1 Year Later

I just realized today that it has been a full year now since I weighed 190 pounds and was a depressed train wreck of a human being. It truly is amazing the difference one year, or even just 6 months, can make in a person's life. I am stronger, healthier, and (imo) looking better than I have in over 10 years. I know now too that this is not just a phase or a fluke for me. I am committed to my healthy lifestyle changes, my workouts, and keeping myself in check with my own life and with my family. My responsibilities no longer get brushed aside simply because I'm feeling lazy or depressed, my family is doing well in part because I have the energy now to take better care of them, and my own happiness is not just a day dream anymore. I'm very proud of my accomplishments, but more than anything I am amazed in myself for sticking to something 100% for so long, because it's not something I've ever done before. It's not even something I ever even believed I could do before.

I never used to finish anything. I never used to stick with anything and often would say "I'll do this tomorrow." and of course it never would get done. I hate so say this because it hurts my heart tremendously, but even being a parent, for a long time, was something I wasn't 100% committed to. I was horribly depressed, hating myself, thinking I was a terrible mother and would never be able to raise my son right. I was stuffing my face with food to cope with my feelings or just because I liked what I was eating so much and it was comforting to me. I had partial muscle atrophy in my legs from barely moving for the better part of 5 years prior to starting this new lifestyle. All I did was lay around watching TV, eating, or playing video games on my computer.

I've grown so much as a person over the last year, and just coming to realize this today, I am so full of happiness and pride in myself. I never want to go back to how I was, EVER. I will NEVER let it happen again, never look back. Never let that darkness creep over me again to take me down. Depression sucks. I got on medicine for it last year, and for the first time in my life, it worked. I've always hated the idea of having to take medicine to be "normal" but now I realize it is not only unfair to me to go through life suffering from depression, it is unfair to my family and friends who love me. My husband has also taught me to give myself credit, not the medicine. It was my choice to commit to these changes, it is my choice to get up every day and give it my all, my choice every day to keep working out, keep eating right, and keep loving myself no matter what. To myself: I love you! You're awesome, and don't ever forget it!

Sorry if this sounded braggy, but I just wanted to share it because I feel like it's important to share our experiences with each other. For anyone else who feels or felt like you could never overcome your demons, you can. I'm truly proud of myself, and I just wanted to share it with the MFP community. You're all wonderful, amazing people! Keep on keeping on!