Alright...here we go again...

I would like to start my introduction here by saying that I'm terrified of failure.

I can't remember a time that I felt skinny, but I can't say I've always been fat. My goal weight is what I thought was fat in high school. I am 34 years old, mom to two boys (5 and 8), and a managing editor for Investopedia.com. I live an hour away from work, which equates to 10 hours per day (at least!) sitting. What do I do when I get home from work and dinner is cooked and kids in bed? I sit some more! Sigh...

In 2006, when I became pregnant with my youngest, I weighted 280lbs. I actually lost weight while pregnant with him (partly to do a gestational diabetes diet), and when he was born weighed 230. I have managed to gain those 50lbs back in the last 3 years, since going back to school and to work for the first time in 10 years.

So now to the fear of failure part. I, like many many people before me, just don't know how to make quitting stick. I'm tired if disappointing myself, and everyone else. I've tried and tried so hard in the past, just to fail. A big part of me wants to say, "what's the point?"

Well... two days ago I couldn't get an airplane seatbelt done up. I was mortified. Then today, my obgyn told me she couldn't do a laprascopic tubal ligation, until I'd lost 50 lbs.

This is interfering with my life. I can't do what I want to do, and I hate how I look. I try to hide myself from my husband. I feel like I"m a disgusting embarrassment.

But i don't know what to do. Oh I know better than a lot of people just what has to be done...but I don't know how to NOT fail.

I could go on and on, but I've said enough for now. What I need is strength and support, I'm hoping I can find that here.

Heather