinner when I would normally eat dinner and then have my snack while he eats dinner when he gets home. That way I am still having a "meal" with him... but without causing me issues.

    Also, a note. The idea that eating late will make you fat is a total myth. You can eat IN bed without an issue when it comes to weight loss/gain as long as you are within your calories. The reason I do not like to eat much that late is due to a history of heartburn.
  • vsay215
    vsay215 Posts: 44 Member
    Does he get a dinner break?
  • Funsoaps
    Funsoaps Posts: 514 Member
    That would be way too late for me to wait. I would just eat dinner normally, make something for him and when he gets home to eat, I'd sit down and have a healthy snack (raw almonds or something) and some dessert tea and chat with him so that we are sitting/eating together.
  • steph124ny
    steph124ny Posts: 238 Member
    I would eat dinner at a normal hour and then have a snack when he eats his dinner. It's nice to have someone to sit at the table with you while you eat, so just save a snack for then. You don't have to be eating the same food to enjoy time together...which this really seems to be more about than food.
  • mercina22
    mercina22 Posts: 446 Member
    I used to but eating late just made me feel sick . So i ate at a normal time and when she got home i would sit with her and converse while she ate. Maybe ill have some fruit but nothing heavy. This way my partner doesnt feel left out and we still got in quality time together.
  • karenwill2
    karenwill2 Posts: 604 Member
    no way. I eat with the kids and then have his waiting on him when he gets home. It gets delivered to his recliner so he can be king.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    I would eat without him. If he is coming home that late he can't expect me to wait.
    He would understand. Personally I wouldn't expect him to wait if it was reversed....
  • sfoxy219
    sfoxy219 Posts: 103
    I don't wait. Our schedules never match so it's just not possible. Plus most nights he is practicing with his band, for the theater or something is going on so there is just no time to sit and eat. If i'm not there he orders food or eats ramen. If I am there I make him something and stick it in the microwave till he gets a chance to eat it. The only time we eat together is sunday. It's the one day we typically have off together.
  • johnm8703
    johnm8703 Posts: 118 Member
    I hope you don't mind if a guy weighs in on this. But I work from 3-11 and my wife works 7-3:30, and personally I don't expect her to wait for me to get home or for her to stay up until I get home either. As much as I love to have dinner with her and our kids, I realize that it's an unreasonable expectation. And it makes our weekend FAMILY meal times that much more meaningful. Definitely talk to him but I'm sure that he will understand. To be honest I eat dinner at work every night and have a snack when I get home because I don't want that big of a meal shortly before I go to bed.
  • stephanie1133
    stephanie1133 Posts: 211
    No I don't . My husband doesn't get home until 6:45, and I like to eat dinner between 4 and 6. He doesn't care at all either. Plus our daughter needs to eat around 6 or before as she goes to bed around 6:30 or 7.
  • hbm616
    hbm616 Posts: 377 Member
    I usually work 7-3:30 and my boyfriend works any and all shifts. If he is going to be home by 7 I will wait for him. If not then I will have a plate of delicious food waiting for him right when he walks in the door =] He isn't offended and is just grateful to get a home cooked meal!
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    I do wait for him but he doesn't always wait for me. I wouldn't wait for him if he was that late though.
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    I eat dinner every night by myself because he doesn't get home until 10-11:30pm from work. I'm ready for bed by then, and he completely understands. Your boyfriend should understand too. That time of night is NOT a normal dinner time for most people and he should not expect you to wait. Just let him know!

    ETA: I usually cook his dinner and have it ready when he comes home though, rather than cooking it at the same time, depending on what's for dinner that night.
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
    It sounds to me like this is an issue that can impact your health. That being the case, how he feels about it should not be a consideration. My husband likes it when we can eat together, but wouldn't want me waiting that late. He generally gets home around 7:30, and there are definitely days when I can't wait that long. Your boyfriend is lucky he's got you there to make his dinner. If it's making it harder for you to get healthy, eat when you need to.
  • nixism
    nixism Posts: 258 Member
    I would be inclined to eat when you want to... it might not be a meal together every night, but you can always have those nights together... you could always have dessert together, some fresh fruit or yoghurt etc after his late dinner.
  • mischa_12
    mischa_12 Posts: 126 Member
    Thank you so much for your replies! This was starting to worry me because I know that I NEED to be eating earlier, I know it's impacting on my health and making me gain weight when I have to eat such a big meal right before bed. I guess it's one of the struggles of trying to mesh two different lives together. He always eats late and goes to bed really late whereas I used to be the complete opposite - I even used to eat dinner at 4:30pm every day and that really worked for me.

    I'm going to eat dinner with him tonight because I said I would but I will mention to him that I really can't do that anymore. I think he should be grateful that I make his dinner and it's waiting for him when he comes home! :p
  • jenniebee19
    jenniebee19 Posts: 19 Member
    Maybe two small mini meals??
    I'm a firm believer that a family that ears together
    Stays together. When I was a kid my dad didn't get home til 9pm and
    we all waited to eat.
  • saustin201
    saustin201 Posts: 270 Member
    Usually I wait until he's home. I feed my kids earlier. Sometimes they eat the same foods and sometimes I make them something completely different. I have found my hubby and I are actually able to have a conversation if it's just the two of us at the table instead of constantly focusing on the kids.

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