It's ruining our relationship

You can only set the good example for him, but he has to do it . Sounds like he does not want to. If that's the case, you have to decide if this is a deal breaker. Can you live with him for the rest of your life like this? Do not expect to change him; he needs to do that himself. So if he doesn't, can you live with it?

You can't force someone to be healthy. You can encourage him and voice your concerns, but it's ultimately his choice. He may not be mentally ready to tackle his food/weigh issues yet.

My husband is the same. I have not nagged him about anything. Just try to keep healthier stuff in the house and shopw him a good exemple. Hubby actually picked up running by himself and just ran a 5K. Be patient. If he is not ready to change nothing that you can say will make him change.

I too worry about my husband. He doesn't eat good at all and he smokes. However, I have to worry about myself first. It just like being on a plane. You have to the put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then you can help others. With that being said though you can push to hard. You can only do so much. Your fiance has to decide for himself that he wants to change.
My husband has the mindset of he's going to do what he wants and I can do what I want. I had to accept that, because all the *****ing in the world will not change it. Does this keep me from worrying? NO, of coarse not.
I do not think you are overreacting but you have to step back a little because you could potential push him the other way. He has to decide for himself. Just make sure you are setting a good example.
I hope this helped.

He sounds depressed. The lack of motivation, probably binge eating junk at work. Feeling insecure about you, and your relationship. Without bringing up the weight, you should make an effort to tell him things that you love about him, and why he is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. In any relationship, it's the little gestures. Do that often, and let him come around on the exercise himself. Don't mention or criticize his eating, he most likely does it to himself already. He probably turns to the food, after fights. Talk about things you want to do with him in coming years. He has to start believing in your guys future.

His diet and lifestyle are more prominent to me than ever before. I can feel it beginning to ruin our relationship, and we aren't even married yet. (June of 2013).

Just the amounts of the foods that he eats and the manner that he prepares them is so unhealthy. I know the nutritional makeup of that food...I know he isn't really hungry.

He works a desk job, so is very sedentary at work, and he is also very inactive at home. I frequent the gym, and encourage him to come with me on the weekends, but he doesn't.

I have spoken to him and voiced my concerns. A vast majority of his family is overweight. His mother had gastric bypass and his dad just got diagnosed with diabetes. When DF was in the doctors, they mention that his blood pressure is high.

How do I salvage this? Do I just turn a blind eye? I don't want to be one of those people that just nags and nags about healthy eating.

I'm coming here because I'm more anonymous here. This is nothing I haven't voiced to my fiance. But I can't watch him destroy himself. Am I overly fixated? Am I over reacting?

Right now, you are adding to the problem by addressing this with him. You cannot ever get a person to comply with changing diet, to do exercising, to make changes. That person has to make that decision for theirself on their own.

The fact you have explored several ways of bringing this to his attention and have admitted to approaching him is enough for anyone to feel horrible and question whether or not you love them truly unconditionally, and perhaps have second thoughts.

Your fiance has to make this choice for himself without any prodding from you.

If the tables were turned, it would be the same thing - its wrong.

My husband is 6ft 6in tall, just a hair over 300lbs. He has a slight elevation in blood pressure (averages 132/85), and that's it. He doesnt drink soda anymore (his own choice), he has greatly reduced the junk food he consumes (he is a Truck Driver and greasemonkey), he limits the amount of alcohol he consumes and eats as healthy as possible - even embraces the meals I make that do not include the foods I am allergic to. But he does this on his own, by his own choice. I wont make him do anything nor advise him to make changes because thats his responsibility.... but because he knows I have to watch my health, he has willingly embraced the things I need to watch out for. And I appreciate that so much.

Dont ruin your relationship by doing what you are doing. Im pretty certain you would not want him to do the same thing to you if the roles were reversed.

He is healthier with you than without you.

You are doing what you can...it's up to him to do the rest. You have to ignore it for your relationship. One healthier person is better than zero. Be proud of yourself....eventually he may come around.

I have been watching my husband dig his grave with his fork for over 30 years. And he has multiple, multiple health issues - some related to his size and some not. I should have looked to his family all those years ago to know what life would be like as we aged. Even though he wasn't this way before we married, he is now. And I have always struggled with my weight, because I know the fight is all mine and nobody else's. Once again I have decided that I refuse to let myself go into the same unhealthy trap he is in. I'm down 24 pounds and have a long ways to go, but I will keep trying. It's a solo journey, but I'm on it. I would love to see him look at you and decide that healthy is the way he needs to be. I have seen it happen to others. But if it doesn't, it will be your decision whether you can live with his unhealthy lifestyle in your home.

Would you love him less if he gained weight?





If your answer is yes, leave.

You can't force him to do anything. He needs to want to do it.

It is definitely challenging when our significant others don't think or eat the same in this healthier lifestyle as we try to....One thing for sure you can only provide suggestion or continue to do your part in making the eating side to your relationship healthy...No way will it work by forcing them..You know it is a mind-set and until he realize that and try...Nothing you can do but keep making better selections and meals for yourself and enough for him to try....Trust I have one myself...and it a roller coaster of eating healthier...Hopefully your fiance will be inspired by your transformation...Never give up trying but don't try to force it..Will not work...

Have hope! My fella is very slowly coming round to my way of thinking! He's starting to look at the calorie count in foods and I swear he's eating slightly less! I think he's seen the difference in me and has realised it's not as hard as he thinks it will be!!

In my experience you can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to do, in fact the more you try to force them, the more stubborn people can be!

Best of luck :flowerforyou:

My husband was always the healthier one, and I was the one who was "dragging my feet" with getting on the bandwagon here. For me, it was an insecurity thing-- I wasn't ready to let go of my bad habits. My mother has been in and out of the hospital a lot over the past 2 years due to health issues, and having a long, honest talk about my family's health history--and how I could be in the same boat as her if I didn't clean up my act-- was what turned me around. Talking about our future and what we wanted out of life was what made change my mind about getting healthy. You can't make him want it, but you can make him realize that your future together will only be a long, happy one if you are both on the same page and want the same things out of life. I understand you're frustrated... it took about 2 years of me half-assing a diet/exercise program to actually get 100% on-board. HAHA. Just be patient. If he loves you and hears your concerns and understands what you're saying-- why you're saying it-- he'll want to make the change, too. Good luck!!