Suportive Signifacnt Others Or Are They Making It Harder?

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  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    I am sorry he doesn't seem to understand that you need his support. I know it must be hard but you have to take control. It sounds like you are paying for all this stuff, (sorry if I am wrong on that one), but if you are then it is up to you what food you buy and if the junk isn't in the house then he will have to go without or buy his own.

    If you say no to junk every time he asks and stick to it he will get the message and stop asking eventually.

    No one could make me eat something I don't want to eat. I am stubborn like that.

    If I eat unhealthily, which I do from time to time, it is my choice, so I log it and own it and try to do better the next day.

    Good luck and keep at it you will find a way :flowerforyou:
  • leilamarchi
    leilamarchi Posts: 34
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    Have you tried actually sitting him down and talking to him about it? I had to do that with my boyfriend, he was completely supportive of me wanting to get in better shape but had the tendency to ask if I wanted (insert favorite) on a daily base because he was just too used to seeing if I wanted something. Thankfully he doesn't eat junk food of any sort, but being asked if I wanted Wendys every day made it a pain to get through the first 10 days.

    I had to sit him down and tell him I appreciated him asking and caring about what I want, but that my willpower was crap to say no currently until I get adapted to not having (insert favorite)

    Try having a very real conversation about it with him.

    ^^This. It's one thing for your boyfriend to eat junk food on his own, if he doesn't infringe on your freedom to make healthy choices for yourself. But it's another thing entirely for him to tease you constantly and force you to eat junk with him.

    I don't know the guy, but you mentioned that he's welcome to get a job so I'd guess he's mooching off you. My first guess would be that he's insecure that if you lose weight, start looking great and attracting the eyes of other, better men, he'll lose you and all the things you do for him.

    Talk to him about what his motives are, what he wants for you, and why he's making your weight loss effort such a trial. Maybe he doesn't even realize why he's doing it and a talk would help.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    Your choices are not his fault. It is a fact of life that people will eat in front of you, they will eat things that you have decided not to have. That doesn't make them jerks or rude. It isn't their problem that you are making these choices.
  • christinastokes3
    christinastokes3 Posts: 36 Member
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    It sounds like you are supporting HIM financially so tell him to start supporting YOU mentally. Is he afraid that you will get to look so steaming hot that you will dump him?? Sounds that way to me. Don't take him shopping with you and go down the salad isle and pick up everything you can and bring it home. When he wants his junk food you pull out something healthier for you to snack on. Something that may seem like you are cheating but are not is probably the best. I like frozen yogurt bars instead of ice cream. Hope he gets smarter and starts supporting you. I agree with the other post as well about not telling him just do it. That is what I have done. Bringing salads to supplement our meals, big bag of baby carrots in the fridge for snacking, etc. Good luck!
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
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    Why doesnt he have a job ?
  • marsellient
    marsellient Posts: 591 Member
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    Maybe he just needs some time to realize you are serious. If you say no to his offers of food you don't want often enough, I'd hope he'd get the message. Keep logging, find some MFP friends to support you and help with accountability and go about your plan. Good luck to you! When he starts seeing the results, he will understand!
  • mandi2r
    mandi2r Posts: 228 Member
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    He should be suppotive for you. He doesn't have to completely give up his way of eating if he doesn't want to, and he shouldn't be throwing it in your face asking if you want some after you told him you wanna change and become healthier...

    My SO has been very supportive... No, he hasn't given up his favorite foods for me, but doesn't go and ask me if i want something that'll undo my whole day. Actually he's come up with something that is somewhat helping me. Either he eats healthy with me, or if there is a meal and/or snack that he doesn't want, he'll subsitute something similiar.
    When he eats chips, he pulls out my special k cracker chips.
    When he eats chocolate, brownie, or cookie; he'll give me one of my 90cal brownies.
    and so on..
    And for those rare occasions that I'm craving something I know is bad, he'll give me a reason not to want it...
    Except for chinese food.. He keeps ordering it and I have to have some.. He does proportion it out tho.
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    Right now, I'm more concerned with some of the things you said in your post...

    He was welcome to get a job and go every day? He takes you down the junk food aisle and whines for what he wants?

    Ummm... seriously? Are you suppporting him? Girl, cause that's a whole different issue.

    He does sound very immature. And what I've found is people who are immature and not into the fitness thing seem to want to drag you down with them. It's like someone who drinks alcohol or even does drugs, they don't want to do it alone, so they pressure others into doing it with them.

    I don't know you, don't know your boyfriend or your situation... but it sounds like you might need to rethink your relationship. Are you the one doing all the giving? Or is he giving back to you?

    On the other hand, I do understand not getting the support in your fitness journey. The guy I'm seeing bought me chocolate the other day....
  • sethdphoto
    sethdphoto Posts: 49
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    My wife is as supportive as she could possibly be. I'm extremely lucky to have her in my life!
  • kkstill
    kkstill Posts: 14
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    Sorry to hear that he is not being supportive. I agree with alot of the posts here where they advise to talk to him about it. He may be afraid of what is going to happen if you do get healthy and lose weight. He also may not understand how damaging the taunts are to you and your goal. Have you set clear goals for your weight lose and shared them with him? Something I didnt see someone comment on is the emotional eating. Have you thought about seeing a counselor to help you find the cause of the emotional eating? I am not a therapist but I have noticed with friends that the emotional eating is covering something else that effected them earlier in life.
  • oneoddsock
    oneoddsock Posts: 321 Member
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    Men are just big kids, generally. Mine has developed a comedy routine of sitting on the sofa trying to pretend that he isn't eating jumk - usually by hiding his face behind a cushion so I can't see him, and to muffle the munching noises. He sometimes buys me sweets and things, but I've got quite good at putting them away for another day.

    The issue with your bf not having a job does sound a bit worrying. Why are you funding his expensive junk when you could be saving money and getting healthy by, well, not buying junk? Sometimes children just need to be told "No", and the same goes for him by the sound of it.
  • Mommy2Avaj
    Mommy2Avaj Posts: 140 Member
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    Idk if this will help you, but here is my experience. My hubby wants me to lose weight, but he used to be the same way as ur bf. My self control used to suck! But I have learned to say no. I would stop myself.right before I put the food in my watering mouth. I would ask myself if I want to lose weight more than I want this food right now. How will the food I an getting ready to eat make me feel about myself after I'm done. It's all about how badly you want to lose weight. My hubby and I eat separate meals. I'm ok with that. I eat what I want to, and he eats what he wants to.
  • Cristy_AZ
    Cristy_AZ Posts: 986
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    My husband is very supportive of me and I'm lucky to have such a great man. He does most the cooking, cooperates with swapping out ingredients for me, telling me measurements for my diary, etc. At the same time, he has completely different nutritional needs than I do as he is a construction worker, works hard, out doors, all day, 6 days a week.... so he eat LOTS of things I can't have, I pack him up more calories in his "snack cooler" with his gaterade and water than I can have all day. Guess maybe my point is support is great but you also have to be responsible for your own choices. Good Luck!!
  • alaythea
    alaythea Posts: 29
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    My hubby is very supportive of me working out and losing weight but he doesn't want to do it! Lol! He did Insanity recently and complained almost constantly and took all the fun out of working out. Generally I cook healthy for me and my daughter and he fixes whatever he wants. I've just had to learn to be disciplined and not eat the junk he buys. Or if we go out I make the best decision I can (I don't always but I try). If he wants to go to McD's I eat a grilled snack wrap or a fruit parfait. It may not be the best choice but it's better then a burger and fries. I don't want him to be miserable but I do wish he loved working out and eating better. But he's very tall and naturally thin and doesn't have to worry about his weight. I'm short and put on a pound when I look at food! Myfitnesspal has been my support!
  • jbatyrn
    jbatyrn Posts: 4 Member
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    Does he struggle with weight problems too? Perhaps he is secretly worried that if you get a rocking bod, you will end up leaving him for someone hotter. My ex loved the results of me being fit, but was obsessed with needing to be a faster runner, to weigh less, to lose more inches.

    When it finally ended, his position was that "he knew he never should have let me go running".

    I won't tell you to leave him, but will say to be careful, because that behavior triggers massive warning bells in my head.

    I have to agree w/ this gal. Seriously you have 2 issues... 1 you are trying to make a huge lifestyle change and 2 you are still dragging around your old lifestyle and trying to make them fit together. Sorry if this is really blunt but..... you're likely going to have to make a choice..... old or new. It's a hard place to be in but know that online friends are here (and they just keep coming). Good luck!
  • goldengirl28
    goldengirl28 Posts: 130 Member
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    my hubby is very supportive, but doesn't want to spend loads of time talking about it with me, that's why i come on the boards.

    my hubby and son play rugby, both are prop forwards (the biggest guys on the field) so they have huge nutritional needs that i cater for and they have set macros that i need to help them achieve (on training days) if i can adapt for them, then they feel they should adapt and support me as well.

    Training days i make them separate meals and make sure there is plenty of cheese/meats/fruit and treats for them to snack on, i do have the meats/cheese/fruit...................but never go into their treat box, (after all these years i don't even think about it) (They both seem to be eating ALL the time and sometimes it drives me around the bend)

    i do feel a bit odd, when i do this massive healthy shop and then dump a load of sugary stuff in the trolley, i wonder if people look at me odd.

    Maybe you should ask him why is sabotaging you?

    When i started a month a go, i told hubby that i wanted to lose my spare tire for our holidays in July, so i look nice in my bikini, so he knew exactly what i wanted to achieve and why

    Good luck
  • shellsrenee01
    shellsrenee01 Posts: 357 Member
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    My boyfriend is incredibly supportive of my fitness endeavors and even wakes up early every Sunday morning to go for a run with me. In fact, he joined me for a couple of 5Ks as well, just to be my "coach" during the slower moments when I needed a little push (he literally placed his hand on my back and pushed me along at one point to the amusement of the other runners around us :laugh:)

    However, in no way do I try to impose my eating restrictions on him when it comes to meal times. We frequently go out to restaurants and instead of making it a point that I'm making a smarter decision, I just do it and he orders whatever he wants. I think this helps because he knows that I am not going to try and change what we do together, I am just changing my approach to it. I don't whine at the table and say "Aw, man, I wish I could just get the fries with this like you do!" I make the decision (usually) to replace the fries with veggies, without even mentioning my thought process to him. (I will, however, steal a fry from his plate occasionally! :blushing: )

    You are always going to find temptation regarding food and it is very easy to blame those around us for offering "this" or pushing "that" unhealthy item. In the end, it is up to you whether you eat it or not. It sounds to me like it is almost a game between you and your SO when it comes to the junk food. You say no...he teases you with it...you give in...and it starts over the next day. Just begin saying no and even if he never stops offering, you'll feel much better about yourself for having the will power to resist. :drinker:
  • smiley245
    smiley245 Posts: 420 Member
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    Right now, I'm more concerned with some of the things you said in your post...

    He was welcome to get a job and go every day? He takes you down the junk food aisle and whines for what he wants?

    Ummm... seriously? Are you suppporting him? Girl, cause that's a whole different issue.

    This^^
    Are you paying for the "junk food"?
    Why he does or doesnt have a job is besides the point, If your supporting his behaviour by paying for junk food that he wants, then your doing a disservice to yourself.

    New rule, no junk in the house, If he must have junk then let it be something your not into so much. I cant have sweets around, they are too tempting at the moment. Though chips on most days im ok with and can ignore.
    Have healthy foods that you love and enjoy, even nice healthy treats, like a frozen yogurt bar (someone else mentionned) or what ever else strikes your fancy. I like frozen treats that are pre packaged and not a big tub with a bottomless supply. Maybe someday I will be able to control portions better......today is not that day though lol

    You need to work on yourself as well. The world is full of temptations, we need to learn to control prtions, or resist the temptations. Not always easy when you have someone infront of you chowing it down. This I know. Stay strong:)

    I have a BF who thinks he is supportive, but years of his bad habits make it hard for him to stop all the junk food eating. he also hates change, and struggles against it. Its so hard!!!
    Maybe this is the case with you as well. Perhaps your bf doesnt have the tools or know how when it comes to healthy eating as its always been a free for all?

    Best of luck as i know how hard this must be.
  • amber_gem
    amber_gem Posts: 23 Member
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    You have to make a fully conscious choice to really love yourself and not let anyone dictate what you put in your mouth. If he drags you to the donuts, right then, ask him why. Say, honey, don't you want me to be healthy? What's going on? Each time it happens confront him, get into why he's doing it, then evaluate the situation. When I am really craving something bad, I just remember what it tastes like, but tell myself I can think of the taste in my head, I don't need it in my mouth and on my hips. When I used to go to weight watchers meetings a long time ago, the leader brought in test tubes of actual fat, in amounts that were in burgers, etc, I try to picture all that disgusting fat in my body. Makes me want to eat broccoli instead.
  • PastryWizKid
    PastryWizKid Posts: 23 Member
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    It's weird for me,my girlfriend ate McDonald's last night right next to me and always eats fast food candy and chips also says she's hungry while im not. But she also eats the healthy food I eat and make,personally I don't care what she eats because I'm on this journey by myself for myself as far I'm concerned. but it is kinda annoying when she says she wants me to go get fast food with her at 11 pm and makes me hold the bag!!!!! Do I get tempted kinda. But I never give in!! And u shouldn't either!!!!!

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