Is there something wrong with me?

sammygirl92
sammygirl92 Posts: 3
in Introduce Yourself
Hello internet world.

Ok, so I have been working out for about a month and a half now. I have taken breaks, I've binged....and yes I am talking the 'I just ate a whole box of swiss cake rolls and a pound of meat on top of my normal food intake' binge.

But, I have also pushed myself and really started to make a difference in the way I live and the way I eat. I don't take naps anymore in the morning, I don't look at myself in the mirror and have the urge to spit or cry. I have made peace with the fact that I come from two families of big girls and I will never be a 110 pound girl with a lovely view of my hip bones. I am curvy and beautiful just the way I am.

I am not fat. I am 150 pounds and shrinking. I want to get healthy, not lose weight. If I lose weight, wonderful. But I am here to change my lifestyle. To feel good in my own skin.

Am I wrong? Is it wrong to not want to fit into a size zero? Because I feel like I am getting ridiculed at every angle. Every store I walk into is geared for a size small where the clothes to not fit my bust (a size 36C not exactly extremely large) or my butt which is fairly curvy since I am half african american and half 'white'.

I don't mind having a little bit of curves when I put on my swimsuit. I can wear a two piece and not sob because I may fill it out a little too much, but what I can't stand is the looks I get for wearing it....I'm average. I'm not fat and I am not skinny. So why do people treat me like I weigh 400 pounds instead of my fairly fit 150? I am the 'fat friend' in our group. Am I crazy? Am I actually in the wrong here?

A little help would be greatly appreciated.

Replies

  • katerams
    katerams Posts: 50 Member
    It's not that you are in the wrong; it's more that society's vision of women is so distorted that anything "normal" isn't actually.... normal. Don't let it bug you. Confidence is more sexy than being able to see your hip bones. If you're into the fashion industry at all, you'll know vogue has banned "too thin" models. Real sized women are on the way back. And between us, feedback from men proves that whilst a "skinny" girl is good for a hookup, a real sized woman is a lifelong partner ;)
  • wookiemouse
    wookiemouse Posts: 290 Member
    You're just hanging out with the wrong people! FIT is beautiful. SKINNY is not! You just keep doing what you're doing and keep that confidence up high!
  • batgreen
    batgreen Posts: 66
    I am in the same boat. I am 141 and have NEVER fit into a small, or even a medium really. I have a big chest and thighs but thats just the way it is. Society, media, tv...they all cater to the small. I have accepted that I will never be a small, or a size 2 but whatever. I honestly dont care, I just want to be healthy and look and feel good for me and my husband. Enjoy who you are :)
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    It's not that you are in the wrong; it's more that society's vision of women is so distorted that anything "normal" isn't actually.... normal. Don't let it bug you. Confidence is more sexy than being able to see your hip bones. If you're into the fashion industry at all, you'll know vogue has banned "too thin" models. Real sized women are on the way back. And between us, feedback from men proves that whilst a "skinny" girl is good for a hookup, a real sized woman is a lifelong partner ;)

    While I agree with some of the rest of what you said...that last part is just silly. I don't know where you pulled that information from, but the simple fact is all of us 'men' are different...and in my experience with my male friends, it's the heavier women who end up the 'hook ups'...while they chase a trophy wife.

    It's stupid of course...but it's my experience. Because I know it's a very small cross section of the population however, I don't go about MFP spouting it as 'feedback from men proves...'

    Anyhow, to the OP...don't worry about what society likes, or even what men in general like...lots of men love large framed women, lots love small framed women, some don't even love women at all. You can't please all of us...only yourself.

    In the end, that's what it comes down to, you know?
  • katerams
    katerams Posts: 50 Member
    Sorry! I meant to write from personal experience. My brain is asleep today!
  • tcbutler
    tcbutler Posts: 146
    As a guy, let me tell you there is nothing wrong with you!!! I like curves on a woman and do not like them skinny. If you are healthy and feel good about how you look, then I am sure you look great and shouldn't worry about anybody that thinks you should be a size zero. There are plenty of people out there that like some curves.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Sorry! I meant to write from personal experience. My brain is asleep today!

    It's ok! And I wasn't coming down on you at all hun. It's just frustrating as a guy sometimes to see many of the women on here floundering trying to justify themselves to people that in the end, don't matter. In the end, her opinion is most important, but she's also got to realize that reality isn't always going to be a nice thing. What I mean by that is that societies 'normal'...may not be what the 'average' woman looks like, but its still how society is going to see it, and whether that viewpoint is shifting or not...it's best that she finds her own level of comfort, without the help of 'society'.

    In my experience, society isn't out to help anyone lol. Often, they're not even out to help themselves.
  • sammygirl92
    sammygirl92 Posts: 3
    You guys are one hundred percent right. I know this in my head and most of the time I feel good about myself. I don't give a second thought to what I weigh once I walk out of my bathroom and stop getting ready in the morning, but others make it such a big deal that it had me wondering if I was in the wrong.
  • obum88
    obum88 Posts: 262 Member
    The skinny trophy changes after baby having and aging, this maybe what you are seeing OP.
  • darrcn5
    darrcn5 Posts: 495 Member
    It's not that you are in the wrong; it's more that society's vision of women is so distorted that anything "normal" isn't actually.... normal. Don't let it bug you. Confidence is more sexy than being able to see your hip bones. If you're into the fashion industry at all, you'll know vogue has banned "too thin" models. Real sized women are on the way back. And between us, feedback from men proves that whilst a "skinny" girl is good for a hookup, a real sized woman is a lifelong partner ;)

    I'm sorry, but that last part there is one of the dumbest things I have ever read on this forum. A skinny woman is a "real sized" woman. Real women come in all shapes and sizes.

    OP, work to get the body that YOU want! If you are happy with you how look and healthy, that is what matters, no what your friends, family, or society dictates. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the skinny girl, but there's not a thing wrong with wanting to be a curvier girl.
  • 10acity
    10acity Posts: 798 Member
    Sorry! I meant to write from personal experience. My brain is asleep today!

    It's ok! And I wasn't coming down on you at all hun. It's just frustrating as a guy sometimes to see many of the women on here floundering trying to justify themselves to people that in the end, don't matter. In the end, her opinion is most important, but she's also got to realize that reality isn't always going to be a nice thing. What I mean by that is that societies 'normal'...may not be what the 'average' woman looks like, but its still how society is going to see it, and whether that viewpoint is shifting or not...it's best that she finds her own level of comfort, without the help of 'society'.

    In my experience, society isn't out to help anyone lol. Often, they're not even out to help themselves.

    Is it too early to propose? :flowerforyou:
  • lynnetted43
    lynnetted43 Posts: 252
    there is NOTHING wrong with you. i am in the same boat... well almost. i am 5 feet 11 inches tall. i weigh 175 lbs and im in a size 8. i will never be a size 2. even when i lean down to competition weight, im still 155 on stage. i am and always will be in the heavy weight class. the way i look at it is. we cant change what God gave us... WECAN however improve on what GOd gave us!!!:smile:
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
    sammygirl, as a fellow curvy girl, I feel your pain but I think you're hanging with the wrong people and/or shopping at the wrong stores. I have big boobs and hips, and I'm currently fitting a 12. At my absolute smallest, due to my natural build, I will probably never be less than an 8. I LOVE these curves, this hourglass. You and I are blessed, sammy, because we are healthy and beautiful. We are the Marilyn Monroes of our time. Enjoy it! :happy:
  • katerams
    katerams Posts: 50 Member
    It's not that you are in the wrong; it's more that society's vision of women is so distorted that anything "normal" isn't actually.... normal. Don't let it bug you. Confidence is more sexy than being able to see your hip bones. If you're into the fashion industry at all, you'll know vogue has banned "too thin" models. Real sized women are on the way back. And between us, feedback from men proves that whilst a "skinny" girl is good for a hookup, a real sized woman is a lifelong partner ;)

    I'm sorry, but that last part there is one of the dumbest things I have ever read on this forum. A skinny woman is a "real sized" woman. Real women come in all shapes and sizes.

    I think you misunderstood what I wrote. In the fashion industry, "real sized women" is anything size 4 and up. A plus sized model isn't allowed to be bigger than a size 6. Striving to be a size 0 or "model thin" is stupid and unhealthy. Vogue is now trying to up their model's sizing to at least a 4. The average woman is a size 12-14.
  • invisibubble
    invisibubble Posts: 662 Member
    Skinny doesn't equal attractive, nor fit. Just as curvy does not equal any more of a "real" woman than any other body shape.
    You're not wrong. But we're told what to think is acceptable/desirable by the media and fashion industries. We're a world full of people who hate the way they look no matter what. We're too fat. We're too skinny. We're too buff.
    Screw that and just try to stick to what you're doing. You're not wrong; the world's all wrong.
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 866 Member
    My husband would kill me if I got down to a size 0! He likes my booty curve!! You are going to have to realize, that you are built a certain way and may never wear a 0...there is no way that I will ever wear a 0.

    Just get or stay in shape and rock what you have!

    And naturally size 0 girls...rock what you have! We are all different sizes and shapes and all are beautiful as long as we are healthy and fit!!

    And the binge today...don't worry about it. Start fresh tomorrow...do not feel guilty...just wipe it off and start back again tomorrow!
  • Jezebel9
    Jezebel9 Posts: 396 Member
    It's not that you are in the wrong; it's more that society's vision of women is so distorted that anything "normal" isn't actually.... normal. Don't let it bug you. Confidence is more sexy than being able to see your hip bones. If you're into the fashion industry at all, you'll know vogue has banned "too thin" models. Real sized women are on the way back. And between us, feedback from men proves that whilst a "skinny" girl is good for a hookup, a real sized woman is a lifelong partner ;)

    THIS
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Sorry! I meant to write from personal experience. My brain is asleep today!

    It's ok! And I wasn't coming down on you at all hun. It's just frustrating as a guy sometimes to see many of the women on here floundering trying to justify themselves to people that in the end, don't matter. In the end, her opinion is most important, but she's also got to realize that reality isn't always going to be a nice thing. What I mean by that is that societies 'normal'...may not be what the 'average' woman looks like, but its still how society is going to see it, and whether that viewpoint is shifting or not...it's best that she finds her own level of comfort, without the help of 'society'.

    In my experience, society isn't out to help anyone lol. Often, they're not even out to help themselves.

    Is it too early to propose? :flowerforyou:

    That depends on whether you believe in men paying for the first date or not =p.

    After spending time on MFP...I've begun thinking of that as my first 'filter' for a potential wife.../sigh.
    But we're told what to think is acceptable/desirable by the media and fashion industries.

    I just wanted to say...no one has ever told me what to find desirable. I like what I like, I don't like what I don't like. That changes depending on my own tastes honestly, and really hasn't ever been impacted by 'societies' opinion.

    Honestly, I've found that women are far, far more worried about what the world thinks of them than men are. It's one of the few things I wish we could pass over to you ladies.
  • kbutlerrvt
    kbutlerrvt Posts: 41
    I am 178 pounds. I have lost 29 and plan on losing between 20-30 more. I will never be a size zero. (I will be lucky to be a single digit size.) I am perfectly fine with that! I am not build like the "perfect woman." I have wide hips and shoulders. I have curves and I love them! My goal is to get to a better weight for my current (as well as future) health. So to answer your question, you are not wrong at all! (And if you are, then I am as well...and I don't want to be right!)
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,285 Member
    I was NEVER a size 0. I never WILL be a size 0. Would I LIKE to be a size 0? I dont think so. TBH, I would love to be YOUR weight....I would be pretty happy at 150 (although I dont know how tall you are....for my height, your weight would be good). The lightest I ever was was 119 pounds when I was 23 and I was a size 9....and I used to think I was STILL fat! What a fool I was.

    Be what makes YOU happy. Thats the only advice I can give you. :heart:
  • invisibubble
    invisibubble Posts: 662 Member

    I just wanted to say...no one has ever told me what to find desirable. I like what I like, I don't like what I don't like. That changes depending on my own tastes honestly, and really hasn't ever been impacted by 'societies' opinion.

    Honestly, I've found that women are far, far more worried about what the world thinks of them than men are. It's one of the few things I wish we could pass over to you ladies.

    Men are getting just as worried. Fact of the matter is we're told what to be, what to like, what to do... And we believe it, in some part or another. Whether we want to or not.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member

    I just wanted to say...no one has ever told me what to find desirable. I like what I like, I don't like what I don't like. That changes depending on my own tastes honestly, and really hasn't ever been impacted by 'societies' opinion.

    Honestly, I've found that women are far, far more worried about what the world thinks of them than men are. It's one of the few things I wish we could pass over to you ladies.

    Men are getting just as worried. Fact of the matter is we're told what to be, what to like, what to do... And we believe it, in some part or another. Whether we want to or not.

    I'm not saying you're wrong, just that it doesn't fit with my experience...in the men I know, or have known. Pretty much the only people who tell me what to do, are the ones we've given the right to throw me in jail for not doing it :).
  • invisibubble
    invisibubble Posts: 662 Member
    I'm not saying you're wrong, just that it doesn't fit with my experience...in the men I know, or have known. Pretty much the only people who tell me what to do, are the ones we've given the right to throw me in jail for not doing it :).

    That's interesting. Perhaps people who are similar do gravitate to one another. Would explain all the neurotics I know :laugh:
    We're all somewhat influenced of course though, whether we "obey" or rebel against what we're told. I guess that was kind of my point, perhaps it wasn't. *shrugs*
  • Danica34
    Danica34 Posts: 11 Member
    Dont worry about what others think of you. Being curvy isn't a bad thing. If you are getting rude stares then tell them to not look at you if they have a problem :) Curvy women are beautiful too!
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    I'm not saying you're wrong, just that it doesn't fit with my experience...in the men I know, or have known. Pretty much the only people who tell me what to do, are the ones we've given the right to throw me in jail for not doing it :).

    That's interesting. Perhaps people who are similar do gravitate to one another. Would explain all the neurotics I know :laugh:
    We're all somewhat influenced of course though, whether we "obey" or rebel against what we're told. I guess that was kind of my point, perhaps it wasn't. *shrugs*

    That's true, on both counts lol. Though I would use the term 'agree with' rather than 'obey' lol.

    Unless we're talking about my Dad of course...in which case 'obey' still rings a bit more true than 'agree with' =p.
  • Justacoffeenut
    Justacoffeenut Posts: 3,749 Member
    I have to agree with both these people. It's not easy. But we have to find peace with ourselves and be happy with ourselves. If eveyone would manage that then society would have to change if they wanted to make money cause everyone would stop trying to fit into the mould they wanted. Look at marilyn monroe, I know a few years back, but at her time she was a sex symbol and alot of people today still think she is. But by today's "society" standards she would be over weight and all.
    I understand the shopping problem though and it is frustrating. No two women's clothes makers seem to be the same even. One size in one brand and another in a different brand. Guys seem to have it better there a size 36 waist is a size 36 waist.
    Just hang in there and be proud of your curves.
    It's not that you are in the wrong; it's more that society's vision of women is so distorted that anything "normal" isn't actually.... normal. Don't let it bug you. Confidence is more sexy than being able to see your hip bones. If you're into the fashion industry at all, you'll know vogue has banned "too thin" models. Real sized women are on the way back. And between us, feedback from men proves that whilst a "skinny" girl is good for a hookup, a real sized woman is a lifelong partner ;)

    AND

    crisanderson2 It's ok! And I wasn't coming down on you at all hun. It's just frustrating as a guy sometimes to see many of the women on here floundering trying to justify themselves to people that in the end, don't matter. In the end, her opinion is most important, but she's also got to realize that reality isn't always going to be a nice thing. What I mean by that is that societies 'normal'...may not be what the 'average' woman looks like, but its still how society is going to see it, and whether that viewpoint is shifting or not...it's best that she finds her own level of comfort, without the help of 'society'.

    In my experience, society isn't out to help anyone lol. Often, they're not even out to help themselves.
  • 10acity
    10acity Posts: 798 Member
    Sorry! I meant to write from personal experience. My brain is asleep today!

    It's ok! And I wasn't coming down on you at all hun. It's just frustrating as a guy sometimes to see many of the women on here floundering trying to justify themselves to people that in the end, don't matter. In the end, her opinion is most important, but she's also got to realize that reality isn't always going to be a nice thing. What I mean by that is that societies 'normal'...may not be what the 'average' woman looks like, but its still how society is going to see it, and whether that viewpoint is shifting or not...it's best that she finds her own level of comfort, without the help of 'society'.

    In my experience, society isn't out to help anyone lol. Often, they're not even out to help themselves.

    Is it too early to propose? :flowerforyou:

    That depends on whether you believe in men paying for the first date or not =p.

    After spending time on MFP...I've begun thinking of that as my first 'filter' for a potential wife.../sigh.

    A lot of women seriously say they have a problem with that? I don't think I even know any of them, and certainly am not one myself. Maybe they're the ones who want to date the guys living in their parents' basements, afraid of their own testosterone, wearing Hollister clothing far beyond its expiration and spending every weekend getting hammered with the other fratboys they've failed to outgrow? (Just a theory!)
  • RichardCMolloy
    RichardCMolloy Posts: 130 Member
    There is nothing wrong with you. I can't speak for all guys but I don't like a size zero. Too small. Get yourself to where you feel healthy, to where you can do everything that you want to do & then you'll be at the perfect size for you!
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
    [/quote]

    That depends on whether you believe in men paying for the first date or not =p.

    After spending time on MFP...I've begun thinking of that as my first 'filter' for a potential wife.../sigh.

    [/quote]


    Love your attitude. :)

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