Newbie saying hi (witj 50 lbs to lose and a yo-yo history)

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Hi everyone. I'm a MFP newbie. Have been struggling with my weight for my whole life, even when I was an athlete and an 125 lb, 5'4" highschooler. (Makes no sense -- I was obviously FINE.) But I've always had a bad relationship with my body.

Now, at 31 and 190 lbs, I feel terribly unattractive and unhealthy. I'm ashamed (in particular) of my upper arms (ginormous) and belly, which is where I carry all my weight -- in a big "people-mistake-me-for-pregnant" ball of flab.

In my 20s, I was a textbook yo-yo dieter, trying everything from Atkins to the Zone and sometimes starving myself for a couple of weeks to lose weight fast before a trip or event. Then I would go back to binging. Sometimes, if I felt too full I would panic and purge -- almost in a trance. Bullemic behaviour - v. bad. Luckily, I don't think I messed by body up too much, since purging was fairly rare. But I still sometimes have the urge to purge today. It's related to anxiety/depression, I think.

Lost about 30 lbs in 2008 with a very restrictive diet (which seems impossible now), but then finally went on anti-anxiety meds in 2010 that have changed my appetite. Gained ALL that weight back and then some.

So... here I am.

Tried Weight Watchers this past summer/fall, but lost only about 12 lbs in 3 months. I know that is not bad, but it wasn't motivating either. I fell off the wagon after about 3 months. Mind you, that's the longest I've ever stayed on a "diet" of any kind.

Just wanted to try this since I've heard good things and it's free. It's hard to feel motivated in these early days. 50 lbs seems like such a big goal -- almost impossible. It was so hard to lose that 30 lbs back in 2008 ... I feel unsure of being able to do it again.

But I'm determined! Hoping to meet some people and learn if what folks say is true -- it's easier if you don't do it alone.

Anyway, there's my story. Nice to meet you all.

Replies

  • NikkiDowney
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    Similar to my story! I want to lose 40-50 pounds as well. Add me as a friend-I need all the support I can get (and recipes too!!)
    Good Luck :)
  • ChristineDiet
    ChristineDiet Posts: 719 Member
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    Hi. I'm new too! Hello

    I need to lose alot of weight. I was anorexic then bullemic as a young teenager, sadly I lost a friend through this illness and was kick started back to health from doctors and my dad, after being told that I would have to be admitted to hospital if I didn't change. I was 13 years old and weighed 4 1/2 stones and wearing 5/6 year old clothes.

    I then managed to turn things around and got into athletics and gymnastics and dance at school. After leaving school I went onto study and then the exercise just stopped. I managed to stay at a healthy size 8, even after having my first child. However, after having my 2nd child I went up to a size 14/16 and then 2 years ago had my third child and I'm now at a size 16/18 - probably more comfortable at a size 18! I hate it. I don't understand how I've gone from a size 8 to a size 18. It's ridiculous. My relationship is suffering as I don't feel confident in bed at all and often drink till I'm drunk before anything happens.

    I'll be turning 40 in February and it scares me to think that they say it gets harder to lose weight the older you get, I'm certainly not getting any younger. I'm also going on a girly holiday in May and I want/need to look the best I possibly can. I don't want to be the 'fat mate'.

    Today I ate:

    Breakfast: a small bowl of cereal with skimmed milk
    Snack: skinny latte
    Lunch: Jacket potato with baked beans and a little bit of cheese, with a side salad
    Snack: skinny latte
    Dinner: 4 small lamb chops

    I was thinking of trying the Atkins style but still having cereal in the morning so I wasn't cutting out carbs completely. Basically I did the Atkins a long time ago, I lost the weight quickly but then gained it all and then some, when I ate carbs again. So i thought if I could cut out the carbs for the rest of the day then that would be healthier. Unfortuntately today I went out with friends for lunch and there was limited option and I was starving, panini's, toasties, sandwiches etc I thought the jacket potato was the better option.

    I would to hear from people with any suggestions, or what they are doing/eating in order to achieve.

    Recipe's would be great too.

    good luck everyone,
  • Tink_89
    Tink_89 Posts: 23
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    Hey,

    I have also been a yo-yo dieter and I am hoping this site will help me to learn how to eat healthily and lose the weight healthily as well.

    I wish you the best of luck and it's nice to meet you,

    x
  • Whodatgirl77
    Whodatgirl77 Posts: 238 Member
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    Your story sounds very much like mine including we are in the same neighborhood with regards to weight and age. I just started on Jan 1. I like it so far. Ordered a bodymedia fit armband and it just arrived today. Can't wait to try it. Add me as a friend if you want. Good luck!!
  • j3nn953lk
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    Being the "fat mate" sounds so familiar. I know what you mean about your relationship suffering. Mine too. And I also drink to gain confidence. (Which is bad - what with the calories and all.) I'm also around a size 16 now and I know what you mean - from a 6/8 to 16!? How did it happen!?

    I am going to add some of you guys as "friends." I hope you don't mind. I don't know much about how MFp works yet. Sort of like FB, I think. Maybe having official "friends" will help.
  • sabina2012
    sabina2012 Posts: 19 Member
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    I am new too and would love to be your support. Add me on.
  • Ricardo2012
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    Hi everyone! I am very impressed and I KNOW its going to work. It helps me when I recite the saying "One Day at a Time".Its an overall lifestyle that requires warming up to slowly and then staying with it.Sometimes a "buddy" may not always be there for support.But now that we have this great website,we always have someone to connect with.What a concept! And no "meetings" to go to.Unless of course,we want to go to meetings.We can do that too.There's nothing stopping any of us now.We have it all, right here and right now.I am paying attention now.No guilt here at all.I just record what I am doing and look at it and see what needs improving..maybe its more water,maybe more protein, another 30 minute walk.Whatever, it all works!

    All the best to each and everyone of you for 2012.Proud to be on this journey with all of you!!

    Kind Regards;

    Richard
  • lubby22
    lubby22 Posts: 31
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    Hello

    I'm new here too... I also have a goal of 50 lbs. According to my BMI I am in the low end of obesity for my height of 5 ft 1 in. at 170lbs. This is my highest weight aside from my highest pregnancy weight which was 203 lbs the week I delivered EEEeeekkk! I am only 5 lbs up from what I was when I got pregnant. So that's great! Not really any pregnancy weight left, but my body is certainly different! I was 165 lbs when I got pregnant. And that was my highest ever. 9 years ago when I started dating my now husband, I was 118 lbs! Within 2 years I was 125. I felt great between 120-125. Overtime, and change of jobs - I got up to 135-140 and I thought THAT was horrible! And now 6 years later I'm sitting here 35 lbs heavier than that! Over the years I have become so lazy and have gone through bouts of depression. I also somehow starting eating so much and craving carbs, salt and sweets. My overall health is actually not too bad - despite the weight and lack of fitness level. I don't have diabetes or high bloodpressure or anything like that - so thank goodness! But I really need to lose some weight and get fit. I am only 27, but sometimes I feel 40. I ache and tire easily. The biggest thing is my laziness. I really have to talk myself into going out, exercising or even doing housework. This is NOT the kind of role model I want to be for my daughter. She is only 6 months old - but it wont be long before she catches on to how I eat and how little physical activity I take part in. I want us to be active and healthy. Yes, of course, I want to lose weight to LOOK good too, but FEELING good and being healthy is far more important. I don't really have to get down to my old 118 lbs and look fantastic, but I certainly would benefit by losing at least 20 lbs... ideally more... but at this point it seems near impossible! 50 lbs sounds ridiculous. I'm in the same frame of mind as many of you - HOW ON EARTH DID I GET TO THIS WEIGHT!!! It didn't just happen over night, but sometimes it seems like it did. Anyways, I started a facebook group with my friends and family to help motivate myself and others to get healthy - but even that didn't help me stay committed. I still post when I'm feeling unmotivated (which is most of the time) and I ALWAYS post when I do get some exercise in - and soak up all the praise I get lol... But maybe since there are a few of us on here with similar goals it will help more. Unfortunately I hate exercising. I know people suggest picking an activity like swimming or a sport like tennis or something that you enjoy that dont feel like working out - but to be honest I'd rather sit on my *kitten* than go swimming lol... I just have gotten to the point where I'd rather do nothing. :( And I hate that. I do enjoy walking - when I can convince myself to go for a walk. I have in the past, enjoyed treadmill, bike and elliptical and I do have access to a gym 24/7 for free - yet I don't use it. I have tried counting calories, keeping a food diary, planning workouts a day ahead, a week ahead, a month ahead - but never stick to it - I have a very hard time keeping myself accountable and sticking to any kind of routine. Unfortunately I've also become lazy at home with my housework - I do the bare minimum so it's not dirty, but the home especially the bedroom is often messy. My husband hates it, and honestly so do I but somehow I've convinced myself it's ok even though I know it's not. I want to change. I've wanted to change for a long long time, but I keep getting worse instead. Sorry this is so ridiculously long - but I just had to get it out.. not sure where to go from here. I've tried forums for advice, writing schedules, routines, planning my day ahead of time, not planning things, over planning.. I don't know what else to try. I haven't been able to teach myself self discipline. Man, I sound pathetic!
  • LadyAbby11
    LadyAbby11 Posts: 7 Member
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    I have a similar goal of losing 50 lbs. I also have a yo-yo history regarding my weight. It would be great to friend you for support. I do need that too! Also, those on the this message topic, feel free to add me - we need all the support we can. :smile: