My life is like a buffet...

You know how you go to a buffet and fill your plate full... and then realize that even though you have no more room on your plate, and it's probably stacked as high as it can go without toppling over... you still want more. You never made it to the end of the buffet...

That's my life.

I work from home full time, am a wife, I'm going to school full time for Court Reporting, am in charge of all the joint bills, and am trying to not only refocus my spirituality and get back into writing (which I have a Bachelor's in), but also I've decided that because things can't go the way I'd really like them to go, the best thing to do right now is to focus on myself and my weight issues. Again, as I stated in the beginning, my life is like the plate with so much on it, it's about to topple over.

Almost two years ago now, I weighed less than I had even back in high school. I was at 165lbs. After getting together with my husband, going on birth control for a year and having even more on my plate than what I just listed, I found myself weighing in at 210lbs. I'm not a health freak or junkie by any means (not that anyone here is, I'm just stating the fact that I am not) and with as many issues as I was dealing with... I just let go. I figured that being married, I didn't have to watch out anymore. What would be the point? Who would care? Every time I looked in the mirror, I just would sigh cover up with clothing and then do what I needed to do. I didn't feel ugly, per say, but I didn't feel beautiful either. I just went with the flow.

A few days ago... thanks to a confused, but good person in my life... I realized that it didn't have to be that way. That I could feel beautiful and sexy... but the thing was, I had to do it for myself. Doing it for anyone else is just heartbreaking because for one reason or another, you'll be disappointed with their overall uncaring responses. It's always the same kind of answer... "You are beautiful... look at your face..." or "there's nothing wrong with a curvy woman" ...and even though that there is really nothing wrong with a curvy woman... there is something wrong if it makes you feel unwanted or untouchable.

So, finally... I'm doing something about it and really doing something. And the best part is, I'm doing it for myself. Not for anyone else, but for me. I'm the only person who matters, and whose opinion really is the most important. I still have a lot on my plate, but once I start controlling one aspect of it, then others are sure to follow. There is control for me that matters... that makes me feel good. I just had to be finally pushed to the edge to realize it.

That's a little bit about my story.