TRYING TO MAKE A BIG DECISION-ARMY

BossyGirl
BossyGirl Posts: 173 Member
edited September 20 in Motivation and Support
This question is not about weight loss or food. Its about my future and figuring out if I want to do this.
I have been thinking about joining the Army reserves. Im married, and I have a 20 month old son.
I do know that i would have to leave them for 12 weeks.
It brings tears to my eyes even thinking about it, but I have heard about the wonderful oppurtunites that I can get by joining. Right now Im working full time at the local hospital and doing school full time to be a nurse. Its really hard on my family and we are living paycheck to paycheck. I cant afford to pay for all my school, so Im stacking up student loan after student loan. I know that the army offers up to like $70,000 for education.
Also after I get back I believe I get like $20,000. This could do so much for my family. It could get us out of our little apartment, and into a real house.
I guess i would just like to know if any mother has made this decision, and how they coped with being away from their little one for almost 3 months! I know its a great oppurtunity to improve myself and my familys life....but why do I feel guilty about leaving for 3 months? I know he probably wouldnt remember, with him being so young and all, but I would. So if any one has any advice for me please help!

P.S I do have an amazing support group that could help my husband with my son if I was to leave.

Replies

  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    For me, it comes down to one question: Do you want to be in the Army?

    Forget the perks of the job. Think about the job. You will be sent to Basic, then AIT. Afterwards, your unit could be activated and then you would spend 12-18 months away from your family.

    I know the economy is bad. I understand living paycheck to paycheck. In my opinion -- as a former Army wife -- joining the military for the perks is no reason to join at all. Only join if you can see yourself doing what you are called to do -- serving in war.
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
    hahaha....I was about to post along the lines of "join if you want to join the army, not because you need the money for it" but I've seen that my SISTER has already posted that (Phoenix Rising is my real life sister, she's the one who got me on this site)....


    I guess you can see how focused we are at work today lol!! :laugh:
  • lisam829
    lisam829 Posts: 110 Member
    Also, keep in mind that A LOT of other people are thinking along the same lines as you, and recruitment is very high right now. Enlistment bonuses are down, and you may not get the job you want. And like the previous poster said, there is a very good chance you will go to war. this should be something you want to do.
  • BossyGirl
    BossyGirl Posts: 173 Member
    Serving my country does sound appealing to me. Especially being a nurse and saving lives. Iv thought about this for a while,and as Im getting older im starting to see that Im having more responsabilities. If im going to do this then I need to do it before I cant leave. Before I have more children, more bills, different job ect. I want to do this, but I just want to learn how to cope.
  • nehtaeh
    nehtaeh Posts: 2,849 Member
    If it were as simple as only the 12 weeks away for basic training, I would say go for it.

    But, you have to take into account that you could be deployed. Like Phoenix Rising said - that could be over a year away. While your son might not remember the 12 weeks, he might very well remember that year that he was 3. You would also miss a lot.

    I recently was faced with this same scenario. I believe you are in MI too. Only the position was an Auditor position, they just required you to enlist in the Michigan National Guard. Chances were good that I wouldn't get deployed, but I have twin two-year olds and I couldn't risk that chance.

    While living paycheck to paycheck does suck, as well as the student loans, it could be worse. That could not even be enough. The student loans - you can defer and such for quite awhile.

    Just my thoughts on it and what I thought about when I made my decision. Hope it helps.
  • xsargex
    xsargex Posts: 768
    No offense, but 9 outta 10 service members don't do it for the glory or honor of serving. Maybe initally it sounds great. But when it comes down to it, its a job and nothing more. So yeah, in my opinion IT IS about the perks; i.e. the paycheck, job training/ experience or whatever benefits one needs to make ends meet. For many, especially reservists, its the school tuition benefits.

    The Reserves is different then the Active Duty as well. If you got sum questions and need answers. Shoot me a PM. I'll answer anything you need to know. This is coming from a current Army Reservist who could really give an f' less if you join or not. So no bullsh!t from my end.

    xsargex
  • jackienelson24
    jackienelson24 Posts: 5
    I am the wife of a soldier so I'm not really in your shoes, but Boot Camp and AIT have to be done at the same time so it will be alot longer than 3mths depending on what your position is. And this is not the only Leave of Absence you will have from your family. You WILL be deployed no matter what the recruter says. He is going to say almost anything to get you to join. If you are on the verge of tears thinking about leaving them for a short time, you should think long and hard about it because deployments are typically 15mths again depending on your MO (position), and the heartache is unbelievable. Now on the flip side, there is great school assistance with the GI Bill, and the signing bonus is about 10-20,000 that you will get after Boot Camp and AIT are done. It has helped us a great deal financially, and its been cool to be apart of something greater, but it definatley has NOT been easy. Good Luck with your decision!
  • amyalwaysonline6
    amyalwaysonline6 Posts: 101
    My brother is in the army. He said there are so many people trying to join the army right now, they're telling them no. They also promised him a lot of money to sign up, which he never even got. He hates it. I think in the long run it will be good, but it's really hard. I don't think I could be away from my baby for that amount of time. Do what you think is best for your family though. What does your husband have to say about it?
  • vraehn
    vraehn Posts: 1,008
    Children grow up so fast. You only get one chance to see them grow. How important is your family. Sounds like you have a system--though difficult, there is an end. Nurseing is a great career. :smile: :wink: :happy: :flowerforyou: Good luck with your decision!
  • agarlits
    agarlits Posts: 429 Member
    I am the wife of a soldier so I'm not really in your shoes, but Boot Camp and AIT have to be done at the same time so it will be alot longer than 3mths depending on what your position is. And this is not the only Leave of Absence you will have from your family. You WILL be deployed no matter what the recruter says. He is going to say almost anything to get you to join. If you are on the verge of tears thinking about leaving them for a short time, you should think long and hard about it because deployments are typically 15mths again depending on your MO (position), and the heartache is unbelievable. Now on the flip side, there is great school assistance with the GI Bill, and the signing bonus is about 10-20,000 that you will get after Boot Camp and AIT are done. It has helped us a great deal financially, and its been cool to be apart of something greater, but it definatley has NOT been easy. Good Luck with your decision!

    I'm not doing my BCT and AIT at the same time...
  • staceyw37
    staceyw37 Posts: 2,094 Member
    **LONG**
    i'd say this is not the right move for you right now. ditto phoenixrising and others.

    your #1 priority is to that baby of yours--not the toys or educ or extras you could provide, but YOU the physical being of you. joining the army, reserve or otherwise, takes you away from your son AND increases the possibility of a permanent absence (kwim??) it doesn't matter if you live in an apt or trailer or treehouse--what matters is being together and working together to make the best of what you have. (i know it's not all rainbows and glitter, but i'm sure you get my point.)

    altogether it dsn't sound like the army reserve is going to fix your predicament--at a deeper level you're trying to balance all these different goals/priorities and make it happen at the same time. and you just might not be able to do that. maybe for this first year of baby's life, you take a break from school. or break from work. maybe dh can work 2 jobs?? then add in parts over time. i know it's easier said than done, but your plate is overflowing... we just can't do everything we want all at once--some things have to wait, some things get eliminated, some things rise to the top of the list

    i know i sound old-fashioned--have the mommy stay at home and have hubby work more and be in the military...but once you became a mother, that little one counts on you like no one else to BE there for him. it becomes the be-all responsibility for the next 18yrs.

    sorry if i've offended you or anyone else with this post. just trying to give you the perspective of a traditionalist 38 y.o. mom.
    and to all who serve our country in whatever capacity--THANK YOU!
  • MLR1SN
    MLR1SN Posts: 17
    Ive been in the Army Reserves for 7 years. I am also in school for nursing. I have a 2 yr old. Let me tell you... it is very hard to leave your children behind to face more stress than you can ever imagine. Then if you get deployed.. you will never be the same person. There are some nights I just cry thinking of leaving my daughter.... It's your decision, you are still young. Join after you are a nurse so you are an officer (more $ and retirement.)

    Can you take the nursing loans out? Ask your fin aid officer. They will have different options for you to take in consideration. What about your husband joining? You will get the benefits.

    Good luck. I join when I was 17 while I was still in high school.

    Michelle
  • rochelle971
    rochelle971 Posts: 30 Member
    I commend you for wanting more for your family and for thinking long and hard about this decision. I am the mother of a 23 month and we currently are living paycheck to paycheck since we are now a 1 income household so I know what you are going through. Times are tough, but going to war is even tougher. Just do what your inner strength and heart will allow you to do.

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  • MLR1SN
    MLR1SN Posts: 17
    I am the wife of a soldier so I'm not really in your shoes, but Boot Camp and AIT have to be done at the same time so it will be alot longer than 3mths depending on what your position is. And this is not the only Leave of Absence you will have from your family. You WILL be deployed no matter what the recruter says. He is going to say almost anything to get you to join. If you are on the verge of tears thinking about leaving them for a short time, you should think long and hard about it because deployments are typically 15mths again depending on your MO (position), and the heartache is unbelievable. Now on the flip side, there is great school assistance with the GI Bill, and the signing bonus is about 10-20,000 that you will get after Boot Camp and AIT are done. It has helped us a great deal financially, and its been cool to be apart of something greater, but it definatley has NOT been easy. Good Luck with your decision!

    I'm not doing my BCT and AIT at the same time...

    You have to have a reason... Usually high school kids, or college kids. I was split op.
  • meana717
    meana717 Posts: 261 Member
    So I deployed when my daughter was 6 months old... it kills you. You come back and they don't know you! Now my daughter is 3 and my husband deployed the day before her birthday and every day I hear.. " Mommy can you please let me go get my daddy now!" I LOVE the Army. But as an Army veteran and wife... I tell you please re-consider. Don't do it for the perks. Despite what anyone tells you. It just becomes a job that you don't like and can't get out of for a long time. You sign a CONTRACT! The perks WERE wonderful! The bonuses are so minut right now that it isn't worth it. Recruitment is up and the economy is down- they don't need to offer much to get someone to join right now. You need to do it because you love the job. You might want to talk to some real Army Medics and ask them what life is like doing their job. And make sure it is something you are going to want to do. YOU WILL DEPLOY. Bottom line. Like MLR1SN says, you will do Basic and AIT back to back unless you have a reason- such as you are a junior in high school, so you do Basic training during the summer break between junior and senior year and then complete senior year and then go to AIT. Other than that... its all together. So you will do 8 weeks of basic training and 16 weeks of AIT for Health Care Specialist. I'm not telling you to not do it, because that would be hypocritcal. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Army and if it wasn't for my two young children I would be in Iraq right now with my last unit. Just make sure you really want to do the job... not just make the money.
  • July24Lioness
    July24Lioness Posts: 2,399 Member
    So I deployed when my daughter was 6 months old... it kills you. You come back and they don't know you! Now my daughter is 3 and my husband deployed the day before her birthday and every day I hear.. " Mommy can you please let me go get my daddy now!" I LOVE the Army. But as an Army veteran and wife... I tell you please re-consider. Don't do it for the perks. Despite what anyone tells you. It just becomes a job that you don't like and can't get out of for a long time. You sign a CONTRACT! The perks WERE wonderful! The bonuses are so minut right now that it isn't worth it. Recruitment is up and the economy is down- they don't need to offer much to get someone to join right now. You need to do it because you love the job. You might want to talk to some real Army Medics and ask them what life is like doing their job. And make sure it is something you are going to want to do. YOU WILL DEPLOY. Bottom line. Like MLR1SN says, you will do Basic and AIT back to back unless you have a reason- such as you are a junior in high school, so you do Basic training during the summer break between junior and senior year and then complete senior year and then go to AIT. Other than that... its all together. So you will do 8 weeks of basic training and 16 weeks of AIT for Health Care Specialist. I'm not telling you to not do it, because that would be hypocritcal. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Army and if it wasn't for my two young children I would be in Iraq right now with my last unit. Just make sure you really want to do the job... not just make the money.

    Very well said. I also did BASIC between my Jr and Sr year in highschool. Graduated HS and then went to AIT.

    I got out and I have actually been considering going back in myself. National Guard or reserves, but I just got accepted to Bastyr University to become a Naturopathic Doctor, so i don't think I will be reinlisting in the Army, even though I do miss it.
  • stephcheers
    stephcheers Posts: 105
    I am benefiting from military benefits through my husband so I know how much that can mean to a family.
    That being said; I worry every day about him being deployed again. He was deployed to Iraq and gone for 22 months. We have 6 kids under the age of 12 and it affects them significantly. There are support groups and specialized counselors now for the children of parents who are serving away from home. As one poster said already~ a deployment may change your financial status; but it will also change you and it will change your children. Be prepared for all the changes that your family will have to deal with when you enter into a life of uncertainty and seperations.

    I :heart: my soldier!

    Good luck to you. :flowerforyou:
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    Can I make one suggestion? Don't let the money be the swaying factor here. If your heart is telling you to join, then take it from there...but don't let it be about money.
  • MLR1SN
    MLR1SN Posts: 17
    Can I make one suggestion? Don't let the money be the swaying factor here. If your heart is telling you to join, then take it from there...but don't let it be about money.


    Totally agree. I joined for the money (college, retirement) 7 yrs later, I drag myself to drill. I use to love it actually. Its a HUGE responsiblity and commitment. Plus you need to stay in shape, which after my daughter is not that easy.
  • amymeenieminymo
    amymeenieminymo Posts: 2,394 Member
    You shouldn't join because of the perks. Perks are just an added bonus for something you already were going to do. Like, I would choose AT&T over Verizon if they gave me a free phone, but I wouldn't go get cell service that I don't need and can't afford just for the free phone.

    If you join, you need to go in accepting the fact that you could (and most likely will) be away for a long time and that you could go to war. I don't have kids yet, but I know they grow FAST and I think it would probably tear you apart to be away from them for a long time when they're changing so fast.

    Also try not to let yourself get sucked in by the promises of a recruiter. It's their job to sell you on it, so they're going to make it sound like club med if it will get you to sign. My ex joined after high school and he was SO excited about it....after not even a year in he hated it, it was nothing like they promised and he jumped through miles and miles of hoopes to be discharged after the regular 4 years rather than the extended 6 year contract he signed up for.

    I totally understand the stress of living paycheck to paycheck, but I think your family would rather have you home and safe and doing a job you love (and nursing ain't too shabby) than to have you join just for money. You can always cut expenses somewhere, cancel the cable, stop going out to eat, shop at a discount store, or get a second job. But it sounds like joining the army would be for all the wrong reasons, and I think you would hate it because of that. Good luck in whatever you decide!
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