Suportive Signifacnt Others Or Are They Making It Harder?

xBettyBoopx
xBettyBoopx Posts: 11
in Introduce Yourself
I am not sure if you guys are having the same problem as me, I have asked my bf to please be suportive and not sit and eat a bag of chips in front of mo or worse pester, nag, bug and whine to go out to mcdonalds or out to eat. Most of the time I cheat (not all but most) it is becasuse i just gave up and said yea fine it is right there lets get something. Every time we walk threw the food court of the mall he picks out my faverit food and asks me if i want it.

I know it is just becasue he is a big child not that he is trying interntionlly to hinder my secsses. I personly think it is very rude. I told him he was welcome to go get a job and get mc donalds every day if he wanted. just please stop asking me if i want it.

dragging me to the doughnuts is not helping me and i crave sweets when i am upset i am an emptional eater so when he gets to me last time i was so mad i eat 6 doughnuts when i got home. (I need to find a way to curve that lol)

I started on here yesterday and had baklava in the coboard. he asked me today if i wanted it i told him twice to throw it out for me please so i dont have the temption to eat it. he put it beside me on the bed and when i smelled it i ate it. i know if i can keep them away from me i can not eat them.

I even told him it is only for a few weeks when i get back into eating healthy i will not wants all the junk so for a week i asked him if he is goin to eat junk eat it away from me. Instead he pulls me down the junk isle at the store and asks for everything.

Am I Asking To Much?
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Replies

  • Anitamarhea
    Anitamarhea Posts: 14
    Boy! What a mess!! Could it be possible he doesn't think you need to lose any weight? Or is he just dreading the "healthy food" you will inevitably shove down his throat? :noway: My hubby is similar to this! He watched me put all this healthy, whole grain and fresh veggies in the shopping cart, then grinned as he added two packages of brownies to it! Grrrrr Unfortunately, this is my fault. I have yo-yo dieted, and spent so much money in the past on every diet known to man and every wacko food product, that he simply doesn't believe I have any will-power or determination left in me. I keep telling him that, just like when I quit smoking, I WILL succeed one day and every time I try, it's like throwing poo, SOMETHING sticks every time!! (sorry... farm reference there!) Some days he's really great, like automatically bringing me a water and other days he's being "sweet" and brings me a Snickers bar. I think he thinks that I secretly am dying for it and I'm just too embarrassed to admit it and he is "helping" me out. I will say, though, I have noticed that when I exercise and he sees me making good food choices every day he relaxes and comes to expect me to continue. He actually is irritated when I stop trying. Basically, I think if it is important enough for me to bend his ear (talking about my goals, food and new exercises I found) for hours then he feels like I wasted his time, and mine, if I quit. Remember, people don't like change, and this is a big one. Keep going and it will become the "normal" way of eating and he will soon accept it and even help you make good choices!! Sounds crazy, but it works for me!! Don't give up!!! Also, encourage your friends and family to join..it's hard to fight a gaggle of you health-nuts!!!
  • RustyIron
    RustyIron Posts: 21
    I too have a hubby that loves junk and eats it all the time! Last night we ate Tilapia and he complained that it wasn't MEAT. He was still hungry! So most of the time I make what I want and cook what he wants too. It takes more planning on my part and that can get really annoying. As far as the cravings - my hubby askes me everytime he eats chips or cookies if I want one. I kindly reply no, then he askes again....more sternly I say no thank youuuuu. Then the third time he asks I just yell at him - Jerk, I said no!!!!!!!!!
    My defense is to make sure your drinking tons of water! Also make sure your eating breakfast - SNACK- lunch -SNack - dinner. Seams simple but snacking has been a new concept for me and I love it. If you crave sweets - eat fruit! Natural sugar. I prefer raspberries on yogurt. I eat smoothies like crazy! They are sweet, creamy and pretty darn simple to make. Us ladies with junk food junkies in the house really have to work on will power!!! Don't cave - you can do it. Ok so once in awhile lets say you give in to the hubby - don't beat yourself up about it. Work harder on exercise the next day and forget it ever happened!!!! Good luck, I feel your pain!!!!
  • seekingstrengthX2
    seekingstrengthX2 Posts: 771
    Sounds like you need new friends.
  • iiiEllie
    iiiEllie Posts: 224 Member
    Have you tried actually sitting him down and talking to him about it? I had to do that with my boyfriend, he was completely supportive of me wanting to get in better shape but had the tendency to ask if I wanted (insert favorite) on a daily base because he was just too used to seeing if I wanted something. Thankfully he doesn't eat junk food of any sort, but being asked if I wanted Wendys every day made it a pain to get through the first 10 days.

    I had to sit him down and tell him I appreciated him asking and caring about what I want, but that my willpower was crap to say no currently until I get adapted to not having (insert favorite)

    Try having a very real conversation about it with him.
  • ash190489
    ash190489 Posts: 587 Member
    Geez. I'd get rid of him. It's not like he's even got to go over the top and support you every step of the way, but just simply do the right thing and respect your wishes - he's not making it a little bit harder, he's making it impossible. Sit him down, talk to him, get him to understand, if he still continues to sabotage you and make your life hell, I'd tell him to either change or get lost.
  • AbzRocks
    AbzRocks Posts: 45
    That seems really mean. You need to find a way to be strong. I don't talk about eating healthy with my partner, I just do it. But then again he won't put me in that situation of feeling as though I have to eat it. I'd try to find out why your bf is trying to sabotage your efforts, sound like he is scared of you losing weight.
  • ash190489
    ash190489 Posts: 587 Member
    This is your HEALTH and WELLBEING we're talking about. I can't believe he wouldn't care enough about you and love you enough to GROW UP, GET REAL and support you!!!! I am sorry, I just can't imagine if my significant other did these things, I could have never succeeded; yes there were times he got take away etc. but it wasn't anywhere near the extent of your SO. I feel so sorry for you!!!!! :cry:
  • seekingstrengthX2
    seekingstrengthX2 Posts: 771
    :mad: Loser.
    Ditch him.
  • ShrinkingShawna
    ShrinkingShawna Posts: 186 Member
    My husband eats healthy with me, however he does like his sweets and still eats things I'm not allowed to eat anymore. But he's not trying to lose weight, I am. You have to decide that you've had enough of being over weight and make the choice to eat right. You can't force anyone to do it with you. Anyone but yourself that is, because believe me some days you have to force yourself to do it!

    My suggestion is to (if your budget allows) see a dietician. Mine is only $26 a month, and I see her once a week. When she told me I had to stop drinking soda, I did it! When she gave me the menu, I stuck to it! I have had bad food, I'm not perfect. But because I get weighed every week, I've become fearful of not losing weight, or worse, gaining! The lbs are dropping and that's what keeps me going.

    You have to do this for yourself. Believe me, I'm one of the most co-dependent women in the world when it comes to my husband. But I don't want to die of a heart attack either.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    Does he struggle with weight problems too? Perhaps he is secretly worried that if you get a rocking bod, you will end up leaving him for someone hotter. My ex loved the results of me being fit, but was obsessed with needing to be a faster runner, to weigh less, to lose more inches.

    When it finally ended, his position was that "he knew he never should have let me go running".

    I won't tell you to leave him, but will say to be careful, because that behavior triggers massive warning bells in my head.
  • gatorginger
    gatorginger Posts: 947 Member
    My husband is supportive but the only problem I have is he likes to eat what I buy for me and then eat his junk food too. I don't mind him eating the healthy stuff but it makes it hard on me when he eats both. But just this past week he has decided to try to do this so now I am trying to make sure there is enough of the low cal foods for both of us. What I would suggest is when you bf puts stuff in front of you grab a bottle of water and drink it and then hopefully you won't be tempted.
  • ShrinkingShawna
    ShrinkingShawna Posts: 186 Member
    By the way, I don't think you should "get rid of him". If you love someone, you don't dump them because of their food choice. I sure am glad my husband didn't dump me when I got like this!
  • Nikstergirl
    Nikstergirl Posts: 1,549 Member
    My husband is supportive of me eating well but has little interest in it himself. I will say that when we go out, he lets me pick so I can pick a place that I know I can pick something healthy, but since he's on the road most of the week we don't daily have issues. He eats crap all the time as a trucker and I am trying to get him to see how happy I am with a healthy lifestyle and while he is willing to try, he's not completely on board yet. Small changes for sure. That said, he's very good about not throwing candy at me (he used to do this) or offering to buy ice cream. Now if I ask for it, he says "are you sure" and either I treat myself or I don't. It's my decision. Sometimes after a long run I want a freaking ice cream... no biggie. He knows this!! If he wasn't supportive of me I'd have to decide which was more important, my long-term health and happiness or my relationship. Since I've been married 18 years, we have a great line of communication, but if we didn't, I'd seriously have to consider my options.

    Communication is key. If he doesn't get it, he may have to get out. If you're not married, that is. If you are, I'd seriously consider a couples therapist!!!! Heck, that may help even if you're not married!!!
  • Biggipooh
    Biggipooh Posts: 350
    Hah, my husband eats junkfood all the time. Yesterday he had a big burger and french fries and asked me if I wanted any leftovers. later on he had cheeseballs etc. He eats it right in front of me. I don't think, they think anything bad when they do it. Lucky for me. I have such a strong mind, that I simply don't care. I can watch people eating this food right in front of me without getting the desire for it. I know, it is bad food and my belly doesn't want this stuff. Once your mind is set up, nothing will stop you from eating healthy and you will not care. Think about, how bad this food is and what the ingredients are. And when the desire despite this gets stronger, eat something very high in protein, like cottage cheese or eggs.
  • teresadutton
    teresadutton Posts: 217 Member
    My husband is supportive but he doesnt need to lose weight and he still eats junk. I cook 2 dinners everynight..1 for me and 1 for him and the kids. It sucks but thats what I do. Him eatting the junk in front of me doesnt bother me what bothers me is when he eats out and then has to tell me in deatil what he ate ( I love to eat out but dont anymore). But 98% of the time he is wonderful and supportive!
  • Adsnwfld
    Adsnwfld Posts: 262 Member
    Sorry you have someone who is so unsupportive. He is very immature to think that it is funny to see you fail. It is up to you to resist, It is hard but you can eat OK at most fast food places, avoid the fries and soda and most menu items won't break you. You have the power to tell him NO. Make a scene if you have to to get the point across and if he won't get it, it might be a sign that he doesn't respect you anyway, and in that case send him to the curb.
    It is your body and life, everything is harder when overweight, especially children and just enjoying yourself. I binge eat if I have one I can't stop. The stuff is sometimes in the house I have to say NO.
    You can do it also.
    Good Luck.
    keep at it, you are worth it.
  • teresadutton
    teresadutton Posts: 217 Member
    Hah, my husband eats junkfood all the time. Yesterday he had a big burger and french fries and asked me if I wanted any leftovers. later on he had cheeseballs etc. He eats it right in front of me. I don't think, they think anything bad when they do it. Lucky for me. I have such a strong mind, that I simply don't care. I can watch people eating this food right in front of me without getting the desire for it. I know, it is bad food and my belly doesn't want this stuff. Once your mind is set up, nothing will stop you from eating healthy and you will not care. Think about, how bad this food is and what the ingredients are. And when the desire despite this gets stronger, eat something very high in protein, like cottage cheese or eggs.

    Yep I 1000% agree!!
  • leilaphoenix
    leilaphoenix Posts: 839 Member
    Tell him he has got to be supportive. Plan together any meals out. Only buy junk food that he likes and you don't like.
  • christina_theresa
    christina_theresa Posts: 290 Member
    :flowerforyou:
  • amallia921
    amallia921 Posts: 51
    My husband will support me to the end of the world. I just dont think he knows the complete meaning to this word. lol Like last night, I'm sitting on the couch working on a blanket I am making for a friend and he comes in with a bowl of strawberry ice cream. And says, "Look what I got for my love! Your favorite Ice Cream!" I dont blame him, some men just dont understand. And he tries to do it out of goodness. But your man doesnt sound like he is. It sounds like he just doesnt want you to diet. My husband tells me I dont need to lose weight all the time. So, maybe that is the reason or maybe not. I think it is time for you to sit him done and have a chit-chat. See what he is thinking and why he is doing it. And dont listen to that "I dont know why" (<-- My husbands favorite line... lol) There is a reason for everything. Bottom line is, you are strong and you will be able to do this!!! You have our support and always will!
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    I am sorry he doesn't seem to understand that you need his support. I know it must be hard but you have to take control. It sounds like you are paying for all this stuff, (sorry if I am wrong on that one), but if you are then it is up to you what food you buy and if the junk isn't in the house then he will have to go without or buy his own.

    If you say no to junk every time he asks and stick to it he will get the message and stop asking eventually.

    No one could make me eat something I don't want to eat. I am stubborn like that.

    If I eat unhealthily, which I do from time to time, it is my choice, so I log it and own it and try to do better the next day.

    Good luck and keep at it you will find a way :flowerforyou:
  • leilamarchi
    leilamarchi Posts: 34
    Have you tried actually sitting him down and talking to him about it? I had to do that with my boyfriend, he was completely supportive of me wanting to get in better shape but had the tendency to ask if I wanted (insert favorite) on a daily base because he was just too used to seeing if I wanted something. Thankfully he doesn't eat junk food of any sort, but being asked if I wanted Wendys every day made it a pain to get through the first 10 days.

    I had to sit him down and tell him I appreciated him asking and caring about what I want, but that my willpower was crap to say no currently until I get adapted to not having (insert favorite)

    Try having a very real conversation about it with him.

    ^^This. It's one thing for your boyfriend to eat junk food on his own, if he doesn't infringe on your freedom to make healthy choices for yourself. But it's another thing entirely for him to tease you constantly and force you to eat junk with him.

    I don't know the guy, but you mentioned that he's welcome to get a job so I'd guess he's mooching off you. My first guess would be that he's insecure that if you lose weight, start looking great and attracting the eyes of other, better men, he'll lose you and all the things you do for him.

    Talk to him about what his motives are, what he wants for you, and why he's making your weight loss effort such a trial. Maybe he doesn't even realize why he's doing it and a talk would help.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    Your choices are not his fault. It is a fact of life that people will eat in front of you, they will eat things that you have decided not to have. That doesn't make them jerks or rude. It isn't their problem that you are making these choices.
  • christinastokes3
    christinastokes3 Posts: 36 Member
    It sounds like you are supporting HIM financially so tell him to start supporting YOU mentally. Is he afraid that you will get to look so steaming hot that you will dump him?? Sounds that way to me. Don't take him shopping with you and go down the salad isle and pick up everything you can and bring it home. When he wants his junk food you pull out something healthier for you to snack on. Something that may seem like you are cheating but are not is probably the best. I like frozen yogurt bars instead of ice cream. Hope he gets smarter and starts supporting you. I agree with the other post as well about not telling him just do it. That is what I have done. Bringing salads to supplement our meals, big bag of baby carrots in the fridge for snacking, etc. Good luck!
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    Why doesnt he have a job ?
  • marsellient
    marsellient Posts: 591 Member
    Maybe he just needs some time to realize you are serious. If you say no to his offers of food you don't want often enough, I'd hope he'd get the message. Keep logging, find some MFP friends to support you and help with accountability and go about your plan. Good luck to you! When he starts seeing the results, he will understand!
  • mandi2r
    mandi2r Posts: 228 Member
    He should be suppotive for you. He doesn't have to completely give up his way of eating if he doesn't want to, and he shouldn't be throwing it in your face asking if you want some after you told him you wanna change and become healthier...

    My SO has been very supportive... No, he hasn't given up his favorite foods for me, but doesn't go and ask me if i want something that'll undo my whole day. Actually he's come up with something that is somewhat helping me. Either he eats healthy with me, or if there is a meal and/or snack that he doesn't want, he'll subsitute something similiar.
    When he eats chips, he pulls out my special k cracker chips.
    When he eats chocolate, brownie, or cookie; he'll give me one of my 90cal brownies.
    and so on..
    And for those rare occasions that I'm craving something I know is bad, he'll give me a reason not to want it...
    Except for chinese food.. He keeps ordering it and I have to have some.. He does proportion it out tho.
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
    Right now, I'm more concerned with some of the things you said in your post...

    He was welcome to get a job and go every day? He takes you down the junk food aisle and whines for what he wants?

    Ummm... seriously? Are you suppporting him? Girl, cause that's a whole different issue.

    He does sound very immature. And what I've found is people who are immature and not into the fitness thing seem to want to drag you down with them. It's like someone who drinks alcohol or even does drugs, they don't want to do it alone, so they pressure others into doing it with them.

    I don't know you, don't know your boyfriend or your situation... but it sounds like you might need to rethink your relationship. Are you the one doing all the giving? Or is he giving back to you?

    On the other hand, I do understand not getting the support in your fitness journey. The guy I'm seeing bought me chocolate the other day....
  • sethdphoto
    sethdphoto Posts: 49
    My wife is as supportive as she could possibly be. I'm extremely lucky to have her in my life!
  • kkstill
    kkstill Posts: 14
    Sorry to hear that he is not being supportive. I agree with alot of the posts here where they advise to talk to him about it. He may be afraid of what is going to happen if you do get healthy and lose weight. He also may not understand how damaging the taunts are to you and your goal. Have you set clear goals for your weight lose and shared them with him? Something I didnt see someone comment on is the emotional eating. Have you thought about seeing a counselor to help you find the cause of the emotional eating? I am not a therapist but I have noticed with friends that the emotional eating is covering something else that effected them earlier in life.

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