What can I do...

missjewl
missjewl Posts: 214 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have fought long and hard to get where i am today... i am currently down 82lbs and Im pretty proud of myself. If someone asks for my advice or asks me a question in regards to my weight loss I answer as best I can. So, today my sister (whom I was very close too but we have seemed to drift apart over the past few months) tells me that it bothers her when my weight loss is brought up and absolutely hates hearing about it. She's not happy with her life situation and doesnt seem to be doing anything really about it either. Her attitude lately makes me cringe. My family of all people are the ones that should be supportive and proud of me and it seems like it's causing more problems instead. Can I not be happy for myself? It makes me feel horrible inside even though most times someone else is questioning me on my accomplishment. What can i do when she's like this?

Replies

  • enavarro523
    enavarro523 Posts: 6
    Unfortunately relationships with siblings sometimes the successes of one creates jealousy in the others, specially if we are feelinng depressed and have not yet hit rock bottom. I would invite her to join you for walks where hopefully both of you can reconnect and maybe she starts appreciating this time together and it will also help distress her.
  • missjewl
    missjewl Posts: 214 Member
    Good idea... but how do i ask without offending her?
  • enavarro523
    enavarro523 Posts: 6
    Just let her know you want to spend time with her if she has kids offer to go to the park with them.
  • missjewl
    missjewl Posts: 214 Member
    She's having a rough time right now... she's been told she may never have kids. part of the reason i believe she is the way she is lately. i have 2 kids so that plan wont work. :(
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    This is one of those times when you are going to have to put into action the promise that you made yourself when you first started changing your life.

    That when someone else is unhappy with a situation that they can control- but choose not to do so, you don't do it for them. You remember that you didnt change at all until the day you woke up ready.

    You cannot dim the new fire inside of you just because someone else feels bad for not controlling their own life.

    If she is in a situation, that is uncomfortable, unnatural for her, causing her unhappiness, depression, claustrophobia, anything unpleasant - and she has the power to change it- but wont... and doesntappreciate you fixing your life in front of her... then you're going to have to stand up and NOT apologise.

    If you have done all of this, to own your life and to be stronger and have the amazaing sense of self- now is not the time o back down and hunch your shoulders and say, youre right, im sorry. Because then, all she will see if hat you look different on the outside, but you're still willing to bend over and apologise.

    NO
    DONT
    STOPPIT

    Just smile and understand that she is the 'complaining just to complain' sibling, who isnt getting any positive attention for her actions. Keep being a role model, and use this as a chance to practice your stronger sense of self- for when you have to do the same with other people in your life.

    People always think that family is the first to support you, but in many case, they are the first ones to turn their back on you for changing, Most of them come back around later, but sadly, many are the first to stab you.

    It definitely hurts.

    But its definitely worth it.

    Be strong :)
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
    I have fought long and hard to get where i am today... i am currently down 82lbs and Im pretty proud of myself. If someone asks for my advice or asks me a question in regards to my weight loss I answer as best I can. So, today my sister (whom I was very close too but we have seemed to drift apart over the past few months) tells me that it bothers her when my weight loss is brought up and absolutely hates hearing about it. She's not happy with her life situation and doesnt seem to be doing anything really about it either. Her attitude lately makes me cringe. My family of all people are the ones that should be supportive and proud of me and it seems like it's causing more problems instead. Can I not be happy for myself? It makes me feel horrible inside even though most times someone else is questioning me on my accomplishment. What can i do when she's like this?

    We can't always look to others for the understanding and support we need or are told by the media we should get. If you can, I would have coffee with your sister and tell her that you're trying to pursue your goals, you would like her support, and you're willing to help her stay motivated in regard to hers. But it doesn't always work.

    Some people really are stuck in a hole. They're not wallowing in self-pity. If that's the case here I can see you wanting to limit your exposure to the (valid) negativity, but try to have some sympathy.
  • missjewl
    missjewl Posts: 214 Member
    This is one of those times when you are going to have to put into action the promise that you made yourself when you first started changing your life.

    That when someone else is unhappy with a situation that they can control- but choose not to do so, you don't do it for them. You remember that you didnt change at all until the day you woke up ready.

    You cannot dim the new fire inside of you just because someone else feels bad for not controlling their own life.

    If she is in a situation, that is uncomfortable, unnatural for her, causing her unhappiness, depression, claustrophobia, anything unpleasant - and she has the power to change it- but wont... and doesntappreciate you fixing your life in front of her... then you're going to have to stand up and NOT apologise.

    If you have done all of this, to own your life and to be stronger and have the amazaing sense of self- now is not the time o back down and hunch your shoulders and say, youre right, im sorry. Because then, all she will see if hat you look different on the outside, but you're still willing to bend over and apologise.

    NO
    DONT
    STOPPIT

    Just smile and understand that she is the 'complaining just to complain' sibling, who isnt getting any positive attention for her actions. Keep being a role model, and use this as a chance to practice your stronger sense of self- for when you have to do the same with other people in your life.

    People always think that family is the first to support you, but in many case, they are the first ones to turn their back on you for changing, Most of them come back around later, but sadly, many are the first to stab you.

    It definitely hurts.

    But its definitely worth it.

    Be strong :)

    I should be allowed to be happy! I have told her i am here if or when she wants to talk if she ever needs it but until she steps up and takes that offer there really isnt much i can do for her. I had to change myself to make myself happy... I did it! I want to stay this way. Thank you for this!
  • Amazingday
    Amazingday Posts: 682 Member
    I too don't get much support from my sister because of her situation with her health. Today was my birthday and her daughter did a video call with me and brought the computer to her. I love seeing her and talking to her, but not once did she comment on how much I changed. And it bothers me, because I would be gushing over her if she had lost even a pound. Because it is such a hard thing to do! But because her weight is so out of control I am just a reminder of what she hasn't done and won't even attempt before her knee surgery. And I am not sure she will be able to try after.
    So advise from me,

    Keep on your path and as hard as it is you can't own her issues for yourself. Be proud of your accomplishment! She will have to figure out a way to deal with it. And maybe spend time with her just at your home or her home where it is less likely to be brought up.

    Keep rockin' it you look fab!

Categories