Super Motivated with a so NOT motivated S.O

katykosto
katykosto Posts: 80
in Motivation and Support
Hey there everyone! Is anyone else having this dilemma? If so what are your thoughts about it?

My boyfriend who his whole life was SKINNY up until 2 years ago while in Iraq he injured his knee and had to take it easy for awhile but now he is 60lbs overweight and wants to lose weight but makes almost NO effort. I tried and help encourage him but it just ends up making us argue because he thinks im being to pushy and I realized I cant MAKE someone lose weight they have to truly WANT IT and be ready to make the change, I have been good about staying clear of the bad food in the house that he still eats but it wasnt easy training myself to do that.

So anyone with experience with this?

First positive I found was atleast he will get to be that guy with the hot girlfriend =]

Replies

  • myak623
    myak623 Posts: 615 Member
    Doesn't sound like he wants to lose the weight bad enough. I think a lot of folks have been there at some point where they know they need to lose the weight, but haven't hit that "light bulb" moment where they feel then need to.

    Not much you can do. Has to be his decision.
  • jzaz903
    jzaz903 Posts: 306 Member
    You can't make him change- he has to want it himself. I'm the same way. My parents have always told me to eat healthier, people asked me if I was losing weight for my wedding(really. Because apparently if you're getting married you HAVE to lose weight) but it wasn't until I decided I wanted this for myself and took it into my own hands that I actually started being healthy an losing weight.
  • yentess
    yentess Posts: 167 Member
    My hubby is very similar. He also says he wants to eat healthy and lose weight with me, but he doesn't put much effort forth. Since I do the groccery shopping and cooking I only buy and cook healthy items and if he wants the junk he has to buy/make it himself. I will help him as much as I can when he asks, but I'm not his Mom so I don't nag him about it.
  • katykosto
    katykosto Posts: 80
    There is days where he is depressed about it, esp. with clothes and days where he says he feels fine and it doesnt bother him, if hes happy the way he is fine, but I know deep down hes not, but hes a procrastinator and being back from Iraq after his second tour hes gotten lazier, but It took me 30lbs to get the light bulb so I see what your saying
    Doesn't sound like he wants to lose the weight bad enough. I think a lot of folks have been there at some point where they know they need to lose the weight, but haven't hit that "light bulb" moment where they feel then need to.

    Not much you can do. Has to be his decision.
  • Lula16
    Lula16 Posts: 628 Member
    keep cooking healthy for the both of you and go on with your workouts. He will probably come around when he sees you being consistant. good luck!
  • Eyesee
    Eyesee Posts: 111 Member
    I completely relate. :( My boyfriend and I got together when I was a teenager and modelling. 7 years later, we both are really fat since we both love junk food and snuggling instead of salads and running.

    It makes me upset because he still looks at old pictures of me and is attracted to really slender girls. I don't really blame him for that since I'm not happy at this weight either, but every time I make an effort to lose weight he seems to sabotage me with his lack of motivation for activity and desire for the old binge foods. It seems unfair because he weighs 10 pounds more than me (only 1 inch taller), wants me to lose weight, but is so unmotivated himself. Ugh!

    I guess all we can do is focus on ourselves and our own health. We can hope they come around, but either way we can't let them bring us down! :D
  • reneeileen
    reneeileen Posts: 455 Member
    My husband has been hit and miss with his efforts and I've realized that all I can do is set a good example and invite him to come with me to the gym. Whenever he's feeling down about the weight he has to lose I just tell him that I believe in him but you have to put in the work to get results. We recently had a conversation about what I can do to help him and we agreed that we could eat dinner at home more often. I also had to be real with him that I can't carry all of the responsibility of the meals. He has to chip in to make meals at home happen more too.

    You can only do so much. In the end he has to put in the work.
  • katykosto
    katykosto Posts: 80
    I wouldnt be very happy if my boyfriend was "wanting" me to lose weight and him not be perfect BMI or trying himself, hypocrites. My boyfriend thinks im perfect just as I am but I know he would be just as happy if not more if I was at my goal. Since we cant count on them for "help" atleast we have THIS. =]
    I completely relate. :( My boyfriend and I got together when I was a teenager and modelling. 7 years later, we both are really fat since we both love junk food and snuggling instead of salads and running.

    It makes me upset because he still looks at old pictures of me and is attracted to really slender girls. I don't really blame him for that since I'm not happy at this weight either, but every time I make an effort to lose weight he seems to sabotage me with his lack of motivation for activity and desire for the old binge foods. It seems unfair because he weighs 10 pounds more than me (only 1 inch taller), wants me to lose weight, but is so unmotivated himself. Ugh!

    I guess all we can do is focus on ourselves and our own health. We can hope they come around, but either way we can't let them bring us down! :D
  • jerber160
    jerber160 Posts: 2,607 Member
    lysistrata him
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    lol my boyfriend is hilariously un-motivated. If you asked him, he would say he is highly motivated... but he won't work out with me, and while he eats better, he will take an excuse not to log if you give it to him.

    I find it endearing, plus I'm super competitive, so I would hate it if he got to eat twice as much as me and lose weight twice as fast (He's 6'1" so high caloric needs lol)
  • steph25723
    steph25723 Posts: 10
    I think that if you just make it about you....like share your successes with him. Many times when others see how much happier and healthier you feel, that is enough to encourage them to try.

    Example - when my husband loses weight or makes other healthy lifestyle choices, that encourage me to think that I too can succeed.

    Stephanie
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Other than the fact that I was giving him different food at mealtimes, it took my husband about 9 months or so to actually come on board fully with the lifestyle changes we are making. I am happy and proud that he decided on his own to join me!
  • missjewl
    missjewl Posts: 214 Member
    Hey there everyone! Is anyone else having this dilemma? If so what are your thoughts about it?

    My boyfriend who his whole life was SKINNY up until 2 years ago while in Iraq he injured his knee and had to take it easy for awhile but now he is 60lbs overweight and wants to lose weight but makes almost NO effort. I tried and help encourage him but it just ends up making us argue because he thinks im being to pushy and I realized I cant MAKE someone lose weight they have to truly WANT IT and be ready to make the change, I have been good about staying clear of the bad food in the house that he still eats but it wasnt easy training myself to do that.

    So anyone with experience with this?

    First positive I found was atleast he will get to be that guy with the hot girlfriend =]

    Geez... sounds like we have the same guy! j/k but for real... mine is like that. He even does this thing where he acts like he's a professional at losing weight and gives me tips on what to do and how to do it, even though Im the one who has already lost 80 lbs! I do pretty good steering clear of the junk he brings home... Im not a big chip eater to begin with so i dont find it really hard. The only thing though, I wish he would get interested in getting healthy too! We have 2 children which are my main goal of getting fit and staying healthy. I give him the whole "if you dont take care of yourself you're gonna have a heart attack and die" and in that case im raising our children on my own. I have even tried the "dont you wanna see the kids grow up and have their families?" Im sure my mister bigshot will step up sooner or later hope fully before its too late.

    LOL at your last comment too! He may be the guy with the hot girlfriend until he freeks out cause other guys are checking you out.
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
    Other than the fact that I was giving him different food at mealtimes, it took my husband about 9 months or so to actually come on board fully with the lifestyle changes we are making. I am happy and proud that he decided on his own to join me!
    I had a similar experience with my boyfriend. He was thrilled when I started making food rather than constantly bringing home Doritos and soda (he thinks I'm a great cook and has always enjoyed it) but wasn't convinced to cut his portion sizes or log what he was eating. When he saw my results though, he changed his mind! He still gets freaked out about logging, so I do it for him and he just defers to me on what he eats. He's seeing weight loss as well now and is really pleased about it. Sometimes leading by example is better than trying to convince someone.
  • pedestrianista
    pedestrianista Posts: 2
    yup, i totally get that too. but it's also funny...we definitely can be bad influences on each other's eating, which makes it hard, but i also find that when i stick with it, he supports me and will eventually come around too...he might whine at first about no dessert, but is ok with it when i stick to my guns. also, i just started eating more like how he used to eat when he was much less heavy (basically low on wheat and sugar, but not as drastic as atkins-type diet: meat, veggies, fruit, nuts, cheese), and he's all of a sudden totally on board...i guess what i was doing before just didn't really appeal to him. still waiting for him to hit the exercise bike though...we'll see. regardless, the most important thing is that he accepts me for who i am and i feel the same about him--for health purposes i would like for us both to be less heavy, but at least we have the love! and don't let his lack of motivation get you down...stay strong!
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    I think the best thing to do is just to eat well and exercise and not discuss it with him. If he's not in the frame of mind to really want to lose weight, then anything you say or do is going to seem like nagging, even if you think you are being subtle.
    Cook healthy meals, invite him to exercise with you if he can, but other than that, just go about your daily business and don't make a big deal of it. Hopefully once he feels he isn't being dragged into it, he might be ready to get going for himself and then he can think it is his idea!
  • katykosto
    katykosto Posts: 80
    @Rudybelle I think your right, he had mentioned my "encouragement" made him feel like I was trying to be his mom and nag so I stopped and I will just have to let him worry about himself and continue to worry about myself. Whether hes10-60lbs overweight I will still love him just want him to truly be happy...Thanks yall
  • ShiahC
    ShiahC Posts: 9 Member
    I say leave him. He'll do it when he's ready. Don't ruin your relationship because he doesn't want to do something for himself that he said that he was going to do
  • MandyZacherl79
    MandyZacherl79 Posts: 31 Member
    I was just going to post something quite similar to this..My husband has absolutely NO desire to get into shape or eat healthy, and finds it amusing to criticise my workout/exercise routine. I have just decided that after a year of listening to him and gaining 15lbs back of what I had worked so hard to lose that I was going to do what is best for me.
    I look at it this way if he wants to continue to sit on the couch every evening and shove 1000+ calories of junk food into his body that is his doing not mine. So if your S.O. does not want to become a healthier person that is on him not you..Just keep up doing what your doing and your right he WILL have a super hot G.F.!!!
  • katykosto
    katykosto Posts: 80
    Maybe when they see us looking AWESOME they will be like damn now I have to...lol
    I was just going to post something quite similar to this..My husband has absolutely NO desire to get into shape or eat healthy, and finds it amusing to criticise my workout/exercise routine. I have just decided that after a year of listening to him and gaining 15lbs back of what I had worked so hard to lose that I was going to do what is best for me.
    I look at it this way if he wants to continue to sit on the couch every evening and shove 1000+ calories of junk food into his body that is his doing not mine. So if your S.O. does not want to become a healthier person that is on him not you..Just keep up doing what your doing and your right he WILL have a super hot G.F.!!!

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