in need of advice

walkner88
walkner88 Posts: 165
in Chit-Chat
Hey there MFP world! I hope everyone is well. I am in need of a little advice from all of you wonderful people out there. My wife and I are both active duty military and have been separated for a very long time now. She was on a deployment on her ship and I've been stationed in Bahrain. So now she is finally home and is flying to Bahrain to visit it me and it is also our third anniversary. What would you ladies out there sort of expect from your S.O. when you see them for the first time after a break. I'm trying to think of anything I could do that would kill that weird feeling of being reunited and coming back together when we've had to become our own people on all these deployments. Also we spent a bunch on the ticket should I still be buying a gift for her? :huh:

Replies

  • fraser112
    fraser112 Posts: 405
    A night with you after a long time apart should be gift enough :laugh:
  • walkner88
    walkner88 Posts: 165
    I hope so but it still feels weird when you aren't really used to be close to someone for so long.
  • fraser112
    fraser112 Posts: 405
    I hope so but it still feels weird when you aren't really used to be close to someone for so long.

    I was in a long distance relationship to, Im sure you will both just be happy to finally see each other. kinda weird at first though aint it, like meeting someone for the first time haha all formal
  • walkner88
    walkner88 Posts: 165
    Yeah. Its interesting in the military because you really have to change your personality to make it through some of these deployments. My wife for example was on the ship and she found that anytime she was nice or friendly the guys on the ship would start acting creepy or trying to get her to go out with them during port calls so she pretty much has to make herself seem mean and unapproachable for 7 months so she doesn't get harassed. And I'm usually a nice person but people in Bahrain are prone to taking advantage of Americans so I've kind of turned into a jerk.
  • fraser112
    fraser112 Posts: 405
    Yeah. Its interesting in the military because you really have to change your personality to make it through some of these deployments. My wife for example was on the ship and she found that anytime she was nice or friendly the guys on the ship would start acting creepy or trying to get her to go out with them during port calls so she pretty much has to make herself seem mean and unapproachable for 7 months so she doesn't get harassed. And I'm usually a nice person but people in Bahrain are prone to taking advantage of Americans so I've kind of turned into a jerk.

    Yeah its a shame but no guy can just be friends with a female without sex being on his mind :laugh: Im sure you will both be fine.
    7 months i could not imagen though, do you chat alot? I dont think i could handle a life with that much stress
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
    For most women a great card is plenty. It doesn't make sense to me that you expect to feel awkward with your wife, though.
  • nicoletherese14
    nicoletherese14 Posts: 27
    A little token gift would be nice, not something expensive but something that shows you were thinking about her :wink: Might break the ice too
  • tansygreen
    tansygreen Posts: 85 Member
    I might try to incorporate somethign you remember from before, to rekindle old memories, like going to an old favourite restaurant, cooking a meal that you used to eat together, or just doing something nice you used to do or whatever, then you can start talking about old times and it might help the conversation flow.
  • walkner88
    walkner88 Posts: 165
    A little token gift would be nice, not something expensive but something that shows you were thinking about her :wink: Might break the ice too

    Yeah you're probably right. I just don't have a clue what. I planned on taking her to a nice dinner and possibly getting a card but I don't have a clue what gift to get. Her and I are bad at always just buying things we want ourselves. :smile:
  • walkner88
    walkner88 Posts: 165
    For most women a great card is plenty. It doesn't make sense to me that you expect to feel awkward with your wife, though.
    I know it may seem weird but the average person changes a lot in a year, and when your together usually the changes seem smaller or you change together but after close to a year apart those changes can seem a lot more drastic.
  • _hi_hat3r_
    _hi_hat3r_ Posts: 423 Member
    Keep it simple.....bouquet of flowers
  • ShelleyLloyd
    ShelleyLloyd Posts: 13
    Don't just stare at each other like strangers! Get her in your arms and give her a 'so happy to see you whirl'! Have a nice meal and some wine (to relax)..................

    People do become their own persons when apart., I had a boyfriend that went in the Navy and he wasnt allowed home during his training - when I met him off the train afterwards it was like he was a totally different person, I didnt know him anymore. I went to his passing out parade and when they had finished he turned to hug a girl in his platoon..............need I say more!

    If you have a strong relationship you'll be fine, the more you worry about greeting your wife after a long time of being apart the bigger the chance of it being awkward! Sure you have a flirty side and a charm, use it!

    Good luck! Maybe wear familiar clothes - dont look so different - every little helps!
  • walkner88
    walkner88 Posts: 165
    Don't just stare at each other like strangers! Get her in your arms and give her a 'so happy to see you whirl'! Have a nice meal and some wine (to relax)..................

    People do become their own persons when apart., I had a boyfriend that went in the Navy and he wasnt allowed home during his training - when I met him off the train afterwards it was like he was a totally different person, I didnt know him anymore. I went to his passing out parade and when they had finished he turned to hug a girl in his platoon..............need I say more!

    If you have a strong relationship you'll be fine, the more you worry about greeting your wife after a long time of being apart the bigger the chance of it being awkward! Sure you have a flirty side and a charm, use it!

    Good luck! Maybe wear familiar clothes - dont look so different - every little helps!
    The not looking different part may be hard, I've lost close to 40lbs while apart. Lol. But I think the weirdest part will be the fact I can't hug her or kiss her at the airport (its illegal in Bahrain) and we have a 20 minute cab ride before we will be to my flat. That will be a lot of akward time before we are able to greet each other properly.
  • ShelleyLloyd
    ShelleyLloyd Posts: 13
    Well congrats on the weight loss that is amazing!

    I see your predicament!

    Least you won't be able to show a public display of affection because you can't and not for any other reason. Fingers crossed it all goes well...........good luck!
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
    Is there any way to try and re-enact your first date - or a favorite date? If you can plan something like that, I think it would be really sweet. I know I would be touched if my hubs did something like that. If you're able to pull something like that off, then maybe you can spend the ride back to your flat sharing the details of the date you've planned with her. It will help the two of you reconnect and do so in a manner that lends itself to a commonality that you share with each other, which would help take away some of the awkwardness.

    Then, when you get back to your flat, consumate the reunion straight away! :wink:
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    Flowers are always good - a single red rose is probably easiest to carry, or whatever single stemmed flower you can find there.

    Does she wear jewellery? Those charm bracelets (Pandora, Troll etc) are great cos you can buy a charm that represents special events - birthdays, weddings, places you've been etc.
  • MashaSK
    MashaSK Posts: 142 Member
    Flowers definetely! I am in long distance too, My man sends me flowers sometimes and meets me with flowers always too. But as a girl i can say you need nothing material at all, just to see your beloved
  • walkner88
    walkner88 Posts: 165
    I appreciate all the advice everyone! I'm not sure about flowers, she has always been vocal about a disdain for flowers but a lot of these are good ideas. I wish I was back in the states so I could do a lot of them. It would be great to rekindle our first date but unfortunately I'm in this terrible terrible country of bahrain. So I guess I'll have to be a little creative. Thanks again!:smile:
  • nicolacor33
    nicolacor33 Posts: 2 Member
    Call me old fashioned but I still love flowers and a little bunch would go down a treat (along with a big smile). Just don't go too overboard with it all though as it could get awkward. A year apart is a phenomenal time to not see each other; you'll have to get reacquainted first and will have undoubtedly changed over this time. As long as you have a solid friendship and love each other, the rest should fall into place. Don’t put too much pressure on yourselves for the visit to be “perfect”.
  • iwillsoonbeslim
    iwillsoonbeslim Posts: 283
    Just remember, she'll have all the same questions running through her head too. Enjoy your time together xx
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
    I appreciate all the advice everyone! I'm not sure about flowers, she has always been vocal about a disdain for flowers but a lot of these are good ideas. I wish I was back in the states so I could do a lot of them. It would be great to rekindle our first date but unfortunately I'm in this terrible terrible country of bahrain. So I guess I'll have to be a little creative. Thanks again!:smile:

    I figured location would inhibit your ability to re-create the first date thing. I hope you figure out what you can do that will help you all reconnect quickly and with as little awkwardness as possible. :)

    Oh - and I forgot to say it before, thank you and your wife for your service. God bless!
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
    It's sweet that you're thinking about the situation and what you can do to ease the awkwardness. It shows that you're thoughtful and caring so good for you!

    I'd say that no matter what you do it will be odd being back together again and having to get reaquainted. I'd openly acknowledge that to my partner and say things like 'really looking forward to getting to spend time with you again'.

    Don't get her flowers if she's said she doesn't like them. If you can't think of any 'treat-y' thing she'd like (anything at all - choc, a cute toy or gadget, expensive body lotion - something that she'd admire but not buy for herself) then don't fret about getting something.

    A card with some honest thoughts about how you love her and miss her might go down well, depending on her personality (it'd probably make me tear up!).

    A meal is a good idea (and wine if you can get it... not sure what the situation is in Bahrain) but make sure you have 'proper' conversation, not just small talk.

    What about giving her (or each other) a massage (with no extras!). I wonder if diving straight into bed might be a bit much and it might be a good idea to reaquaint yourselves with each other's bodies (especially as you have a new one).

    I think you need to take things slow and realise that it'll probably take weeks for you to settle down together again, get to know each other again etc. It's going to be *really* weird for your wife seeing you after your weight loss - you'll probably feel like a totally different person to her. You might well have some arguments as you re-negotiate your relationship.

    Good luck and have fun!

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