So uncomfortable. Frustrated with myself!

Kai85
Kai85 Posts: 439 Member
edited December 20 in Motivation and Support
Accountability checkin? I plain suck at the moment. I'm so down on myself. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. It's only been two weeks. Two weeks can undo so much hard work! I've gained at least two kilos if not more by now.

The trigger is definitely uni! For some reason I absolutely cannot juggle uni and looking after myself? This is the most screwed up thing. Every single time I add study into the mix I balloon. I don't know what it is about it but every time I have massive assignments due I throw every inch of self control out the window! Today I ate 3279 calories!!! What the hell?? That's ridiculous, beyond a joke, pathetic, and just plain awful to do that to myself. There was next to no worthwhile calories in the mix at all.

I should finish uni for this term on the 11th of June. So the plan is to get through the next two hectic days of work (I'm thinking at least 10 hour plus days to get through everything before the week off). Have my surgery. Rest for at least three days. Try and start light exercise now??? Get that b*stard of an assignment finished. Meet up with my professor from another uni (where I used to work) about a publication we MUST get finished. Then go back to looking after myself whilst working full time before the next term starts in July.

I don't want to slide back in to the 80s. I've worked so hard to lose the weight. I feel like if I let this grow it will make me grow in a really bad way.

Oh and I really need to fix my sleep. It's messed up. I think that's contributing to some of the ****ty food choices. The rest of it is just me having absolutely no control or respect for myself.

Replies

  • Vsez
    Vsez Posts: 17 Member
    Try to ease up in the guilt. I felt the same way a few weeks ago while studying for an exam. Someone helped me changed my way of thinking/behaving. Instead of snacking on crackers/cookies, I began snacking on fruit, cottage cheese, nuts. I also forced myself back into the gym. Made a huge difference. Had more energy at work & while studying.

    Each day is a new day to start again.
  • anabell31
    anabell31 Posts: 268
    You could try cooking meals ahead of time so you don't have to stress about finding something to eat and can get back to work. That's what saved me during my finals
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
    I'm in med school so I hear you there. Sometimes I feel like every second I "waste" cooking or working out cost me a letter grade. I talked with our school's psychologist (vet. med. students have their own private one because we're high suicide risks, go figure) and she pointed out that I really was using the exercise as stress relief.

    In terms of snacking, I agree with Vsez. If you know you're going to snack, pitch as much unhealthy stuff from your house as possible (and don't buy it again). Pick up some frozen veggies where you can cook them in the microwave in about 5-6 min. Buy TONS of fruit and get frozen fruit if you are having trouble eating it all at once. Also try homemade Popsicles in case you need something sweet.

    Set aside 1/2 an hour a day for exercise. Even if all you do is take a walk, it'll help you feel less guilty. Whenever you feel bad about think "I need this exercise to calm me down before I start my studies. This is not optional, it is required for my mental well being".

    Good luck! Uni is hard.
  • wobblychopz
    wobblychopz Posts: 13 Member
    I am also studying while working a full-time and a part-time job. I KNOW how difficult it is to fit everything in. I used to give myself the guilts for excercsing when I should be studying and then when I am studying, berate myself for not exercsing!! a no win situation.

    However, I know that I feel better, have more energy and sleep better when I regularly exercise so I ensure that I schedule times into my week where I will exercise. And if I have an assignment or a particularly heavy study load I will shuffle my commitments or may reduce my exercise time but am sure to re-commit as soon as I catch up. I find that when I exercise, I make better food choices too.

    I did read an article that stress and being tired can make your body crave the "bad "foods and since exercise is said to be a stress reliever, theres that problem half solved... just make sure that you done have the "bad" foods in your house!

    Good luck!!!
  • DerDude
    DerDude Posts: 170
    What crimsoncat and vsez said.
    First: Ease up! You are not a machine. It´s ok to cheat now and than.
    Second: Try to feel your exercise as a relaxation or a reward for this stress you got at uni.
    Third: Ease up! Sometimes, something is more important than exercise.
    Last: Try to eat fruits and remember your goal. You don´t have to quit everything because of gaining 1 or 2 lbs.

    Stand tall! Be proud of you! Love yourself!
  • katenmills
    katenmills Posts: 113 Member
    This is me! My life is a cycle of stress -> eat junk -> feel guilty and uni amps up the stress so much! when I'm on holidays, I go to the gym at least five times a week... even better, it's because I genuinely want to. And I have no trouble eating clean. However, bring in Uni - meaning exam study, assignments and even just having to be there all day - and I get stressed and think "who even CARES about what I'm eating, there's more important things to worry about, like this assignment!" /panic over assignment, grab a cookie. It's like trying to stay on top of uni is already such a hard task that when I add the pressure of trying to achieve anything else (losing weight), I become totally overwhelmed and something's gotta give. Ugh... anyway, what I am going to try and do to change this (espec with exams in 3 weeks) is remove any junk from the house, cut up huge amounts of snackish veges (carrots, capsicum and celery) to store in ziplock bags, ready as needed and get half an hour of exercise in every day. I also tend to eat when i'm having difficulty with a particular assignment/revision because i want to escape the fact that i know nothing about the subject and the possible panic attack this realisation could bring on lol. however, i'm now gonna face this fear and just remain focused - no distractions :)

    hope those ideas helped in any way or that you at least feel better knowing you're not alone!
  • EnigmaInKY
    EnigmaInKY Posts: 1 Member
    What if you focused simply on maintaining during the stressful study times? It's really okay if you're not dropping weight constantly. And, contrary to how it feels, it's really okay if you gain a bit back. The key right now is you're aware of the situation and know you WILL have control again in a few days.

    Once 'you' are back in the driver's seat, assess the situation WITHOUT beating yourself up. (And believe me, I get it. I'm the queen of self-prosecution!) What does it take to set you up for success during the rough times? There are lots of good suggestions on here - having fruit and veggies handy, continuing to make exercise a key component of your day. But more than anything it's a question of what works for you? For instance, I know that for me it won't be enough to have fruits and veggies in the house. I have to have a meal plan. As someone suggested, I have to prep and/or cook things in advance. I might even move into a grazing lifestyle, where I'm eating 5-6 mini-meals vs. 3 regular ones and several snacks. Chewing gum. Teeth brushing. Scheduling a time to go blow off steam with friends - even for 1-2 hours! - instead of taking my comfort from food. Those are the things that work for me.

    Save yourself the beat-up time and energy. Get to know yourself and what works for you. Breathe deep. And remember...you're changing your lifestyle, not just trying to lose weight. One is a happy result of the other! Good luck...
  • fang19423
    fang19423 Posts: 1,407 Member
    I know you have the determination and will power to kick this. Look at how far you have come. Just take one day at a time and many of the other posters have made some very valid points. Use exercise as a de stress tool - you could also stick to some elements of the challenge we started together. I find that a good snack for me can be frozen grapes or peas - maybe that could be something that would interest you. Most importantly do not beat yourself up - you are fab and this is just a tiny set back, you will find a way to balance uni and your weight loss/maintenance goals and you have lots of friends here at MFP who are cheering you on. :flowerforyou:
  • Kai85
    Kai85 Posts: 439 Member
    I'm coming up for air after two massive work days.

    Thank you so much for all of the wonderful replies and support. Planning is definitely key and being a little bit nicer to myself wouldn't go astray!

    I'm having my surgery tomorrow so that is the first goal. After that is recovery. Next is to get stuck into some assignments and for now work is up to date at least until I get back from leave in a week and a bit!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to pass on some motivation and tips that have worked for you :flowerforyou:
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