Utterly useless

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mamalula
mamalula Posts: 42
in Motivation and Support
Here I am after a few months of destructive behaviour, I have been just awful! I just weighted myself and I have put on a lot of the weight that I had lost with the help of this sight and some supportive friends. My life has not been great recently so of course the one thing I turn to is food, when will I learn, it is so frustrating that I could be so stupid. There was a part of me that knew what I was doing as well. But there is this other part of me that just makes excuses like: my father is dying of cancer so I should let myself eat a few treats, I feel so lost with my life being a stay at home mum I feel like I am not achieving much just plodding along in the same old routine of nappies and school runs so why not have a little chocolate to make me feel better? My sister is so competitive about weight and can't wait to tell me how much less she weighs than me even after giving birth just a month ago, so what's the point I will always be the fat one. God I hate myself it is so pathetic. My Dad's illness should be what I am focusing on not how fat I am. Anyway I don't know where to go from here. We are going on our first family holiday together in a couple of weeks to Portugal, a few months ago I was so excited because I thought that I would be feeling great about myself and my weight if I carried on losing weight the way I was and now I feel so ashamed, I have nothing to wear I feel like wearing a bin liner and hiding inside. I am so sorry for all the self pity and I also want to apologies to all my friends on here for being so crap and not being there to support you.

Replies

  • izzydino
    izzydino Posts: 254 Member
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    Our weightless journey is never linear or easy. You have to take it one day at a time, one meal and one bite at a time. You can do this. So stop the pity party and hit your reset button. You are stronger then you think.

    The hardest part is changing your relationship with food. Forgive yourself.
  • mamalula
    mamalula Posts: 42
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    Thank you!
  • wantstolooseweight
    wantstolooseweight Posts: 166 Member
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    Sending a hug, its hard its miserable and we all get these days.

    Forgive your mistakes, each day is a new day and a new opportunity to get on the wagon.... grab the kids, go to the park with them walk to the one thats a little further away and be proud of yourself, enjoy your kids, forget your sisters competitiveness and smile because you will get there
  • FearTheFool
    FearTheFool Posts: 29
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    Forgive yourself.

    I think we all need a giant poster with that on sometimes.

    I had a minor breakthrough yesterday. I'd got up late, run out of the house grabbing a CUPCAKE! on the way out of the door, I went to grab an energy drink and got a full calorie one by mistake. On the way home from the group I went to I was starving so I grabbed a Subway sub. Before I would have thought

    "My day is ruined. Let's not track it and we'll start again tomorrow"

    But I didn't. I made a concious decision to get a 6 inch sub, not a footlong and I didn't get a cookie (200 calories). Then I came home and I tracked EVERYTHING.

    And you know what? It wasn't as bad as I thought. I still had nearly 600 calories for the day, before I'd tracked the exercise I gained walking to group and back. My day wasn't ruined and I ended up under my calorie goal for the day because I was too full to eat tea. Sometimes all we need to do is track, even if it's embarrassing, even if it's not very good- you'll probably find it's not half as bad as you imagined.
  • Roni_M
    Roni_M Posts: 717 Member
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    Emotional eating is a common problem. This isn't a habit you can break overnight. Get the junk out of the house and get lots of low cal snacks. Cut up some fruit and veggies ahead of time. This way when you open your fridge your choices are limited. In most cases emotional eating is something you do without giving it much thought. Keeping healthy stuff as the only option will really help and it's good for you and your kids!!
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
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    What if your post had been written by someone else, say a friend, or let's say one of your children (written 20 years from now). What would you say to them? Would you berate them the way you do yourself? Or would you offer sympathy and support?

    Don't box yourself in by focusing on what happened yesterday, or how your future is going to be different from what you had hoped.
    Focus on yourself today, be generous to yourself and be proud of what you have accomplished and what you will accomplish. There are no failures, just bumps in the road on your journey.


    P.S. You will always be the strong one.
  • frosty73
    frosty73 Posts: 424 Member
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    Hi there!
    I think you have made a great start. You've recognized some areas of weakness: emotional eating, boredom, and feeling bad about yourself. Now you need a plan to work your way thin. You can do this, a little bit at a time.

    First, consider, if it is possible, to get some counseling. You seem depressed and self-sabotaging, and all those negative thoughts running through your head are NOT TRUE and they are not helping you, either. We all have thoughts running through our heads, all the time, and most often they are such a part of the landscape that we don't even consider that they could be false.

    "It's hopeless. Utterly useless." "I'll never be as good as my sister." "I deserve to eat a brownie because my dad is dying from cancer." Take the time to evaluate your thoughts, and see how you can tweak them to more accurately reflect a positive outlook.

    "I can do this." "One step at a time." "Never trade what you want the Most for what you want at the moment." "I can support my Dad best by eating healthfully and staying positive." "That brownie may look good now, but I can get as much satisfaction eating something more healthy." "My sister will always be competitive, but I just need to do MY best. My spouse prefers ME, anyway!"

    I hope you get the idea. So much of weight loss is a mental game! Once you get the mental part down, PREPARATION is key. Having snacks and foods available that support your weight-loss goals, not sabotage them. It's easy to snack on a piece of cake if you know it's downstairs sitting on your counter. Not so easy if you have to drive or walk to the store to get it! It's easy to snack on carrots and peanut butter if they are cut and waiting for you in the refrigerator, but not so if you don't have them handy.

    You can do this!
  • vzucco
    vzucco Posts: 229
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    Everybody turns to whatever comfort they can find during times of loss and uncertainty, you're just human. The point to remember is that you're still here, and you're still trying. I just posted something similar on my own profile. I've been having a hard time feeling like my tiny achievements are worth anything, and why should I keep going? I've also been awol, not supporting my friends, eating lots of things I knew I shouldn't be, making lots of excuses.

    I was deeply depressed two days ago and I honestly could not understand why. I have an amazing husband, a cozy home, cute pets, a great job, what is there to be sad about? My husband led me by the hand and took me out for a walk around our neighborhood. We walked our dog in the dark for about 20 minutes. After I felt so much better, I don't know if it was endorphins from exercise or if it was because I had gotten myself moving, taken action or control. I don't know, it just felt like I had climbed out of a hole.

    When I sit in front of the tv and mindlessly eat an entire pizza, I feel better only while I'm eating, and then horrible physically and mentally for a long time. But I never learn, I say never again and a week later I'm stuffing my face with pepperoni. I'm sorry that I don't have any answers to offer you but I just want you to know that I'm going through something similar. And I'm here and maybe together we can support each other, share what we're going through, and remind each other to just put down the junk food and go for a little walk instead.
  • mamalula
    mamalula Posts: 42
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    Thank you! That is so helpful just to feel like I am not alone. I really hope I can find the strength to do this and hopefully give you some support too.
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
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    There's a saying in Buddhist circles that when your suffering becomes unbearable, you should look outside yourself. What it really means is that sometimes being caught up in ourselves is the worst part of it.

    You are frustrated that you are emotionally eating for yourself. Perhaps try switching your perspective. What if you didn't matter at all - and you were to pursue health for your children and to be strong for your father in his time of need instead?

    Above all, cut yourself a break... it's a tough time in your life and you are still coping alright. Some people would fall into much worse behaviors than emotional eating in your circumstances. You are normal, strong, and human. Forgive yourself a little.
  • MamaBear57
    MamaBear57 Posts: 336 Member
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    I have been here for you for awhile now and you have your ups and downs.....please do not beat yourself up so hard. Life is hard and food is your comfort. You are a great mum , daughter, sister, wife, nd just you!!! Keep this is mind and remind yourself how wonderful you are. This journey is for YOU no one else so tell your sister congrats and refocus on you! We all want you to succeed.

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