Single Parents!
So what are your thought on single parenthood? I know most of you are parents so I'm curious about what you think.... If you are a single parent and could do it over again, would you? If you are in a two parent household, do you think you could hack it as a single parent? Does anyone think that it's not fair to bring a child into the world if you know you are going to be a single parent?
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I think it's about quality, not quantity, of parenting. One good parent is better than two crappy ones! I just think it's important to prepare your life, especially financially. Do you have daycare available? Do you have a support network of other parents or relatives that can help you out? Do you live in a good neighborhood for kids? Near good schools? Do you have the right temperament? Lots of patience? *Personally* I think that people who think about all of these things before deciding to have children are much much more likely to be good parents.0
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Thanks! I was wondering if anyone had read this... One of my friends said it's not fair to the kids to PLAN to be a single parent, but if you plan to be a parent, aren't you more prepared than a couple that has an accident?0
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My thoughts exactly! What's really not fair is figuring out how you're going to cope with a kid AFTER you get pregnant.0
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Are you considering being a single parent, Sherie?0
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Being a single parent is HARD. Can it be done .. obviously. But it isn't easy .. and isn't something that will ever go away or get easier. Your role just changes as the child ages. Especially the type of child you have .. my nephew is a child that literally never stops moving. He is up and running from the minute his eyes open to the time he goes to bed at night. Doesn't nap. My son was more laid back as a child .. thank the Lord because I could not have handled a child like my nephew..lol.
You just need to be prepared as best as you can be. But any child that is wanted and loved will be a happy child.0 -
Are you considering being a single parent, Sherie?
Yes, Ruthy. I'll be 35 this year and risk of complications go up dramatically once you are over 35. I love kids and I've always wanted to be a mother. I just don't know if I can keep waiting to find Mr Right. What if it's too late? Lots of people have problems conceiving the older they get. I don't have lots of family around but I do have great friends nearby and I make double the average household, so finances is not an issue... It's something I am seriously considering.0 -
I'm a single parent and have been since he was in the womb (almost 16yrs ago).. if I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now and how things turned out, I would, if I was financially secure and had a bigger place *lol*
As it was said above - it's not quanity, it's quality.. I grew up in a 2 parent household but was raised by a nanny - parents were never there. My son grew up with just me and I was there for him every step of the way..
It's not a walk in the park and there were days I just wanted to shut out the world but when I looked into the eyes of my child, I knew I was doing right by him..0 -
I think being a single parent would be okay for the child, but would be much more overwhelming than one would imagine when planning it. Being a parent, single or otherwise, is difficult, stressful and overwhelming at times. It is also joyful, amazing and fulfilling at times. The good definitely outweighs the bad, but logistically, being a single parent would be extremely hard.
I'm a divorced parent, which is different than a single parent, IMO. I tend to think of single parents as not having another parent to help them out, while divorced parents have the support and involvement of their divorced partner and both remain active in their child's life.
My ex and I fought like crazy and he was quite verbally and emotionally abusive to me when we were together. Surprisingly, he and I have become great friends and are probably the best co-parents I know since we separated. We both have our dysfunctions and have recognized how we each contributed to the demise of our relationship, and despite trying to reconcile a few times, it just doesn't work.
We are both committed to parenting our daughter above all else in our lives. We talk daily about things that involve her. We work as a team to provide the things she needs -- financially, physically, emotionally, psychologically and logistically. In fact, he rented the house across the street from me, which makes life easy for all of us, especially my daughter. We share custody 50/50 and we have no child support or alimony. We both pay for things to our ability and negotiate everything in a fair way. We still do things (holidays, movies, activities, school events) involving my daughter together occasionally, which works for now until one or both of us end up with someone else. We are both in agreement that dating needs to be kept separate from our daughter until one of us becomes serious, and we place our daughter's needs above our own.
I am very proud of the way we co-parent our child, and I am very content with my peaceful, non-conflicted single life. Separating was the best thing I ever did, and I am very proud that I set the tone during our separation (by helping him financially, materially and emotionally) to create such a positive situation for our daughter. Divorce doesn't necessarily lead to "single parenting," IMO.0 -
Are you considering being a single parent, Sherie?
Yes, Ruthy. I'll be 35 this year and risk of complications go up dramatically once you are over 35. I love kids and I've always wanted to be a mother. I just don't know if I can keep waiting to find Mr Right. What if it's too late? Lots of people have problems conceiving the older they get. I don't have lots of family around but I do have great friends nearby and I make double the average household, so finances is not an issue... It's something I am seriously considering.
I have a girlfriend who is also considering this and she asked me what I thought (single mom) and I told her that based on what she said she was making the decision out of fear for not having a baby in the future. I would try to not make a decision out of fear of something not happening when you want it to. Sometimes life can change in an instance and your world can get flipped upside down. My grandmother had my mom at 44 years old...she was an oops! I thank God for the oops! I wouldn't be worried so much about age, especially today with all of the medical advances in the fertility field. You just never know what your future holds. That said, it's a very personal decision that is yours to make so if you do have a baby by choice, rock on!
As for being a single parent, it is the greatest challenge I have ever faced. It pushes me to be stronger, more patient, more forgiving of myself and others, and now that I feel confident in my parenting everything else feels like gravy. You are tested in ways that are at times exhausting, but then when you need the strength to get through something difficult together, the strength is just there. I look back on my first four years as a single parent and wonder how I got through some of it just him and I, but then I realize it's because we make such a great team! It's amazing and, as any parent will say, your life will never be the same again.
Whatever you decide, best of luck to you! :flowerforyou:0 -
I would defenitely do it again:) It was hard at first bc I didn't plan getting pregnant and I didn't think I would be doing it alone. But I got myself into the right mindset during my pregnancy and pulled it off:)0
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There is nothing wrong with planning on being a single parent. I actually think it is better to plan on it rather than finding yourself single parenting unintentionally(my scenario). I have been a single full time parent with no child support for 15 years and my daughter is doing better than most 2-parent household teenagers I know.
Is it hard, HELL YEAH! But parenting is hard whether there are 2 parents or 1. I don't believe parenting should be denied because you do not have a partner/husband/significant other.0 -
Being a single parent can be super hard at times, but IMHO it has been worth every single minute! I can't imgaine my life any other way.0
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i've been a single parent for 5 years and there are some pro's and cons.
i'm lucky that my childs father is involved, so i get every other weekend off. i understand that two parent households wouldnt get this perk.
The cons of course are you're usually low on money, patience, time, etc.
But at the end of the day i love my life and love my child and i'm glad i made the decision i made.0 -
I am fortunate enough to have learned how to be an amazing mom. My kiddos are the best. While I want a partner, I haven't found one good enough for those 2 amazing people that mean the world to me, and I'm not going to settle.0
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Thanks you all so much for your input! I'm not trying to make a rash decision so I'm taking my time and thinking hard about this. I would expect to be 100% on my own if I did this but I'm ok with that. I know it's not an easy job to be a parent and when there is only one it's twice as hard. If i do this, it won't be out of fear or loneliness... It will be out of love and the strong desire I have had for years to have a family. Lots more thinking to do... I really appreciate each of you that too the time to share your thoughts or feelings with me!0
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good luck! the piece of advice i got when i was pregnant and i believe it to be true is this: you will never regret keeping your child, you will only regret NOT keeping it.
it really helped me through what i was going through.0 -
I'm not a single parent now, but when I left my first husband I single parented our daughter for about a year. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done [hell motherhood in general is] but it was definitely worth it. I agree about quality over quantity. My daughter deserved better than 2 parents that weren't there 100% because of our issues. She spends time with both of us now and we're better separately than we ever were together. I've since remarried so now she has the benefit of having a two parent household with siblings and her single parent household with her father.0
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Thanks you all so much for your input! I'm not trying to make a rash decision so I'm taking my time and thinking hard about this. I would expect to be 100% on my own if I did this but I'm ok with that. I know it's not an easy job to be a parent and when there is only one it's twice as hard. If i do this, it won't be out of fear or loneliness... It will be out of love and the strong desire I have had for years to have a family. Lots more thinking to do... I really appreciate each of you that too the time to share your thoughts or feelings with me!
You are AWESOME! Best of luck in your decision making.0 -
My mother was a single parent and I saw how much she struggled, it's something I never want to have to go through, but believe me I would if it was best for my daughter.
I'm lucky enough to not be a single parent. Some days when I'm feeling overwhelmed I just leave and go for a walk or take a bath - just like that. My mother didn't have that option. I have SO much respect for her and what she did for my brother and I.0 -
I love being a single parent! It's really hard sometimes not having a second person around to help, but knowing that every smile, every kiss, and every hug is all mine is worth it all!
I'm definitely a MUCH better person now that I have my son in my life. If you want to ask more questions, feel free to message me!0 -
I love being a single parent. I wouldn't change it for the world. I would not marry the same guy but love the children I got from the marriage. It has been great raising them.0
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The only thing I would change...cannot be for I have no control of the choices made by others. So, nothing.0
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One of my fav people already replied on here (hi, sofaking6!)
I've been a single parent from day 1.
She's 16 now.
She's a black belt in tae kwon do. She has about a 3.5 GPA (in the top 12% or so of her class). She is a great kid.
But it has been very hard at times. I think planning for it is helpful. Having close friends and family around to help out is great if you can get it. (I have one amazing friend who has helped more than I can say.)
Have a good support system and it's doable.0 -
I kicked my bf (or fiance...or whatever) out 2 months before our son was a year old. He wasn't helping financially, even though he had a job. He wasn't helping with raising our son and said it was because of his job. He wasn't even picking up after himself, which again, he blamed on his job. He just wasn't helping; so, I already felt like I was a single parent. Also, he started getting really emotionally/verbally abusive to me, again, the job's fault! After he left, my world actually became less stressful because I had one less person to pick up after and feed and no one constantly yelling or belittling me. Being in a relationship while having my son, I didn't think I would be a single mother, but I think it's the best thing for us because at least my son has a happy environment now. His father liked to yell (who the heck yells at a less than 1 yr old?), and now he isn't subjected to that every day.
I don't regret a thing.
ETA: Also, I had my son when I was 35...I'm 36 now.
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If I had planned to be a single parent I would have done things much much differently.
I had to move across country to keep my job when my ex decided to bail (I travel frequently for work so I needed to be close to family).
Had I known I would be doing this alone I would have found a job in San Diego and simply moved in a nanny or au pair. My life would have been better I think.
OP I think planning to be a single parent is perfectly ok. Even better if adotion is considered!0 -
I was a single parent for 13 years when my partner was killed in an accident. I never set out to have any children but I am glad I did as she is now 18 and my best friend. Its very hard being a single parent and I dont think I ever want to do it again. But women are stronger and more independent these days and I am now a better and different person for having to do it alone. I have only just met someone who I plan to settle down with but I still find it hard after being on my own so long!0
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I'm a single parent.....when I was pregnant, I imagined a permanent relationship and possible marriage with her dad. He cheated on me right before she was born and looking back I can't imagine us in a serious long-term relationship. Dad has no contact with her, he has other problems.
Looking back on it knowing that things would not work out well between us and that he wouldn't support her in any way,would I still do it?
Yep.
Being a parent of any type isn't easy. Single parenthood brings a particular set of challenges but so does anything worthwhile.0 -
Single Parent here as well. It is rewarding. It is difficult. There's never a dull moment, I'll tell you that. If you can't put your child first, I don't recommend it.
Would I do it again? I wouldn't. I enjoyed being married. Heck, I enjoy being single too, but it would've been easier had we stayed together. I just couldn't, though; too many things to explain here as to why.
No matter what choice you decide, do what is best for the child and you. You can't ever go wrong if you keep that in mind.
I wish you well.0 -
Hi Sheri,
You haven't mentioned if you have much other support like family members nearby. I'm a single mum (separated when my child was two). I don't have parents but my MIL is fantastic and has always been such a great help. My daughter is 10 now and she is fantastic - well behaved, great in school, etc...
Good luck to you.0 -
I am a single parent have been since 2003. Being a single parent is hard but my ex husband was abusive to me and my daughter and I felt Rylee and I would be better off without him in our life.0
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