I know I'm not fat, I'm just not comfortable

ededar
ededar Posts: 36
edited December 20 in Motivation and Support
I get this all the time. I'm technically not overweight (about 141lbs), my BMI is normal, but I have flab in places and I'm not happy with it. People always tell me 'you're not even fat, why are you losing weight?'. I know I don't NEED to, but I really WANT to. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin, but people don't seem to understand this.

I'd never say someone who weighed more than me needed to lose weight, as long as they were happy that way. Does anyone else get this?
«1

Replies

  • Ohmydaze
    Ohmydaze Posts: 403 Member
    I understand completely.

    I'm 5'3, 118lb, and most of my friends are bigger than me. I'm so often told "You're so skinny! You don't need to lose weight!" Or "If you're fat, that must make me morbidly obese!" I lost a friend recently over this; she apparently couldn't cope with me wanting to be healthy and tone up, when she's so much larger than me.

    But I digress.

    I'm on here, watching what I eat and exercising because I want to look great in a bikini this summer. I want to run 10k, and join my Dad while he trains for his next marathon. I want to feel healthy, and fit, and attractive. I'm doing it for Me.

    You're not making these changes for ANYONE ELSE. You're doing this for YOU, so that you can be happier in your own skin. If you WANT to diet, do it. You're making yourself healthier, and that is never a bad thing.

    I wish you the best of luck :)
  • mtkautz
    mtkautz Posts: 218 Member
    I have never understood this either... What is wrong with wanting to be healthy? Next time some one asks you why, say "So I will live longer" How can anyone argue with that statement?
    Most people here are not eating right and working out solely to lose weight.... we are here to be and live healthy lifestyles--if the lifestyle change happens to make you lose weight, so be it.
  • OddBookOut
    OddBookOut Posts: 25 Member
    Maybe it's not the weight so much as just needing to tone up? But you could just be built for a smaller size. Everyone's unique and while they can stick a number on a general idea of where you should be we are all different. Hoping you get where you want to be.
  • rrrbecca11
    rrrbecca11 Posts: 477
    I get it. I only had 5-6 pounds to lose when I joined MFP and lost that quickly and then a couple more. :) I was not overweight either, but over time had put on extra "padding" that I hated. It really is about being comfortable in your own skin. That is very important for your overall self-esteem and quality of life.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Well, without more information I am going to make some assumptions. If you are not overweight, but have fat on your body it is probably related to the types of foods you are eating. If you clean up your diet some and do some good, consistent strength training you should be able to reduce the fat on your body. Try finding yourself a program that focuses on whole body compound lifts (like Stronglifts 5x5) instead of doing lots of muscle specific lifts. You can't spot reduce the fat no matter what exercises you do. I hope this helps!
  • tequila09
    tequila09 Posts: 764 Member
    Same!! I look really good with clothes on LOL!!! Most people don't think I weigh what I weigh but when bathing suit season comes along everything is exposed. Maybe you could try weight lifting so instead of losing weight you would be building muscle and losing fat
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    dont tell anyone you are trying to lose weight then O.O thats what i would do. chances are they would only see you toning up
  • JenAiMarres
    JenAiMarres Posts: 743 Member
    I am not fat in any way shape or form...but I am HAPPY and FEEL GREAT at a vary particuar weight.

    Do people understand it...NO!

    Do i care...DOUBLE NO!

    You have to live inside your body 24/7 ...why not be happy with it????? WTG making steps towards your happiest body self!
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    There's nothing wrong with wanting to look your best, just make sure your goal is a healthy one and that you go about achieving it in a healthy way.

    Also, I'd suggest strength training to help with the little annoying fat pockets.
  • SewJoe
    SewJoe Posts: 43 Member
    Maybe you should not tell people what your plans are, people can be sooooo opinionated about this. When you tell them you're working to lose weight, they watch and comment on everything you put in your mouth. Then (like you) when you look good and still want to lose a bit of weight they have to say all that nonsense---like it's gonna make you feel better or make you take their advice and not lose the weight.

    I want to lose the last 10 pounds, and I have expressed this to a few people and they say "why, you don't need to lose any more", or something like that. So after all this hard work and long weight-loss journey, I still have to explain myself to people. Not fun. I feel that losing the last few pounds will, if anything, give me a bit of adjustment room for maintenance.

    Best wishes on getting the beautiful and healthy body you want for yourself!!
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    I think it stems from them not being comfortable with their situation and not wanting to change it. I used to make those kind of comments, and it was because I was complacent and felt like them trying to make themselves better meant obviously I should do it too... but I didn't want to. Now I get a bit of it from the other side, but I just tell them that I know what I'm doing. Such an abrupt statement kind of ends the conversation :)

    Also, I weigh 141 too. Number twins!
  • samntha14
    samntha14 Posts: 2,084 Member
    This is the first year that I am looking forward to wearing a swimsuit! People are naturally sensitive and competitive, just say you want to be healthy. People make you feel like you have to make excuses to be healthy because they aren't.
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    Completely understand!!! And it's always by friends who are bigger than me, and who I used to be bigger than. :(
  • chantels1
    chantels1 Posts: 391 Member
    I am 5'4 and 124 lbs. However I am skinny fat as my body fat is about 27%. I am looking to get down to about 21%. Just so my batman arms and butt cheeks quit jiggling when I jog! LOL!
  • cassondraragan
    cassondraragan Posts: 233 Member
    Don't lose weight then :) look at the pictures of the women doing the new rules of weight lifting for women. In most of their before and after pictures, their weights are the same. But the after pictures are totally lean and shredded.
  • JackieP35
    JackieP35 Posts: 4
    lol story of my life... I was always the skinny one. But skinny doesnt mean fit. Then I had my twins and I became the fat, flabby one and it seems that people loved it! lol Been working hard at it and heading back to where I used to be except firm and fit and instead of being happy for me, people dog me! You keep doing what you are doing. If your not looking to loose then just work on body strengthening. It will firm you up in the right places without you disappearing...lol
  • felicia8604
    felicia8604 Posts: 274 Member
    People think I weigh less than I do and when I mention that im trying to watch what I eat amd that I have been exercising I get those comments also. I just tell them that they haven't seen me in a bikini. I am a cna so I wear scrubs so I do look smaller than I am. Plus I want to show my kids that exercise is fun. My son is 5 and I told him that when he goes to baseball practice that's exer@ise and its fun. So just trying to be a role model! Good luck to you!
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    I think you want to tighten things up. I've lost a bunch of weight and while i am more comfortable and confident now than i was, i certainly wish i had even more.
  • jadedone
    jadedone Posts: 2,446 Member
    As some one on the other side, when someone who is "small" tells me they want to lose weight (and they are a reasonable weight for their height), I usually find they are confusing body composition with weight.

    You could incorporate more strength training, not lose a pound and look they way you want, since without reforming your body composition, you end up looking like a smaller version of what you are now, which is likely not exactly what you want.

    Some people get so focused on the scale number they lose sight of the overall body composition. Many people look beter by losing body fat. Weight, not necessarily.
  • cmayfield3
    cmayfield3 Posts: 176 Member
    I'm in the same position; at 5'8" and 150 I look fine to most people but I absolutely feel flabby. I gotta say though, looking good in clothes is a nice problem to have. I cope with comments by just not telling anyone I'm trying to lose weight. It helps that I run, so I can tell any nosy people that I'm watching what I eat because I'm training. You can also say you are trying to eat better or your doctor or dietician recommended certain foods.
  • qtiekiki
    qtiekiki Posts: 1,490 Member
    It's because it's not really weight that you are trying to lose. You are trying to lose fat and recomposition your body. I was in your shoes at one point. I was flabby, so I thought I need to lose weight. But it isn't that. I haven't lose a pound, but my body looks different. And it's also because people don't see the flabbiness that you see, so they don't understand. As long as your goal is healthy, then keep going because it's not about those people anyways. Good luck.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    I have never understood this either... What is wrong with wanting to be healthy? Next time some one asks you why, say "So I will live longer" How can anyone argue with that statement?
    Most people here are not eating right and working out solely to lose weight.... we are here to be and live healthy lifestyles--if the lifestyle change happens to make you lose weight, so be it.

    I use that one. Or I say I wanna prevent osteoporosis
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
    It's about what you want, not what others think you need. Do it because YOU want it... and what they say won't have as much pull. We aren't immune to others' opinions... but the primary driving force should come from within when it comes to your health & body, imo.
  • 150930
    150930 Posts: 19
    by doing you are showing to others what they are not doing. people don't like that. misery loves company and it's always seeking. so keeping doing what makes you happy because you can only share with others what you have within you. be well.
  • DixiedoesMFP
    DixiedoesMFP Posts: 935 Member
    5'4", 141. Technically not "fat" either, but I was definitely out of shape. But I don't tell people I'm dieting or trying to lose weight. I tell them I'm eating healthier because it makes me feel better and I exercise for stress relief.
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
    Maybe it's not the weight so much as just needing to tone up? But you could just be built for a smaller size. Everyone's unique and while they can stick a number on a general idea of where you should be we are all different. Hoping you get where you want to be.

    *this*
  • nailqueen74
    nailqueen74 Posts: 38 Member
    I have lost 20 pounds in the past nine months and am currently 139 pounds at 5'6". I would like to get to 130 and attempt to tone up my mid-section. I know I am a lot healthier now but I am still very self-conscious about my stomach area. No matter what I do I still have a "gut." I hate it. It is the worst part of my body. I don't know how to get rid of it! Great job to all of you who have strived to be healthier! We can do this together!! I am hoping to get a Fit Bit for my anniversary or my birthday. Any suggestions on losing the flab around my stomach. I have a couple friends using "It Works" wraps. Any experience with these?
  • vanishingirl77
    vanishingirl77 Posts: 37
    It used to make me so upset when people who were at a healthy weight complained about needing to lose weight or whatever- and it was all I could think of was that if they felt that way about themselves, what did they possibly think about someone like me, who was 100+ pounds overweight.

    But now I realize that what really matters is that each of us are comfortable in their own skin...so if you're unhappy, and you're working to change it- then go for it!!! I think it makes a big difference, for me personally, to view it as empowering myself by getting stronger & healthier than to view it as trying to lose weight & fat. I'm trying to lose weight out of respect for myself, not because I hate who I am.

    Anyway, my point got lost, but what I'm trying to say is that not all of us dangerously unhealthy fat chicks are going to criticize you for trying to improve yourself. Sure, I'd love to be where you are at right now, that doesn't mean I think anything bad of you for wanting to get even better. I hope that makes sense!
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    I was never "overweight" when I started this, technically, and I never looked *terrible* because I had gained ~25 lbs while still exercising frequently.

    That said, I was big for me. I was bigger than I personally had ever been, and I was sick of having to keep buying bigger pants.
    I enjoy being slimmer, but what I enjoy even more is having energy and being able to lift heavy things without batting an eyelash.
  • annaaa_diaz
    annaaa_diaz Posts: 3
    im in the same boat. :/ i dont NEED to loose the weight but im not happy with my body.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories