Hey there:)

Hi everyone, my name's Sandy. I'm a recovering anorexic, and am having a very hard time(mentally) fully recovering. My inspirations are to live a long and healthy life and to be the girl I used to be before anorexia.
I kind of feel like I need rant, so if you want, just skip my story lol.

I guess it all began when I was about 12 1/2 years old. I was very depressed and was supressing all of my feelings to everyone around me. My Mom had just gotten out of a relationship with my step-dad, who was like a real dad to me, and her new boyfriend had a problem with me for some reason. He was an attention hog, he wanted everything to be about him. I felt like no-one cared about me. At the time I was home-schooled, and had no friends other than one's on the computer.
I had suicidal thoughts for quite a long time, and somehow this eating disorder took place of the suicidal thoughts. It's like the pain I was feeling starving myself, helped me through the tough times. I started out as 132 lbs at 5'6, with a bmi of, I believe, 21. Everyone was already telling me I was slim and pretty, and that I could be a model, but I thought they were just being nice. Honestly, I had a distorted view of my body ever since I was about 7 yrs. old.
I had my thyroid removed when I was about 5 yrs. old, and diagnosed with Grave's Disease. Therefore, I have to take synthroid(a hormonal supplement) daily, otherwise my organs will fail. Well when I was 12, my dosage of synthroid was too high, and I lost about 7 lbs from that(unintentionally).When I lost that weight, I looked in the mirror and realized I like myself thinner, and I wanted to lose more. From then on, it became an obsession. I would actually hide a lot of food given to me, and throw it out later. I felt like such a liar, but I was addicted to the feeling of being hungry.
My caloric intake was about 900-1200 a day, and if I ate anymore, I would restrict the next day. My Mom started noticing my weight loss eventually, and got quite startled. For months, she would give me these speeches about how I need to eat more and exercise less etc. . . but I wouldn't listen. Months after I got this terrible disorder, I reached my lowest weight(104 lbs and still 5'6, with a bmi of 17), and I was so happy with appearance for once in my life, but I still wanted to lose more. Then I finally snapped out of it when my mother told me if I don't start gaining weight, she's going to take me to the hospital and they're going to feed me through a tube, and give me ivy. I was scared out of my mind, and finally surrendered and began to recover. It was really hard for me, but I completely trusted my mom, and ate whatever she gave me.
I thought that was the end of that, but I was wrong. Last year around October, I began falling back to my old ways, skipping breakfast and lunch most days, only eating dinner and a few snacks. The guy I had fallen in love with, moved away and never kept contact with me. We were really good friends, and I was so depressed with him moving.
Now I'm trying to recover again, and eating about 2200-3000 calories a day. I want to live a long and happy life, and want to make sure this stupid eating disorder doesn't control me. It's going to take a lot of work, but I'm somehow going to get out of this mess I put myself back into.

Thanks for reading:) If you want to add me, feel free. If you have had an eating disorder experiance and want to talk, or have any advice, feel free to write that as well:)