My most TRYING enviornment!! Need Suggestions...

Bein_D
Bein_D Posts: 7
edited December 21 in Motivation and Support
So, I have not been here on MFP for a bit, that is my own fault when I first fell off the wagon. Though not documenting all my activities, I had the opportunity to run a 5K, and that I did. Sure I only had one friend of mine suggest I go, sure I went by myself, and sure I finished with none of my family and friends at the finish line. Fine, so be it, I encourage myself to do what I need (and my friend JokersRs, thanks girl!), but now, I am currently in a situation where I am in the enviornment that really challenges my will-power.

For the time-being, I am providing assistance for my mother after an accident that now has her in a wheelchair. She can shuffle about but w/ her walker and what-not, but has to stay off her leg for 3-6 months while her knee heels. For this reason, I spend most of my time out of work providing assistance with getting things for her, cooking or bringing food/etc and cleaning since she can't do (not for lack of trying). So for this reason, I spend many nights are her place instead of my own (and it saves gas $$).

The dilemma:

Whenever I am here, and trying to be healthy and fit I feel distracted and obstructed of exercise and eating healthy etc.
1) Food: I do not beleive in wasting money, and with that, wasting food. Noone seems to eat left-overs, and I feel that (also so save my money) it is more economical to eat the food that they leave at this house, or much goes to waste.

2) Exercise: On my own, using thier treadmill, I can't do it when I'd like because "it is too loud" so am discouraged. Also, despite being an adult/ The complaints that are run-a-muk to go running in the evening, it is never-ending.

3) Train-of-thought vs Assistance: I feel that when I am inside the house in general I am perpetually bothered/disturbed/required assistance of, so I don't get the peace of mind necessary for me to gage when I need to do for myself like, "Hey, you've sat watching tv long enough, why do you go running like you wanted." Instead my train of thought is, "Watching tv.....ok, Mom just asked for water,...watching tv... ok, mom asked me to start the dryer.....watching tv,..... mom wants me to get clothes from dryer..... watching tv.... mom wants me to put the clothes up (cause she can't stand looking at the pile on the couch)....watching tv..... 'when do i get a break to just sit for a min!!'......watching tv..."

4) Getting them involved: My Step-father and Brother, don't care about making an effort for much beyond going to work and paying thier bills, so exercise and health food won't work with them. When I incorporate my mother she stays on for a time, then complains about wanting icecream and cookies etc. The tells me how skinny she will be for my cousin's wedding next year and the cycle goes back and forth so I don't even bother now.

Sigh,... staying here, providing assistance, my goal is to avoid everyone else except my mother, but get a break from her as well. If I am not here, most things wont get done and I'll hear about it and have to take care of it whenever I do stop by.... so I am split between staying/assisting/and going crazy OR leaving/ feeling guilty/ doing what I need for myself because I don't feel this envornment is best for me. This was always my most trying enviornment so that is why I only visit, but now with her wheelchair I feel stuck. How do I get and stay on the ball while here?

Replies

  • lbelle987
    lbelle987 Posts: 97
    Wow, that sounds like a rough situation. I think it's great that you are being so helpful to your mom. That being said, you need to make time for yourself.

    I'm not sure how you can do that, because it seems like the odds are stacked against you. But, I know it's possible to make time where it seems like there isn't any. I hope you can find supportive people in your life to help you stay on track...whether it be on this site or in your every day life. I think it's great you ran a 5K. That's no small accomplishment!! Congrats :-)

    If your most convenient time to work out is at night, instead of watching tv, maybe try a workout dvd (ie, 30 day shred). If you get interrupted, just stop the dvd, do what you need to, and start again. It might be a hassle, but at least you're making an effort. Our biggest saboteur is ourselves. It's so easy to let life get in the way (not to discount everything on your plate..you are clearly a very busy woman!).

    Good luck, you can do this!!!
  • fbichick
    fbichick Posts: 9 Member
    You are to be commended for being there for your mother; however, if she has a husband and a son living there, they can surely help take care of her in the evening especially if you're there for her during the day. I will tell you what was once said to me by my doctor and it took me a while to understand what he was saying but when it finally sunk in, it was so liberating. My doctor once told me I was a "people pleaser" which meant I did everything possible to make everyone around me happy except myself. Knowing this, you will never be able to please everyone in your life, even your mother. You have to take time out for yourself every day because everyone will suck your time away - if you allow it. After many years of pondering that statement made by my doctor, I've come to realize, I am the most important person in my life first and all others come second. If I'm not happy with myself, I'm not going to be happy around anyone. My husband struggled with this for a while because I had a new found freedom to accept or not accept things that people expected of me - including him. It took me being very assertive with family that I will or will not do what makes them happy because I have to first please myself. If it means the laundry doesn't get put away until an hour after it's been folded and stacked, sobeit. My advice to you is to take care of yourself first and the rest will fall in place. Your mother doesn't sound like she's lacking for anything. She's got plenty of family around her who can help wait on her hand and foot. If she's able to get around in her wheel chair and/or walker, she'll be fine for an hour so you can walk on the treadmill or jog. As far as meals, I quit beating myself up over the left overs - especially if they're unhealthy choices. You have to accept responsibility for the fuel you are putting in your body. Let your father, brother and mom eat the left overs. I would buy myself a few items to cook and eat them instead of the heavy, unhealthy food that is around you. I've also realized that some people don't want others to succeed because they don't have the courage to get healthy themselves. It's not being selfish, it's being a better you from the inside out. Your family will adjust in time - trust me, mine sure did and they are grateful now because I don't snap at them due to my being miserable. I wish you much luck with this situation but I wouldn't worry about their comments or their needs for an hour a day to exercise and I definitely wouldn't let their poor food choices dictate my healthy life-style.
  • lbelle987
    lbelle987 Posts: 97
    My advice to you is to take care of yourself first and the rest will fall in place. Your mother doesn't sound like she's lacking for anything. She's got plenty of family around her who can help wait on her hand and foot. If she's able to get around in her wheel chair and/or walker, she'll be fine for an hour so you can walk on the treadmill or jog. As far as meals, I quit beating myself up over the left overs - especially if they're unhealthy choices. You have to accept responsibility for the fuel you are putting in your body.

    Great advice!
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