weight loss didn't change everything :(

Pascua_j · May 2012

I need to update my profile but long story short~ I was always fat. I weighed 130 something pounds by 3rd grade and it got worse quickly. I am 5ft 6, the heaviest I ever was brave enough to get on a scale at was 211. I am pretty sure that is close to my heaviest weight ever. In the last year I have really gotten hooked on exercise and healthier eating~ MFP is a miracle app. I am down to the lowest weight ever-126!!! And I am happy about the loss, I really am! But when I look in the mirror, I still sometimes see the fat girl. I still usually FEEL like the fat girl. And nothing else in life was solved. My head rationally knows that losing weight can't change everything, but I spent my whole life thinking, if only I lost weight___________ would happen. And it didn't.
Anybody else deal with this kind of thinking? I am getting on my own nerves lately. I keep telling myself, "Enough already! BE happy with what you have accomplished!" But I'm not listening...

Happybunny37 · May 2012

You look amazing!!!!! Let your brain catch up with your skinny you!!!!!:drinker:

katemme · May 2012

Could be just body image issues.

emnk5308 · May 2012

I'm terrified that I might have this problem.. I've always been the fat kid too =(
Is there a way for you to talk to a therapist? Keep your head up!

Do you have before and after pic's? After being heavy your whole life it is going to be hard to accept the new you.. just go look in the mirror at yourself!

Antjebeth08 · May 2012

I'm in the exact same boat. That is why I fear my goal and am afraid that I still won't be happy with my life despite being "healthy". :frown:

Racheltheresa2 · May 2012

I am 5'10" and at my top weigh weighed in at 340lbs. I now weigh in around 180. I too struggle with my self image. I find my self image is tied to how happy and fulfilled many other parts of my life are not just my weight and figure. I know exercise helps make me feel happier with myself. I also need other things outside of my body that make me happy. I have returned to school and it had made me feel more confident. Try doing something meaningful to you that does not involve weight, food, or exercise. Chin up we all have ups and downs.
Theresa

Cheval13 · May 2012

Hey girl, you are definitely not fat. You are lean even, and you look like a runner. I can't speak from experience since the most I've ever weighed was 133, but I have people telling me at 128 that I am skinny and don't need to lose any weight... (I'm also 5'6'') . I think though, from what I've heard, that it is hard to tell yourself you are beautiful just from looking in the mirror. If your clothing size (2-4/ small), am I right?) is not enough of an indicator, take your measurements, or check out you body in pictures.
But all that is just about your body. You need to remember that it doesn't matter who you are on the outside... aside from health and energy, it never did. If you are a good person, if you do little things each day to make those around you feel special, then then you've just got a fat heart. I tried to be supportive.. hope it came across that way. COngrats on your loss. You look amazing!

shaunacaddell · May 2012

I feel the same way. I thought once i hit 150 i would be happy, but now that im 155 i think, well ill b happy at 140. I still think i dont look good enough and want to continue to lose. Will i ever b happy ?

ebaymommy · May 2012

Not sure what your time frame has been for losing the weight but it can take your mind a long time to catch up to your body. I lost about 50lbs total over the course of several years. I've been within a 5lb range of my goal weight for the past 18 months now and I'm FINALLY starting to get to the point where I feel on the inside the way I look on the outside....like a skinny girl.

For a long time I still felt fat or thought every time I looked in a mirror that the old, heavier me would be what I saw. Don't stress over it, it's really normal and you lost a ton of weight (congratulations on that!) so it will take you some time to adjust. I figured I spent 30ish years being overweight, I've got to give it some time to adjust to not being overweight.

And you cannot expect that weight loss will solve other problems in life. You can only expect that with time will come self-confidence and that can positively affect other aspects of your life.

darrcn5 · May 2012

I read an article that says it can take a while for our brain to process the image of the new us. Like when we gain weight, it takes a while before we "see" ourselves as looking bigger; the same with losing weight. It takes a bit for our brain to catch up and see the new you. You look fantastic. Buy yourself some clothes that you love to highlight that new figure!

danielle63026 · May 2012

I'm in the exact same boat. That is why I fear my goal and am afraid that I still won't be happy with my life despite being "healthy". :frown:

This is exactly how I feel, too. I'm afraid that being thin won't be everything that I expect it to be. I've always thought that being thin would fix everything in my life, I know now that that's not the case.

callmecaptain · May 2012

It might just take a little bit to soak in, give your self some time, buy something you have always dreamed of wearing or do something you have always wanted to do that the weight kept you from doing. I had a kidney removed and the doc told me it would take a while to heal and that I would have ghost pains or something like that, it has been four years and I still feel it an ache now and then then I tell myself it's not there and the pain goes away, The scars the surgery left are always there but the pain is gone and I am healthy again.

Nataliaho · May 2012

I need to update my profile but long story short~ I was always fat. I weighed 130 something pounds by 3rd grade and it got worse quickly. I am 5ft 6, the heaviest I ever was brave enough to get on a scale at was 211. I am pretty sure that is close to my heaviest weight ever. In the last year I have really gotten hooked on exercise and healthier eating~ MFP is a miracle app. I am down to the lowest weight ever-126!!! And I am happy about the loss, I really am! But when I look in the mirror, I still sometimes see the fat girl. I still usually FEEL like the fat girl. And nothing else in life was solved. My head rationally knows that losing weight can't change everything, but I spent my whole life thinking, if only I lost weight___________ would happen. And it didn't.
Anybody else deal with this kind of thinking? I am getting on my own nerves lately. I keep telling myself, "Enough already! BE happy with what you have accomplished!" But I'm not listening...

No, losing the weight won't make _______________ happen. But what it shows is that you are strong and capable, that you are able to name a goal, make a plan, follow through and succeed. That is no small thing! Now what are all these "things" you wish would change or happen? Apply that same resilience and strength to those things and before you know it......

melizerd · May 2012

Two things need to happen, You need to give yourself time to catch up to what you really look like. It took me about 6 months to realize I had actually lost 70+pounds (I was in maintenance for awhile). Its okay that it takes time.

The second thing is that you need to work on the issues that make you feel less than wonderful, and while your body size/shape might SEEM like the problem its not really, that's deep inside you and you have to be okay with who you are on the inside no matter what the scale says. The scale does not define you (or me!).

callmecaptain · May 2012

I need to update my profile but long story short~ I was always fat. I weighed 130 something pounds by 3rd grade and it got worse quickly. I am 5ft 6, the heaviest I ever was brave enough to get on a scale at was 211. I am pretty sure that is close to my heaviest weight ever. In the last year I have really gotten hooked on exercise and healthier eating~ MFP is a miracle app. I am down to the lowest weight ever-126!!! And I am happy about the loss, I really am! But when I look in the mirror, I still sometimes see the fat girl. I still usually FEEL like the fat girl. And nothing else in life was solved. My head rationally knows that losing weight can't change everything, but I spent my whole life thinking, if only I lost weight___________ would happen. And it didn't.
Anybody else deal with this kind of thinking? I am getting on my own nerves lately. I keep telling myself, "Enough already! BE happy with what you have accomplished!" But I'm not listening...

No, losing the weight won't make _______________ happen. But what it shows is that you are strong and capable, that you are able to name a goal, make a plan, follow through and succeed. That is no small thing! Now what are all these "things" you wish would change or happen? Apply that same resilience and strength to those things and before you know it......

Well said!!!!

nightsrainfall · May 2012

I will degrade myself and blame it on weight - but it's not the weight. Hopefully our view points of ourselves will change as we go out and do new things, and learn more about ourselves. No one can change our opinions but us - we have to realize or decide that we are good enough.

But yeah, I'm in the same boat - minus the weight loss part.

Bethag80 · May 2012

I thought this was just me. Honestly, I have always been overweight, even as a child. I weigh myself, and I see its lower, and I think "hmm the scale must not be working today". The other day I almost lost my pants, I chopped it up to something being wrong with my pants. My husband says its cause I will never be happy with myself, I tell him he's never been obese and would never understand. Its still a struggle and I love the results so far, but I am so worried I will always see the little fat girl in the mirror.

steph124ny · May 2012

Two things need to happen, You need to give yourself time to catch up to what you really look like. It took me about 6 months to realize I had actually lost 70+pounds (I was in maintenance for awhile). Its okay that it takes time.

The second thing is that you need to work on the issues that make you feel less than wonderful, and while your body size/shape might SEEM like the problem its not really, that's deep inside you and you have to be okay with who you are on the inside no matter what the scale says. The scale does not define you (or me!).

I agree with this. There was a reason you were overweight. There was/is a reason that you don't give yourself the credit you are due for all the hard work you put in. There is a reason that you don't feel like you are worthy. No one deserves to feel that way, especially when the mirror is telling you that you DID do the work. You derserve to feel proud and happy. I think if I were you, I would schedule some sessions with a therapist to find out why you don't. It's not a weakness to do so...it is just another show of the strength that you've already proven that you have. (((Hugs)))

Christine1110 · May 2012

I feel the same way. I started at 232 pounds...and today I'm 135. I did see the fat girl, but now after 2 years....I'm see myself thin. When I look in the mirror I still can only see negative things. were I still have lumps or fat....or wrinkles. I wondered if it was just me. I'm only 3 pounds to hitting my goal weight ( I have now decided that I want to be thinner....to lose another 12-15 pounds.) I still can't see the postive.....I hope it changes with time.

cjpg · May 2012

There is a difference between your body image and your body. I equate it to a dog race.

Here we are, the greyhounds, at the start of the weight loss 'race'. Ahead of us is the 'BODY IMAGE' that we tell ourselves our goal should be. The pistol goes off and we all start sprinting down the track. Some of us slip and never feel can ever get back up again. Others are determined and go for it no matter what comes their way. Each step you feel you're getting closer to your BODY IMAGE, making progress and getting faster and more determined. When you cross the finish line, that BODY IMAGE disappears back into the track and you still don't feel accomplished. You wanted to get that BODY IMAGE, that one aspect that you've been aspiring for.

What we never realise is that BODY IMAGE is a fantasy. Your BODY is all that matters. Throughout it all, your BODY has healed, has become stronger, healthier, fitter and MORE beautiful. But this is the point - BODY IMAGE can be susceptible to how our mood takes us and heavily influences whether we are feel positively or negatively towards our bodies. But that IMAGE is just a reflection of our BODY - which is always perfect, always beautiful and never 'disgusting'.

True beauty comes from within, anyway. When we get older, do our bodies deteriorate over time? YES. Does that make our physical beauty fade? YES. Does that make us any LESS BEAUTIFUL? HELL NO! Physical beauty is fleeting but beauty of the soul is truly the shining star.

Crochetluvr · May 2012

I have no advice but I am 5'6" and weight 210 and if I can accomplish what you have, I know that not ALL my problems will be solved but one that I have struggled with since I was a kid will be.

I remember when I was in my mid 20's and weighed 120 pounds and STILL thought I was fat. A sadder but wiser girl am I.

Pascua_j · May 2012

Thank you for the nice words. And it is REALLY nice to at least know others have the same feelings about it in their journey. I heard a quote once was something like "the longest journey is from the head to the heart" which is really true here. I would tell anyone else who felt this way all of the things you guys said...except when it's you, it is harder to do.
IDk, it is all part of the journey.
Again, thank you for the responses.

Rocking_Robin · May 2012

Bump

ajelove · May 2012

Yep! Had that problem when I first lost weight...and it took me about 8 years to find something else to make me happy. You just have to pick up some non weight related hobbies, or start moving toward another life goal. For me it was finding Christ, leaving a destructive relationship, and starting a family. I realized that I love to cook and to volunteer my time and money.

blairh10 · May 2012

Thin ISN'T everything !!! When I looked in the mirror as a 5' - 95 lbs. girl, all I saw was someone who wished they were better- in better shape-happier- taller- had different features- etc... . I'm 140lbs. now and while I don't like the chubbiness of the girl looking back at me I see someone who has accomplished so much and overcame obstacles she didn't think she ever could. When I lose this weight I'm hoping I look how I feel on the inside and I won't ever take my health for granted again.
Gratitude for even the smallest of things was the key for me to change my outlook. When you look in the mirror don't allow yourself to say "I wish...." say outloud, "I'm glad that___(my arms are toned, my booty's poppin', whatever you are grateful for). Congrats on doing so well on your journey.

amfmmama · May 2012

Last year, I went to buy jeans, I started with the 14s, too big, got some 12s, TOO BIG, when I went to get the 10's I was sneaking around like mission impossible music was playing. I swear the ladies must have thought I was shoplifting! I did not think I could possibly wear them and I did not want anyone to even see my try! I get it. As much as you want the loss, it is hard to accept. Who saw that coming!?!

BTW, the tens fit fine!

delikium · May 2012

that's exactly what i am afraid of. i've been blaming my weight for so many things...and i know it was just an excuse.
but i still need to lose the weight in order to delete that excuse and confront myself.
have you tried something to change your image? shave your head or something!

heidi5k · May 2012

I think I've learned an insight that might be helpful...

Getting healthy is a GOOD thing. It's just not the ULTIMATE thing. Lots of us spend lots of time pursuing GOOD things, only to find when we get there that we are still unfulfilled, unhappy, uncertain, etc.

We pursue these good things with all our heart, and without question (health, being a the right kind of parent, succeeding in school or at work, getting a great guy, etc.) because, well, they're good things to go for, right?

Yeah - they are. And all of those things will contribute to our happiness and confidence and security and sense of meaning.

They are terribly disappointing, however, when they function as our ULTIMATE thing. Each of those good goals is essentially unstable, unpredictable, out of our control and fleeting. (I could be in an accident and never be able to exercise again; there's never "enough" success at work, and frequently my hard work isn't recognized; I could be an awesome parent, and my kids could stil choose to rebel, etc..)

When I've chosen to give everything to get or to be one of those good things, my failures are almost unbearable, and the disappointment that you describe in your post (that many of us have felt) is heartbreaking.

On the other hand, having the ULTIMATE thing in the ultimate place allows us to be happy with all of these GOOD things, b/c we're not relying on them for fulfillment, security, significance, etc. They're just good things that add to our well being and the well being of others.

Does this make sense? Feel free to PM me, or add as a friend, too if you want to talk about this a bit more. I have some thoughts on what that "ultimate" thing should be...

mellonitis · May 2012

I've always been the skinny girl every one said they wanted to be. Even at my current weight I hear the same. I have alot of work to do I have never felt like people said they see me. After kids my low self esteem has only gotten lower. I have stretch marks from my belly button to my knees. I have a pouch from c sections. My chest was tore up from nursing 2 boys a year Each . I'm never gonna b happy with myself fully. I've lost some weight that is true but it feels like nothing most days. The days I make time for myself. Work out shower dress up do my make up I feel great. i am hidden But never satisfied. I think it's just the mental image of your self u have burnt in your head. I'm not one to give advice but I think we need to let it go to the best of our abilities. In put some faith in other people's kind words. We may never love what we see on the outside but we need to accept that they are telling the truth and they can't all be stretching the truth. I think your doing great! And don't let you're self get you down. Allow yourself to enjoy your victory even If it's not your idea of perfect. were all brain washed in this world as to what beauty is. And No two views are the same. as long as your healthy and you allow your self to look past what you see as flaws things will get better. Maybe buy yourself something that will make u feel beautiful and when your feeling down put it on and be proud!

shimewazaMan · May 2012

I totally understand what you are saying. I started having pretty severe weight issues at an early age and have had massive issues with body image my whole life as a result. Not that this is a great way of dealing with it, but the one thing that has helped me a bit is martial arts. I have been doing various forms of martial arts for about 25 years. I know it's probably socially unacceptable, but having an "I may be ugly but and can kick your nice looking @ss" mentality has helped my self-esteem quite a bit! LOL

kris4chloe · May 2012

I totally get it. I still don't recognize myself in a mirror and I know my eyes tend to go straight to my trouble spots. When someone comments on my weight loss and how good I look or even call me skinny, I just laugh and dismiss it. I weight right now what alot of people are before they start so it is hard for me to think that. I have 20 more pounds to my first goal weight but now I am starting to think it needs to be another ten pounds and that is my response to everyone.

I was thin growing up and my heavy weight was my goal weight now, so that is messing with my head.

It is hard, I think we just need to let our brains catch up, because I know it took a few years for me to stop thinking I was thin even though I was very much overweight.

When I need motivation, I like to go clothes shopping, and when I see smaller sizes fitting me better, it helps my brain wrap around the fact that I am thinner.

weight loss didn't change everything :(

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