What would you do if it were you?

becoming_a_new_me · May 2012

A little background on me here...I'm the oldest of four, and I made really stupid mistakes when I was younger. Thing is, I faced all the adversity in my life, got out of an abusive relationship, had a beautiful daughter that I am raising on my own, work full time, and now I am finally finishing my Associates Degree in Foundations of Business. I finished this degree in under 18 months because I busted my butt to get it done with honors. I will be graduating with a 3.86 GPA.

The dilemma is that my sister and her fiancee are graduating with their Associate's Degrees as well. After graduation, we were going to have a small, informal dinner with just immediate family. Well that has turned into a total clusterfu@k with her fiancee's family ALL coming. Also, I just found out that she sent invitations to our extended family (even though it was agreed upon that it was just siblings and parents) for her and him, but my name was not even mentioned. My Aunt just asked me if I am going to my sister's graduation, and I am like "Yeah, since I am graduating too"...she had no clue and had even forgot that I was in college since I don't talk about it every moment of the day; unlike my sister.

Right now, I am feeling like baggage in her spotlight, and I'm so tired of it. She's a total drama queen, the baby of the family, and lives her life in perpetual victim mode. She is actually ANGRY at ME that I am graduating at the same time as her, because I started 3 months after her but finished at the same time and that I will have honors even though she won't. I can't help that I worked as hard as I did to finish where I am...it's not a reflection on her effort being less than mine, it's just who I am.

Because of this, I am taking a three month break over the summer before starting my bachelor's program in Business Management with a dual concentration in Project Management and Human Resources Management. In two years when we would both technically be graduating, she scheduled her wedding for two weeks after. Her big plan was to combine a graduation party/wedding reception. Right...like I want to sit at her wedding reception in my cap and gown getting mocked for trying to steal her spotlight (which she is basically doing to me right now).

I do have the most amazing and supportive friends here on MFP, and I am so thankful that I have found them because quite frankly I don't get support from my family. But, if it were you, what would you do? Would you call everyone and say, "Oh, by the way...I know you were invited to HER graduation...but she also forgot to mention that it is also MY graduation" or would you just say eff it and glory in the separate one in two years?

taunto · May 2012

I have graduated with A-Levels (equivalent to high school), Associate, bachelors and if I ever decide to finish my last class, my Masters. I have never "walked" for my graduation. My family didn't even knew that I have graduated months after I graduated (yes, even my A-Levels graduation was realized a month later when the diploma came to mail).

I would just be glad, that the few family members who DO realize the hard work you put in will be there with you. You have a wonderful daughter that adores you. You got your parents coming who are proud of you. And most importantly, YOU yourself know the hard work you put into this and YOU alone are the person who can take it away from you. Not your sister, not her husband. YOU.

Now, get ready for that MFP party with some scotch and Cubans. You can bring some cigars too if you like

Gioooo · May 2012

Have you maybe considered doing a seperate shindig to celebrate just your yraduation?

becoming_a_new_me · May 2012

I have graduated with A-Levels (equivalent to high school), Associate, bachelors and if I ever decide to finish my last class, my Masters. I have never "walked" for my graduation. My family didn't even knew that I have graduated months after I graduated (yes, even my A-Levels graduation was realized a month later when the diploma came to mail).

I would just be glad, that the few family members who DO realize the hard work you put in will be there with you. You have a wonderful daughter that adores you. You got your parents coming who are proud of you. And most importantly, YOU yourself know the hard work you put into this and YOU alone are the person who can take it away from you. Not your sister, not her husband. YOU.

Now, get ready for that MFP party with some scotch and Cubans. You can bring some cigars too if you like

We are going to raise the roof on this ISP!!

becoming_a_new_me · May 2012

Have you maybe considered doing a seperate shindig to celebrate just your yraduation?

I did consider that, but it's a little too late now because I just found out today that she pulled this and the graduation is this Saturday. That and then my parents (who are insisting on footing the bill) would have to pay for two parties.

likeschocolate · May 2012

My personal 2 cents: be the bigger person and let it go.

With one's parents -- I would bring it up, so they know how you feel and see the facts. But raising the stakes would risk.damaging family relationships for a long time.

If your sister is a drama queen, nothing you do will change that now. We don't choose our family, we live and love them for all their limitations. Your daughter and your friends will smile and look back on this later as one of the many sacrifices you made.

Graduation is a special occasion, and you and your family and friends will be proud of you regardless. Especially with all you've gone through. Even though I don't know you -- I'm proud of what you've achieved.

Congratulations and best wishes for your bachelors! :happy: :flowerforyou:

becoming_a_new_me · May 2012

My personal 2 cents: be the bigger person and let it go.

With one's parents -- I would bring it up, so they know how you feel and see the facts. But raising the stakes would risk.damaging family relationships for a long time.

If your sister is a drama queen, nothing you do will change that now. We don't choose our family, we live and love them for all their limitations. Your daughter and your friends will smile and look back on this later as one of the many sacrifices you made.

Graduation is a special occasion, and you and your family and friends will be proud of you regardless. Especially with all you've gone through. Even though I don't know you -- I'm proud of what you've achieved.

Congratulations and best wishes for your bachelors! :happy: :flowerforyou:

Thank you, that is good advice. My parents know how she is and can't do much to reign her in, so that's pretty much a mute point. I think I will let her take her moment in the spotlight and wait for 2014 to get my own. I just sucks cause I worked so hard, and it seems like the only people who appreciate it are my internet friends.

Thank goodness for this site, cause I sure wouldn't be able to vent to family or on FB.

becoming_a_new_me · May 2012

Apparently now she has several friends coming too. I'm pretty certain that if I don't show up, no one will notice.

Silver_Star · May 2012

First of all.. CONGRATUMACATIONS!!! :flowerforyou: I so proud at you!!

I think if you dont show up..your sister might get more fuel for the drama...maybe show up and then go do your own thing after a bit? Im sure you dont have to stay the entire time...you can make your own plans because it is YOUR day.
I would definitely celebrate with those who are going to be there for you.. your daughter must be bursting with pride! Youre going to have such an awesome time with her and your parents!!

my best friend here is a single mom with a hearing disabled little girl. Her family sounds a lot like yours..she has a lot of siblings but they dont really care about her, so she does a lot of stuff with just her daughter and i tag along with support as much as i can.

if it were me, i would make my own plans as well. YEAHHHH im coming to the MFP party and bringing the BEATS!!!

migoi357 · May 2012

Let them foot the bill, go, eat their food, tell the folks you care about that you are also graduating..move on.

Susabelle64 · May 2012

I'm sure this is not the first time sis stole the spotlight, and to be honest it probably wont be the last. However, she cannot steal your success! I don't have any advice, I have 3 sisters and over the course of the last 47 years of my life I have had issues with them. Just as I'm sure they have had issues with me........ I love them dearly, even when I hate them. I'm sorry you feel she has diminished your accomplishment, but she really hasn't. She really can't take it from you unless you give it to her. If it was me? I would first pout, then I would call one of my other sisters and complain about what an ungrateful, hateful person she is, I would probably tell myself I wont even go.......but then.....I would go, and would accept the genuine compliments for my accomplishment and know in my heart how hard I worked for it. Your parents know, and you can bet your sister does too......Go! Smile big! Congratulate your sister! And know in your heart how awesome you are!!!

Congratulations!!

megsmom2 · May 2012

No advice to offer...but sincere congratulations on your acheivements. You rock!

christine24t · May 2012

I would throw your own small party the next weekend with the people you wanted to invite. It will seem petty to some if you call and announce it is your graduation too. Let her have the thunder she wants, and have your own party later.

tbresina · May 2012

I say you are so much better than that, you know it, you've proved it. Rise above star sister and shine........but shine for you and your daughter, you don't need their recognition. You know who you are and what you are and you will be a better person for it!

cohophysh · May 2012

Congrats, and I am proud to have you as a MFP friend

mill1295 · May 2012

I would probably do a small thing the next weekend with my parents and maybe a few other people.. let them take you out to a nice dinner or something.. it should be obvious to them that she has stolen the spot light and if they're fair people they should want to celebrate with you also...

As for two years from now.. you never know what will happen between now and then so I wouldn't worry about it until it's closer.. but probably throw your own party..

Congratulations on your achievements!

saragato · May 2012

I had a friend similar to that. I kicked her butt out of my life two years later than I should've and now she's spreading her victim's tale to all our old friends.

If she's that tee'd off that it's not just her graduation party and she's gone behind your back to send invites to people and purposely exclude your name then she's just showing how petty she really is. Personally considering she's made it into a party you didn't even agree to I wouldn't even show up, more because of her changes than her attitude. If you really want a small celebration you can plan it your own way and then, your choice, invite her as a show of good will. You'd be in charge but it would still be an equal thing. Basically a kill 'em with kindness act.

While she's family, you don't have to love her or how she acts. If this is what she does and it burns you that badly then maybe it would be better to distance yourself from her and limit contact. You don't need someone implying your success is not as important as hers simply because you're not her. You exceeded where she didn't, you got to the finish line in less time it might've taken you had you not pushed yourself. That's always something to celebrate and to be proud of and no one, not even your sister, should be allowed to take that pride from you and say it's not good enough.

If you really wanna let off steam, try writing a letter to her and getting out everything, then burning/tearing up the letter. It's out your system and you don't get the drama of her reaction. In the end, you did good. You showed your daughter what her mother can do and what she can do if she's just as determined.

carrotstick2012 · May 2012

...

Jennloella · May 2012

if it were me, I wouldn't let my parents pay for a party and I wouldn't put up with her - I would just go out and celebrate with MY friends and catch up with the family and all the drama on sunday.

becoming_a_new_me · May 2012

Thank you all for your advice and hanging in with me while I had my pity party. What started out as a small little family dinner with just my parents and our immediate family has turned into a nightmare. I'll go to the party, hang out a little then probably go home with my daughter and have us do something fun together. She's been patient and understanding while I have been getting my degree and she deserves as much special treatment as me...if not more. I'm grateful for those that are truly supporting in my life and will focus on being thankful for them rather than focus on the negative people who bring me down.

What would you do if it were you?

Replies

Categories